The Best I Could

by R. K. Ryals

  “Colored hair is kind of a trend now,” Jonathan added. “My dad’s girlfriend has the ends of hers dyed teal.”

  Vanessa’s face flushed. “I didn’t mean that … I mean, I get it I guess. She just seems … odd.”

  My jaw tensed. For some reason, I felt compelled to defend Tansy. Even though, once again, I agreed. She was different. Not because of her appearance but because her eyes kept trying to tell me something I was missing.

  We’d reached the rescue, and a cheerful, stocky man walked out, putting an end to our conversation.

  “Hey, Nessa!” he called, waving wildly.

  “Hi, Danny!” she responded. “I’ve got someone here who’s going to be working with you.”

  The guy sauntered over, his rubber boots rustling over the grass. His hair was short, the cut jagged, making his already full face even fuller.

  “Did you get a haircut, Danny?” Vanessa asked.

  The man frowned. “I didn’t like it. It was getting too long. I tried to cut it myself, but Mama said that was wrong.”

  “Oh,” Vanessa sputtered.

  I glanced at Jonathan. Our eyes met. Understanding dawned. The man’s demeanor, the tone of his voice … it was apparent he was different. Not in a bad way, but in an innocent, childlike way.

  “I like it,” I said, my gaze sliding to Danny’s downcast face. “It’s much cooler in this heat I bet.”

  The man smiled, too widely. Shading his eyes, he gazed up at me. “Are you a giant?”

  I smiled, answering with, “I’m not that lucky. Being a giant would be much cooler than what I am. No giant, just tall.”

  “I think you’re a giant,” he insisted.

  “Then I guess I am,” I relented.

  Satisfied, he nodded. “This is a hard job,” he said seriously. “You’ve got to do everything just right. We don’t want any of the dogs to get hurt.”

  Danny’s words sounded like a speech he’d mulled over repeatedly as a reminder not to mess up.

  My answering nod was stoic. I might be a certified asshole with most people, but Danny was the kind of innocent soul you didn’t hurt. Right up there with children and really old people.

  “I’m betting you’re going to be a great teacher,” I told him.

  “The best!” he agreed.

  Vanessa glanced at me. “Well, I guess that’s it, then. You’ll be out here most of the time, two days a week. Danny can show you pretty much everything.”

  “Got it,” I said, brushing her off. The way she watched me reminded me of my ex or the way my mother looked at men. Interested but not ‘long term’ interested. The ‘take a dive into the bad boy and then burn him’ interested.

  Jonathan shifted from foot to foot. “Guess I’ll go for a drive or something.”

  “If you say you’re going for a burger, I’ll deck you,” I grumbled.

  Jonathan grinned. “Hungry, huh?”

  Vanessa walked backward toward the clinic, giving us a final once over before spinning away.

  “What’s a deck?” Danny asked.

  Jonathan threw me a look and edged away, removing his car keys from his pocket before sauntering to his Porsche.

  “It’s nothing,” I mumbled. “Want to show me what I’m supposed to do?”

  Danny smiled. “There’s an extra pair of boots in the building. You’ll need it when you walk in the yard.”

  I grimaced. Danny I could handle. The animals … that was a different story.

  “Do you like dogs and cats?” he asked.

  “Who doesn’t?”

  “Lots of people don’t like animals,” Danny replied, surprising me.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I offered him a smile. “Honestly, I’m not sure. Never really had them growing up.”

  “You’ll like these,” he promised.

  He walked into the building, and I followed him, my thoughts drifting to Tansy. Roof girl. I guess, in the grand scheme of things, it wasn’t completely weird that she was here. This town wasn’t far from Atlanta, and we’d been traveling the same direction leaving the city. I’d noticed words on the van I’d spied her in, but I’d been too focused on the unspoken words in her eyes to recall the logo on the vehicle.

  The bad part was her being here at all.

  “Oh no!” Throwing a glance over his shoulder, Danny froze just inside the rescue, his gaze on the yard beyond. His cheeks flushed.

  My gaze followed his. A thin girl with curly brown hair pulled back into a ponytail snuck out of the brick house nestled between the clinic and the rescue.

