When Callie came out of her bathroom, she saw Marina waiting, a bright-eyed look of anticipation on her face. She recognized what that look meant, but lovemaking wasn’t going to happen. Marina had a lot of work to do to make her feel safe again. And until she had some confidence that Marina would honor their agreement, she wasn’t going to be intimate with her. Not again. But rather than refuse an overture, something she’d never done, she made clear what she needed. Snuggling up to Marina’s side she draped both an arm and a leg across her body. “I missed you. I missed having you hold me and feeling your warmth when I wake up in the middle of the night. Can we start there and work our way back into being intimate?”
“Okay,” Marina said without hesitation. “Sure. I’ll do anything you want to get back to where we were.”
Callie tilted her head and kissed Marina, making sure the kiss was devoid of sexual suggestion. “Maybe we can do even better than that.”
If they couldn’t, there wasn’t much point in continuing.
*
The next afternoon Callie returned a phone call from her dad. “Hi, Dad. Thanks for calling to check up on me.”
“I’ve been worried about you, Chicklet. What’s going on?”
“Well, Marina came back from her trip and I guess we’re gonna try to start over. She seems very contrite, so we’ll see.”
“Hmm, you don’t sound very upbeat. Are you sure you want to give her another chance?”
“Yeah, I guess so.” She paused a moment, then added with a short laugh, “That didn’t sound too emphatic, did it.”
“No, it didn’t.” He sounded tentative when he asked, “Is Marina pressuring you?”
“Yeah, I suppose so. But not in a bad way. She’s been very remorseful. Much more than I thought she’d be. That’s been the key.”
“Well, as a guy who’s been in her position, I’m glad you’re giving her another chance. I’d have given anything to get one.”
“I know that,” Callie said quietly. “And, even though I know Mom had every right to do what she did, that’s been in the back of my mind.”
“Now, don’t try to compare apples and oranges here. To be honest, what I did was worse.”
“Worse? You’ve gotta be kidding.”
“I wish I was. But the way I see it, Marina just stepped out of line. I broke out of line and ran, knowing I could lose everything if I got caught. I think that’s a hell of a lot worse.”
Callie didn’t reply for a few moments. She considered the accuracy of her dad’s statement. He had been playing with four lives when he cheated, and the repercussions had sent shock waves that still reverberated. When compared with that, Marina really hadn’t done anything very serious. All they had to do was wipe the slate clean and get back to a position of trust. Maybe her dad was right. All Marina had done was have sex with someone she shouldn’t have. There were worse things a person could do.
Chapter Four
Marina was in Dallas for the entire week, and by the end of it she and Callie were, at least on the surface, back to normal. They still hadn’t made love, but Callie knew that Marina would be receptive if she gave her any indication that she was ready.
Callie was on the phone with her friend Pam when Marina walked in the door that night. She stopped mid-sentence when she saw Marina’s face, and quickly made an excuse to hang up. “What’s wrong? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” She rushed to get to her quickly.
“I think I did.” Marina dropped her briefcase and let Callie ease her coat off. By the time Callie hung it up Marina was sitting on the sofa, leaning forward with her hands hanging loosely between her knees, her lapis lazuli ring perfectly matching the blue slacks she wore. Glancing down she saw that Marina was still wearing her heels, something she never did on the off-white carpet.
“Tell me what’s wrong.” Callie sat down but didn’t touch her, clearly able to read the hands-off message that Marina’s affect was transmitting.
“Angela called me when I was driving home.”
Callie tensed at the mere mention of the name, but somehow knew this wasn’t about Angela.
“She told her girlfriend about what happened and now they’re going to break up.”
Starting to relax, Callie spent a moment trying to figure out why this was such bad news. Then it hit her. “Are you worried she’ll want to be with you again?”
A quick look of supreme annoyance flashed across Marina’s features. “That’s ridiculous. I’m worried that Angela will blame me. And if she blames me, she’s not going to want to have me sitting in the same room when they have their weekly regional managers meeting.”
Following the tangent rather than the main point, Callie said, “You’d have to go to Boston every week if you get promoted?”
Clearly more annoyed, Marina got up as though she needed to distance herself from such stupidity. “No. They do the meetings by teleconference. I was referring to the fact that she won’t vote in my favor when my promotion comes up. And her vote is worth twice anyone else’s. She’s the big cheese’s favorite.” She went to the antique wooden cabinet that she used for a bar. Opening the door, she pulled out a bottle of single malt and poured a dram or two. She stood there, posture erect, looking like she was ready to take over the world. One hand pushed her jacket back to rest on her hip, the other held the glass in a loose grasp, her heavy silver watch dangling from her thin wrist.
Callie found her incredibly attractive when she stood like this. She looked like she was thinking of something complex—and that she was capable of figuring out whatever the problem was. Marina had always been in sales, but her posture often let Callie fantasize that she was in some branch of the military or law enforcement. She loved to imagine her in a crisp uniform, making some life or death decision without showing even a spark of fear.
