The Italian’s Cinderella Bride

by Lucy Gordon

  ‘Courage?’

  ‘Think of the risk she took. How old was she then?’

  ‘About twenty-five.’

  ‘Then she’d waited for you, played high stakes to win the only prize she cared about because nothing less would do. That took real courage.’

  In his mind he saw Lisetta again, docile, yielding, eager to please, but sadly without the magic that could have caught his attention. It took an effort to see her through Ruth’s eyes, daring, ready to risk everything and smile if she lost.

  And she had lost, he thought remorsefully. She’d gained nothing from her marriage but two dead children and the dutiful affection of a man carrying an increasing burden of guilt. But the guilt had been his own fault. She’d never tried to lay that burden on him.

  ‘You’re right,’ he said suddenly. ‘She was a brave woman. I meant to be a good husband, and at first things went well. She became pregnant almost at once, and we were happy. I was grateful to her for giving my father hope, and also on my own account.

  ‘I found that I loved the idea of being a father. That took me by surprise. I’d never thought of it before, but suddenly I wanted it so much, and Lisetta was the woman who was going to give me my heart’s desire. Yes, I think I gave her some happiness then. I hope so, anyway.’

  The heavy note in his voice made her ask, ‘What happened?’

  ‘She lost the child in the sixth month. That would have been bad enough but my father also died. His health had been on a knife edge while he held on to see his grandchild, and the shock of seeing that hope collapse brought on his last heart attack.

  ‘Lisetta was devastated by what she considered her failure. I tried to reassure her but what could I say? She knew I’d married her for my father’s sake and my child’s, and now they were both dead. That was when I wished I’d told her some polite lies when I proposed. If I’d said then that I loved her, I might have been able to give her some hope when she was in despair. But I was useless-useless.’

  He dropped his head into his hands.

  When Pietro spoke again his voice was husky.

  ‘I did my best to console her, but it was a pretty useless best. She kept saying that she was sorry she’d let me down, and she’d have another child soon. With every word I felt like a monster, a man who’d destroyed a woman who loved him for his own convenience.

  ‘The worst thing was that she was pinning all her hopes on another baby. She didn’t know that the doctor had said she mustn’t try again. She wasn’t strong enough. I delayed telling her because I knew what it would do to her, but in the end I had to.’

  ‘Poor woman,’ Ruth murmured.

  ‘Yes, poor woman,’ Pietro said bitterly. ‘She had nothing then. Whatever I could give her wasn’t enough. She turned to her husband for help, and he failed her.’

  ‘How did she cope?’

  ‘She wouldn’t accept it. She said she just needed time to regain her strength, and everything would be fine. I didn’t argue because at least it left her some hope, but I had no intention of risking her life with another child. She began taking the pill-’

  He broke off and made a helpless gesture, full of despair.

  ‘She swore that she was taking it-that there was no danger of-I shouldn’t have believed her. I should have taken better care of her.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘She came off the pill, and I only found out when she told me she was pregnant again. I can still see her face, how delighted she was, looking at me for approval.

  ‘I tried to make her understand how dangerous it was, but she wouldn’t listen to me or the doctor. He begged her not to go through with it. I told her I’d agree to that, but she wouldn’t listen to either of us.’

  ‘Of course not,’ Ruth murmured.

  ‘Of course not,’ he echoed with a bitterness that was aimed at himself. ‘She gave me a love I didn’t deserve, and all she cared about was pleasing me. All through her pregnancy she grew weaker, but she was actually happy. There was a time when we thought she might have a chance to come through, and the baby. But then she collapsed.

  ‘Our child was born alive, and she held him in her arms just once before she died. I’ll never forget the way she looked at me then, with such joy in her eyes, and such triumph. She’d given me a living child, and that was all she cared about, although she knew her own life was slipping away.

