“Obviously it didn’t work out very well this time. But I’m committed to making this work. That’s a promise I made and having Marina break a promise to me doesn’t give me an excuse to break one to her.”
Regan was quiet for quite a while. “It was nice of you to call.”
“I might not be where you are now, but I was there a few years ago. I really do know what it feels like to have the person you love most break your heart.”
Regan sounded like she might be sniffling away tears. “Yeah. Thanks. I’ve got to go.” And with that, she broke the connection.
Callie sat perfectly still for a few seconds, the phone still in her hand. She and Regan had been talking about exactly the same betrayal, but there was a fierceness, a raw hurt that Regan obviously felt. Callie couldn’t summon that same degree of outrage, and wondered why this had affected Regan so much more profoundly. Regan was probably younger and hadn’t suffered as many blows. Once she’d been through it a few times, it wouldn’t hurt nearly as much.
*
Marina answered her cell phone on the first ring. “What happened?”
“I think you’d better review your other options because the phone call didn’t turn out very well.”
Anxiety permeated Marina’s voice. “Tell me everything.”
“Why don’t you come upstairs, honey?”
“Don’t want to waste time. What happened?”
“It wasn’t a horrible conversation, but she didn’t seem very willing to give Angela another chance.”
“Tell me more! You were on the phone for hours.”
“I was on for about four minutes. She didn’t seem very interested in talking to me and she seemed really pissed off. Obviously, I don’t know her at all, but if I had to bet, I’d bet that she was finished. She said she felt humiliated.”
“Over a harmless fuck? What is wrong with people?”
Callie didn’t comment. To have Marina ask that question indicated a complete lack of understanding of human nature.
Chapter Five
The tension in the apartment over the next few days was just short of unbearable. Marina was short-tempered and edgy, and for the first time, Callie felt nothing but relief when Marina had to leave for San Antonio early on Thursday morning.
After Marina kissed her goodbye, Callie gave in to her urges and stayed in bed. She had some phone calls to make and she was working on finishing a book cover for a local publishing company, but she always did better work when she was under the gun. Just having Marina out of the house made her feel better than she had in days, and she found that her libido was just as happy as the rest of her. She spent almost an hour fantasizing about random women while she touched herself from her shoulders to her knees, relishing the sensation of her own body. Afterwards, while she was showering, it occurred to her that she hadn’t had one image of Marina in her fantasy film reel. That was odd for her, very odd. Thinking of Marina was always part of pleasuring herself. And when had she ever been glad to get her out of the house? This wasn’t good news. If she didn’t want Marina at home and she was afraid to have sex with her…there wasn’t much left.
*
At ten o’clock that night Marina called and Callie could tell that she had good news just by the way she said hello. “They’re not breaking up!”
“You talked to Angela?”
“Yeah, of course I did. The girlfriend sure isn’t going to call me.”
“Right. Stupid question. Did Angela say what happened?”
“Not really, and I didn’t ask. All she said was that they were going to try to make it work.”
“I’m glad. Now maybe you can relax a little bit.”
“I’m the one who’s glad. I think your phone call made a difference. You’re very persuasive when you want to be.”
“Maybe she just loves her.”
“I hope so, and I hope if they ever do break up it’s not because of this. I think I’ve dodged a bullet.”
“Do you…” Callie was afraid to ask the question, but she had to. She had to know. “Do you talk to her much?”
Marina answered very quickly. “No. We have to talk about work, of course, but that’s it.”
That was a lie. It had to be. She knew just how it had gone. Marina had been subtly persistent, calling Angela several times, never about work. Marina wasn’t the kind of person to let the chips fall where they may. And she never let chips fall when she could manipulate them in some way.
Callie went into her office and tried to concentrate on that book cover that was almost due. Thinking about this mess wasn’t helping. It just made her doubt Marina more, and that wasn’t the direction she wanted to go in.
*
Callie was in the kitchen making dinner the next night when Marina arrived home from her trip. As soon as she opened the door she called out happily, “Sweetheart? Where are you?”
Callie went to the doorway and gave Marina a frankly puzzled look. “I’m right here.”
Without even taking her coat off, Marina dashed across the living room and gathered Callie up in her arms. “ I missed you,” she said, kissing all over her face.
Callie giggled while pulling away. “That tickles!”
Marina released her and patted her on the butt as she walked away. “Let’s go out to dinner and celebrate.”
“But I’m making your favorite enchiladas.”
“They’re just as good the next day. Come on. We’ll go someplace really nice. I feel like this is a new beginning.”
Callie looked at her and saw the longing in her eyes. She had a very difficult time saying no to Marina under the best of circumstances, but when she could tell that something was truly meaningful to her, it was impossible. She considered her finances and decided that she could delay the scheduled maintenance on her car for another couple of weeks. “You call and get us reservations and I’ll get ready.” As she passed her, Marina snuck an arm around her waist, held her still and kissed her deeply. Callie tried to respond as she normally would, but it felt forced and she went into their room trying to ignore the dread she felt in the pit of her gut. When one of those forceful kisses didn’t make her tingle—something was very wrong.
