Where I Want To Be

by Maryam Diaab

  “That’s fine. I don’t plan to be here long enough to eat a full meal.”

  Kevin looked a little deflated but immediately regained his stride. “Well, I guess I’ll have to make this fast,” he said, folding his hands and placing them on the table. “I just wanted to let you know that it’s over between my wife and me. I filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago and I’ve moved out, rented an apartment not too far from here.”

  Alexis lifted her eyebrows but remained silent, giving him the opportunity to finish.

  “I want us to start over again. This time we’ll put everything out on the table. I’ve given up everything for you, for us, and I want you to give me another chance.”

  “First of all, I never asked you to divorce your wife or leave your mistress for me. Second of all, there is no way in the world I would ever take you back,” she informed him, crossing her arms with finality across her chest.

  “We had some good times, Alexis, and just think about all I could give you.”

  She laughed and shook her head, “Yes, Kevin, we did have some good times, but if you really think about it all those times were lies. I don’t even know the real Kevin Washington.”

  “Use this as the opportunity to get to know the real me. I promise that you won’t be disappointed.”

  “Are you saying you want to date me?”

  “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”

  “That’s impossible,” she said, sitting back and slowly sipping her mimosa.

  “Why?” he asked, frustration and a deflated ego written all over his face.

  “I’m seeing someone. I am not the type to get involved with two people at the same time.”

  “You’re seeing someone? How can you be seeing someone when we just broke up a month ago?” Kevin said, sounding irate.

  “Lower your voice, Kevin. People are beginning to stare.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, taking a breath to regain his composure. “I’m just really confused here.”

  “What is there to be confused about? You are married, you have two kids and now you’re angry because I’ve moved on? You’ve got to be joking.”

  “I just don’t understand how you could meet someone so fast.”

  “Things happen, and when it’s right…it’s right.”

  “Alexis, that is exactly how I feel about you. We are definitely right for each other.”

  “You’re delusional, Kevin.”

  “So who is this guy? I know he can’t take care of you like I can,” he said, playing the money card.

  “Kevin, I am quite capable of taking care of myself.”

  “Oh, I don’t doubt that. But a woman like you should only work if she wants to, and the man that she is with should be in the position to provide for her.”

  “I’m not for sale.”

  “So basically what you’re trying to tell me is that he’s broke?” he asked, chuckling.

  Alexis reached for her purse and stood, preparing to leave. “I am so glad I found out about you before things went any further between us. You are definitely not the man I thought you were.”

  * * *

  Ninety-nine percent effective is what the back of the pink and white box promised. Eva had never trusted these home-pregnancy tests and, even though she had never been steered wrong by one, she was still skeptical. As a nurse, she knew that the blood tests given in hospitals and doctor’s offices were a bit more reliable than peeing on a stick.

  Another minute ticked by and she silently prayed that she was finally getting the outcome she wanted. With trembling hands, she lifted the digital stick from the counter, sent one last prayer up to God and slowly looked at the stick. New and improved pregnancy tests were straight to the point; gone were the days of trying to decipher fading pink and blue lines. This type of test was clear, accurate and completely unmistakable. She was not pregnant.

  Though both disappointed and angry, Eva was not surprised by the negative result shown on the test stick. Massai wouldn’t lay so much as a finger on her, and when she was with Carlos they used condoms faithfully. She angrily tossed the stick across the immaculate bathroom and nearly screamed out in frustration. She was running out of time, options and ideas.

  “Eva!” he called from the bathroom door, making her pull herself together—if only for a little while. She quickly got down on all fours, looking for the discarded test. She scooped up the packaging and stuffed everything into the very back of her personal drawer.

  Eva exited the bathroom and her mouth immediately dropped open in shock. Massai’s Louis Vuitton duffle bags were open on the bed and overflowing with clothes, shoes and toiletries. She clearly remembered checking his travel schedule, always on the refrigerator, earlier in the week and couldn’t remember him having any trips scheduled.

