Who We Are

by Samantha Marsh

  Darby looked at them both, a little perturbed. “What are you two possibly laughing at?”

  Aedan took her in his arms and hugged her. Then he stopped laughing and let tears stream down his cheeks. “I thought maybe I had lost you forever. Seeing you just now brought back a flood of memories. Seeing that fighting Irish spirit in your eyes. I missed that, and I missed you. Darby I love you and there is nothing in the world more precious to me than you. I have loved you for as long as I can remember.” They kissed passionately and, for a single moment, they were back on the front porch of Darby’s house waiting for her father to tap on the window to call her in.

  Sarah Jane cleared her throat and they snapped back to the present moment. They looked over at her. “This is a bit stranger than I thought,” said Sarah Jane. “I had thought that perhaps Johnny knew something was up, but I never in a million years would have guessed that you two knew each other before all of this, let alone as a couple.” She stepped forward and put her hand out towards the young man before her. “Nice to meet you, Aedan.”

  Aedan took her hand and shook it warmly. “My pleasure, Miss Martin.”

  “Call me Sarah Jane.”

  They all stood there for a moment, each digesting the levity of what had just occurred.

  “Well, this may make things a whole lot easier.” Sarah Jane walked over to a little table and set the picnic basket down. She then walked over to the little sink and took a glass of water from the tap and drank it. She turned around to face them.

  “So, I gather this is a safe place for us to talk?”

  “Yes ma’am, this room originally was just a hollow space between the workshop and the house and I fixed it up to be my little haven. I check it daily for wiring or recording devices and I can tell you with 100% certainty that nothing is out of order or tampered with.”

  “What about your parents?”

  “They exist only in the minds of the townsfolk. They are figments of everyone’s imagination. I suppose they are part of the experiment to see how far They can alter a person’s memory and beliefs.”

  “Okay, you must listen to me now.” Sarah Jane’s tone became quite serious. “Although I would truly love to know all about you two and who you once were, as well as what you know now about our current dilemma, I don’t want you to tell me another thing. I will share with you all that I know, which I think is quite a bit. If things go differently than I think and you two escape, I will be the first person They probe to see how much I know. I suspect that they already have a comprehensive dossier on each of you though and who you once were, but I don’t want them to be able to ascertain what you know about this place. Aedan, I appreciate the security checks you conduct on this space on a daily basis, but I still do not feel comfortable talking here, as it may look suspicious if we are to come out of the workshop later today. If the neighbours see us, it would surely raise suspicions, especially if they have already seen us leave here before, unbeknownst to us.”

  Aedan thought about this for a minute, then said, “I can appreciate all of that, Sarah Jane, but I must say that based on all that I know of Hemac, this is the safest place for us to talk. If we go into the forest, we run the risk of being caught. We can never be certain who may wander in there. We should stay here and when you need to go, the workshop backs onto the forest and I can lead you back to the part of the forest beside your vegetable fields. If we time it right, you can walk back to your house the same time you normally would when done picking. If we are done earlier, no one will be the wiser.”

  Sarah Jane walked over to the single armchair across from the couch and sat down. She took a few deep breaths. “Desire can fill you in later on the things I shared with her yesterday, which were mostly about my prior life and how I came to be here in Hemac. By the way, did you know that Hemac actually stands for Human Experiment Memory Alteration Camp?

  “I haven’t figured out exactly who is behind this place. This community has existed since 1973 and They have conducted various experiments since the beginning. It wasn’t always memory experiments, though. They have used many vulnerable people over the years to test Their wicked theories. They have conducted fertility studies in an attempt to genetically alter a fetus to produce superior humans. They have tortured people in an attempt to measure precise methods for extracting information from people without killing them.

  “Those are the ones I know about; however, I am sure there are more. In a sense, we are lucky to have been pulled into this experiment since, for the most, it is the least physically painful. I think they are also studying human behaviour in addition to altering our minds. They select a diverse group to work with so that they can understand how different variables affect their methods. For me, the memory implant worked, but what I never told them was that my original memory was never suppressed. I assume it may be the effects of my prior heroin use, but it doesn’t really matter why it never worked – at least not to me. I am not sure how you two came to be here, but as I said before, the less I know about you, the better.

  “What else do you know?” Aedan asked.

  “Have you noticed that there are no births? Children are never born here, they just appear here. I’m pretty sure They sterilize the men or the women or both so they can control births. As you know, there are presently just four children here, and I assume they were snatched from their mothers in the real world.”

  There is one exception however, and that is Papa. He is the one successful specimen that they created in a lab and “born” into this community.”

  “How do you know all of this?” asked Aedan.

  “When we go for our weekly check-ups at the Clinic, they use these appointments to tweak our memories. They either add new memories when new members get added or they take memories away if someone suddenly disappears. Most folks don’t even know they go to clinic for a weekly check-up because they give us amnesiacs while we are there and all we know is that we are waking up in the morning. We actually lose an entire day every week and so who knows what day it really is in the outside world. Anyway, I never did let on that none of the medications or treatments worked on me. Ironically, my former occupation prepared me well to lay in silence and not react to what was happening to my body.”

