Ember Flowers

by April Worth

  Jo shut her eyes tightly. “Then why am I so upset?”

  Pamela shrugged her shoulders. “Perhaps you feel poorly for leading her on? But she had to know that this would never have worked out.”

  The policewoman sniffled, hugging her arms over herself.

  “There there dear. You’re confused. That will pass. You have your daughter to think about.”

  Joanne huffed to herself. “I’m not confused. I didn’t want it to end. She loves me.”

  Embarrassed by the emotional statements her mother gave her a sigh of exasperation. She touched her daughter’s face. “What’s done is done. You’ll be happy again. You just need to give yourself time.” A compassionate tilt of her head.

  “No. I need to make this right..somehow.”

  Her mother shook her head and was already gathering her things, this was a little too much. “Joanne, get some rest. You’re not thinking clearly and you need to look after Annabelle. Bring her to me if you can’t do that.” She was heading for the door, a blush colouring her cheek.

  Chapter 38

  It seemed like as good a time as any to visit her father. Though Jean saw him once a month, it seemed now more than ever, it would bring her peace to see his face again.

  The grounds were made up to look as lovely as any formal garden, it was one of the reasons why she’d picked the place. The community was a series of Mediterranean style buildings, rendered white with deep red rooves. She checked in at reception, signing her name and showing her identification.

  They were familiar with her here, a nurse gave her a smile and wave as she exited the building, heading toward the leafy, paved lane ways. Her father lived in a self contained unit. A bedroom, kitchen, bathroom and living space in a smaller package. It was the only way she got him to agree, he knew his health was fading. He insisted on independence. Tempers flared during the discussion, though he knew it was time. After her mother died he lost more and more of his memory, perhaps the routines and relationship kept him strong. She was a doting daughter, even though they didn’t always see eye to eye, Jean was still his beloved child.

  She slipped off her sunglasses, knocking the latch, standing on his doorstep. Notes of soft jazz from inside. The door opened, an old man stood in the doorway in a cotton shirt and dark sienna slacks, worn loafers on his feet. A crucifix visible beneath his top button. He shared her olive colouring, though her eyes were her mother’s. A broad smile split his weathered, bearded mouth, his once lustrous hair a deep grey combed back off his face.

  Her father René greeted her in accented English, he still carried his Chilean homeland with him whenever he spoke.

  “Yesenia! My princess. Come in, come in.”

  She smiled, stepping up the two stairs and into his home, he enveloped her in a hug, kisses on both cheeks. She’d changed her name to something simpler a long time ago, but she would always be his little ‘flower’. “Hey Papi, how you been?”

  He went to the stove with shuffling movements, urging her to take a seat. She always sat on his sofa, otherwise he would struggle to pull out her chair. Ever the gentleman. He looked over his shoulder at her. “Café?” She shook her head, she’d had three already. He smiled at her devilishly “Vino?”

  She snorted softly, checking her watch. “It’s ten in the morning?”

  He shrugged his shoulders, pouring them both cold glasses of juice. She would get up and help him, but he would only fuss. Better to let him keep small tasks for himself. He joined her, sitting beside her on the colourful furniture, putting the drinks down with shaky hands.

  He reached over, gently squeezing her chin. “So much like your mother. My lovely girl.” It didn’t matter to him that she was in her forties, it had been a while since someone called her that.

  It made her smile. Her mother was a country girl, swept up by his exotic charms and machismo. Jean had learnt her phonetics and mannerisms from her, had adopted her maiden name. Yet she retained her father’s mischievous spirit and generous demeanour.

  She rested her hand on his knee. “How are things?”

  “Good, good. I cannot complain. They have nurses here you know? Some very pretty.” He winked, giving her a gentle nudge in the ribs.

  Jean chuckled softly. “I know Papi, I saw them on the way through.”

  His eyes sparkled. “They say hello? There is this one, she is blonde. She laugh at my jokes.”

  “I bet. You’re terrible Dad.”