*
The next day was rainy and cool, but Marina’s parents were in town and she wanted to go meet them and play golf. Callie knew how to play and was, in fact, better at the game than Marina was, but she didn’t enjoy playing with the Boltons. The family acted like each shot was vital. Because it seemed more like work than play for her, she opted out. But Marina was so disappointed that she made an offer she knew would please her.
“I think I’ll stay home and get your new computer set up. I know you hate doing things like that.”
Marina grinned happily. “It’s not so much that I hate it as that I’m terrible at it. You’re the only techie in this family.”
Callie gave her a quick hug. “I hope your clients don’t know how little you know about technology.”
“I’m a sales person, not a programmer. I have people who can talk tech…thank God.” She went into her office and came back with two laptops. “Just take everything from the old one and throw it onto the new one. You can do that, right?”
Callie smiled. “Yeah, I can do that. It’ll take some time, but it’s not hard. I can work on my own stuff while yours is crunching away.”
“Hey, could you put the contacts from my old phone onto the new computer?”
“Sure. Your old phone had a chip, right?”
“Uhm, a chip is…?”
“Let me see it, honey.”
Marina went to get it, returning a few moments later. “Sorry I don’t pay attention to things like this.”
“It’s fine. This is my field.”
“Are you sure you don’t mind?”
“I don’t mind a bit. Make sure you dress warmly. They’re predicting this might turn to ice.”
“Excellent. If the weather’s bad enough we’ll have the course to ourselves.”
<
br /> “That’s one way to look at it,” Callie said wryly.
*
She wasn’t a snoop. Callie had quite a few qualities she was less than proud of, but she wasn’t a snoop. Hacking into Marina’s old phone was something she never would have done before. But she couldn’t let go of her suspicions, and having them made staying untenable. She didn’t want to know what Angela and Marina talked about. If she’d had the transcripts in front of her she wouldn’t have read them. But she was almost certain that Marina was lying about the length of her relationship with Angela and she wanted…needed to know the truth. She actually felt that snooping might help their relationship because if she found out Marina was telling the truth, she could finally let this all go.
She pulled the chip out of the phone and used a device she’d bought years earlier when she was working in IT that let her pull off all the instant messages stored on the phone. Even the ones that had been erased.
It didn’t take long to find what she was looking for. She went back almost two years to what looked like the beginnings of their flirtation. Her stomach was sour and there was a bitter taste in her mouth as she read random sentences from those early interactions.
She supposed there were business reasons to text someone’s personal phone, but those seemed rare. You texted with a business colleague if you wanted to become her friend, or her lover.
It looked like things stayed at the flirtation stage for a long time, probably six months. But it was clear they had slept together a year and a half ago. A year and a half ago. Right when she’d moved to Dallas. Marina started having an affair…a real affair…not just sex…just after they’d agreed on their rules.
Her heart pounded and she wondered if she might actually pass out. Colors swirled behind her tightly closed eyes, and she bent over putting her head between her knees.
Getting up, she held onto the desk for a few minutes to steady herself, then went into the kitchen and opened a beer. The tiny bubbles tickled her throat, and the sensation of the ice cold liquid distracted her for a few seconds.
She chugged the entire bottle, wishing briefly that she could tolerate Scotch. Once her nerves settled down, she steeled herself to go back into the office and finish her grim task.
She saw quite a few entreaties from Angela begging Marina to be discreet. She also saw a piece of a frantic interaction where Marina was trying to convince Angela that their affair wasn’t going to harm her relationship with Regan. Marina had been the one pushing it. This was all coming from her. Lying, cheating, scum Marina.
Her brain was racing. What to do? Leave now and be gone when she got home? Or stay and talk? The mere thought of that made her stomach turn. Putting her mind on hold was what she needed. Getting into project mode, she went about finishing the routine task of transferring information from one computer to the other by rote. It took her a few hours, and she spent much of that time trying to decide what to do, even though she was desperate to stop the mental clamor. She was so confused, so buffeted by images of Marina’s lying face that she knew she needed some time before she did anything permanent. Rash decisions were never good ones, so she packed up her computer and a few days worth of clothes, then left a brief note for Marina saying she had to go home to deal with a family matter.
Once she was out of the apartment, Callie felt a little better. The air seemed cooler and fresher, and her head cleared somewhat. While she sat in her car, she used her phone to check prices and availability of flights to Phoenix. Because it was last-minute, prices were very high, but she didn’t want to drive for fifteen hours. She made a reservation and hoped she wouldn’t be at the airport all night long because of the rain and wind. Nonetheless, the airport was a better place than her home because Marina wasn’t at the airport.
