Where I Want To Be

by Maryam Diaab

  “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, I was ready to go when that lady I was dancing with touched my butt the first time.”

  Alexis put her head against the cool glass of the window. “I must be coming down with the flu or something. I feel terrible,” she said, clutching her bubbling stomach.

  “Dizzy, nauseated and tired…maybe you’re pregnant.” He laughed as if he was at a Chris Rock comedy show.

  “Kevin, I don’t find anything funny,” she said, glaring at him.

  “Didn’t you tell me that you pulled a baby charm from your sister’s wedding cake?”

  “I threw that stupid thing away a long time ago.”

  “That doesn’t make it any less true. Maybe the baby’s mine,” he fantasized.

  “Even if I am pregnant, which I’m not, the baby would not be yours. We haven’t slept together in almost six months.”

  “So it’s Massai’s baby? Somebody you don’t even talk to,” he said jealously.

  “You keep talking about some baby that doesn’t even exist. And what are you getting so huffy-puffy about? You have two kids you have to pay child support for already.”

  “Yeah, but the idea of you having some other man’s baby just doesn’t sit well with me. Wouldn’t we make beautiful kids?”

  “You are getting way ahead of yourself. Number one, there is no baby. Number two, there is no way I would ever have your baby. And number three, I am not now, nor have I ever been pregnant.”

  “So you would have Massai’s baby?”

  “Are you listening to me? I AM NOT PREGNANT!”

  “I think you are.”

  “What is wrong with you? How many times do I have to say—” Alexis was cut off by the sudden urge to vomit. Breathing deeply, she waited until the feeling passed.

  “Alexis, are you okay?” he asked, glancing at her with concern.It was time to face the obvious. All the signs were there, and she knew that she could no longer tell herself that her missing period was due to stress. There wasn’t enough stress in the world to make her two months late.

  “I’m okay,” she whispered.

  “We’re here,” he said, pulling his car into a spot next to hers. “Do you need me to walk you up?”

  “No, no, I’ll be okay. Probably just caught a bug from one of my students,” Alexis said. “I’m going to go get a box of Tylenol PM and then just sleep. I’ll be fine. Call me tomorrow.”

  She got into her car and drove to CVS. Not for Tylenol, but for a pregnancy test.

  Alexis’s hand trembled as she placed the test stick into the Dixie cup. This was her third attempt to take the test. The first two failed because she was shaking so badly that instead of wetting the test stick, she peed all over her hand.

  She held the stick in her right hand and emptied the cup with her left. Less than thirty seconds had passed since she accurately executed the test, but she couldn’t wait. She flipped the stick over and felt light-headed again when she saw two clear, solid blue lines. She matched the lines to the picture on the box to confirm that she was indeed pregnant.

  “Oh, shit,” she said quietly.

  She stared at the positive stick and held it until her fingers were numb. Alexis closed her eyes, hoping she would wake up from this nightmare. But this was her reality, and there was no waking up. Alexis thought it was funny how one decision made in a split second could change the rest of one’s life.

  A baby.

  Questions without ready answers popped into her head: How far along was she? Would it be a boy or a girl? Whom would the baby look like? She placed her hand on her stomach and tried to imagine herself with a swollen belly and that radiant, mother-to-be glow.

  Many women her age and in her situation would immediately call a clinic to schedule an abortion appointment. No husband and little money spelled the two words Alexis most dreaded: stress and struggle. Although she had vowed never to be in a situation where she would become a baby mama, everything didn’t always work out as one hoped and, for Alexis, terminating this pregnancy was not an option.

  She felt totally and completely alone. She needed someone to talk to, but looking around her empty apartment she was all too aware that there was no one to confide in.

  She picked herself up off the bathroom floor and hurried into the bedroom, telling herself that now was not the time to be stubborn and embarrassed about the predicament she had gotten herself into. She punched in Claire’s cellphone number and waited for her oldest friend to answer.

  “Oh, my God, I know this isn’t Alexis Hunter calling me? Has hell frozen over?” she laughed.

  “I’m sorry I haven’t called in so long, but I was angry,” Alexis said, apologizing immediately.

  “Well, I’m sorry that I wasn’t a supportive friend. Now is this silly beef over and done with?”

  “It should have never started in the first place.”

  “I totally agree,” Claire said. “Now I hope you haven’t planned the entire wedding without Morgan and me. I know we had our reservations in the beginning, but we both realized that if Massai makes you happy, then that’s all that matters.”

  “Can you and Morgan swing by here for a little while?” Alexis asked, not wanting to tell them everything that had been going on over the phone. She was on the verge of breaking down.

  “I’m supposed to be meeting someone. Remember the little short guy I was with at Alicia’s wedding?”

  “Claire, it’s important. I really need to talk to the two of you.” She wiped her tear-filled eyes.

  “Are you crying?” Claire asked, her voice slightly panicked. “We’ll be there in a half an hour.”

  * * *

  “What’s going on?” Morgan asked as she and Claire rushed through Alexis’s front door.

  “I can’t believe this is happening,” she said, breaking down again.

  “Take a deep breath, calm down, stop being so emotional and dramatic and tell us exactly what happened,” Claire said, trying to keep her friend composed.

