What could she do to pass the time and snoop around a little bit at the same time? Clean. If she engaged in routine chores, she could peek into the corners and crevices without raising suspicions. She went to the cupboard and got her cleaning supplies.
As she started to scrub the walls and inconspicuously seek out hidden recording devices, it occurred to her that the sheer size of the community would be overwhelming to monitor every minute of the day. She assumed that the monitoring devices were likely activated by motion. It was not their inactivity and empty rooms that were of interest, it was their interactions and assimilation into this dreadful existence that They were likely studying. She couldn’t be certain of this, of course, but she decided to operate under this assumption.
Supposing that this was correct and drawing on her knowledge she knew that there had to be a control panel somewhere in the house, she deduced that it had to be in Papa’s office. If she could access the control panel, she could control the recordings in the house. If she could do that, she could fain leaving the house and then sneak back in to snoop. This would be very risky and she decided not to tell Aedan because she felt certain he would try to talk her out of it.
She continued to scrub, dust, mop and polish the entire house. When she had finished, she felt certain she had located all the recording devices. Quite by accident she almost missed them entirely. The devices were the size of her fingertip and blended in with the wood trim on the walls. A flash of sun causing a brief glare on the lens of one of the devices assistend her in locating them, otherwise they would have gone undetected.
She found two in the kitchen and one in the family room, but none in the hallway or the stairs leading to the upper level. Surprisingly, there were none in the bedrooms or bathrooms, but she felt pretty sure there was one in the hallway outside of the bedrooms. It did not seem logical to her that an entire section of the house was not observed. She considered whether any devices might have got planted in the cellar, then decided that was unlikely, since it was always dark down there, and anyone ever only went down there to get some preserves or vegetables.
There was one device that appeared to be aimed directly at the office door and she recalled that she had tried to turn the knob earlier and needed to cover this up. So she headed straight for the door and fiddled with the knob for a few seconds but purposefully made it seem as though there was something sticky on it. So she scrubbed down the door, the knob and the surrounding walls in an effort to make her actions look like chores versus disobedience. When she was done, she turned toward the recording device without looking up and smiled as she smoothed her skirt and then gathered her supplies.
Her dilemma was that it seemed impossible to access the office without being recorded and if the control panel was in there, the risk of getting caught was too great. She couldn’t risk that, with only a week to go in this god-forsaken place. She tried to devise a plan as she put away the cleaning supplies.
She made a cup of coffee and sat at the kitchen table. She got her bible and pretended to be reading it. She was looking intently into it, but in reality was trying to figure out a way to get into that office. Try as she might, it seemed futile. As she was finishing the last sip of her coffee, she heard the front door open, and in walked Mama and, to her surprise, Papa.
“Good afternoon Desire” her mother said. “Papa has come home so that we may have a nice family dinner and go to church together tomorrow. I can tell by the heavenly aroma in the air that you have been a good girl and started dinner.”
She looked at her mother and turned on the pretend switch inside of her. “Yes Mama. I am making a roast beef dinner with vegetables I picked today. I just have to make some biscuits and warm the pie.” Mama and Papa smiled approvingly. “Hi Papa, I am so glad you are home. I can tell you all about our plans for the Fun and Games Committee.”
“Good girl, I can’t wait to hear all about it. I am going to do some work until dinner is ready. Be a dear and bring me a hot cup of coffee in my office.”
She couldn’t believe her ears. Here she had spent the greater part of the afternoon trying to figure out a way in and here was a casual invitation to enter the room to bring Papa some coffee. “Yes, sir,” she said, and turned immediately to boil water for a fresh pot.
As she set about her task, she realized that, as Desire, she felt thrilled to be invited into Papa’s forbidden office, but as Darby she shook a little bit.
Desire wanted to take note of everything she saw inside of the office and imprint it into her memory without raising suspicion. So she determined that the best way to do this was to put on her best innocent and inquisitive face and head in. As she approached the office, she saw that the door was slightly ajar. She tapped lightly before entering.
“Papa, I have your coffee here.” She waited.
“Bring it to me, Desire.”
She slowly pushed the door open and noted that it did not creek or squeak. That was good. The room was a lot smaller than she anticipated. There was a desk and chair pushed against the side wall with a desktop lamp. It was turned on and provided a warm glow. Papa was focused on his reading and did not look up as she entered. This gave her an opportunity to quickly scan the room. Although the lighting was dim, she saw no cracks or crevices where recording devices might hide from view.
“Here you go, Papa.” Desire set the hot coffee beside him.
She mustered up her most innocent voice and asked, “What are you working on Papa? Can I help you with anything?”
He broke his concentration and chuckled. He looked up at her. “That is a nice offer darling, but this is of no concern of yours.”
She cast her eyes down and pouted a little and started to turn to walk away. Just as she was about to exit, he called to her.
“Come here, sweetheart, and I will show you what I am working on.”
In disbelief, she turned, careful not show too much enthusiasm, and walked back over to him. He showed her a map of their community with the forest that surrounds them.
