Home Front Girls

by Rosie Goodwin

  ‘He wanted you to have this,’ he told her solemnly. ‘And he also asked me to tell you how sorry he was, and that in other circumstances, he would have been proud to be your father.’

  ‘I see.’ Dotty stared at the envelope as if it might bite her. She had no idea how much was in it, nor did she care, for there was a feeling of pure joy racing through her veins. Now she truly knew who she was, and although she would never have the chance to get to know her father or enjoy spending time with Miss Timms in the knowledge that she was her mother, she felt complete.

  ‘Thank you, Mr Jenkins,’ she said sincerely. ‘Not just for the money but for helping me to understand. It seems that neither of my parents truly abandoned me, and you’ll never know how much it means to me to learn that. Now I can hold my head high and name both of them if asked, and I can also get on with the rest of my life.’

  ‘You are very welcome, my dear,’ the kind-hearted man said with genuine warmth. ‘I shall only be a phone call away, should you ever need my services, and may I say it has been a pleasure to know you. I think both of your parents would have been very proud of you indeed.’

  Dotty rose and walked towards the door, clutching the envelope. She really must find a phone and ring Robert to tell him the happy news. At last she felt truly at peace and one day she hoped she would be able to tell her own children the names of their grandparents – Alice and Jeremy.

  ‘Can’t you tell me what’s wrong, darling?’ Miranda asked later that night. Lucy had set off for home and Dotty had gone to bed, and now she was snatching a few precious minutes with her daughter.

  ‘I . . . I think I’ve been rather unfair to you,’ Annabelle answered in a small voice and Miranda instantly drew her into her arms and kissed the top of her head.

  ‘My back is broad, I can stand it,’ she told her affectionately. ‘Let’s just try to put what’s happened behind us and go back to the way we were, eh? But are you sure there isn’t anything else bothering you?’

  Annabelle didn’t answer immediately but then she said slowly, ‘Before he left the hospital, Joel told me that he could never leave Lucy. But don’t you think that’s strange? I mean, she’s only his sister, isn’t she?’

  Ah, so that’s it, Miranda thought. My girl is in love and doesn’t know what to do about it.

  ‘Perhaps he just feels responsible for her and doesn’t want to leave her alone after what happened to Mary and her mother?’ she suggested, but Annabelle shook her head.

  ‘No, there’s more to it than that,’ she answered. ‘He said that Lucy had only told us half of the secret. You don’t think that they’re . . . Well, you know – more than brother and sister, do you?’

  ‘Absolutely not, you’re just letting your imagination run away with you,’ Miranda said firmly. ‘But why are you so concerned anyway? Do you have feelings for Joel?’

  Annabelle opened her mouth to deny it but then promptly clamped it shut again. She had never been able to lie convincingly to her mother. ‘I . . . I suppose I do,’ she sighed. ‘And he told me that he had feelings for me too, so why is he putting Lucy first?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ her mother told her honestly, ‘but I’ve no doubt you’ll find out all in good time. Although I have to say, Joel is hardly the sort of chap I thought you’d fall for. What happened to tall, dark, handsome and rich?’ Then, more seriously: ‘Didn’t you say that Joel would be permanently crippled?’

  ‘I wouldn’t care if he didn’t have any legs at all, let alone a limp,’ Annabelle responded, then she grinned sheepishly. ‘Perhaps I’ve changed my values.’

  ‘I rather think you have, and I must admit I approve of them.’ Miranda kissed her on the cheek. ‘But just try to be patient, eh? Things will come right in the end, you’ll see.’

  ‘I hope so.’ Annabelle snuggled closer to her mother and they sat that way for some time, enjoying being together. It was something they hadn’t done for what seemed like a very long time. She’s coming back to me, Miranda thought, and her heart rejoiced.