  “Massai and I broke up because Eva is pregnant and he didn’t tell me until almost a month after he found out and I just took a pregnancy test and now I’m pregnant, too.” She blurted out the entire story in one breath, knowing that if she had taken her time she would have never finished.

  The room was completely silent. So silent, in fact, that Alexis could hear a piano being played in the apartment downstairs and a couple arguing next door. Normally, hearing a life-changing revelation, Claire and Morgan would have nonstop questions and comments, but this time was different. Both were at a loss for words.

  “Did you hear me?” Alexis finally asked, after standing in front of her friends for what seemed like an eternity and getting no response.

  “Of course we heard you, but I don’t think we believe you,” Morgan said, sitting down on the chaise and looking at her friend.

  “I would not make up something like this.”

  “Well, what are you going to do?” Claire asked, also sitting down.

  “I don’t know. That’s why I called the two of you.”

  “Abortion is out of the question?” Morgan asked, already knowing what her friend’s answer would be.

  “I’m having the baby,” she answered emphatically.

  “What does Massai say? What role does he plan on having?”

  “I haven’t told him yet! That’s what I need some advice on. Should I tell him or not?”

  “What kind of question is that? Of course you have to tell Massai; he’s the father. Are you going to have a child and not tell it who the father is?” Claire asked.

  “And what about money? If you don’t tell him, he’s going to get off without paying a dime in child support,” Morgan added.

  “Money is not what this is about for me.”

  “What is it about then? How are you going to take care of this child without some support from its daddy? Its very rich daddy?”

  “I’m not sure I want to add any more drama to an already drama-filled situation.
I think it would be better to leave Massai, Eva and their baby alone. Let them be a happy family.”

  “But where does that leave you?” Claire wondered.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  “So are you saying that you really aren’t going to tell him?” Morgan asked.

  “Yes, that’s exactly what I saying,” Alexis declared. “There is no point in causing more trouble.”

  “That’s crazy. You’re being selfish and stubborn, as usual,” Claire said sharply.

  “I really think you should tell him. For your baby’s sake if nothing else,” Morgan said, quickly abandoning the idea of millions in child support.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “If you don’t tell him, I will. I’ll call Malik, get his number and tell him. I cannot stand around and let you do something so terrible.” Claire meant every word she said.

  “You would not do that,” Alexis said, looking at her friend in disbelief.

  “Oh, yes, I would. What you’re trying to do is not fair to anyone involved—the baby, Massai or you. Why don’t we say that if you don’t tell him by the time you’re six months, I can call him?”

  “You can’t do that, Claire,” she said, becoming upset. “Telling Massai is not your place!”

  “It may not be my place, but it is in the best interest of my niece or nephew. Now as I said before, tell him or I will.”

  30

  CONFRONTATIONS

  Massai waited patiently in the hall just outside his bedroom for Eva to come out. He had asked her out on the pretext of having lunch, but he really intended to take her to Dr. Warner’s office. He wasn’t sure how Eva would react when he asked her to take a blood test in his presence, but at this point he really didn’t care. Today was the day he would find out the truth.

  “I’m ready,” Eva said, rushing out zipping her purse. “I can’t believe you’re taking me to lunch, Massai. I mean, it’s like you’re doing a 180-degree turn. A couple of days ago, you wouldn’t even look at me and now you’re taking me on a date.” Her smile was as wide as a Cheshire cat’s.

  “I just decided it takes more energy to be angry than it does to be happy. Right now I’m all about making my life easier, and I realized that I could do that by accepting the fact that you’re pregnant,” he said as they walked down the stairs and out to his Mercedes G Wagon.

  “That’s what I’ve been saying all along. I knew you would come around, though.” She sat down in the passenger’s seat, and Massai closed the door behind her. “So where are we going?” she asked happily, turning on the radio.

  “Somewhere new. Someone called me yesterday and recommended this place.”

  “Oh, okay. I like surprises.”

  “This is definitely a surprise,” he said, driving through the streets of New Orleans.

  “I’m just glad that you’re starting to think rationally about this whole situation.”

  Eva continued her chattering on the drive to Dr. Warner’s office. The sound of her voice had become like fingernails on a chalkboard, and the more she talked about baby bibs, diapers and bottles, the higher his speedometer rose.

  “So I’m assuming that the new leaf you’re turning over means that Alexis is no longer a factor in your life?”

  He flinched when she uttered his ex-fiancée’s name. “What are you talking about?”

  “I’m talking about Alexis. You know, the girl you’ve been crying over these past few months.”

  “Eva, you’ve never seen me cry,” he said, not appreciating the way she was exaggerating.

  “You know what I mean. You didn’t cry, but you were pretty upset.”

  “Finding out you were pregnant and losing Alexis the way I did was difficult,” Massai said, parallel parking across the street from the doctor’s office. “Anyway, all that’s over and done with, and now I’m looking toward the future.”

  She seemed to have stopped listening to him and was looking out of the passenger-side window. “Massai, I thought you said we were going to lunch?”

  “I did, but first we need to run into Dr. Warner’s office. He just wants to take a quick look at my knee. It’s been bothering me lately.”