  ‘But then our baby died too, only a few hours after his mother. Her sacrifice had been for nothing. When she was in her coffin I kissed her and told her how sorry I was. Then I put him in her arms again, and now they’ll lie together always. Now and then I go back to see them, and always I ask for her forgiveness, but it’s too late. I’d give anything to reach her, but I never can.

  ‘Now do you understand why I feel little better than a murderer? I took her life-for nothing.’

  Ruth didn’t answer at first. Pietro’s agony of self-reproach seemed imprinted on the air. She would literally have done anything to heal this wound, and it was dawning on her that, incredibly, she had the power to bring him out of this nightmare. But every step must be taken with care, using her mysterious understanding of Lisetta that had come with her own confusions. One wrong move-she shivered.

  It could be done, but only if the dice were thrown exactly right.

  Taking a deep breath and sending up a prayer, she tossed them into the unknown.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  ‘B UT you didn’t take her life,’ Ruth said softly.

  Pietro stared at her, puzzled. ‘What did you say?’

  ‘You didn’t take her life. She gave it up.’

  ‘There’s no difference.’

  ‘There’s every difference. You talk about your father’s nineteenth-century attitudes, but then you speak as though Lisetta was a helpless little female caught up in the machinations of the men, with no chance to stand up for herself, and that’s nineteenth century, if you like.’

  ‘I understand what you’re saying, but it doesn’t change the fact that I married her for my convenience, and my father’s-’

  ‘And she married you because she wanted to be your wife more than anything in the world. More than her pride. More than her safety. More, even, than her life.’

  ‘Am I supposed to feel flattered by that? I might if I thought I was worth it, but no man is,’ Pietro replied.

  ‘That was for her to decide. You were worth it to her and you should respect her right to make her own decision. You said your father chose her. There must have been other well-born girls he could have picked. Why her? Maybe because she was already in the house, looking after him?’

  ‘Among other things. I told you he had old-fashioned ideas about suitability, and her father was a visconte as well as being a family friend.’

  ‘And this college professor just happened to be there, caring for him? What about her career? Did she put that on hold?’ Ruth questioned, hoping she was getting through to him.

  ‘It was the summer vacation. What are you saying?’

  ‘That she guessed the way your father’s thoughts were drifting and she made sure his choice lighted on her. She knew you didn’t love her, but it didn’t matter because anything was better than life without you.’

  ‘You make her sound like a schemer.’

  ‘No, I don’t. I make her sound like a woman in love who focussed on the man she wanted because the thought of living without him was unbearable. Millions of women do that every day. Men too. It makes the world go around. That’s what I think she did, and good for her! She had a purpose, and she followed it through to the end.’

  ‘How can you be so sure? You didn’t know her.’

  ‘I think I’m beginning to, and to admire her. You had the clue all the time in that story about the dice game, how even as a child she’d risk everything on one throw. I saw it in the picture, and it’s only now that I fully understand it. That was her nature. She was a risk-taker. You didn’t stand a chance.’ Ruth smiled. ‘You thought you were the one in
charge, the one making conditions, but she was ten times the player you were.’

  ‘I don’t know-’

  ‘She wasn’t a child when you married her, Pietro. She was strong and clear-eyed, and your marriage didn’t come about because you controlled or manipulated her. It happened because she was a mature woman who made her own decisions.

  ‘And there’s something else, that I found out about recently. I’ve been reading the history of her family, and there’s an inherited weakness in the women. Many of them have died in childbirth, far more than in other families; not so much recently because medical science has improved, but it’s there.’

  ‘Impossible. I’d have known.’

  ‘Would you? I’m talking about history, before you were born. And I don’t suppose the family spoke of it in case it damaged the girls’ marriage prospects. But Lisetta would have known the chance she was taking.’

  He turned and stared at her, stunned as the full implications of this dawned on him.

  ‘Can’t you understand?’ Ruth pleaded. ‘She didn’t do it your way, you did it her way. She staked everything on one throw of the dice, and when she lost she didn’t complain. And you should respect that. Grieve for her, yes, but don’t feel guilty about her, because that insults her.’