  Aedan looked confused. “But that doesn’t explain why I don’t remember any of this. The memory alteration has never worked for me either, and I have pretended that it did.”

  “I don’t know for certain, but perhaps despite the memory alteration not working, the amnesiacs did. Anyhow, we don’t have much time, so I must continue. When I go for my checkups and They believe me to be unconscious and incapable of remembering anything, They speak very freely about what has already happened, what is happening presently, and what is about to happen. I recently learned that the experiment is drawing to an end. The development of the land around this community is getting too close and They feel that they have enough data to perform more specific experiments with much smaller groups. Although the airspace is restricted here, there have been too many close calls and they are worried about being discovered.

  “Now that made me curious. I wonder, will our memories be restored and we would all get sent to walk back into our old lives? I am sure you can both imagine how disastrous this would be. How on earth can they successfully return more than three hundred people to their lives as if nothing happened?

  “I have learned that they have a plan to vanquish this whole community and destroy all the evidence that it ever existed. I overheard a couple of the attendants in the Clinic laughing one day. They thought it was funny to watch us all prepare for the Celebration of the New Year without having any clue that we are all scheduled for execution that day. When the clock strikes midnight, we will all be gone. They are planning to exterminate us all. The Celebration Hall is really a giant death hall. Behind the walls are lead walls that will allow them to turn the whole to town to a pile of dust.

  “Another time I heard them laughing about the “stupid tourists�
� who would come to visit this pioneer town replica not knowing at all what really went on here for years. You see, they know they can’t erase a whole community and so they designed it originally to look like a rebuild of a pioneer community to disguise this once they were done. In one short week, it will be like we never existed here. There is one exception, however, and that is Papa. He is their crowning glory of success. Because they have controlled his mind since he was born, they plan to reprogram him, so to speak, and introduce him into the real world as some sort of minion.

  She paused for a moment to give Aedan and Darby a moment to digest everything she had explained. She couldn’t read what they were thinking, but they continued to look intently upon her.

  “My life has essentially been meaningless,” Sarah Jane continued. “But I want to do one thing of significance before I meet my maker. Darby, I know I am not your mother but I do love you. When you came into my life two years ago, it marked the beginning of the best years of my pitiful existence. I want you and Aedan to escape and have a chance at a real life together in the real world, and I want to help you.”

  “We were going to try to escape during the Celebration.” Aedan blurted out.

  “Okay, but there is one glitch,” Sarah Jane said. “These people are not stupid. I am sure they will want to make sure that we are all destroyed in the Celebration Hall so I imagine someone will be there with a roster to account for each and every one of us. I am not certain how they plan to do this. It may mean that you have to attend the Celebration and then try to leave unnoticed. Aedan, you need to start volunteering for set up at the Hall so that you can identify a way for you and Darby to leave unnoticed. Once everyone is accounted for, I imagine the process will begin shortly thereafter. I will do my best to find out how they will conduct the count.

  “Next, you need to understand what escaping and surviving will really mean for you two. I hope you are not under the illusion that you can just walk back into your lives and pick up where you left off. If you were suddenly to reappear, They would quickly discover this. You will be leaving here with no money, no identification and nowhere to go. You will have to change your appearances and live a very low-profile lifestyle someplace far away. You should even be prepared to steal a little here and there while you try to rebuild some faction of a life. It’s not going to be easy.”

  Sarah Jane sat in silence for a moment and watched Aedan and Darby. It was then that she saw the shock and fear that she had anticipated seeing in Darby’s eyes the day before. Sarah Jane had so many questions at the tip of her tongue. She desperately wanted to know who this young woman was that had come to be her daughter for the last two years, but she convinced herself that the less she knew, the better. Despite the fact that few of Their mind games had ever worked on her, she did not want to jeopardize any small hope that this young man and woman may actually have a future together. The less she knew, the better their chances of survival may actually be.

  The temperature in the room seemed to drop a few degrees the sunshine streaming in from the windows turned grey. Not sure of what else to say, Sarah Jane got up and busied herself setting out lunch for the bewildered couple. Her hands shook and she dropped the napkins twice before Darby came over to her. Darby hugged Sarah Jane long and hard.

  “You could come with us,” Darby whispered. For the first time in her entire life, Sarah Jane felt wanted, needed and loved. Even now, after hearing the truth, she could feel a deep connection to this young lady standing before her. She could see the concern in her eyes and feel the warmth in her embrace. She hugged Darby for several more moments, knowing that—for her—there would be no turning back or looking forward. All she had was what was left of now.

