Where I Want To Be

by Maryam Diaab

  Suddenly he felt a blast of cold air. Eva, half dressed in a purple ensemble that showed more skin than it covered, was holding the shower door open and smiling at him.

  “Can you close the door, please? You’re letting all the steam out,” he complained, reaching for the shower knob and turning it to the right, causing another showerhead to rain water on to the top of his head.

  “Is that any way to greet me? You haven’t seen me since nine this morning, and all you can say is shut the shower door?” she retorted, slamming the shower door but not leaving the bathroom. “And did you even notice my new dress?”

  “Did you even notice what time you were walking into my house?”

  “Oh, so now it’s your house?”

  “Well, as far as I know I am the only one who pays any bills around here.”

  “I think I pull my own weight,” Eva said, again opening the shower door. She had removed her dress and stood in front of Massai wearing nothing but a pout.

  Looking at her nearly perfect body, he felt a tingle but refused to give into the sensation. “You cannot fix everything by taking off your clothes.”

  “And why not?” Eva reached for the soap and began lathering his body from head to toe.

  “Don’t you realize we’re in an adult relationship? I am not some horny teenager who can’t think straight when he sees a naked woman. We have serious problems that need to be talked about if we want this relationship to work.”

  “Oh, Massai, I think that’s part of the problem. You are too serious. Why can’t you just enjoy what’s happening right now?”

  He cocked his head skeptically and watched the soap lather leave his body and wash down the drain. Deep down, he knew that was where his relationship was heading as well.

  “I just want you to be happy. I love you. I just think you’re stressed, and I know just the thing to make you feel better…”

  Massai stood still as Eva slowly dropped to her knees and opened her mouth wide. Taking him into her mouth, she began to suck just the way he liked it, and he felt powerless to stop her. It wasn’t until he filled her mouth and watched her swallow that he realized he never had the chance to ask her where she had been or whom she’d been with all night.

  7

  CELLPHONE CONVERSATIONS

  “I really don’t understand you, Alexis,” Claire said over beignets and coffee with chicory at the famous New Orleans eatery, Café du Monde.

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, although she already had a pretty good idea. Her treatment of Massai had been a hot topic of conversation since they left the House of Blues.

  She herself had to admit that she was attracted to him, but Alexis knew firsthand that attraction wasn’t enough. Attraction had gotten her burned more times than she could count, and she was not interested in being hurt. Not now, or ever again.

  “I don’t understand why you treated Massai the way you did, especially when you were so obviously into him.”

  “As I have told you repeatedly, I am not getting involved with anybody. Not to mention the very important fact that he has a girlfriend.”

  “So the issue here isn’t the fact that your choices in men have been disastrous, but that this one has a girlfriend?” Morgan chimed in.

  “None of it is an issue because I am not interested in him.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I’m serious. You thought I was mean to him? You should have heard the way he spoke to me. He said that I have a nasty attitude.”

  “You do,” Claire agreed, adding a drop of cream to her coffee.

  “This is how I look at your situation—” Morgan began.

  “I really don’t care how you look at my situation because it is my situation and I don’t recall asking for your input, Morgan,” Alexis said, becoming fed up with the entire subject.

  “See what I mean? Nasty attitude,” Claire laughed, pulling her ringing cellphone from her purse and pressing the talk button.

  Alexis threw up her hands in surrender and reluctantly let Morgan finish her point.

  “I was just trying to say that you always fall so fast for all the wrong guys, and maybe because of that you’re doing everything in your power not to like this one. Who knows? He could be Mr. Right.”

  “Or at least Mr. Right Now,” Claire chimed in after saying a few words to her caller and snapping her cellphone shut. “Think of it like this, Alexis: We’re in New Orleans and along comes this guy who is tall, handsome and painfully sexy. Who better to rid you of your broken heart, even if it is just on a short-term basis?”

  “I can’t think of anyone better,” Morgan said, adding her two cents.

  “Look, as I told you before, there is no way anything will be happening between Massai and me. And frankly, I really don’t understand why you two keep bringing it up.” Alexis leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her chest defensively. She glared at her friends and without opening her mouth, dared them to risk further comment on her love life.

  Alexis reached for her coffee mug, lifting it up and then putting it back down without taking a sip. “And even if I were interested in him, which I’m not, it really doesn’t matter because I’ll never see him again, anyway. We met at a club and that was that.”

  “I have Malik’s number. Why don’t I call him, and we could all go out after the concert tonight. See the city, get something to eat?” Claire offered the invitation as innocently as possible.

  “He has a girlfriend, Claire.”

  “And if he didn’t?”

  “If he didn’t have a girlfriend, I still wouldn’t let you call him.”

  “Well, what if I told you that was Malik on the phone just a minute ago?”

  “You’re lying,” Alexis countered. Her voice cracked and she looked from Claire to Morgan, attempting to accurately read their thoughts.

  “No, I’m not. I gave him my number last night and told him to call me if he and his boys wanted to get together with us sometime while we were here.”

  “Morgan, is she telling the truth?” Alexis asked, the heat beginning to rise from her body in anger and nervousness.

