by Croix, J. H.
Before Risa could reply, one of the men in question strode through the door. As Ethan pointed out, he was strong and sexy, a bit brawny for Risa’s taste, but nonetheless. He towered over Ethan as he smiled down at him. He adjusted the baseball hat he wore. “I think we’re about done. Just so you know, we tried to get her to stop carrying boxes…”
Ethan cut him off. “No need to apologize. I’m well aware of how stubborn she can be. Thank you for trying. What time will the truck arrive in Diamond Creek tomorrow?”
“We’re estimating we’ll be there by ten or eleven in the morning. That should give us plenty of time.”
Ethan nodded. “We’ll meet you there.” With a handshake and a nod at Risa, the man left.
Ethan tilted his head to the side. “You’re staying with us tonight, right?”
“Let me grab my bag, and we can get out of here.”
Risa checked the bathroom quickly to make sure she hadn’t left anything and swung the single bag she’d packed with a few days worth of clothes and toiletries. She’d already dropped her laptop and some other items at their place this morning before the movers arrived.
A short drive later, and she walked into Ethan and Jack’s comfortable home on the outskirts of Anchorage on the hillside south of town. They lived in a sleek, modern timber frame home. It was, of course, beautifully decorated. For this moment, it was unfortunate that the couch and chairs in the living room were white because Risa didn’t dare sit down. At Jack’s wave, she headed to the guest suite for a shower. Feeling much better after a shower and change of clothes, she returned shortly and joined Jack on a stool at the kitchen counter.
Ethan passed her a plate of pasta with a lemon garlic olive oil sauce while Jack poured her a glass of wine. They chatted quietly while she ate. When she pushed her plate away, Jack met her gaze.
“Ethan tells me you still don’t know where you’re staying when you get to Diamond Creek.”
Risa canted her eyes to Ethan. “What is it with you and making sure you know all my plans?”
Ethan shrugged. “It’s what friends do. It’s perfectly fine for you to plan to stay with Trey and Emma, but I find it interesting that you keep hedging when I ask.”
Jack chuckled. “Interesting?”
“Yes. Risa is usually quite concrete when it comes to things like that. I think she’s indecisive because of Darren.”
Two pairs of sharp and way too assessing blue eyes swung in her direction. Risa tried and failed to keep herself from blushing.
“It’s not exactly easy to find a rental in the summer in Diamond Creek. Just about everywhere is booked all summer with tourists. I figured I could stay with Trey and Emma, and maybe Darren, until I have some time to look around.”
Jack nodded slowly. “With it already September, I’d think you could find a place by now. As for Darren, what is the status with you and him?”
Risa sighed. Problem was, she was all over the place when it came to Darren. She couldn’t stop thinking about him. When they were together, she all but singed herself on the passion that flared between them. The tiny corner of her heart that clung to silly ideas desperately wanted her to give love a chance, while the cynical side of her didn’t know if it was worth the bother.
She fiddled with the stem of her wineglass. “I don’t know what the status is. When we’re together, things are…really good. But we don’t talk about, you know…us, so I’m not sure what he wants. His sister is staying with him right now. She told me about an accident he responded to in Seattle when he was a cop there and said he hadn’t really dated since then. She seems to think we’re meant to be, but I’m not sure what I want, and I sure as hell don’t know what he wants.”
When she looked up, Jack and Ethan both looked concerned.
“Don’t look at me like that. What are you two thinking?” she asked.
They started to speak at once. Ethan paused and gestured for Jack to continue.
“Maybe you should ask him,” Jack said softly.
Risa closed her eyes and took a breath. Talking to Darren meant making herself vulnerable. Though she was mostly done with denying how much he meant to her, the idea of allowing him to see inside her heart was a trip-wire to her fears that she wasn’t good enough for him. She wasn’t even enough for a loser like Brad. Darren was so much more. To put her heart on the line and risk being rejected…she didn’t know if she was ready to face that.
Chapter 17
“Aunt Risa!” Stuart squealed as he hurled himself against her legs.