  “You can’t be doing that!” Danny cried, agitated.

  Pausing, the girl threw a glare at the building, her lips parting. Braces covered her teeth, the sun glinting off of them. “You don’t even know what I’m doing, idiot.”

  Shock drew me up, fury filling my veins.

  Danny’s face fell. “You’re leaving! You can’t be doing that. Does Ms. Hetty know you’re not in the house?”

  She stepped forward. “Cool it, dude. She’s not my mom.”

  “But—”

  “Just back off, dimwit.”

  I scowled. “You get off on insulting people?”

  Her gaze swung in my direction, and her eyes widened.

  Straightening, she squared her shoulders. “Whoever the hell you are, you don’t know nothing!”

  Danny fidgeted. “She said a bad word.”

  My gaze bore into the girl. “You mean, you don’t know anything. For someone so quick to call this man an idiot, you sure don’t seem to know much yourself.”

  Dropping her hands, she clenched them. “You don’t fucking know!”

  “She can’t be saying that,” Danny muttered, wringing his hands. “She can’t.”

  “Are you supposed to be leaving your house?” I asked her, ignoring Danny.

  “It’s not my house,” she spat. “Now stay out of my business.”

  “You can’t leave!” Danny insisted. “Ms. Hetty …” His agitation grew, his hands clenching. With a frown, he lifted his fists and beat himself in the head. “You just can’t.”

  The blows got harder, his skin reddening around them.

  “Hey, now …” I soothed.

  The girl panicked, her eyes flicking to the animal clinic. “Jesus! What is he doing? Make him stop!”

  Danny continued to beat his head.

  Reaching out, I stopped just short of touching him. “It’s okay. We’re okay. She isn’t going anywhere.”

  “The hell—” she began.

  Danny started wailing.

  The girl’s gaze filled with horror, flicking once more to the animal clinic. Her hands rose in surrender. “Hey,” she called. “I’m not leaving, okay? Just stop … whatever that is, and I’ll stay.”

  Danny didn’t stop. He got louder. The dogs in the building howled in response.

  “Stop him!” the girl demanded.

  “You stop him,” I countered, feeling suddenly like a helpless kid arguing with another kid. Anything not to get in trouble.

  The door to the animal clinic snapped open. An elderly woman with a fit figure stomped into the gravel parking lot, Tansy behind her. Figures crowded the door.

  “Danny?” the older woman called, shading her eyes. Stepping forward, she glanced at me. “What did you do?”

  The accusatory tone of her voice made me stiffen.

  “I’m betting it wasn’t him,” Tansy interceded, her gaze on the curly-haired girl. “What are you doing, Deena?”

  “Fuck off, Tansy!” she hissed.

  Danny’s wails grew.

  “You can’t be talking like that in front of him,” the older woman admonished, her angry gaze swinging to the younger girl.

  I ran my hands over my face. “Can someone please clue me into this,” my head tilted toward the girl, “drama.”

  Tansy sighed, her hands finding her waist, her black-tipped nails disappearing into her black shirt. She was so small, the pixie haircut turned her into a wild f
airy. “This is Deena,” she introduced. “My—”

  “I’m leaving,” Deena announced, arms crossed.

  “Sister,” Tansy finished.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” the older woman said. Moving to Danny, she draped her arm across his back. “It’s okay, Danny. I’ve got it from here.”

  Danny’s wails turned to whimpers and then to sniffles. “I’ve got to start moving the dogs,” he mumbled.

  “That’s a good boy.” She squeezed his shoulders. “You do that now. I’ll send Mr. Lockston after you in just a moment.”

  His head down, Danny ambled away.

  The woman’s eyes met mine. “I’m Hetty Anderson. I understand you’re here to work off some community service hours?”

  I nodded.

  She inclined her head. “Good. An extra hand is always needed. Danny is easy to work with. He’s just really sensitive.” Her gaze swung to Deena. “I thought I made myself clear about Danny the other day.”

  Deena glared. “I ain’t done nothing wrong.”

  “Haven’t,” Tansy and I corrected together.

  Our gazes crashed, and then stuck. She was the first to look away.

  “You haven’t done anything wrong,” Tansy mumbled.