  Eva looked at him skeptically. “I’ll wait for you in the car,” she said slowly.

  “No, no come on. We’ll only be a minute, and Dr. Warner would love to meet you.”

  “Massai…” she whined.

  “Come on. With you there, I’ll be sure to make it quick. I know we’ve got to get that baby some lunch,” he said, laying it on thick.

  “Fine, but I do not want to be in here all day.”

  He breathed a silent sigh of relief when she got out and followed him across the street to the doctor’s office.

  “How are you, Mr. Taylor?” the receptionist asked. “Dr. Warner is just finishing up with a patient. Go on back to room six, and he’ll be with you in a few minutes.”

  For the first time, he felt nervous about what he was going to do. Being unsure about how Eva would react made him consider that his plan might not go as well as he wanted. He already sensed that she suspected something. On a normal day, there would be nothing that could keep her from introducing herself as his one and only, but now he practically had to drag her into the doctor’s office.

  “How long is this going to take?” she complained, sitting down in a black visitor’s chair as soon as they reached room six.

  “Only a second. All he has to do is look at my knee, and then we’re leaving for lunch.”

  “Good afternoon,” Dr. Warner said, entering the room and extending his hand to Massai.

  “Dr. Warner, thanks so much for fitting me in.”

  “No problem, no problem,” the doctor said, turning to Eva. “So this must be the lovely lady I keep hearing so much about.”

  Massai forced a smile, “Dr. Warner, this is Eva. Eva, this is Dr. Warner.”

  He purposely left off the “girlfriend”. That was still reserved for Alexis, even though she wouldn’t speak to him.

  After exchanging pleasantries with Eva, the doctor turned to him. “Shall we get started, then?”

  There was a light knock on the door, and a nurse entered without waiting for a response. Eva’s expression changed from confusion to horror when she saw the nurse’s syringes, vials and latex gloves tucked neatly inside her red carrying case.

  “What’s going on, Massai? They don’t need to take any blood to look at your knee.”

  “I need you to take a pregnancy test,” he said, looking directly into her eyes and trying to read her reaction.

  “What?” She chuckled nervously. Eva was never one to make a scene out in public and was doing everything in her power to remain calm, although she was clearly not in control of the situation.

  “I want you to take a pregnancy test,” he repeated, waiting for the backlash to begin.

  “This is ridiculous. I’ve already taken several pregnancy tests, and they were all positive. You’ve seen them.” She was beginning to panic, and knew that Massai noticed.

  “Look, I’m tired of the games and the lies, Eva. Yesterday I got a phone call from someone named Carlos who said that maybe you’re not as pregnant as you claim to be.”

  “Who the hell is he?” she asked, becoming loud. She couldn’t believe Carlos had dropped dime on her, and if it was the last thing she did, she would repay him for his betrayal.

  “You tell me who Carlos is, Eva. He knew a lot about our relationship, so the two of you must be very close.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, playing dumb. “Whoever this Carlos person is, he’s probably just jealous of what we have. Let’s go home and forget this craziness.”

  “How can someone you don’t know be jealous? You’re slipping. I thought you were a better liar than this.”

  Massai watched her coming apart at the seams, and the more frantic and flustered she became, the more relaxed and calm Massai was. It felt good to know that he was closing in on the truth.
r />   “He’s probably some insane fan or something, or maybe a friend of Alexis’s. How am I supposed to know?” she hollered, throwing her hands up.

  “Why don’t Nurse Sims and I step out for a moment? That way, Eva, you can collect yourself and the two of you can discuss this in private,” Dr. Warner said, ushering the nurse out. When the heavy wooden door snapped shut, Eva lashed out, her eyes flashing.

  “I cannot believe you would embarrass me like that. They’re probably in the hallway laughing at me right now.”

  “Take the test,” he said simply.

  “Why should I? Because some wacko got your phone number and told you that I’m not pregnant? I don’t think so. I don’t have anything to prove here. You’ve seen the test results, and that should be enough.”

  “Take the test or get the hell out of my life. I will not sit by and let you destroy everything for me, especially if there is no baby.”

  “Massai, you can’t do this to me,” she said, not knowing what her next move should be. For the first time since she’d known him, he had the upper hand; this was not something she was prepared for. She only had two options: to take the test or not take the test, and either way the outcome would be the same.

  “Take the test.”

  Eva felt sweat dripping down her arm, and her right leg began to shake. She knew that she was pushed up against the wall and the only thing left to do, the only thing she knew how to do, was to attack.

  “I’m not taking this shit, Massai, and you ain’t shit for asking me to.” She had decided to lay all the cards out on the table. She knew that the relationship she had with him had just come to a screeching halt, but she would not leave being the only one hurt and embarrassed. “So what if I’m not pregnant?” She yelled loud enough for the whole office to hear her. “And thank God I’m not, because the last thing I would want is a baby to take after your weak ass.”

  He didn’t respond; instead, he observed her changing in front of him. She was not the same cool, composed, beautiful woman he thought he knew. She was becoming someone very different right before his eyes; he was finally getting a sense of the real Eva Norris.