The Lamp: A Novel by Jim Stovall With Tracy J Trost

by Jim Stovall

  Stanley started to run down the driveway. His heart was filled with fear and dread.

  Stanley yelled frantically, “Eddy! Stop!”

  Stanley was startled awake and realized he had, once again, relived the worst moment of his life. He was covered with sweat as he looked around the room to orient himself. He had woken up, once again, from the hideous nightmare in his son’s room, surrounded with all of the memories.

  The clock read 5:23 A.M.. Stanley was exhausted as he rolled out of bed. He had hoped that the inspiration of writing the night before might have vanquished the recurring dreams of that fateful day with Eddy.

  Stanley put on the clothes he had worn the day before and walked down the hallway and out of the house.

  Lisa woke up alone in the master bedroom. She thought she had heard something, but she couldn’t be sure.

  Lisa got out of bed and faced the new day with more hope and optimism than she had felt in a long time. The thought of Stanley writing again lifted her spirits.

  After going through her morning routine of showering and dressing, Lisa went to the kitchen for her customary and necessary cup of coffee. As she entered the kitchen, she saw Cooper lying near the back door. His tail thumped a greeting on the floor.

  Lisa downed her coffee quickly, and as she was putting the cup in the sink, she glanced out the window and saw Stanley walking out of the garage and heading down the driveway carrying tied bundles of old newspapers.

  Lisa spoke to herself. “Well, I’ll be.”

  Cooper responded with more of his wagging tail thumping the floor.

  Lisa turned to him and said, “Go help Daddy, Coop, old boy.”

  Cooper stood up on cue, moved to the back door where a ball was tied to a string connected to the door knob. Cooper grasped the ball in his mouth and backed up which opened the door. He rushed out the door and down the steps toward Stanley.

  Lisa watched Stanley and Cooper playing for a few moments. Then she gathered her things to get ready for work. As she went into the home office to get her car keys, Lisa stared at the back of the computer monitor. She listened to the silent house for a moment and then glanced around to make sure no one was watching. As she rounded the desk under the guise of reaching for her car keys, she sort of, accidentally, and kind-of-on-purpose hit the computer mouse so the image of a beach scene screensaver was replaced with the lines that Stanley had written the night before.

  Lisa uttered a false and insincere, “Oops.”

  She smiled at the words MONEY, WISHES, and paragraphs of writing below. She was excited about the prospect of Stanley getting back to work, but all of a sudden she was overcome by the feeling that she wasn’t alone.

  Lisa glanced toward the office door and saw Cooper standing there, staring at her.

  She stared back at him for a moment, then asked impatiently, “What?”

  She knew she was busted as Cooper continued to stare at her with his penetrating eyes. She picked up her car keys and began to leave.

  She glanced down at Cooper and said, “You keep your mouth shut.”

  She bent down, kissed Cooper on the top of his head, and rushed off to work.

  Lisa could never explain to anyone how much those few words on the computer screen meant to her. For months on end, there had been nothing but a blank computer screen in their home office which signaled hopelessness and despair. Now, the sight of words on the screen shouted out the possibility of something better ahead.

  Lisa was struck by the fact that, in the midst of grief and depression, it took so little to bring hope back into the picture. She wasn’t convinced that everything would be all right or even get back to the way it had been before. But for the first time in a long time, Lisa thought they might survive.

  CHAPTER 18

  Stanley felt good to be busy doing something even if it was as mundane as making progress cleaning out his garage. It seemed to be a matter of two steps forward and one step back.

  He was excited that he had been able to write the previous night for the first time in a long time, but the reoccurring nightmare involving Eddy and the tragedy was still there.

  Then there was Charles and the bizarre thought of getting three wishes from a guy who apparently came from a magic lamp.

  Stanley sat some boxes aside and placed a few on the driveway to deal with later. He noticed Josh and Rachel approaching the garage.

  Josh called from the edge of the driveway. “Hey, Mr. Stan.”