Marina’s gaze was fixed on the middle distance, her eyes slightly narrowed, making them look even more intelligent and cunning. Her golden brown hair sparkled with highlights as the setting sun painted it with light. For the first time all week, Callie felt a spark of sexual interest, but she tamped it down, knowing it was her libido talking. That primal pull that Marina exerted was in full force, but Callie wasn’t going to be dragged along with it. Not until she felt safe.
Her instinct was to offer sympathy and hugs, but that never worked with Marina. So she tried to think like Marina would and get to the problem, not the emotion. “What can you do?”
“That’s the question, isn’t it?”
Callie had obviously shown that she understood the severity of the issue, because Marina walked back to the sofa and sat down. She placed herself into her seat so gracefully that Callie felt her vulva tingle. She fantasized momentarily of taking the Scotch from Marina’s hand, putting it on the table and falling on top of her. But, even if she felt safe doing that, Marina would never respond to such an obvious overture. Making the first move was her job alone. Focusing, Callie said, “I’m sure you have some ideas. What are they?”
Marina settled down more deeply into the cushion. She tossed her head from side to side, sending her hair cascading across her shoulder. Just a hint of her perfume floated over to tickle Callie’s nose, making her heart beat a little faster. She reminded herself that her vulva didn’t control her actions. Desire didn’t have to result in sex. A lesson Marina had yet to learn.
Marina set her glass down and ticked off options on her recently manicured fingertips. “One—I can try to convince Angela that she’s better off without such a controlling girlfriend.”
Callie didn’t think that was the best idea, knowing that being opposed to cheating wasn’t overly controlling in the real world. But she didn’t comment, knowing Marina was on a roll.
“Two—I can try to switch to group sales. They need a regional manager in the Southeast.”
She didn’t care for that option, either. Marina would want to move to Florida, but she wasn’t a fan of heat or humidity.
“Three—I can try to get Ang
ela to let me talk to the girlfriend. I might be able to convince her that it was all my fault.”
“Would you really do that?”
Marina gave her a look that ranked in severity between angry parent and sentencing judge. “I’d do anything to make sure my stupidity doesn’t ruin my career.”
“Let me talk to her.”
Marina’s head turned quickly, her interest registering in her eyes. “What’s your thinking?”
“My thinking is that you’re the last person I’d want to hear from if you were cheating with my girlfriend. I’d be much more interested in hearing from someone who was more in my position.”
“But you’re not in her position. Angela was supposed to be one hundred percent monogamous.”
“I assumed that. That is the norm, you know.”
Marina shrugged, then waved a hand in the air as she often did when she was being dismissive. “It shouldn’t be. It doesn’t work for hardly anyone.”
“That’s open for debate,” Callie said, not interested in bringing up the oft discussed topic. “I wouldn’t lead with that fact. I’d try to get her to tell me how she was feeling and I’d tell her that I was very confident you and Angela won’t be seeing each other again.”
“That’s true, you know. I’m thinking of getting a tattoo on my upper thigh that says ‘don’t shit where you eat.’” She showed her first smile of the evening.
“Classy.” Callie reached over and squeezed her knee.
“I’d use a really nice font. You’ve showed me how design can make a huge difference in a message.”
“If you’re going to do it, do it in Latin. I’m sure the Romans had an equivalent expression. So, what do you think of my offer?”
“I’m going to go to the gym and spend an hour on the rowing machine. If I still think it’s a good idea when I’m finished, I’ll propose it.”
“Then I’m going to call Pam and go out for a few drinks.”
“I’ll pay for a guest pass if you want to go with me.” There was an unusual tone in her voice. If Callie hadn’t known better, she would have thought that Marina didn’t want to be alone.
“You know the only indoor exercise I like is bending my arm.”
Marina smiled fondly and tweaked Callie’s cheek. “You and your beer.”
“I like beer, and I like bars, and I like playing pool. I should have known I was a lesbian years ago.” Marina held up her hand and Callie slapped it. Somehow they’d gotten onto the same team. They were working through a problem together. Something that was always empowering. This was what lovers did.
“I’ll see you when you get home. Say hi to Pam for me.”
“Will do,” Callie said, even though she was fairly sure they’d never met.
*
Saturday morning found Callie rehearsing what she was going to say to Angela’s girlfriend, Regan. She’d told Marina the points she wanted to cover, and now they were hashing them out. For a change she bristled at Marina’s micromanaging. “You can go to the gym or into your office or go run around the block, but you can’t be near me when I call.”
“Come on!” Marina leapt to her feet, her face showing her outrage. “I won’t interfere.”
“I don’t think that’s a promise you can keep. I won’t sound natural if you’re listening to me, and I think it’s important that I try to make some form of connection with this woman. She won’t listen to me if it sounds like I’m reading a list of talking points.”
Marina stood there for a moment, looking like she’d explode. But her eyes darted around the room for a few moments, her intelligence showing in their depths. “I’m not happy,” she said, “but I’ll walk around the block. Just promise to call me the second you hang up.”
“I will. Now get going so I can concentrate.” That had felt good. She had to take charge more often. Marina could rule the bedroom, but she had to push back in the rest of their lives. Maybe there was a glimmer of hope that she could make lemonade out of these lemons. She waited until the front door opened and closed, then she dialed the number. On the third ring a pleasant, business-like voice answered, “Scituate Inn.”