“Hey Stu,” Risa replied as she leaned over to greet him upside down, which never failed to elicit a giggle.
With a ruffle of his hair, her nephew gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek before he ran back outside. The fall wind blew the door wide.
“Stuart, don’t forget the door,” his mother called out.
The sound of running feet across the deck was muffled when the door swung shut quickly.
Emma shook her head before turning to pull Risa into a hug. “Hey there, you’re finally here to stay,” she said with a quick grin before stepping away and waving Risa into the living room.
Emma plunked on the couch beside baby Janet who was sound asleep in a detached car seat. Risa sat on the other side of Janet and leaned over to place a soft kiss on her forehead.
“Wow, she looks bigger every time I see her,” Risa observed.
Emma chuckled. “I see her every day and it still blows my mind. She gets fussy if I take her out of her car seat once she’s asleep, so I carry her around in it,” Emma said with a shrug. “So, what’s the plan now that you’re here?”
Risa shrugged. “I’m here, and I have to figure out where I’m staying. I’ve been so busy getting organized between the gallery and packing that it seemed like I couldn’t find the time to find a place to rent.”
“You can stay with us as long as you need,” Emma said with a warm smile.
Risa chuckled and shook her head. “I know you and Trey don’t mind me staying with you. And I love visiting. But I need to find my own place now that I’ll be living here. It’s one thing to use your place as a crash pad for weekend, but that’s not a good long-term plan.”
Emma’s eyes took on a sly gleam. “Seems like you have more than one place to use as a crash pad. Would that be why you’re not sure if you’re staying here tonight?”
Risa’s face heated and she swore silently. Diamond Creek was a tight-knit community. It was a wonder Emma hadn’t asked her about Darren sooner. Though Emma hadn’t said his name, Risa knew without a doubt that Emma knew about him. She bit her lip and sighed. “Okay, what have you heard and what does Trey know?”
Emma giggled. “I heard you’ve been seeing Darren Thomas. His sister’s been here for a bit and she’s, um, chatty.” Emma paused and threw an understanding smile her way. “I’m not trying to give you grief. I only said something because you might as well hear it from me that you’ve officially landed on the gossip radar in Diamond Creek. As far as I’m concerned, Darren is wonderful. For starters, he was a huge help with everything that happened with my ex, but he’s also a solid good guy and pretty easy on the eyes. To be honest, I’m not sure what Trey knows. Believe it or not, I only heard something this morning when I stopped by Misty Mountain Café. Susie was there, and somehow she’d met Darren’s sister—no one escapes Susie’s notice. You’d think since she just had a baby, she’d be busy, but she’s all over town as usual with little Patrick in a sling wherever she goes.”
“So what did Susie hear from Hallie?” Risa asked.
“Susie’s version is that Hallie is ecstatic and thinks you’re amazing. Before you go worrying about what Trey thinks, he has nothing but good things to say about Darren, so if he had an opinion, he’d be happy for you. I haven’t had a chance to ask him, but I’m thinking he hasn’t heard anything. He’d have said something if he did. On a more serious note, Susie said something about what Darren went through and ho
w it’s so great he’s finally seeing someone. Care to fill me in on your version?”
Risa chewed the inside of her cheek. Jack’s gentle suggestion that she talk with Darren tumbled through her mind. Her version of what was going on between her and Darren was a jumble, seeing as she couldn’t think straight about him. But Emma was a good listener, not to mention a therapist, and maybe it would help to talk.
Simply thinking about talking about it flushed her again. With a sigh, she brushed her bangs out of her eyes and glanced at Emma whose blue eyes were steady and calm.
“My version, huh? Okay, I’ll try. I met Darren the day I drove through the guardrail. To be honest, there was chemistry right off the bat. I haven’t been much for dating seriously because it usually blows up in my face, so I figured maybe we could have some fun and we’d go our merry ways. But it hasn’t been so simple. I mean…” she paused, blushing furiously. “You have to promise me you’re not going to tell Trey all of this. I forget you’re my sister-in-law half the time because you’re such a good friend, but I don’t really want Trey to hear everything, if you know what I mean.”