  “Going somewhere? she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the armoire, trying to appear more calm, collected and in control than she really was.

  “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” he said, closing both duffle bags before turning to face her.

  “I’m listening.”

  “I’ve met someone,” he said simply, looking her directly in the eye to gauge her reaction.

  “I knew it,” she said, laughing bitterly.

  “I’m in love with her.”

  “So just forget about me, huh?”

  “Our relationship has been over for months, Eva.”

  “I don’t think that’s true, Massai. Every couple has problems, and we just need to take the time to work them out.”

  “I’ll be gone for four days, and I want you gone by the time I get back,” he informed her, slinging the bags over his shoulder.

  “Are you serious?” she shrieked.

  “Completely serious. I’ve had enough and I deserve to be happy, to be with someone who wants to be with me, not for what I can do for her.”

  “And you’re so sure this woman is in it for love?”

  “I’m sure you’re not, and right now that’s all I need to know.”

  “Massai, what am I supposed to do? Where am I supposed to go?”

  “Why don’t you stay with the guy you’ve been sleeping with for the past six months?”

  The blunt comment nearly threw Eva, but she quickly recovered. “There is no guy I’m seeing, there’s only you. There has always been only you,” she asserted confidently.

  “You may think I’m stupid, but I’m not. I don’t know his name, but I know he exists.”

  “That’s not true, Massai,” she disagreed, her voice desperate.

  “Stop lying. It’s over. Done. I’m leaving, and I don’t want you here when I come back.”

  Eva stared at his retreating figure and then at the empty hall. The birds had stopped chirping outside the window and the sun was setting, a pink and orange haze coloring the sky. It had finally happened. She was going to lose everything she had worked so hard to earn. She conceded that earn may have been a bit of a stretch, but the word was actually accurate. It took work to lie, connive and manipulate day after day without slipping up and getting caught.

  Massai was right; she really didn’t love him and never had. He was just a gateway to a life that she had always wanted. Even though she knew he wasn’t her type, she couldn’t pass up such a chance. Eva had come to have a certain fondness for him; she thought he was adorable, funny, smart, athletic and kind, but he just wasn’t her cup of tea. She liked someone rougher, a bad boy who made it perfectly clear that she was lucky to be with him, not the other way around. She felt that he was weak, passive and easily manipulated, and those flaws made it very easy for her to get everything she wanted out of him, no matter what the cost.

  She glanced at the phone, debating whether she should call Carlos. She sensed lately that he was tiring of her schemes and problems with Massai, so she decided against confiding in him for now.

  Eva looked around the room and noticed that someone, either Massai or the twice-weekly cleaning lady, had brought out her tan G
ucci luggage from her walk-in closet and placed each piece neatly by the door. The suitcases, trolley and garment bag had cost around fifteen thousand dollars. The very same items that had given her so much joy the day she had purchased them were now mocking her.

  “Aahh!” Eva screamed, running over to the leather bags and kicking them, hurting her right foot in the process.

  With white-hot pain shooting through her foot and up to her leg, she limped back to the bed and collapsed on Massai’s pillow. She honestly couldn’t believe or completely grasp what was happening, but knew she had only three days to concoct something so mind-blowing that he would have no choice but to get down on his knees and ask for her forgiveness for being stupid enough to leave her.

  Her heart began to palpitate when she noticed that the top drawer of Massai’s nightstand was partly open. She leaned over and opened the drawer wider and gasped. The condoms that she had poked holes into were missing—all of them gone. She felt around in the drawer behind a hand towel and lubricants but came up empty. Rushing to the wastebasket in the corner near the dresser, she became more panicked when she saw that the crisp, new trash bag was free of trash and condoms.

  “Damn it!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, feeling the sting of her salty tears on her cheek.

  Her plan was about to backfire in a way that she never imagined. If Massai used those condoms with Alexis, then there was a good chance that she would get pregnant and Eva would be left feeling like a bigger fool for having caused it.