  Morgan didn’t speak, nodding yes instead.

  “Why would you do that?” Alexis whined.

  “I like him. I think he’s cute and fun and rich and I want to have a good time while I’m here. Everything isn’t always about you.”

  Alexis sat back in her chair again and sighed. While she knew that Claire was telling the truth and genuinely felt happy that her friend had found someone she could vibe with so quickly, she was nevertheless concerned about what Claire’s newfound friendship meant for her and her declaration of emotional and sexual independence.

  * * *

  Alexis knew that something was going on. Morgan and Claire were tiptoeing around the room and speaking in hushed tones, and she was sure they were trying to hide something from her.

  After stuffing themselves at brunch, the women left the café and decided to skip the sightseeing they had planned for the afternoon and go back to the hotel and relax before the concert. On the walk back, and even afterwards, Claire kept dropping not-so-subtle hints about Alexis and Massai, even once mentioning that they may be running into each other in the very near future.

  Once in their hotel room the ladies spent the next three hours sleeping, until they heard Morgan’s raised voice through the closed bathroom door.

  “Nothing is going on, Craig!” her friends heard her yell in desperation.

  “He knows just what to say to upset her.” Claire sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. She was referring to the way Craig would often attempt to sabotage Morgan’s plans by throwing guilt trips her way. Even though she knew that she wasn’t doing anything wrong, Craig would nevertheless make her feel as if spending time with her friends and doing things that she enjoyed was wrong.

  “I don’t know why she stays with him. There has got to be a point when she says enough is enough!” Alexis reasoned, searching through the suitc
ase she had hastily packed back in Detroit.

  “I wish she would wake up and realize that Craig only does that when he’s doing wrong himself. He’s one of those men who put what he is doing on someone else to make himself seem innocent.”

  “He’s manipulative. I think she is the one you need to set up while we’re out here. A good man, or at least a good time, could do her some good right about now,” Alexis commented, rejecting a black wrap-around dress and resuming her search.

  “I think you’re right, but I’m not giving up on you, either. You deserve some happiness, Alexis.”

  She knew that her friend was right. She wanted nothing more in this world than to live a happy, fulfilling, purpose-driven life, but accomplishing these goals required her to put her heart on the line and be open to possibilities. That was something she was not willing to do.

  “That’s it!” Morgan declared as she slammed the bathroom door shut behind her and tossed her cellphone across the room.

  “What is it?” Alexis asked, looking over her shoulder at Morgan.

  “I am sick of trying to be the perfect girlfriend. I have to put forth all this effort, and all he does is try to keep me down.”

  “I thought you two had the perfect relationship and were going to be together forever,” Claire reminded her, snuggling back under the covers.

  “Sometimes we do have the perfect relationship, but other times he makes me want to push him off a cliff.” Morgan sat on the couch and held her head in her hands. “I have decided to have a good time and not worry about what he’s going to say or think. Maybe I’ll meet somebody like the two of you did— someone I can really get into.”

  “Excuse me? I did not meet anybody I can really get into. I think that’s Claire you’re referring to,” Alexis quickly corrected her.

  “Would you come off it? This ‘I am going to be dickless and celibate for the rest of my life’ act is getting really old, really quick. Why can’t you just admit that you are interested in Massai? We’re your friends, and there is absolutely no point in lying to us.”

  “I’m not lying. How could I be interested in someone I don’t even know?”

  “It only takes seconds to look at someone and size him up. It only took you a second to practically do a Flo Jo into the bathroom last night when you looked at Massai,” Claire added. She had stayed out of the conversation but, like Morgan, was getting a little sick of Alexis denying the obvious.

  “I had something in my eye.”

  “More like in your panties.”

  Alexis was silent. She had been beaten again and knew that nothing she could say would convince her friends that Massai was the furthest thing from her mind. After all, how could she make someone believe something that she didn’t fully believe herself?

  With only an hour and a half to dress and to get the concert, and with only one bathroom, the three friends raced around the room pulling outfits together and vying for mirror space. Alexis, as always, was the first one dressed and was forced to wait while Claire and Morgan argued over the mirror.

  At ten minutes to seven, Claire’s cellphone rang and a huge smile appeared on her face. Alexis saw this and was confused and curious; she had never seen a phone call make Claire smile that way.

  “Hi,” Claire said, holding the phone between her ear and shoulder as she finished painting her nails with red polish. “Yes, we’re ready.”

  Alexis glared at Claire and sensed something suspicious in the air. She hadn’t made plans for anyone to join them at the concert, so she couldn’t understand to whom Claire was talking, as if there was a prearranged meeting of some kind.

  “Okay, we’ll be right down.” Claire pressed the end button on her phone and tossed it into her purse. She smiled knowingly at Morgan. “Are we ready?”

  “Who were you talking to?” Alexis asked, taking one last look in the mirror.

  The three were in the hallway and walking towards the elevator before Alexis realized that she hadn’t received an answer. “Did you hear me? Who were you talking to?” Alexis asked again pushing the elevator’s down button.

  “I thought I left my mama back in Detroit.”