  “What were you doing?” Hetty asked. “Trying to run away?”

  Angry red spots infused Deena’s face. “I don’t have to stay.”

  “Where would you go? Did you think about that? There isn’t anywhere else,” Hetty pointed out.

  I leaned against the door frame, my gaze passing over the scene. Sadly, I felt comfortable standing amidst chaos. Compared to the level of crazy in my family, this was standard.

  Deena gnashed her teeth. “I’m not doing this.”

  Hetty frowned, her gaze falling on the brown-shuttered house. “I’m not sure I know what to do here, Deena. If it’s wrong to admit that, then so be it.”

  “Let me leave,” the girl persisted.

  “I can’t do that.”

  Tansy stepped toward her sister. She was the older of the two. It was obvious, not just because of her curvier figure, but because of the way she carried herself. Deena walked like she was ready to attack the world, a lot of fire and spit and misdirection. Tansy walked like she knew when to step down from a fight.

  “Come on, Deena—”

  The younger girl laughed, cruelly. “Why the hell is everyone looking at me like I’m the messed up one?” She nodded at Tansy. “I mean, look at you!” Her voice rose. “At least I’m brave enough to leave! You just keep staying, don’t you, Tansy? You just keep staying with everyone. With Dad while he killed himself. With me now. I’m not helpless, and I’m not dumb. I’m still in school. I didn’t drop out.”

  “Deena!” Hetty scolded.

  My brows rose, my gaze flicking to Tansy. A high school dropout?

  She didn’t look at me, but the words she flung out were definitely meant for me. “I have my GED.”

  It wasn’t any of my business. She wasn’t my business. None of it was.

  “Tell me you really want to stay here,” Deena continued. “Tell me you really want to spend the next year working in an animal clinic.”

  Tansy’s jaw tensed.

  “She doesn’t have to work in the clinic,” Hetty assured.

  “And I won’t,” Tansy inserted, surprising everyone. She swallowed, her gaze falling to the yard. “You wouldn’t need any landscaping done, would you?” She glanced at her grandmother. “This place is bare and depressing. Just buildings. No color. I could do some flower beds, maybe plant a few bushes, and put in some décor. It could help aesthetically, and I’d be outside more.”

  Her eyes narrowed, a silent message passing between her and Hetty. Being outside meant keeping an eye on her sister.

  “The clinic could use some sprucing up,” Hetty agreed.

  “This is shit,” Deena grumbled. “Total shit.”

  I suddenly wanted to see this kid in a boxing ring. Not because she was angry, which she was, but because she had a stubborn streak fighters could admire.

  “You’ve got to learn when to throw your punches, kid,” I said, my gaze on her face.

  Her eyes found mine. She squinted. “What the hell are you spewing about?”

  “Back down,” I told her. “You’ve lost this round. Shake it off. Prepare for the next.”

  Tansy stared. “Are you trying to teach her how to run away?”

  My lips twitched. “No, I’m trying to show her when it’s time to step back and re-evaluate.”

  “Because you’re so capable of that yourself?” Deena asked, her gaze roaming my figure. “Who the hell are you?”

  “Eli.” I nodded at her.

  Deena glanced at her sister, recognition flaring. “He’s the dude we saw in the red car coming out of Atlanta! The dude from the hospital, right?” She laughed. “Oh, what an ironic world we live in.”

  “You should find Danny now, Mr. Lockston,” Hetty advised.

  Shrugging, I ducked into the building’s shadowy depths. The door swung inward behind me, stopping just short of clicking shut. I stared into the crack, my gaze on the scene beyond, on the three females watching each other warily.

  “You coming to help now, Mr. Lockston?” Danny called.

  Dogs barked.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “And it’s Eli. Just Eli.”

  Turning away from the door, I faced the scene within. Danny was opening large pens, releasing animals into the hallways between them. Dogs greeted him, throwing suspicious glances my way as he herded them to a back door leading to the fenced-in yard beyond.

  It was a long day.

  The extra boots Danny had mentioned didn’t fit my large feet, and I spent the afternoon ruining my shoes bleaching pens, throwing soiled blankets in a large washing machine, replacing the filthy items with clean ones, filling food and water bowls, assisting Danny with baths and medications, cleaning up shit, and in the end, smelling like I’d rolled in all of it.