  Stanley waved a greeting and replied, “Wasn’t sure you were going to show.”

  Josh answered, “You said you needed help.”

  “Yeah,” Stanley said. “I just didn’t think you were serious.”

  Josh shrugged, dismissed Stanley’s comments, and asked, “So, what are we doing today?”

  “Well,” Stanley replied as he surveyed the scene in the garage. “We need to go through all of these boxes and see what’s in them. Then we’ll decide what to get rid of and what to keep.”

  Josh nodded and agreed. “OK.”

  As Stanley and Josh began looking into boxes and sorting the contents, Rachel walked over to Cooper and began to play. As she started to pet Cooper, he broke away from her and trotted to the back of the garage, picked up a beat-up ball, and returned to Rachel with the ball in his mouth.

  Stanley stared in disbelief. He was clearly surprised by Cooper’s actions.

  Stanley declared, “Would you look at that.”

  Josh looked up but couldn’t see anything out of the ordinary and asked, “What?”

  Cooper dropped the ball at Rachel’s feet. She promptly set her rag doll aside, pounced on the ball, picked it up, and threw it for Cooper to fetch. Cooper dutifully raced after the ball.

  Both Stanley and Josh stared at the scene open-mouthed.

  Stanley exclaimed, “He hasn’t brought that ball out in…years”

  Stanley thought of how Cooper and Eddy used to play fetch with that same ball for hours at a time.

  Josh looked at Rachel and cried, “Wow!”

  Stanley asked, “What?”

  Josh pointed at Rachel and answered, “It’s Rachel. She’s never let go of that doll. Miss Esther even has to put it in a plastic bag when she takes a bath.”

  Stanley and Josh looked on in amazement as Cooper returned with the ball, dropped it at Rachel’s feet, and she promptly threw it again.

  Stanley muttered to himself, “Way to go, Coop.”

  Stanley and Josh resumed their task of sorting through boxes. Then he turned when he heard rustling paper, and Josh giggle. Josh was looking at pictures she had found in one of the boxes.

  Stanley asked defensively, “What are you laughing at?”

  Josh held up one of the photos and said, “This picture.”

  Stanley saw her holding up a picture of him in high school, wearing a suit jacket with wide lapels and sporting a mullet haircut.

  Stanley feigned annoyance saying, “Hey, you hush up.” Then he chuckled and continued, “That was the style in those days.”

  Josh laughed and asked, “So, is this in the keep pile or the throw away pile?”

  Stanley considered it for a moment, then said, “Unfortunately, keep.”

  Stanley picked up one of the boxes and moved it into the orderly row he had started along the wall.

  Josh looked into another box and asked, “Mr. Stan?”

  Stanley peered at her and answered encouragingly, “Yes.”

  Josh thought for a minute and spoke solemnly. “I was thinking…about what we talked about yesterday. I want to change my wish.”

  Stanley was intrigued. “OK.” He asked, “What would you like to change it to?”

  Josh answered confidently, “I was thinking about what is really important to me. I would wish for a family…like you and Mrs. Stan have.”

  Stanley was taken by surprise and asked incredulously, “Like what?”

  Josh explained as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Like you have. I mean l
ook at all you have. You have a beautiful house, a great dog, nice neighbors.” She put extra emphasis on nice neighbors as she completed her thought. “You have everything anyone could want.”

  Stanley was dumbfounded. This had been the farthest thought from his mind.

  He finally stammered, “I guess I hadn’t considered it that way.”

  Josh continued to justify her position, stating, “Your wife works so you can play all day. Yeah, the way I see it, you’ve got it made.”

  Stanley stood motionless, just contemplating Josh’s words and the images they invoked. Josh was oblivious to the impact of her comments, so she continued digging into the boxes.

  Stanley looked at his house and thought about all it represented. Then he looked on as Rachel continued to play fetch with Cooper.

  Josh reached for the next box that was labeled Eddy’s Things. She opened the flaps on the box to reveal a new kid-sized baseball glove laying on top of other items. She pulled the glove out and put it on.

