One Last Chance

by Nancy Stopper

  Though the pity-filled stares and growling from Joey had made her question that decision, that night had been the beginning of the end of her relationship with Shane. Rachel had met Brittany that night, and she’d told Rachel about her past. For the first time, Rachel had seriously considered leaving Shane. She should have that night, or when her brothers and Sawyer came to the trailer a couple of days later, after she’d taken a chance and called J.J.’s. Instead, she’d stayed by the bastard’s side and allowed him to isolate her from her friends and family. For what? Nothing, that was what.

  ‘Yeah, I remember,” Sawyer croaked out. She turned to him. His jaw ticked and his hands curled into fists.

  “She told me about her father that day. At the time, I didn’t understand why she was telling me. She was Joey’s fling for the week, and I was his sister just trying to work my shift. But I couldn’t hide from her what I wasn’t ready to admit to myself. That was the first time I thought about what Shane was doing to me. His emotional abuse was so gradual… when it’s happening to you, you don’t even notice. He’d yell at me for something minor or get jealous if I mentioned even a friend. But after I talked to Brittany…”

  “Brittany was really supportive of Joey during that time. She helped him know what to say and what not to say to you.” Sawyer’s jaw relaxed and his shoulders dropped from where they’d tensed up near his ears. He almost smiled as Chloe tugged him down the street.

  Brittany was a calming force in Joey’s life, no doubt. Not calm so much as balancing. So, Rachel had Brittany to thank for Joey’s acceptance of Rachel’s current situation. “I was surprised he didn’t punch Shane that day. Now I know why. But if he’d done that… he’d have just proven that I was right where I deserved to be. I’m glad Joey has Brittany.”

  Maybe someday she’d have a relationship like the ones her brothers had found. While she’d be interested in Sawyer, that couldn’t happen as long as he only saw her as his best friend’s little sister.

  When Chloe lunged after a chipmunk darting across the sidewalk, her leash tangled around Rachel’s legs. She started to fall and Sawyer grabbed her hand. “I’ve got you.”

  Rachel laughed as they worked the leash free. She held his hand as she stepped from the swirl of rope. Now that Chloe wasn’t tangled up, she ambled out the length of her leash after her furry gray nemesis. But Sawyer didn’t let go of Rachel’s hand. He didn’t thread his fingers through hers, but his touch was soft and gentle. Did he really want to hold her hand or was he just being supportive? Each whisper of his thumb over her knuckles was like a stroke to her soul, soothing the troubles that lived there. No way was that just out of protection. He had to feel something for her, right?

  He didn’t say much as they kept walking. Eventually, they reached a wide open field at the end of Sawyer’s street. Chloe leapt and barked. Sawyer laughed and reached for her collar. “She knows I let her run loose when we walk this way.”

  Rachel laughed too as Chloe raced around the field, her ears flying behind her. Meanwhile, Sawyer stood, his feet spread wide, staring after her, a gentle smile on his face. What was he thinking? Did he want to say something to Rachel but just didn’t know how? Certainly her own tongue was a bit tied in knots right now. “What’s that big smile for?”

  When he smiled, the crinkles on his forehead relaxed and his eyes softened. If anything, he became even more handsome. And right now, that smile was directed at her. “I’m happy. Happy you’re safe.”

  “I’m happy, too. I’d almost forgotten what happy felt like. I’m afraid, though.”

  “Of what?”

  Everything. That this was all a dream and she was going to wake up in the trailer again. That Sawyer wouldn’t keep looking at her the way he was right now. She was afraid to want what this moment was promising her. “That I can’t really be happy. I was afraid to feel anything for so long, for fear of Shane’s reaction. Now I have the freedom to express myself. Today, I’m happy. But what if I’m just hiding behind happy and not being realistic about what’s going on? I’m just tired of all the negative, so I’m going to be happy for as long as I can.”

  She spun in a circle, her arms open wide. Her laughter filled the air.

  Sawyer laughed along with her. She locked gazes with him and his eyes lit with excitement. And another emotion smoldering just below the surface.

  “I’m glad.”

  When she was done spinning, she recaptured his hand . She wasn’t about to count on him taking the initiative twice. She wanted to explore the unmistakable desire that had flashed in his eyes before he’d shuttered them.