  The following weekend Lucy made the journey to Watchet to visit her brother. The train she travelled on drew into a quaint little station and after a brisk walk and asking directions she eventually found the convalescent home nestling on top of some cliffs overlooking the sea. She could see at once how men might recover here. The scenery was breathtaking and it was so peaceful that it was hard to believe that there was a war raging.

  Brother and sister were both shocked when they first saw each other. The time they had spent apart had not been kind to either of them. Joel was sitting in the day room, which had a view of the sea, and he greeted her with concern.

  ‘How are you?’ he asked.

  ‘Shouldn’t it be me asking you that?’ she responded, thinking how gaunt he looked. He had actually put a little weight back on during his stay at Haslar, thanks to Annabelle’s insistence that he eat, and her unwavering care, but she could have no way of knowing that.

  ‘I survived, which I suppose I should be thankful for,’ he answered caustically, and taking a seat next to him she folded her hands primly in her lap. Now that she was actually here she found that she didn’t quite know what to say to him. He felt almost like a stranger, and yet before he went away they had been so close. And then he broke the silence that had settled between them when he said, ‘It will be strange when I come home without Mary being there . . . and poor Mum dead and buried.’

  Lucy lowered her head in agreement but then suddenly asked, ‘You didn’t tell Annabelle our secret, did you? The way she talks about you, it sounds as if you two have grown very friendly.’

  He met her eyes. ‘Of course I didn’t. I swore to you that I never would, didn’t I? And what’s wrong with us being friends?’

  This seemed to satisfy her for the moment and she glanced around at the other men in the room, all obviously recuperating from their injuries. Many of them had visitors too and a nurse was going around with a laden trolley supplying anyone who wanted it with a cup of tea.

  ‘I have a dog now,’ she suddenly told him. ‘His name is Harry.’

  ‘So Annabelle said,’ he answered, then seeing the set of her chin he wished he hadn’t. She clearly felt threatened by Annabelle, although she had no reason to be. He had once made their mother and Lucy a promise, that he would always be there for her, and he had no intention of breaking it even for Annabelle, although he ached just thinking about her. In another life he knew that he could have happily spent the rest of his life with her, but it wasn’t meant to be.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Before Dotty left to return to London, the three girls stood in Miranda’s hallway and hugged each other. Annabelle was also returning to Haslar soon and Lucy had come to say goodbye to them both before they left as it was one of her rare days off.

  ‘Let’s promise each other that whatever happens we’ll all meet up and have a big party when the war is all over,’ Dotty suggested. She had visited her old doctor early that morning and could hardly wait to get home to Robert now, for she had some very exciting news to share with him. She had told Miranda that she was just nipping into the city centre, or what remained of it, to pick a few things up and would have loved to share her news with them all, but she felt that Robert should be the first to know.

  ‘It’s a deal,’ Annabelle and Lucy agreed. Lucy had been very quiet, but the others had refrained from asking too many questions as she clearly didn’t want to discuss it.

  Annabelle had dared to ask, ‘How is he?’ and something about the way she said it made Lucy glance at her strangely. Annabelle had flushed and looked away, and from then on the subject had been carefully avoided.

  They had one last hug as Dotty told them, ‘I’m afraid I really must go now. If I miss the train I’ll have to wait hours for another one, and you know what a worrier Robert is. And anyway . . .’ she blushed prettily. ‘This is the first night we’ve been apart since we got married and to be honest I can’t wait to get back home to him.’
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  Miranda smiled indulgently. She was no fool, and despite the fact that Dotty hadn’t said a word, she had guessed her secret the minute she arrived. She had the glow that all pregnant women have, and she prayed that all would go well for the young woman. She appeared to be truly happy for the first time in her life and Miranda felt that she thoroughly deserved it. Dotty was scarcely recognisable now from the shy retiring girl Annabelle had once brought home. She was happy and confident, not to mention quite wealthy, and Miranda was thrilled for her.