  Josh was reveling in the thought of a new baseball glove. She had been embarrassed by her old glove. It didn’t fit right anymore and was completely worn out. She thought how great it would be to have a glove like this one to show everybody on the team.

  Josh imagined catching a line drive or scooping up a ground ball with this brand-new glove.

  She exclaimed, “Aw, man. A Rawlings QS 436. This is awesome!”

  Josh had been through a lot of trial and tribulation in her short life. She had bounced from one family to another hoping that she could land somewhere where she belonged. She was beginning to feel secure as she had Miss Esther to live with, and she had Rachel to take care of.

  As she stood in Stanley Walters’ garage amid the boxes, enjoying the feel of a new baseball glove, Josh thought things couldn’t get much better. She couldn’t have been more wrong.

  CHAPTER 19

  Stanley’s anger and rage boiled and spilled over as he caught sight of Josh playing casually with Eddy’s prized baseball glove.

  Stanley shouted angrily, “Put that away now!”

  Josh was oblivious and asked, “Why? This is great. Can I use it?”

  Stanley’s tone became ominous and even threatening. “No! Give that to me now!”

  Stanley took two long strides toward Josh and snatched the glove off of her hand. This startled Josh, and she cowered like a whipped pup.

  Stanley towered over her with an expression of rage plastered on his face.

  He scolded, “You don’t just take things that aren’t yours.”

  Stanley examined the glove carefully and then lovingly placed it back in the box and began to close the flaps.

  Josh’s anger and frustration flared.

  She shouted, “Oh yeah? Well, you don’t have to yell at me. That’s not how to treat someone, ya know.”

  Stanley stood his ground and responded, “You just need to keep out of this box.”

  Josh stamped her foot and began walking out of the garage as she railed, “You don’t yell at people like that. And you don’t hit people, either.”

  Stanley was taken aback by the anger in Josh’s voice and confused by her reference to hitting. He stammered, “Wha… Hit? I didn’t…”

  Josh continued. “I thought you were my friend. You don’t treat your friends like that.”

  Stanley was speechless.

  Josh looked toward Rachel and called, “Come on, Rachel. Let’s go.”

  Josh stalked away down the driveway with Rachel following in her wake.

  Josh continued loudly. “You don’t act like that. You don’t hurt your friends.”

  As Rachel hurried to catch up, Cooper followed her out of the garage.

  Stanley snapped his fingers and called, “Coop, stay here.”

  Cooper looked at Stanley, then back toward the retreating girls. He seemed to contemplate for a moment and then trotted after Josh and Rachel.

  Stanley called louder, “Cooper, come. Now!”

  Cooper ignored him and disappeared around the front of the house. Stanley was left all alone in the midst of the mess in his garage.

  Stanley muttered to himself, “Stupid dog.”

  Just when Stanley had thought he was doing better, he unloaded on a helpless kid.

  Stanley surveyed the clutter in his garage and looked at all of the boxes filled with mementos from his past. It seemed to him like he was blaming everyone else for all that had gone wrong in his life.

  Then this weird character, Charles, had shown up, and Stanley had started to think about believing again. His writing had even been going fairly well, and he felt a glimmer of hope and anticipation about his career.

  Stanley contemplated the fact that just when everything seemed to be going better, and he was climbing out of the deep hole he had fallen into, one random act had triggered everything in his mind. Without thinking, he had lashed out at Josh and slid all the way back down to the bottom of his pit of depression.

  Lisa was unaware of the events at home, so she was still filled with hope in the aftermath of recent events. She and Deb had just finished working out in the Pilates studio, and they were toweling the sweat from their faces.

  Deb was trying to get a handle on all of the exciting things Lisa had shared with her.

  Deb said, “OK, let me get this straight. He started cleaning the garage?”

  Lisa nodded emphatically and confirmed, “Yes.”

  Deb continued questioning. “And he is writing again?”

  Lisa nodded again and verified, “Yes.”