“You see, as our girls and boys turn into young ladies and young men, we must look at our community and determine where we can expand. We will need to build more houses as our young ones reach the age of marriage. So I am studying this map of our community in an effort to plan how we can accomplish this without entering the forbidden forest. Our community is growing and space is an issue.”
She looked at the map. It was very detailed, but unfortunately did not include any co-ordinates or any information that would be useful for an escape plan. In fact, despite how intensely Papa was studying, it was really quite a simple drawing of Hemac.
Regardless of her original belief that there may be something of value in this office, it occurred to her that Papa, too, was just a pawn to Them. Thinking of the risk she was prepared to take in hopes of finding something useful now just seemed ridiculous.
She looked around the office once more and realized something. There were no bookshelves, no filing cabinets and no drawers in the desk. Upon further inspection, she realized that the desk was merely a table. On top of the desk, besides the map, were a few small notebooks she wondered if she could distract him long enough to slip one in her pocket.
As if fate was giving her a little nudge of help, there was a huge crash in the kitchen. Papa immediately jumped up to see what had happened and she took this opportunity to quickly grab one of the notebooks. She shoved it in her pocket then followed Papa out of the room.
When they got to the kitchen, Mama was lying on the floor unconscious. Papa and Desire ran to her to try and arouse her. She did not respond. It appeared as though Mama had been standing on a chair and trying to reach a high shelf and the chair toppled over.
Desire almost threw up when she saw Mama’s legs. They were twisted and bent in unnatural ways between the rungs of the chair and there was blood forming a growing pool behind her head.
Desire started to cry and clutched Papa to look at Mama’s legs.
“You stay he
re, Desire. I am going to run to the Clinic to get some help.” He flew out the door.
Desire scrambled up to Mama’s shoulders and took Mama’s face in her hands. “Mama! Wake up! Please wake up. Can you hear me?” She shook Mama a little but Mama did not awaken. Desire got up and took some smelling salts from the cupboard. Desire held them under Mama’s nose and she stirred a little. She opened her eyes a little and smiled when she saw Desire’s face.
“Darling, I am sorry, I wanted to be there until the end for you.”
“Don’t say that, Mama.”
“We both know that there is no reason for anyone to fix me up. Be strong now.”
Desire held Mama close and whispered in her ear to please stay awake and that everything would be alright. She could run away with them! But Mama simply whispered her final words into Desire’s ear. “Thank you, Darby. It was you who filled my heart with love for the first and only time in my life.”
Mama coughed up a little blood and her breathing stopped. Desire held her in her arms and rocked her. Desire started crying uncontrollably, not just because Mama had died, but for everything that had happened and was about to happen. She cried for this poor lady who led a sad and horrifying existence. She cried for herself because her life had been ripped away from her and she cried for all the other innocent people around her who had no clue that they were going to being executed on the night that they thought would be filled with celebration and laughter.
It didn’t take long for the Clinic staff to arrive. They pried Mama from Desire’s arms and took her away on a gurney. Johnny also arrived at some point and he, with Desire’s grief-stricken father, hugged Desire and they all sobbed together.
Chapter Twenty Five
Desire woke up early Sunday morning, surprised she had slept at all. She jumped out of her bed and flew into Mama and Papa’s room, half-hoping the prior night’s events had been a horrible dream. Papa wasn’t in there and the bed did not look like anyone had slept there. She went down the stairs to find Papa sitting at the table with a few empty bottle of beers in front of him. His eyes were red and swollen. He stared at the floor.
She felt sorry for him and went over and gave him a hug. At first, he did not flinch, but soon turned and hugged her back. He wept into her arms and her heart melted. This poor soul. Despite the fact that this whole situation was fabricated, he actually believed that Mama was his wife. Desire had no doubt that his grief was real. She wept with him, but for different reasons. She felt as though she had lost a new friend and ally, and a selfish part of her mourned the loss of the missing bits of information that Sarah Jane might have been able to provide her and Johnny to aid in their escape.
Poor Sarah Jane. But Desire was comforted that, real or fictitious, she had hopes and dreams just like everyone and in a strange and obscured way, Desire had given her the love she had so desired her whole life.
Desire stepped back from Papa and went over to the stove to make a big pot of coffee and warm some biscuits. When she opened the oven door, she saw her roast vegetables and beef still in there. She removed these and set them aside, making room for the biscuits. Once warmed, she placed them on a tray with jam. She put fresh coffee and oversize mugs on the tray and carried it out to the porch then she returned to the kitchen, reached for Papa’s hand and led him outside. He followed her like a lost puppy and sat down on one of the wooden chairs. She poured him his coffee, dressed the biscuits and instructed him to eat and drink.
She watched him as he drank his coffee and nibbled one biscuit. When he was done, he thanked her and told her he needed to go to the Clinic to start making funeral arrangements. He didn’t shave or change his clothes. Desire watched him walk resolutely along the path that led away from the house until he was out of sight.
Desire carried the tray back into the kitchen and almost dropped it when she noticed the huge blood stain between the table and the counter. There was so much blood. She closed her eyes and remembered Mama’s last words to her: “It was you who filled my heart with love for the first and only time in my life.”