  18

  WITH THIS RING

  Alexis felt relieved. Though the ceremony had been one of the most beautiful and emotional she had ever witnessed, she was glad that it was over and the reception at the Roostertail well underway. Of course she was happy for her sister, but during the ceremony she had felt the slightest twinge of jealously as Alicia and her about-to-be husband, Eric, stood in front of God, friends and family to exchange their vows. Alexis stood to the left of Alicia and held the bridal bouquet while Eric slipped the gold and diamond ring on her sister’s finger and pledged to love, honor and care for her for all the days of his life. As her mother was dabbing at her moist eyes, and she felt her own eyes misting up, though not for the same reason as her mother. She knew that her mother was crying because her youngest child was getting married. She reached for the tissue she had cleverly hidden in her bouquet when the grim truth hit her: her sister’s ceremony was probably something she would never experience. Although she had decided to finally let down her guard and give whatever she had with Massai a try, she shied away from thinking it would lead to marriage.

  Alexis ambled over to the window and looked out at the Detroit River. The Roostertail, a nightclub in years past, was now the premier spot for wedding receptions, banquets and other important events. The venue offered gorgeous views from any angle. She looked over at Belle Isle Park with fond memories of playing there as a child.

  “Look at your Uncle Moe over there trying to feel on that lady,” Claire said, joining her at the window. “Somebody needs to tell him that just because the bar is free does not mean he has to drink himself into a stupor.”

  She looked over her shoulder and laughed at the sight of her uncle trying to coax a guest onto the dance floor, tripping over air in the process and crashing into a nearby table. “You know how he is,” she said turning back to the view. “He sweats Wild Irish Rose.”

  They stood in silence for a minute, and then Claire asked, “What do you think about my date?”

  “He’s cute, but a little bit short for you.”

  “I know he’s only five feet, nine inches, but that’s taller than me, and he’s pretty much a good guy. Not long-term material, but a good guy.”

  “Aren’t you ever going to settle down?” Alexis asked, turning around to watch her sister and Eric dance to Brian McKnight on the dimly lit dance floor.

  “Why should I? I’m having a great time just dating and playing the field. Maybe in about five years I’ll consider doing the whole marriage and kids thing, but until then I am going to keep doing what I’m doing.”

  “Aren’t you worried about getting old and being alone?”

  “No, I’m not. Are you?” Claire asked Alexis, really wanting an honest answer.

  “Yup, all the time.”

  “Your situation is self-inflicted, Alexis. You have someone who would do anything to be with you, and you keep blowing him off.”

  “I do not keep blowing Massai off. In fact, just the other day we talked and I told him that I was ready to explore what we have but not until he breaks it off with Eva. I refuse to be the other woman.”

  “He’ll tell her to bounce.”

  “He hasn’t yet.”

  “He will,” Claire assured her. “I think you two are meant for each other.”

  “Please. I don’t believe in any of that crap anymore. Love at first sight, soulmates and all that. Those ideas were developed just to sell more Valentine’s Day cards.”

  “You used to love all that stuff—Valentine’s Day, roses, those sappy-ass movies…”

  “Yeah, but people change.”

  Reeva, the wedding planner, hurried toward them. “Ladies, it’s time for the bridesmaids to pull the fortunes out of the wedding cake,” she said in a bright voice that was becoming a bit annoying after six months of hearing it.

  “Not this shit,” Alexis said bitterly after Reeva left to collect the rest of the bridal party. “The last thing I need is some two-dollar charm telling me I need a hysterectomy.”

  “It’s supposed to be only good fortunes.”

  “I don’t have good luck,” she said, reluctantly making her way over to the cake, her friend on her heels.

  “Stop being so cynical. I’ll wait right over here for you,” Claire said, pointing to a corner seat next to Morgan.