Chapter Six
Callie waited until she was assured a seat on the last flight of the day to Phoenix before she made a call. She could have chosen her mom or either of her sisters, but she called Terri. They’d known each other for almost twenty years, and there was no one who understood her better, or judged her less. And from where she stood, nothing was more important.
*
At midnight, Terri was faithfully waiting at the arrivals level of the Phoenix airport. She reached across the car and flung the door open as Callie approached. As soon as Callie slid into the car, Terri said, “Do you want to talk about it now, or wait until we get home?”
“I guess now,” Callie said quietly. “There’s a lot I haven’t told you.”
“I figured as much.” Terri gave her a fond smile. “I know you like to keep problems to yourself until you figure them out.”
“I do. But I can’t figure this one out alone.”
*
Because of her frequently changing schedule, Terri had settled into being a night owl, so she was wide awake and ready to listen. They went to the first all-night diner they saw, and Callie ordered a burger, hoping that it would sit well in her somersaulting stomach.
While they ate, Callie went through all of the highlights and the lowlights of the past few weeks, appreciating the sympathetic comments Terri made along the way.
“What do you think you’re going to do?” Terri asked.
“I don’t see that I have any choice.” Pushing her coffee cup away, she stacked her fists on the table and rested her head on them. “How can I maintain any sense of self-respect if I let her lie to me over and over like this?”
Terri reached over and gently rubbed Callie’s back. “Why is this a deal breaker for you?”
Callie turned her head enough to be able to make eye contact. “Lying and cheating isn’t enough?”
“It would be for me, but it surprises me that it is for you.”
“I do have a little self-respect left.” Callie’s cheeks colored and her eyes showed a rare fire.
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. I meant that it makes sense to me that Marina lied. She was just covering her ass and trying to make it sound like less of a big deal than it was. In a way, she was trying to make it easier for you.”
Callie sat up and looked at her friend suspiciously. “I’ve never heard you defend anything that Marina has done.”
“I’m not sure I’m defending her now. I’m just surprised that this is what makes you want to throw in the towel. This all seems like it’s part and parcel of the same crime; and if you forgive her for the crime this seems like it goes along with it.”
“But she lied, Terri.”
“She lied by cheating too. To me, that’s a much bigger issue. But that’s how I look at the world. Monogamy is the only thing that works for me.”
Callie smiled at her fondly. “I know two of your former girlfriends who’d agree that’s your rule.”
“Women are dogs,” Terri said, shaking her head. “I don’t know why you ever got mixed up with one.”
“Men are dogs too. Maybe I should just get a dog.” She tossed her head back and ran her fingers through her hair a few times. “I don’t think a dog would have me given how I must look.”
Terri reached over and pinched her cheek. “You look adorable as always. Now let’s get out of here and get some sleep. We can cut Marina up tomorrow.”
*
The next morning, Callie woke and had to spend a few moments figuring out where she was. She turned and saw Terri also just starting to wake up. “Thanks for letting me sleep with you,” she said, yawning.
“I didn’t want to make you sleep on the couch, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to.”
“You’re a good friend. And as much as I dislike Phoenix, I’m moving back here if Marina and I break up. I like you more than I dislike my hometown.”
Terri put her hands behind her head and lay there contemplatively for a few moments. “How do you decide who’s on the approved list?”
“You really want to know? You’ve always expressed a real disinterest in how we set things up.”
Turning on her side, Terri gazed at Callie in sober refl
ection. “I’m interested. I always have been. But you didn’t ask me for advice when you were first getting together and I didn’t want to pry.”
Callie reached across the space that separated them and ruffled Terri’s dark hair. “Why do you want to pry now?”
“I don’t want to, and if I am, tell me to butt out.”
“You’re not. I’m just curious why you want to know.”
“I think I could understand better if I knew why that skanky slut wouldn’t have been on the list.”
“I don’t think Angela’s a skanky slut. If I’m really being honest, it was probably Marina’s fault.”
Terri turned and lay on her back again. “That’s kind of an amazing thing to hear you say.” She paused a few seconds then added, “I wish you felt you deserved better.”
“Knock it off! I know you care about me, but I’m not with Marina because I’m desperate.”
“I didn’t…”
“Yes, you did.” Callie sat up and poked a finger into Terri’s side. “I deserve a great relationship, and it’s been great up until now.”
“It has? Great?”
Terri looked so unconvinced that she scrambled for examples of how great things had been. When she couldn’t think of any immediately, she shifted to what seemed more important. “I’m really into her. I’m not sure why, but I am. She turns me on more than anybody I’ve ever been with, and having good sex is very important to me.” That sounded weak. Terri would never buy it.
But Terri held her hands up in surrender. “Sorry. Sorry. I don’t mean to judge you.
Callie softened her hand and absently patted Terri. “It’s okay. I can see why you might think I’m settling. But I don’t think I am.”
Terri smirked. “So tell me how a person who goes ballistic over some pretty minor unfaithfulness with a guy winds up with a woman who refuses to be faithful—while not settling.”
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