  As she looked at the girls, Miranda realised that, in fact, they had all changed. Annabelle had struggled to come to terms with the secret she had discovered about her true mother, but finally she seemed to have worked through that, although Miranda sensed that she was still sad and knew that it was because of Lucy’s brother. She clearly loved him, and if what Annabelle said was true, he loved her too – and yet he had told her that he could never leave his sister to fend for herself. It was all very strange.

  And then there was Lucy. Poor Lucy, she seemed to be wandering about like a lost soul lately with no purpose to her life and no sense of direction. But what could Miranda do about it? She decided that she would try and persuade Lucy to stay until after the other two had left. Perhaps she could get her to open up about what was wrong then? It was worth a try, she decided.

  Two hours later, after seeing Annabelle off with her kitbag and her gas mask flung across her shoulder, Miranda led Lucy into the kitchen and suggested, ‘How about a nice cuppa? I could just do with one, couldn’t you?’ Lucy looked hesitant but Miranda wasn’t about to give up that easily. Somehow she sensed that her daughter’s happiness was at stake here.

  She made the tea, then once they were both seated at the kitchen table and she had poured out two steaming cups, she asked bluntly, ‘So what’s wrong, Lucy? And don’t say “nothing” because I’ll know that you’re fibbing. You haven’t been yourself for ages and I feel it isn’t just due to losing your little sister and your mother any more, so why don’t you tell me what’s troubling you? You know the old saying, “a trouble shared is a trouble halved”.’

  For a terrible moment she thought that Lucy was going to take to her heels, but Miranda reached across the table and gripped her hand. ‘You do know that Joel and Annabelle are in love, don’t you?’ she asked, seeing no reason to beat about the bush.

  Just for a brief moment Lucy looked stricken, but then she shrugged.

  ‘Why is it that he told Annabelle he had feelings for her but that they could never come to anything because he could never leave you?’ Miranda persisted. Her question was met with another shrug and Miranda began to think that she was banging her head against a brick wall.

  And then suddenly, Lucy’s shoulders sagged and she started to cry, great heaving sobs that shook her thin frame.

  ‘Oh, darling, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was only trying to help. You just seem so unhappy all the time lately and I hate to see you like this.’ Miranda was around the table in a second, and when she gathered the sobbing girl into her arms, Lucy clung to her as if she were a lifeline. Miranda let her cry until the sobs subsided to dull hiccuping whimpers and then holding her at arm’s length she asked softly, ‘Do you feel a bit better now?’

  Lucy took a shuddering breath before mumbling, ‘I shall never feel better. Oh, everything is such a mess!’

  Miranda rocked her to and fro, wise enough not to push any more until the girl was ready to open up of her own accord. And finally she did.

  ‘I’ve done something really terrible,’ she said hoarsely, her eyes deep wells of pain. ‘And because of what I did, Joel’s life is over before it’s even begun.’

  ‘I’m sure it couldn’t have been anything that bad,’ Miranda soothed. ‘And they do say there’s a solution for every problem if you face it head on.’

  ‘Not for this one there isn’t!’ Lucy took a great gulp of air as if she was coming up for breath. She had carried her secret for so long but now the weight of it was bearing her down, and despite the promises she had made to Joel and her mother she knew that she couldn’t carry it any longer. She seemed to be struggling with something deep inside her as Miranda watched varying emotions flicker across her face, and then she said in a voice so quiet that Miranda had to lean close to hear it, ‘My mum didn’t kill my dad . . . I did!’

  Miranda’s heart was threatening to leap out of her chest, but she kept her expression calm as she waited for the girl to go on, and eventually she did.