  ‘All the time,’ he said huskily. ‘All the time-she knew-’

  ‘All the time,’ Ruth confirmed. ‘She wasn’t a helpless victim. She was a high roller, who had the guts to go for broke and see it right through. And she had her moment, at the end, when she held her living baby, and you were there. She didn’t lose everything.’

  ‘How do you understand so much about her?’ he asked slowly.

  ‘Because I have something in common with her, with my different “selves”. She had another ‘self’ too, only you didn’t see it because it happened inside her, but it was her real self, the one that made the decisions, and decided in the end that you were worth any sacrifice. Accept that sacrifice, and honour her for it, but don’t feel guilty, because it was her doing, not yours.’

  Pietro leaned back against the wall, his face strained.

  ‘How can I let myself believe this?’ he whispered. ‘I want to believe it so much, but do I have any right?’

  ‘Pietro, you have to believe it for her sake. She doesn’t want you to spend the rest of your life grieving and punishing yourself. She only ever wanted the best for you. Live your life. Be happy. That’s all she cared about.’

  He took her hand and held it against his cheek. All the fight and ferocity had gone out of him.

  ‘Thank you,’ he said simply. ‘I can’t see as far as you do, but I trust your vision more than my own. You’ll have to show me.’

  For a moment she rubbed her cheek against his hand.

  ‘Then I’ll give you a piece of sensible advice,’ she said. ‘Go to bed, either to sleep or to think. They’ll both do you good. You’ll be happier in the morning.’

  ‘You’ll still be here, won’t you?’ he asked anxiously.

  ‘Yes, I promise not to go away without telling you.’

  Still he hesitated, and suddenly she knew that if she followed him into his room tonight, he wouldn’t turn her away. With all her heart she longed to do so, but she forced herself to back off. The time wasn’t right. Whatever future they might have could be endangered if she acted carelessly at this crucial moment.

  Don’t grab for it. Wait for the dice to give it to you.

  ‘Goodnight,’ she said.

  ‘Everything changed-the day you came,’ he said slowly.

  ‘Yes. But it’s too soon to say how. Goodnight.’

  This time he went, although his eyes lingered on her until the door closed.

  Ruth was torn by indecision. Had she done the right thing, throwing away her chance when it came? But instinct still told her that the time wasn’t right.

  That night she fell asleep with her fingers crossed.

  She got up next morning to find Pietro dressed and ready to leave.

  ‘I’m going to San Michele,’ he said. ‘I have to see Lisetta. I don’t suppose-would you come with me?’

  But Ruth shook her head.

  ‘No, this is just you and her.’

  He nodded and turned to go, but something made her call him back.

  ‘Pietro-don’t ever take another woman to visit her grave, not now or ever in the future.’

  ‘Does that apply, whoever the woman is?’ He was watching her.

  ‘Whoever she is, leave her out of sight. Let Lisetta have you all to herself. She’s earned it.’

  ‘Will you promise that you’ll still be here when I get back?’

  ‘I promise.’

  She had no time to brood over him that day. The business of getting rid of Serafina took several hours and was accomplished by a display of firmness on Ruth’s part that won her Minna’s glowing admiration.

  ‘No wonder the master dressed you in diamonds,’ she said.

  ‘Diamonds?’

  ‘Sewn into the front of your costume last night.’

  ‘I thought that was glass,’ she said, aghast. ‘No wonder everyone was giving me those funny looks.’

  Minna roared with laughter and went off to tell Celia in a knowing way that it wouldn’t be long now.

  Ruth stayed at home all day, so as to be sure that Pietro would find her there whenever he arrived. When the phone rang she answered it quickly. But it was Mario.

  They discussed business for a while, but before he hung up he said, ‘I’ve just checked Pietro’s emails. There’s one from Gino to say he’s going to be here tomorrow. I thought he’d want to know.’

  ‘Thanks, Mario, I’ll tell him.’