  He just shrugged his shoulders, eyes twinkling cheekily, before patting her on the leg. “And you my daughter? How is Natasha? She is no’ with you today?”

  Jean’s eyes cast to the ground. “Tash and I aren’t together anymore, she went away.” It was easier than breaking it to him that she was gone, again. It would be like a fresh wound. Sometimes he remembered, other times he didn’t. She made the best of things.

  He was surprised, then his eyes fell, he patted her knee. “Ah. Lo siento. How long?”

  Her eyes softened. “A while, a while.”

  “Oh.” He realised he’s said something off. It happened from time to time and frustrated him no end. It was like one moment his thoughts were clear, the next they were not. He clung to the clarity he could still remember.

  Jean smiled not wanting to break the mood. “Scott’s doing well, Alex grows up so fast, he’s five now. Ellie is pregnant again.”

  He grinned at her. “Five? Such a big boy now. You must show me pictures Yesenia. I have no’ seen him in so long.”

  She pulled her phone from her cargo pant pocket. He disapproved when she wore more masculine clothes, and tch tched at her pixie hair. But hadn’t pestered her today. He put on his glasses, thick frames that sat low on his nose.

  A flick of the screen and she cycled to the photo gallery, handing her father the device. “OK, you just use your fingertip to toggle through, like this.” She showed him, pressing her finger on the side of the screen. He nodded, and took the phone with care. They chatted over pictures as they came up. Some of Scott and Ellie, with Alex pulling faces. Some work related, photographs of gardens. The newest pictures came into view. Joanne sitting on the porch with Annabelle on her lap. Smiling at the camera with white teeth, a gentle curve of her lips, grey eyes under an elegantly arched blonde brow.

  “Oh, I forgot I had these on here.” She went to take the phone back.

  His brows were raised into his hair. “Wait a minute..Wait..a..minute..Who is this?”

  She sighed softly. “That’s Joanne, and her daughter, Annabelle.”

  He winked at her devilishly, a good natured smile. “Ah, I see why you have not called so often mm? She is..friend of yours?” His curious eyes still looking at the screen.

  The gardener sighed softly, studying the carpet. “She was. It didn’t work out. Very sad.”

  René looked at her astounded. “Why?”

  “She said some very hurtful things.”

  René flattened his grey beard in a smoothing gesture with his fingertips, leaning back on the sofa.

  “We all say things we do not mean my child. Your mother, oh! She could make my hair fall out. The fights we had..”

  She smiled at the image of her mother sassing her father to the point where his then jet black hair fell out. She remembered their disagreements. Her parents had never been hostile to each other, they just had some very passionate opinions. “It’s more complicated than that.”

  He nodded. “Complicated. Complicated..” Flicking through more pictures. He came across a shakily taken one, courtesy of Annabelle. Jo standing beside her in uniform, they held hands, laughing. The look of affection was visible to anyone.

  He looked at his daughter over the brim of his glasses. “Ah. Ah I see. Oh! Big trouble.”

  Jean frowned at him. “What? Why?”

  René slipped back into Spanish as he sometimes did. His first language, deeply rooted in memory like an old tree. She was fortunate that she remembered a lot of it from early years at home.

  “Yesen
ia. You love this woman. I see it in your face.” He flicked through a couple more pictures, one with Joanne looking back at the camera. He could feel the warmth almost through the lens.

  She studied her hands, replying in lightly accented tongue, her knew her too well. “I do. I do. But she doesn’t love me. She doesn’t trust me.”

  He sighed unhappily. “That’s not what I see. But, you think you know best. For a moment I thought I was seeing my grandchild.” To him they seemed like a ready made family.

  Jean groaned softly, covering her eyes. He’d always been on at her for that, chiding her, reminding her he was getting older. She reverted back to English, hoping he would do the same. He found it easier to express himself, but she sometimes struggled for the subtle nuances of the language.

  Her father studied her unhappiness. “Tell me how you met this girl? This Joanne.”