  Butterflies danced in her stomach, their rapidly-beating wings stirring her insides to mush. If someone had asked her last week, shoot, just a few days ago, where she’d be, not in a million years would holding hands with Sawyer have been her response. She was like a teenager mooning over her first crush, before Shane had jaded her outlook on life and love.

  Each stroke of Sawyer’s thumb over her knuckle sent a jolt that jumpstarted her heart. She had forgotten that a man’s touch didn’t have to mean fear or pain. Could he hear the wild beating inside her chest? She couldn’t hide much from him, not when he stood so close.

  Sawyer stiffened slightly. “So… are you gonna start back up at J.J.’s soon?”

  Damn. She would have liked a few more minutes of bliss before being forced to confront the reality of her daily life staring her in the face. “I’d like a couple of days to regroup and let my bruises fade. I’m sure I’m already the talk of the town, the Bennett girl who couldn’t take care of herself—”

  Sawyer stopped walking. He released her hand but before she could mourn the loss of the connection, he cupped her cheeks so she had no choice but to look him in the eye. “I don’t want to hear you say that again. You’re a strong woman. Someone plenty capable of taking care of yourself. You just got bogged down in a difficult situation for a while before you got out of it. You did that, Rachel.”

  If only that were true. She wasn’t that strong.

  His gaze dropped to her lips. Her tongue darted out and wet them. Being this close to him, the flecks in his eyes sparkled. She leaned into him, just a bit. He didn’t back away. His eyes stayed fixed on hers. Did he have butterflies dancing in his stomach right now, too?

  Memories of her childhood crush filled her mind. She closed the final inches between them, and her lips brushed against his—tentative, testing his response. He didn’t kiss her back, but he didn’t pull away, either. His lips were firm and strong. And soft. She tasted a hint of malt.

  Well, him not kissing her back just wouldn’t do. She pressed gently against him, their bodies touching. His arms came around her and he tilted his head. Finally. His lips moved over hers, teasing and nibbling the corners of her mouth before brushing across her lips again. When she pulled back to see if the world had just shifted for him too, her hands stayed on his arms.

  Sawyer smiled at her, an easy smile, but accompanied by a deep swirl of emotion in his eyes.

  She hadn’t flinched. That alone made her happy. Sawyer would never hurt her. This was Sawyer and not Shane. Each insult Shane had spat at her, each strike of his hand, had made cringing a subconscious reaction. But not now… and she had Sawyer to thank for her first success.

  The kiss had only lasted a second. A quick brush of lips, a sweet brush of bodies. Even now, her lips tingled where they’d touched. She shoved her hand in her pocket so she wouldn’t rub her finger across them.

  His smile fell and he scrubbed his hand down his face. “I’m sorry, Rachel. That shouldn’t have happened. I will not take advantage of the fact you are staying under my roof.”

  Her heart sank. He hadn’t liked it. She shouldn’t have kissed him. “I di- didn’t think that.” She stumbled over the words.

  “If you think you should leave, stay somewhere else, I’d completely understand.”

  Now he wanted her to leave? “I don’t. Do you want me to go?”

  “No, I don’t
want you to leave. You have a place to stay as long as you need.”

  A place to stay. That was what he’d offered her. She should thank him and nothing else.

  “And I do worry about taking advantage of you. You’ve been through so much, and here I am—”

  “I liked it. And besides, you didn’t kiss me. I kissed you.” For a long time, she’d been afraid to speak her mind without Shane screaming at her. But now, she was not about to let this opportunity to be honest slip away.

  Sawyer didn’t respond. He didn’t smile, but the creases between his eyes smoothed out.

  Chloe barked and Rachel turned away. Sawyer pulled a toy out of his pocket and whistled for his dog. She came running, yipping and jumping around both of them. The spell that had drawn them together, had led to that one wonderful kiss, was broken.

  Sawyer extended his hand.

  Rachel stared at his offering for a long time. When would she stop questioning every action, analyzing every word, that someone said to her? She’d taken a chance to tell him she liked the kiss. He was taking a chance, offering his hand.

  He’d actually apologized for kissing her. Her first crush and he said he was sorry. Which was stupid. He hadn’t kissed her, she’d kissed him. He’d just responded… and then backed off the minute she gave him an opening. Had he just humored her when she kissed him, pitied the poor girl recently out of a bad relationship? And then for her to blurt out that she liked kissing him… what was she thinking?