  They got on the elevator with Alexis still pressing for an answer. “I’m not trying to sound like your mother; I was just wondering who you were talking to. If it’s not a big deal, why are you getting so defensive?”

  The elevator stopped three floors from the lobby and three middle-aged women stepped inside, chattering excitedly. Looking at them, Alexis smiled and imagined herself, twenty years from now, still traveling with Claire and Morgan.

  “It’s not a big deal, but I just don’t understand why you are trying to be all in my business.”

  “Well, if you’re talking about us going with you, then I would think it was our business. Wouldn’t you, Morgan?” Alexis turned to Morgan for support. Instead of agreeing with her friend, Morgan simply shrugged and kept her eyes on the illuminated numbers on the elevator’s main panel.

  “Will you just relax?” Claire pleaded, looking directly at Alexis as the elevator doors opened and the older women strutted into the lobby.

  “Okay, fine! I was just asking you a question.”

  The three got off the elevator and walked toward the huge double doors facing Bourbon Street.

  “This concert is going to be—” Alexis began, trying to lighten the mood. She stopped in mid-sentence. In front of her stood Massai.

  8

  ROUGH RIDE

  Alexis seemed glued in place, her gold ballet slippers refusing to leave the ground. She watched in stony silence as Malik kissed Claire on the cheek and then introduced his cousin Orlando to Morgan. Massai and Alexis eyeballed one another but said nothing.

  “Are you coming?” Claire called out as everyone got into Malik’s eggshell colored Bentley. Alexis humphed, then brushed past Massai and walked quickly toward the car to join the others. “No, you’ll have to ride with Massai. There isn’t any room for you. It only seats four.”

  She looked from the occupants of the car to Massai and then back again. “There is no way I’m riding with him,” she said coldly, pointing at him with disgust. Her voice said she was steadfast and focused, but on the inside she was becoming as shaky as a bowl of Jell-O.

  “Fine with me,” he said, walking to his car and opening the driver’s side door. “Let her walk.”

  Alexis stubbornly stood on the sidewalk between the two cars, her arms crossed. She was painfully aware she was being childish, but she also knew that if forced to ride with him, there was no telling what would happen.

  “You’re being ridiculous, Alexis. Would you please get in the car?”

  “I’ll drive the rental and meet you there.”

  “There is no gas in the rental, and nobody is going to wait for you to get any. Just get in the car with Massai and let’s get going before we miss Floetry,” Morgan pleaded, sticking her head out of the back passenger-side window.

  Although angry, she gave in, realizing she really didn’t have a choice. By the time she would have gotten the car out of the hotel’s garage, stopped for gas and found her way to the New Orleans Superdome, she probably would have missed the entire first half of the show. Defeated, she walked to the BMW and yanked the locked door handle, nearly ripping off three French manicured nails in the process.

  “Can you please unlock the door?”

  “Oh, would you like a ride?” Massai rolled down the passenger’s side window and asked sarcastically. He gave her the dimpled smile that had made her weak last night, but unlike twenty-four hours ago, this one was tinged with sarcasm.

  “Yes. I would drive myself, but I don’t want to be late.”

  “Don’t you think you should apologize to me?”

  Alexis moved away from the car and folded her arms. She was too stubborn to give in so easily. He revved the engine and put the car into gear. Just as he looked in his rear-view mirror and prepared to pull out into traffic she blurted out, “Sorry!”

&nbs
p; “That didn’t sound very sincere. Try it again,” he instructed, revving the engine again.

  “Will you just open the damn door?” she yelled, causing passersby to stop and stare.

  Massai laughed at her agitation and unlocked the automatic doors.

  Alexis slid in beside him and glared. “I just want to make something clear from jump. This is not a date. We are just two people riding together to a concert.”

  He didn’t comment, instead pulling out from his parking spot so fast the car’s tires squealed and Alexis’s head hit the car’s leather headrest. She rubbed the back of her head but didn’t comment.

  The two rode in silence for a few minutes, with Alexis secretly admiring the way his muscles rippled when he shifted gears and Massai telling himself not to reach over and touch her soft shoulder. Her white spaghetti strap had slipped off her shoulder and her gold chandelier earrings were caressing her caramel skin. He was stealing looks at her when he should have been concentrating on the road. As he licked his lips thinking about kissing her, Alexis’s voice snapped him back from fantasy to reality.

  “How’s your girlfriend? What’s her name again?”

  “Eva. Her name is Eva, and she’s fine.”

  “She must be very understanding. I mean, with you going out every night.”

  “I do not go out every night.”

  “Seems that way to me. In my opinion, you go out way too much to have a girlfriend waiting at home.”

  “You met me last night, so please don’t think your opinion holds any weight with me. And Eva is not the type to wait at home for anyone.”

  “Oh, so she’s a party girl?”

  “You could say that.” Waiting for a red light to change, Massai looked over at Alexis and asked, “Why are you so concerned about my relationship, anyway? You didn’t even want to ride with me in the first place, and you have made it perfectly clear that this isn’t a date, so why don’t you just sit back and keep your mouth shut?”

  “You don’t have to be rude. I was only trying to make small talk.”

  He laughed. “You can dish it out, but you can’t take it, right?”