  She smiled wryly to herself. “Sorry Dad, I didn’t sweep her off her feet like you and Mum. She bumped her car into mine on the freeway. We clicked ever since.”

  He was genuinely smiling from ear to ear. “Si, is fate tapping you on the shoulder my darling. You would do well to listen?” Jean sighed, shaking her head.

  The old man smiled at her, biting his bottom lip. “Yesenia, do you know how your mother and I met?”

  It made her grin. “Sure. You’ve both told me a dozen times. You taught her to dance, you met on holiday?”

  Smoothing his moustache, he shook his head. “No my princess. That is the story we told you..”

  Jean looked confused. “What?”

  He chuckled low in his throat. “Working in a dry cleaner store not so romantic eh? She burn my shirt, feel so bad, insist to take me to dinner.”

  She smiled, baffled. “But Papi?..Why? Why the elaborate story?” Stories of flamenco music, a moonlit bar and rum running wild, love at first glance.

  René patted her shoulder. “We wanted you to find romance, to look for love, to feel with your heart. The passion. Is good story no? You need love my darling, in whatever form it take.”

  His daughter looked at him with wide eyes. Sparkling eyes gentled, a burr of his old smoky voice. “Love is a precious thing. Do no’ be so hasty in letting her go.”

  Jean sighed. He had that sad hangdog look, but she knew he felt for her. He was right.

  “Maybe I just need some time, some space, to work it all out?” She mused, her hands folded under her chin.

  “Don’t wait too long Yesenia. I bet she want to talk as much as you do.”

  Chapter 39

  Her colleagues had noticed her moodiness. She hadn’t meant to snap at every little thing, but all but the senior Officers had been avoiding her. Joanne’s head bobbed up at the sudden call of her name.

  “Myers, Roy, get in here.” Her Captain’s serious face for a moment visible beside his office door.

  Roy looked over at her and shrugged his shoulders. He too had been acting strangely toward her lately, asking her about her hobbies and interests. Fishing for information on what she did in her spare time.

  She abandoned her paper strewn desk and report and followed her burly partner into the Captain’s tinted office. Roy closed the door behind her and they both stood in front of the oversized wooden desk.

  Captain Pursloe leant back in his chair, his pale eyes always serious, but the man was not beyond dry wit and banter with his Officers. Always had a soft spot for her. He smoothed his woven vest over the slight fold in his belly, his voice brusque and to the point.

  “Myers, Roy. Cancel whatever you are doing Saturday, you two have got a new assignment.”

  Jo’s brows furrowed, it was fortunate her mother was baby sitting. “What is it?”

  Their Captain smiled. “You two upstanding young Officers have been selected to represent the precinct in this year’s annual Fun Run. Aren’t you excited?” He smirked.

  The response was less than enthusiastic. The tall woman responding first with a question. “Fun Run Sir? Don’t we already have a team? And why us?”

  Pursloe leant forward on his elbows. “Myers, don’t get your knickers in a twist. Yes we have a team - our runners had to bow out at the last minute, logistics - so you two are ring ins. Why you? Well, I’ve seen you out running Myers, this will be a walk in the park for you - literally.”

  Roy piped in with a huff. “I still don’t see why I have to do this?”

  The chair creaked as the Captain leant back. “Because I said so Fleming, and besides, we should all get behind a good cause.”

  She and Roy looked at each other, her partner shrugged his shoulders, sighing resigned to his bitter fate. Puffing along the city streets was not his idea of time off well spent.

  Pursloe smiled and moved his hand in a shuffling motion. “Go on you two, dismissed, shoo. Any info you need is already in your inbox.”

  Jo groaned softly as she made her way back to her desk, the Captain’s smirk could still be heard in his voice. He snickered between bites of his lunch, calling out into the hall. “C’mon!? Show a little enthusiasm! Winner even gets their mug on TV!”

  Chapter 40

  She smiled as she ran the brush over McKenzie’s dark coat. Sifting a tangle out of the coarse mane. Humming softly to herself, her dark eyes thoughtful, a pensive gaze drifting over the rows of chaff and wildflowers. A last pat on the withers before grabbing the saddle. Georgia would graze alone as Jean set off over the gravel trail. She needed space, to think things through. Real space, with only the birds and the clouds for company.