Emma grinned and crossed her heart. “I tell Trey a lot of things, but I definitely don’t tell him the personal details of my friends’ love lives even if it so happens to involve his sister.”
Risa nodded. “I figured, but just making sure…” Another deep breath and she continued. “Things are, well, amazing with Darren when we’re together. When I say amazing, I mean nothing else comes close. And, ugh…” She ran her hands through her hair and leaned her head back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. “I didn’t expect to feel the way I do. Aside from the fact that he’s seriously good in bed, he’s…a really good guy. I like him. A lot more than I planned on. But the thing is, we don’t talk about us like we’re a couple. Like for instance, he doesn’t talk about it, but he’s had nightmares a few times when I’ve been there. Like the kind where he wakes up covered in sweat. I don’t know what it means. Maybe he doesn’t want to talk to me…”
Risa rolled her head to the side and glanced at Emma. She wasn’t sure how much it was okay to tell her, not because Emma wouldn’t keep it private but because it was Darren’s story to tell. It worried her that his nightmares and the accident behind them interfered with him being open and intimate with her. She didn’t know if it was because of him, or because he didn’t want to be intimate with her specifically. She elected to keep it general. “Hallie told me about something he went through in Seattle when he was a cop there and said he hadn’t dated anyone since then. That’s why she’s all excited about us.”
Risa sat quietly for a moment after she finished speaking. One of the things she loved about Emma was she considered her responses before offering them. Janet shifted and gurgled between them. Risa lifted her head and leaned to check on her. Janet was still sound asleep, her tiny hands fisted under her chin. Her sweet innocence elicited a flash of longing for something Risa hadn’t allowed herself to consider. Darren was the first and only man she’d been with whom she could imagine creating a family with. The thought took her breath away. She abruptly looked away from Janet, willing her mind to behave. She looked to Emma again.
“Well?” Now the quiet was making Risa impatient.
“Things are a bit farther down the road than I’d have guessed. Sounds to me that ‘like’ might not quite capture how you feel about Darren.”
Risa’s heart slammed against her ribs. Leave it to Emma to go right to the soft spot, the place Risa shied away from whenever her heart murmured loud enough she couldn’t ignore it.
“What do you mean?”
Emma looked at her carefully. “I’m thinking about how you talked about—who was that guy you were dating?”
“Brad.” Risa rolled her eyes at the mere thought of him. “He turned out to be a complete jerk, by the way.”
“Good to know you’re not with him anymore then. Back to my point, when you talked about him, well, he sounded like a guy you liked. You were interested, but taking it slow. That kind of thing. But the way you talk about Darren, well, it sounds like something much deeper.”
Risa’s throat tightened and her heart kept bumping up against her ribs. Emma was plainly pointing out what had her so tied in knots. She put her face in her hands and groaned.
“You don’t need to tell me this has thrown you off guard. I’d have guessed that on my own. This doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Darren’s a great guy,” Emma said softly.
Risa lifted her head up again and looked at Emma. “I know he is. I just…I didn’t expect this. I don’t know what he wants. Hallie’s all excited and it’s cute and all, but I’m not so sure Darren feels the same way. I don’t want to get my hopes up and have it blow up in my face.”
Emma sighed. “Oh right. That part. I conveniently forgot about that. Sucks to want something so much you’re afraid to reach out and grab it, huh?”
Risa nodded vigorously. “Yes! So what the hell do I do?”
“Not to state the obvious, but maybe you should talk to him. For all you know, he feels the same way and is nervous to talk about it.”
Risa glared at Emma. “Are you sure you didn’t talk to Jack or Ethan about this?”
Emma’s shoulders shook with her laugh. “No! When would I do that?”
“I don’t know, but they said the same thing last night. Like it’s easy to tell someone you’re way into them and you didn’t mean for it to happen and hey how do they feel.” She rolled her eyes.
Emma giggled before her eyes sobered. “I didn’t say it would be easy. I just figure why sit here and stew over it. You have to start the ball rolling somehow.”