  She pulled up her pale-blue strapless Ramona Keeva maid of honor gown before it slipped any further and exposed her breast to the guests. She cursed Alicia under her breath for making her wear this while all the other members of the bridal party were fortunate enough to have straps on their gowns.

  Reeva led a slightly frowning Alexis to the three-tiered wedding cake and handed her a ribbon matching the shade of her dress. Alicia’s attendants were giggling with anticipation; Alexis was thinking it was the dumbest thing she had ever taken part in.

  “Alexis,” Morgan said in a stage whisper from the corner, “smile! You look ridiculous standing up there like you have to take a shit!”

  “I feel ridiculous. This whole thing is ridiculous.”

  “Shh!” admonished one of the excited bridesmaids standing closest her.

  She was getting ready to give her the finger, but Alicia grabbed the microphone and began instructing her attendants.

  “Each bridesmaid will pull their ribbon and will receive a charm that will tell her future. All the fortunes are good ones, because I want each and every one of you to end up just as happy as I am,” Alicia gushed. “Now on the count of three, ladies: one…two…three!”

  The five other women in blue silk snatched their ribbons out of the cake as if their lives depended on it, while Alexis yanked hers and didn’t even bother to look at the charm in her hand.

  “Look, I got a ring,” Alicia’s best friend, Tamara said, gently holding her charm in her palm. “I’m the next to get engaged!”

  “I got a four-leaf clover for luck!”

  “Mine is a couple in love. I think it means that I’m the next to marry!”

  The girls’ excited squeals did nothing to improve Alexis’s sour moor. Rolling her eyes, she walked over to where Claire and Morgan were waiting for her.

  “Which one did you get?” Claire asked, laughing at her friend’s lack of enthusiasm. She shrugged and tossed the charm to her.

  Morgan looked on as Claire held the charm up to the light for a closer look. “Oh, my God!” they both exclaimed.

  “What? What is it?” she asked, reacting to the horrified looks on their faces. “
I told you I would get the grim reaper charm!” she said, snatching the ribbon from Claire. “Let me see.”

  Alexis held the tiny silver charm at eye level and what she saw made her feel light-headed and sick to her stomach. A small, silver baby carriage was tied to the ribbon.

  “What the hell is this supposed to mean?” she asked, laughing nervously.

  “It means that you’ll be next to have a baby,” Morgan said cautiously.“Bullshit!” she said, tossing the charm back at Claire as if it were red-hot. Instead of reaching out to catch it, Claire took a frantic step back, letting the ominous charm fall with a soft clang to the floor. Morgan gazed at it as if transfixed by its supposed power.

  “I am not pregnant!” she insisted, shaking her head.

  “Are you sure?” Morgan asked, quickly picking up the charm from the floor when Alicia walked past and gave the three of them the evil eye.

  “Of course I’m sure. I haven’t even had sex in the past month,” she said, taking a seat and still shaking her head.

  “It’s just superstition. It’s silly,” Claire said, nonetheless refusing to hold the charm.

  “Exactly. That’s why I didn’t want to do it in the first place.”

  “What didn’t you want to do?” a deep and very familiar voice asked, coming up behind Alexis and causing her breath to catch in her throat. Her heart began to beat faster, her cheeks became warm and tingled with unexpected happiness.

  “Hey, Massai, you made it!” Claire exclaimed, turning around in her seat and patting his hand.

  “You knew he was coming?” Alexis asked in disbelief.

  “Of course I knew. Who do you think told him where the reception was?”

  Alexis was speechless. The last time they’d spoken, Massai had told her that he planned to take it easy this weekend. She was completely surprised.

  “Are you going to give me a kiss, a hug, a handshake? Anything?” Massai asked, smiling down at her like the cat that swallowed the canary.

  Words and movement failed her. She clearly remembered telling Massai that she didn’t think it would be a good idea for him to visit Detroit until he had settled things with Eva and now there he was, standing in front of her in a tuxedo with a dimpled smile so bright it was blinding. He looked better than a knight in shining armor.