  It would be freeing to leave it behind for a day or so. She hadn’t said anything to Scott, he’d just get worried. The serenity of the hills and the trees would help bathe her wounds. Her phone and laptop were waiting patiently on the table for her return. The essentials brought with her in a bag slung over the bay’s broad rump.

  Jean felt the easy rolling gait of the animal underneath her. A predictable pattern lulling her thoughts. The quipped chirp of the birds in the trees made for a soothing ambience.

  She remembered coming this way with Joanne. They snuck looks at each other as they rode along. Even through her dark sunglasses she could see the blonde watching her when she thought she wasn’t looking. The Officer’s lips pulling into pretty, hidden smiles. From there is had been a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs. It hurt, the way things had turned out. Oddly, aside from the lows, it felt like one of the most stable relationships she’d ever had.

  Scottie had been supportive. Years ago she’d cried on his shoulder. It had been the same again this time. She told him they were over, and he gave her a sad frown, a squeeze of her shoulder.

  Sometimes the anger would wane, and she would want to turn up on the tall woman’s doorstep with kisses and forgiveness. Other times..she wondered if Joanne trusted her at all, to ask such a question of her.

  She sighed as she approached the valley, the grass thickening, parting around the mare’s dark hocks. Jean dismounted as the mottled threads of violet sunset began to slip across the sky. Evening was coming, the tranquil night. Nothing but starlight, crickets, and an internal debate awaited her.

  Chapter 41

  Barely warmed muscles quivered draped in shadow from the city skyline.

  Her branded breathable singlet and shorts left little to the imagination, but at least they were cool and eased her movement. Jacket and pants removed earlier. Modesty had never entered her mind when she exercised, though she felt aware of it now. Jo straightened her numbered jersey as she glanced over at Roy. Others prepared themselves at the starting line.

  He looked miserable, and she couldn’t resist grinning at him, which made him sulk even more.

  “Don’t worry Roy, it’s only five k’s.”

  He grumbled softly, stretching. “You can carry me there if you like, Claudia?”

  The nickname made her smirk as she pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes. “Now I know why you’re always the corpse during training drills..”

  “Damn right. There better be
something good at the finish line. Lackin’ motivation here.”

  Jo smiled to herself as they rallied at the spray painted line marker. Roy bantered back jibes with nearby competitors as the timer ticked down. Feeling confident. She tried to just focus on the goal. The gun was held in the air and the participants jostled anxiously. A loud pop and they were off, running down the street to the cheer of onlookers and banners in the wind.

  ***

  She kept her breathing steady and slow, felt her heartbeat gradually increase. Passing by Roy some ten minutes before, and now with sneakered footfalls moving swiftly along the tree lined streets. Ahead of her a strand of runners, the white jerseys flapping as they moved.

  Through her dark glasses she could see the gathered crowd who cheered them on. Tourists mostly, the streets blocked with detours. Her head turned as she passed a woman with short brown hair and sun kissed skin. Jean. I miss you.

  The road rose to meet her as Joanne kept her pace. Up ahead the pack had started to thin out. Casual or costumed participants still straggled behind her a few blocks back. She could smell the coast, the salt and the sand as she ran. Soon there were few between her and the last stretch. A fellow officer waved at her as she passed, their breathing becoming laboured. Jo waved back and kept running. Her thighs had started to burn, a light sheen over her skin. Only two more kilometres. A slow smile crept across her face.

  ***

  The crowd was thick with cops and their families. The presenter grinned beneath his glasses as he joined her by the sidelines. “Congratulations Sergeant, how do you feel?”

  The blonde woman leant over as she spoke to the microphone. Wiping trickling sweat, and yet she couldn’t stop grinning. Heart rate and breathing gradually slowing to normal. A few strands had escaped her tightly wound tail, feathered by the breeze.