  But when will I tell him? she wondered when she’d hung up.

  She’d counted on having a little more time, but this changed things, forcing her hand. If Gino was returning tomorrow then she must take action tonight.

  This was how the dice had fallen.

  Pietro was calm and peaceful when he returned that evening. She didn’t ask questions but waited for him to choose his own moment. Only when Minna had finally left them did he meet her eyes.

  ‘Everything was different,’ he said simply. ‘In the past I’ve always asked her forgiveness. This time I just thanked her. And it felt right, as it never has before.’

  The dice were rolling into place. Double six. Only one more to go.

  ‘What have you done today?’ he asked.

  ‘Thought about you, how you were coping.’

  ‘I can manage now, thanks to you. But you won’t go yet, will you?’ he added quickly.

  ‘I won’t go while you want me.’

  From outside came the sound of singing. Going to the window, they saw a ‘serenade’-a procession of seven gondolas, each one with a singer, hymning the moon. As they approached the Rialto Bridge a number of sad-faced clowns tossed petals down on them.

  ‘They sound so melancholy,’ Ruth observed.

  ‘Carnival is nearly over,’ Pietro said. ‘And that is always sad.’

  The procession of boats had paused outside the palazzo, while the leading singer turned to the window where they were standing, and serenaded them in Venetian.

  Pietro began to translate.

  ‘Now the time is passing-all is over-shall we meet again another year-or shall we have only our memories?’

  He stood just behind her, his hands laid gently on her shoulders.

  ‘I’ve got something to tell you,’ she said. ‘Mario checked your email and he says Gino’s coming back tomorrow.’

  He reacted at once, snatching his hands from her shoulders and stepping back.

  ‘Why do you do that?’ she asked, swinging round to him.

  ‘Gino-’

  ‘So what, Gino? He’s not part of my life now. I don’t love him, I love you. And that’s not going to change.’

  ‘It might. When you see him-’

  She reached out, putting her hands on either side of his face.

&n
bsp; ‘You’re doing it again, trying to take charge of every detail. But I say how I feel, not you. I make this decision, not you, and I’ve made it. I’m a grown woman, and I know what I want.’

  ‘And what-do you want?’ he asked, almost hypnotised by the force she radiated.

  ‘This,’ she said, and drew his head down to hers.

  He laid his hands on her, unable to resist that much. But he was still fighting himself, not moving his lips on hers, except to say, ‘This is dangerous.’

  ‘Yes, isn’t it wonderful?’ she challenged him. ‘Stop thinking with your head. That’s more dangerous than anything.’

  She kissed him again, and when she drew back he was smiling.

  ‘It’s not supposed to be this way,’ he murmured. ‘I’m expected to be the one in charge.’

  ‘Unless you meet someone who knows more than you do.’

  ‘Yes, you know so much more than me.’

  ‘I know everything,’ she confirmed. ‘Come with me. Carnival will soon be over, and we must toss the masks away.’

  Ruth took him to her room, where the bed was a little wider than his, although not by much. She was without false modesty. She’d been naked in his arms once before, without knowing it. Now she wanted to relish every moment, so she stripped off her clothes in seconds and stood before him, asking a silent question.

  She had her answer when he dropped down to his knees and laid his face against her breasts, enclosing her in his arms. It was a gesture of surrender, an acknowledgement that his love and need of her was stronger than the demons that had haunted him.

  She closed her hands behind his head, drawing him closer, inviting him to make his home in her love and care, and his caresses told her that it was where he wanted to be. He too discarded his clothes quickly and they clung together, not hurrying because every moment was precious and they had never dared to think they would reach this moment.

  She was smaller than he remembered, more delicate, yet stronger. He understood that strength now. He’d discovered it in her spirit, now he found it in her flesh that was strangely elusive, while at the same time her clasp on him had a power and purpose that thrilled him. When she reached for him he felt enfolded in her love, carried to safety.