“I know, I know.”
***
Darren stood by the coffee maker waiting for the coffee to be ready. His head whipped up when he heard his name.
Travis stepped into the room from the open door that led to the fire station. “Hey man, how’s it going?” Travis clapped him on the shoulder before sprawling in a chair at the table in the break room.
Darren quickly poured a cup of coffee and joined Travis at the table. “Busy. How about you?” he asked as he dumped cream into his coffee and took a welcome sip.
Travis shrugged, shifting quickly to stand and pour his own cup of coffee. “Busy as hell. The worst of fire season’s over, but that damn fire up north on the peninsula just won’t quit. Too much beetle kill’s made it ideal for fire. We’ve been called up almost every week for shifts. If you want some extra cash, sign on one of these weeks. I’ll be damn glad when the snow flies.”
Darren nodded. “Yeah, heard you guys have been taking turns up there. I might join you one of these weeks. Things are finally slowing down for me now that the tourists are blowing out of town along with the fall weather.”
Sylvia walked by the break room door and backed up to enter. “I’ve been looking for you. Oh, hi Travis,” she said, turning her warm smile on him. “I haven’t seen you in weeks.”
Travis stood from the table and stepped to Sylvia’s side, dropping a kiss on her cheek. “Been too busy. How are you?”
Sylvia nodded. “Just fine, dear. You boys be careful when you go up north again.”
“Always.” Travis glanced to Darren. “Catch you later,” he said with a wave before leaving.
Sylvia filled a cup of coffee and turned back to Darren. “You’ve got a stack of reports to sign off on. Do you want me to bring them to you now?”
Darren stood. “Might as well.” He started to turn and leave when he felt Sylvia’s hand on his arm.
“Need something else?” he asked.
“Just thought I’d mention I’m tickled to hear you’re seeing someone.”
Darren experienced a flash of irritation. He couldn’t shake the vague uneasiness he felt about Risa, an uneasiness triggered entirely by the fact that he could hardly stop thinking about her. His desire to see her again pounded in rhythm with his heart. Even before the accident a
nd his choice to steer clear of anything serious, he’d never been…obsessed with anyone like this. He knew she’d moved here yesterday and the ache to see her was visceral. He tried to keep his distance because he knew she intended for last night to be a family night, but he’d had to hold himself back from texting her to see if she’d stop by. It was getting ridiculous. Meanwhile, he had Hallie chirping about how excited she was. He couldn’t get away from it, and now Sylvia. He managed a tight smile to which Sylvia arched a brow. She had enough sense to leave it alone, and he made his way to his office.
Later that afternoon, he called Travis and asked him to put him on the back up list for the next flight up for the Diamond Creek crew for the fire up north. He had the time and figured it might shake his brain off the broken record that was Risa. His mind had lost all discipline when it came to her. The wish for something more, something permanent, was pushing against the barriers he’d built around his heart.
Chapter 18
A few days later, Darren walked into Risa’s new place after work. He was a tad saner than he’d been the last few weeks after Risa had stayed with him the night before last. He’d come to view her like a drug addiction. If he got a fix, his brain didn’t spin in circles thinking about her constantly. Though he couldn’t claim personal experience with drug addiction, he imagined it was like that. While he wasn’t putting his health at risk, his heart was definitely on the line. But he thought maybe he had the key to handling the situation. Perhaps he’d gotten so worked up over her because he only saw her here and there when she was still in Anchorage. With her living here now, he could date her like a normal person and see her every few days without going bonkers in his mind.
He stepped over some boxes on the floor and glanced around. She’d rented a small apartment in downtown Diamond Creek. It was the upstairs of a house converted into a separate apartment. The kitchen and living room comprised an open area in front with a large picture window. Two bedrooms and a bathroom were off an alcove in the back. It was more than enough space for her. Hardwood floors, granite counters and updated stainless steel appliances brightened what could have been a utilitarian space. A small woodstove added a touch of charm and could easily heat the entire apartment.