  ‘I once told you that my dad was a bully, and that bit was true,’ she whispered. ‘What I didn’t tell you was that after my mum became really ill and took to her bed, Dad started to come into my room in the night and he . . . he raped me. He told me that if ever I said anything to Mum or Joel, he would deny it and I would get into trouble. I believed him, so I kept quiet. I was really scared of him. It started when I was just thirteen. Eventually I missed a period and I didn’t know what to do, but eventually Mum noticed my swelling stomach and asked outright if I was pregnant. I so wanted to tell her then – in fact, it was the nearest I ever came to it – but her heart was so weak that I was afraid the shock would kill her. She still loved Dad, you see? So I made up some story about this boy I had been seeing after school and told her that the baby was his. Obviously, Mum didn’t want it to become common knowledge about the baby, so I stayed in for the rest of the pregnancy then, and on the night that Mary was born Dad paid someone to come in and deliver her, then they told everyone that Mary was Mum’s baby.’

  Lucy blew her nose and took a trembling breath. ‘I’d just left school by then and no one questioned it as I’d never got out much, what with looking after Mum and everything. So Mary wasn’t really my little sister, she was my daughter – and the odd thing was that the second I set eyes on her, I loved her. Yet all through the pregnancy I had prayed that the baby would die.’

  The girl stopped again as more tears threatened. ‘The good thing was that Dad stopped coming to my room for a while. But then one night when I was feeding Mary he came in again and something inside me just snapped. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to bear to have him touch me again so I started to scream and fight him. But he was stronger than me and he had just knocked me onto the bed when Joel heard the commotion and burst in.’

  She screwed her eyes tight shut as the memories flooded back before forcing herself to go on. ‘Joel saw straight away what was going on and he pulled Dad off me and started to punch him. Then suddenly Mum was in the doorway and I shall never forget the look on her face for as long as I live. Mary and Mum were both screaming by then and Dad was thumping Joel about the room. I thought he was going to kill him and I think he would have done, but suddenly I saw the pair of scissors that I had been using to cut out material for some nightdresses for Mary on my bedside table . . . and I snatched them up and I . . . I stabbed Dad right through the heart. I swear I didn’t mean to kill him. I meant to stab him in the arm so that he’d stop hurting Joel, but he turned and . . . Anyway, he went down like a lead weight and we all just stood there hardly able to believe what had happened. It was then that Mum told us we must say that she had stabbed him. I argued and said I wouldn’t agree to it but she told me that her life was almost over anyway.’

  Lucy stared at the tabletop, clearly seeing the scene in her mind’s eye. ‘And then there was knocking at the front door. The neighbours had heard the rumpus and had called the police. Mum picked up the scissors and when the police came upstairs they found her still holding them and arrested her for Dad’s murder. I think I must have been in shock by then because I just stood there like a dummy. After that, Joel decided we should move. The newspapers had had a field day with the story and we knew that none of us would ever get any peace if we stayed where we were. That was when we packed up and moved here. Meantime Mum was kept in custody until her case went to court, but by the time it did she was too ill to be tried so they put her into the mental asylum. We went to see her every s
ingle week and she made Joel promise that he would always look after me and Mary. She said that I had suffered enough and blamed herself for not realising what was going on right under her nose.’

  Lucy lifted her head and looked straight at Miranda with a desolate expression. ‘So now you know why Joel feels responsible for me. But I don’t want him to any more and I’ve told him so. The trouble is, he’s as stubborn as a mule and he says he would be breaking his promise to our mother if he ever left me. But now I just want him to be happy and I want Annabelle to be happy too and I feel as if I’m standing between them. It’s all my fault that they can’t be together!’

  ‘Oh, you poor, poor thing!’ Miranda could hardly believe what she had just heard, and yet now she could vaguely remember reading about the case in the newspapers some years ago. ‘You must never blame yourself for what’s happened,’ she told the girl. ‘None of this situation was your fault. Your father abused you and your mother was a very brave woman who saved you from a possible death sentence. You, too, saved your brother’s life. But you have to put it all behind you now somehow and go on with your life.’

  ‘And how am I supposed to do that?’ Lucy cried bitterly. ‘I’m soiled goods; no man would ever want me now. And while I’m here, Joel won’t get on with his life either and all because of a promise he made to our mother.’