  She squeezed Desire one more time and then broke the embrace. “Now you listen to me, young lady. I am not living under any illusion that there is any semblance of a future out there for me that doesn’t involve walking the streets at night or falling into bad habits and dying in an alley begging for or overdosing on heroine. Despite the horror of what is really going on here, for someone like me it has been a safe haven. For a few years of my life I got to ‘play-pretend’. I pretended my dreams had come true. I always knew there would be an end point to all of this, but I assumed it ended with me being pushed back out into the City with three thousand dollars in my pocket. But I have reconciled with myself that my destiny is to die here. But now I can die at peace because, even if it was all an illusion, the emotions I felt while leading the other ladies in the community, being wife to Papa and mama to you were real to me. It is with you, darling that my heart finally got to experience the emotions of love and tenderness. I not only got to give, but I got to receive. For me, my dreams have come true. Now when I die, I know that there are two people on earth who I hope may miss me just a little bit but more importantly their lives were touched because I genuinely helped.”

  Darby stood dumbfounded and Aedan sat on the couch in silence. Although he felt extremely grateful for the risk Sarah Jane had taken in divulging what she knew to them, a part of him felt hesitant to suddenly trust this woman. He had no way of knowing if what she was saying was true or if they were being manipulated. Oddly enough, even if this was a manipulation tactic this woman standing before them might not even know it herself. They were so close to escaping that he didn’t want to take any chances. Either way, they had to be very careful. If they divulged too much or anything at all they risked being caught and he couldn’t stomach what they might do to his sweet Darby as a punishment. However, if Sarah Jane was truthful and sincere, it would be cruel to disregard her feelings. He couldn’t imagine going to his grave having never been loved of giving love.

  Darby looked over to him and stared into his eyes. They had known each long enough that they could almost read each other’s thoughts and he was hoping with the return of her memory so had this connection between them. He detected a slight nod from her and she turned back to Sarah Jane.

  “I understand.” She wiped a few tears from Sarah Jane’s face and squeezed her hands. “You are loved and despite everything else, I love you too.”

  The tension in Sarah Jane’s face and shoulders dissipated momentarily before she stood up straight and wiped her face. She finished setting the table for lunch and then took the basket that she was to collect vegetables in.

  “Well then, it is time that I go. We shall not speak again of any of this. Once I leave this workshop, everything returns to ‘normal’. Remember though, They are always watching. Aside from this place, the forest, my sewing room, and a few odd rooms around town, there is no safe place to step out of character. Do not do anything over the next week to raise suspicion. At this point, there are no more checkups scheduled at the Clinic because aside from waiting out for the Celebration, the experiment is over. If, however, anyone acts out now and gets sent to the Clinic, I suspect they will never return.

  “Aedan, please remember what I said and do you best to find an escape from the Celebration Hall. If I learn anything more I will find a way to communicate this to you. Now I must go. I am going to make an unplanned stop at the Church to check on the ladies. Darby, keep this basket and come back home as Aedan has offered, through the forest and into our vegetable garden.”

  Aedan got up and quietly showed her out. Darby could hear them exchange phony goodbyes and niceties outside the workshop office. Meanwhile, Darby just stood there, sensing that the world around her seemed to come crashing down. The levity of their predicament and all of her restored memories were making a tremendous amount of noise in her head. She was finding it difficult to sort out any sensible thoughts and then all she saw was grey fading to black.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Mama walked across town. Her heart was pounding and her brow was perspiring. She could feel herself shaking inside. For the first time in almost six years, she no longer felt safe. Nervously, she looked about and suddenly everything looked different. Although she felt ready for the end, she was also felt terrified of wh
at might happen to her if They found any of this out.

  It was her last check-up at the clinic that convinced her to come forward. She had heard rumblings that her daughter was too sweet to see sizzle up at the Celebration. She heard them make disgusting comments about all the things they could do with a little sex slave of their own. The thought of them ravaging Desire sent chills down her spine. The routine visits to the Clinic for the women of the town were not as routine as Mama had told Johnny and Desire. Most of the woman were sexually assaulted while they were drugged for their checkups. These men were vile beasts that made the tricks from her street days look timid. Desire, having just recently become a woman, had yet to be scheduled for these types of visits and she was terrified of what they may do to her before the Celebration.

  When she got to the centre of town, Mama sat down on one of the benches and closed her eyes for a minute. She had to calm her nerves because she feared that she may have a panic attack. She focused on calming her breath and thinking happy thoughts. She pictured Desire making blueberry pancakes with Papa and suddenly it hit her. Desire had asked her a few days ago what her happiest memory was. That was it; something as simple as that; coming down those stairs and seeing Desire and Papa goofing around in the kitchen making her favourite pancakes. That morning, no one else existed except for them inside their kitchen. For a brief moment in time, Papa connected with Desire in a common bond to make her happy. It was the only time in her life that she could remember that anyone had done something just for her and to please her.

  Replaying that morning in her mind helped to calm her nerves a little. She let the gentle breeze cool her brow. As her breathing slowed down a little. She opened her eyes. She was startled to see Tobias sitting beside her.