“Hi, I’m looking for Regan Manning.”
“Yes?”
“This is Callie Emerson, Marina Bolton’s girlfriend. I think Angela mentioned I was going to call?”
There was long silence on the other end, then Callie heard a door close. “Yeah. Hi. This is Regan.”
Callie cringed a little when she heard her pronounce her name. She pronounced it with a long e. Ree-gan, rather than Ray-gun, as Callie had said it. “Is this a good time to talk?”
“It’s not bad. I’m at work, but there aren’t many people here this morning. I should have some privacy.”
“Just let me know if you need to go and I can call you back at a better time.”
“I will.”
Now that Callie had the floor she felt tongue-tied. “How’ve you been?”
After another pause, Regan said, “I’ve been better. This is the first time anyone’s cheated on me.”
“That you know of.” Callie was amazed that sentence had come out of her mouth. A lot of people believed monogamy was possible, and it didn’t seem right to throw reality into their faces.
Regan seemed to share the sentiment. Her voice turned very frosty. “If it happened before I never learned about it.”
“That was a stupid thing for me to say. I guess my cynicism about people comes through sometimes.”
“I’m not very cynical, and I don’t want to be. I need to trust my friends and lovers, and when I can’t trust them anymore I don’t forgive easily…if at all.”
Callie laughed softly. “I used to be like that myself, but I changed. Now I tend to assume that people will screw up, and I’m more likely to forgive them.”
“I don’t really want to change, thank you.”
Callie could hear Regan shuffling papers or moving something around, and was fairly sure she was losing her. She found herself revealing more than she’d planned. Her voice was soft and thoughtful when she said, “I didn’t plan on changing, but…over time I realized that most people can’t be monogamous. It just made sense to change the rules. If you can’t beat ’em…”
It was Regan’s turn to talk but there was nothing but silence.. Finally, Regan said, “So you assume your girlfriend will cheat and it’s not an issue if she does?”
“No, it’s not like that. Marina and I worked out a way to have some freedom. We’re lovers. Partners. The other stuff is just sex.” She was surprised to hear herself call Marina her partner. That was a term she never used. Were they partners? That sounded awfully—permanent.
Regan’s voice was as cold as ice. Each word was crisply enunciated and cut short. “Angela and I don’t have an agreement. I’m not interested in that kind of agreement. I’m interested in being with someone who makes a promise and keeps it.”
Callie started to talk just as Regan made some of those “I’m finished” kinds of noises. Undaunted, Callie continued, “If that works for both of you, that’s great.”
“It works for me. Obviously Angela’s not as committed to the idea as I am.”
“Maybe she just made a mistake. I’m not sure what went down between them, and frankly I don’t want to know, but I’m confident that Marina doesn’t want it to continue.”
There was just a glimmer of hesitation when Regan said, “Angela says the same thing.” Some of the frost left her voice and Callie could tell that her mind wasn’t completely made up.
“I don’t want to talk smack about my own girlfriend, but Marina can be pretty persuasive. She said they’d both had too much to drink, and she probably made the first move.” That was the exact opposite of what Marina said had happened, but she didn’t feel that she was lying by making that conjecture. It was entirely unbelievable that Marina would let someone seduce her if she didn’t want to be seduced. Being exploited wasn’t in her nature.
Sounding just short of incredulo
us, Regan said, “It doesn’t bother you that your girlfriend screws around like that? Doesn’t that just make you some other girl she has sex with?”
How dare she! She didn’t have to take this from a stranger. Hotly, she said, “No. That’s not how it is. We have an agreement.” She took a breath. “Actually, we have a list. You can’t have sex with someone if her name isn’t on the list.”
Regan sounded like she wanted to reach through the phone and punch Callie. “I would have liked to know that Angela’s name was on your damn list. Then I could have kicked her out before she humiliated me.”
“No! No! Angela wasn’t on the list. She’s exactly the kind of person I never would have allowed Marina to sleep with.”
“What the fuck is wrong with Angela?” Regan demanded. Then she muttered a soft, “What in the hell?”
“There’s nothing wrong with Angela. But I’d never allow Marina to put somebody on her list who wasn’t single or in an open relationship. And people from work are always off limits. That’s just stupid.”
Regan sounded hurt and very fragile when she tentatively said, “So does it hurt less for you?”
“Yeah, maybe. Oh, I don’t know.” Her head started to throb. It was hard enough talking to Marina about this. Now she had to tell Regan about it? When Regan didn’t say another word she realized she had to suck it up and get to it. “A few years ago my lover did something pretty tame in comparison and it hurt a lot more. I guess I’ve gotten less sensitive to sexual things. When Marina’s with me, she’s mine alone and that’s worked for us.”
“I want Angela to be mine whether I’m watching her or not.”
That stung a little, but Callie didn’t acknowledge the slight. Their agreement was obviously too out of the norm for most people to understand. “I guess that’s the ideal, but it’s hard to get. I’ve decided it’s more realistic to allow for some flexibility.”
“Yeah, it sounds like that worked out great.” Regan’s sarcasm was ill disguised.
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