  Deb was confused and observed, “You don’t seem very happy about this.”

  Lisa sighed and spoke. “I don’t know what to think. I mean, I have wanted this for the past two years. But to be honest, it scares me.”

  Deb shrugged and asked, “Scares you?”

  Lisa explained, “Yes. He can be so angry. I want him to be better, and I want to help him, but I’m afraid I’m gonna screw it up and just make it worse.”

  Deb asked, “How could you make it worse?”

  Lisa answered, “It’s hard to explain. I see him making progress, and I want to be part of it; but whenever I try to help or talk with him, he just shuts me out and yells at me.”

  Deb gazed at Lisa sympathetically and asked, “So, what are you going to do?”

  Lisa looked and felt as if she had the weight of the world on her shoulders as she admitted, “I don’t know.”

  At that moment, Stanley was in his home office, sitting in front of the computer. He wanted to forget the horrible scene with Josh and try to get in touch with something positive again.

  He typed his thoughts, feelings, and questions without mentally editing them. Words began to flow onto the screen. Stanley could have been there a few moments or a few hours. He was oblivious to his surroundings.

  Finally, when he had reached a stopping point, he went back and looked through what was on the computer screen. It read: FAMILY. Is family more valuable than money? Some would say it is. There were surprisingly orderly paragraphs below that seemed to capture Stanley’s hopes, dreams, and intentions.

  He sat back in his chair and nodded in satisfaction.

  He reached for his water glass on the desk but noticed it was empty. He picked up the glass and headed for the kitchen to get some water. Cooper trailed behind him.

  In the kitchen, Stanley filled his glass at the sink and drank. He gazed out the kitchen window and could clearly see the mess in the garage. Deep inside, Stanley knew what he had to do.

  He walked out the back door and headed for the garage. He wasn’t sure he could make anything better, but—on the other hand—Stanley was convinced that things couldn’t get much worse.

  CHAPTER 20

  Stanley’s mind was made up. It was time to start doing things differently. He knew the only chance that existed to make things better involved changing the way things were. He thought how frightening change always seemed, but compared to living the life they had been living, the fear of c
hange seemed insignificant.

  Stanley strode resolutely into the garage, found the box labeled Eddy’s Things, opened it, and peered inside. There lay Eddy’s prized baseball glove and all it represented. Stanley thought how many memories were attached to that one piece of leather, but as priceless as the memories were, they represented the past, and Stanley knew he had to find a way to live in the present and on into the future.

  He reached in, took out the glove, folded it over, and put it in his back pocket. Without looking back, he walked out of the garage and headed for Miss Esther’s house.

  Stanley had never felt comfortable around Miss Esther and her brood of foster kids, but he thought that if he was going to turn over a new leaf, he might as well turn over several leaves at the same time.

  Stanley walked up on the porch and knocked on Miss Esther’s door. Austin eventually ambled to the door, opened it, and stared blankly at Stanley.

  Stanley realized a greeting from Austin was not going to be forthcoming, so Stanley stammered, “Uh, hi. Is Esther here?”

  Austin continued to stare blankly and eventually grunted, turned, and walked away, leaving Stanley standing alone on the porch.

  A few moments later, which seemed like an eternity, Miss Esther finally came to the door and looked out at Stanley. Stanley could tell instantly from her expression that Miss Esther was not at all pleased to see him.

  She spoke formally in clipped tones. “Hello, Mr. Walters. May I help you?”

  “Hi, Esther.” Stanley inquired, “Do you think I could speak with Josh?”

  Miss Esther replied sternly, “With all due respect, I don’t think it is a good idea for you to talk with her anymore.”

  Stanley sighed in frustration and admitted, “I know. I’m sorry. I lost my temper.”

  Miss Esther explained, “You have to understand Josh’s past. She doesn’t know how to process anger.”

  Stanley nodded and said, “I know I crossed the line. If I could, I would really like to talk with her.”

  Miss Esther shrugged noncommittally and announced, “Well, she’s not here now.”