  By the time I climbed into my brother’s car hours later, I felt like I needed to shower with a powerful antiseptic followed by a generous dose of cologne.

  “Don’t say anything,” I warned when I saw Jonathan’s nose wrinkle.

  Two days a week at the rescue. I could do this.

  “Hey!” a muffled voice cried.

  I winced.

  “Roof girl,” Jonathan supplied, grinning.

  My gaze rose to find Tansy standing just outside the car. Jonathan rolled down the window.

  “Hey,” she repeated, breathless. “Look, I’m—” She sniffed, her fingers coming to rest beneath her nose. “Oh, wow.”

  Jonathan laughed, his howl filling the car’s interior.

  I scowled, my eyes on the girl. “Anyone ever told you not to approach a guy when he’s dirty? I’m not up for small talk.”

  Amusement made her eyes gleam despite my angry words. “I just came to apologize for my sister earlier. She’s been through a lot recently.”

  “Just her?” Jonathan asked.

  Tansy looked away, the gleam leaving her eyes. “Yeah, well … just know she’s not really an awful person. She’s actually pretty cool beneath that scratchy façade.”

  My irritable mood wouldn’t let me care, especially when her fingers were still pressing against her nose. “Look, it’s all good. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I really need a shower.”

  She backed away.

  “He’s just being an ass because he stinks,” Jonathan called.

  I ground my teeth.

  Tansy smiled. “It’s not that bad.” She dropped her fingers. “Your nose starts to get used to it after a while.”

  “Bye now,” I intervened.

  Laughing, Jonathan pulled away.

  My gaze fell to the side mirror, to Tansy’s disappearing figure. The sun caught on her crimson highlights, setting her on fire, pulling me in and warning me away.

  “I like her,” Jonathan said suddenly.

  Scowling, I leaned back in th
e seat. “Good. Why don’t you ask her out? She looks about your age.”

  “She’s seventeen.”

  I glanced at him.

  He shrugged. “I asked while I was waiting on you.”

  Only seventeen. Wow.

  “See,” I said, “only a year older. Perfect.”

  And yet … if it was so perfect, why did the thought of my brother asking her out make my skin crawl?

  ***

  If shoveling dog shit was bad, having to deal with my mother’s theatrics right after shoveling dog shit was worse. No sooner had Jonathan cut the engine on his car than the interior filled with her wailing.

  “Let Pops have this one,” I told my brother. Pushing the passenger side door open, I climbed out and trotted toward the guest cottage. “I need a shower and a smoke.”

  “You don’t even care!” Ivy screamed, her screech ripping through the air. It ran along my flesh like sharpened fingernails down a chalkboard.

  “She’s in a mood,” Jonathan grumbled.

  Moods were bad. Moods were worse than tears. They were blasting tirades full of rock bottom lows. Moods meant Mom wasn’t just feeling sorry for herself, she was blaming people for not giving a damn.

  “It’s Pops’ mess,” I reiterated.

  “You’d really walk away and leave him to that?”

  I froze, my head down. “Damn,” I muttered, too low for Jonathan to hear.

  We were getting too old for this, too old for her melodrama.

  “Why do you do that?” I asked. “Why do you make me feel so damn guilty for abandoning them?” My head rose, my gaze finding my brother.

  He shrugged, his hands sliding into his pockets. “Because deep down, you’re a good guy, Eli.”

  Closing my eyes, I inhaled and counted to three. My eyes re-opened, my nasty, shit-covered tennis shoes taking me to the main house.

  Jonathan followed, his clean smelling figure right on my heels. “You don’t want to change first?”

  “Hell, no.”

  Entering the residence, I stopped in the foyer, my gaze on the scene before us. It was the story of my life. Mom’s tears, her screams filling finely decorated rooms, her heartbroken sobs full of “I’m sorry” or “It’s all going to be okay.”

  Pops stood rigid in front of the living room’s large fireplace, the mantle covered in pictures of our family, especially Grams. Mom sat on the edge of a plush, white sofa, her manicured nails gripping a decorative navy blue pillow.