She placed the tray on the counter and went to fetch a pail of water and poured in some bleach. She got to her knees and scrubbed the floor feverishly trying to remove the blood. She poured all of her pent-up anger into scrubbing that spot: Anger at the life that had been ripped from her and Aedan; anger at the life of horror and nightmares that mama had lived; anger at Nathaniel for assaulting her; anger that she would never again be who she once was. Finally she had scrubbed all the blood off the floor, but it still stained her mind’s eye, and her heart.
She dumped out the water and washed the bucket. She washed the dishes and put the tray away. Then she went upstairs into Mama and Papa’s bedroom. It had a double bed, a wardrobe and a bathroom at the far end. She wondered if Mama would have hidden anything in her room. She started to look for loose floorboards, but didn’t find any. Desire feared that all the answers she needed had died last night with Mama.
She went back into her room and decided to dress for the day. She chose a black skirt, white blouse and black sweater. She tied her hair back in a bun. Given the circumstances, she knew this would be considered the appropriate attire for a grieving child.
As she was about to leave her room, she remembered the notebook she had swiped from Papa’s desk. She dug her skirt out of her laundry hamper and pulled the book out of her pocket. When she opened it, she was astonished at what she saw. The pages were filled with gibberish. There was one whole page filled with lines that said Papa goes to work and then comes home. There were many other pages like this, statements repeated over and over. She stuffed that notebook between her mattresses and went downstairs. The notebook entries were perplexing, but not astonishing. Her capacity to be surprised or shocked had diminished to almost nothing. In fact, she was beginning to expect the unexpected in this crazy place.
Not exactly sure what to do next, she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat at the table. She supposed she should wait until Papa returned, not sure whether she should go to church without him. She decided to stay at home and wait for him to return. She wasn’t in the mood to face anyone right now. Desire just sat there and enjoyed the silence around her. There was so much noise in her head right now that sitting in silence all alone was actually comforting.
Her solace was short lived as she heard the front door open and in walked Papa. He looked different to her. He was clean shaven and in a fresh suit. His red and puffy eyes were gone as was the grief she had seen in his eyes.
“Desire, you look lovely and I am sure your Mama would feel very proud of you.” He grabbed a cup off the counter and poured himself some coffee. As he did so, he noticed the floor between the cupboards and table.
“Oh good. You cleaned up that nasty stain on the floor. Thank you, darling.”
He sat down beside her and took a couple of sips of his coffee. “Desire, I know this will be a difficult time for you, but it is important for you to realize that you are the woman of the house now. Once the appropriate period of grieving has taken place, I am sure I will find a new wife and mother to care for us and this house. In the meantime, I will expedite my search for a suitable husband for you. But today we have a difficult task ahead of us. After the funeral, which will take the place of church today, we will go to the hall where the other ladies will prepare a small reception to honour your mother.” He leaned over and kissed her on the forehead before getting up and going upstairs.
She sat there in a little bit of disbelief. So that is how quick it happened. Did he go to the Clinic to arrange the funeral or did They give Papa some sort of treatment to program this cold response to mama’s death?
She quickly recognized that the answer to this question was really inconsequential. She needed to focus on getting through the next few days in hopes of this week ending with a successful escape from this bizarre place.
Chapter Twenty Six
The funeral service was a bit of a blur for Desire, not because she was
overcome with emotion, but more so because she was on alert. Looking around the church, she tried to read people’s reactions to Mama’s death and, for the most part, there seemed to be genuine grief from the community members. Papa sat beside her at the front of the church, very stiff and proper. She turned back to see Johnny. He nodded slightly to her and she turned back around. It was like she was seeing the inside of the church for the very first time today.
Aside from the rows of pews where everyone sat, nothing else about this building actually resembled a church. The altar was really more like a stage instead of a true place of worship. She remembered St. Patrick’s Church, where she and her real family had attended church twice a week for as long as she could remember.
The great room felt dark and foreboding, but truthfully it was hard to say if that was a result of what she now knew, or if it was because of the fact that they were attending a funeral service. She paid no attention to what the Minister said as she busied herself with drinking in her surroundings. There was no eulogy for Mama and after a very short service the church members were dismissed and asked to proceed to the celebration hall for a brief reception after which all community members were expected to stay in their homes for the afternoon to grieve the loss of Faith Winthrop and celebrate the lives that they were blessed to continue to live. It took all of Desire’s will power not to burst out laughing at this statement.
Yes, we shall all mourn the loss of our sister in the community and praise the gift of our lives. After all, we all get to live an extra six days in hell before we are turned into dust and spread among the dirt as though we never existed. Give praise.
In a sense, Mama had been lucky. She died unexpectedly and, for the most part, peacefully. Desire thought about this for a moment. She knew she was going to die alone in the hall, a nobody surrounded by people who were ultimately strangers to her and at the hands of people who treated her like a lab rat, who had abused her every chance they got. But instead, she died in her home in the arms of the one person who had filled her heart with love.
Who We Are Page 24