  Shane hadn’t wanted her to speak for herself, to express her own opinions. Could Sawyer be the same? No, Sawyer was nothing like Shane. He may not agree with her, but he would never dismiss her opinion.

  He didn’t kiss her again, but they held hands on the way back, what she hoped was a real attraction arcing between them. Maybe he had been as affected as she had. The warm feeling in her gut was more than just the new attraction. Strolling beside Sawyer, their hands swinging between them, was so… normal. Two people walking their dog down the street. But to her, normal was wonderful because her life hadn’t been normal for a long time.

  DINNER WAS QUIET… and perfect. After preparing a simple dinner together, they sat side-by-side and talked about the minor league baseball team in the nearby town, some of Sawyer’s more humorous calls while on duty, and the upcoming Labor Day picnic on the town green—everything except the kiss they’d shared.

  Today had been exhausting. Good, but tiring. She’d put today in the “good day” column, but she was wrung out. She stood and collected her plate.

  When she reached to take Sawyer’s, he yelled, “Don’t.”

  She flinched. What had she done wrong? She dropped the plate in front of him and eased back. Sharp pain speared her chest from her racing heart. Maybe if she didn’t say anything, he wouldn’t yell again.

  Wait a minute. This wasn’t Shane. Sawyer wouldn’t hurt her, even when he was mad. Sawyer won’t hurt me. Sawyer won’t hurt me. She’d keep repeating those four words until her body got the message.

  He softened his voice and extended his hand. “Oh, God, Rachel. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I just didn’t want you to do the dishes. I’ll clean this up.”

  Hurt flooded his eyes.

  She didn’t want him tiptoeing around her, measuring his words. Besides, he apologized and it was easily forgotten. Shane had never apologized. Well, not a real one, anyway. He’d make a feeble attempt at an apology quickly followed by an excuse for his behavior. And each time he swore he’d never yell again.

  Sawyer rose and towered over her. She flinched and reeled. Dammit. Stop backing away. This is Sawyer. She forced her feet to stay put when her instinct was to flee. Sawyer skimmed his hands along her arms, a gentle stroke. Her nerves calmed from the warmth of his touch. There were those creases again, marring his handsome face. Those lines were her fault, because she couldn’t control her reaction to an innocent comment. “Are you okay? I can’t believe I was so stupid. I’m so sorry. You know I would never hurt you.”

  She knew it intellectually, but that didn’t make her wariness weaken. “I’m just tired. I’ve had a long day. If it’s okay with you, I think I’ll turn in.”

  When his warm hands dropped, a chill wafted over her arms. She couldn’t use him for comfort. She had to comfort herself and not look to Sawyer to provide what she couldn’t for herself. Her time depending on a man was over.

  “Sure.”

  She headed out of the room.

  “Rachel?” His tentative voice followed her.

  She spun around. The intensity of his stare pierced through her but she didn’t look away. She fought the instinct to run, to hide, from emotions she wasn’t ready to handle. Her fear was gone and attraction had taken its place.

  “You don’t need my permission to do anything. This house is yours for as long as you’d like to stay. You can come and go as you please.”

  “I know.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I know that, too.”

  She ran from the room. She didn’t trust herself not to say things she wasn’t ready to say, words he wasn’t ready to hear. She wasn’t the weak girl who let Shane take charge. Not anymore. The urge to ask permission for even the simple things, like leaving the room, had become her norm. And that pissed her off. Why had she herself become that woman?

  THICK SMOKE SWIRLED around him, and he could barely see his own hand in front of his face. He squinted. Where was he? This patch of woods was unfamiliar. Fear gripped his heart like a vice. Why was he here? He looked down to see his sheriff’s department uniform… but he was carrying his army weapon. Something was not right.

  All of a sudden, the scene transformed. He was on the road outside Kabul, and the smoke had turned into sand. Sand blew in his face, getting into everything. Sand scratched at his feet inside his socks and seeped into his shirt. God, he hated sand. Derek and Kyle crept along in front of him, weapons ready, scanning the sides of the road. They shouldn’t have gone on this mission. The intelligence was sketchy at best. But when Sawyer raised his concerns, Kyle just smirked. That look that said ‘we got this’. Kyle was always the cocky one. Not cocky… confident. He threw a grin at Sawyer and took another step.

  The explosion knocked Sawyer off his feet. He spit sand and dirt and blood from his mouth. He could barely see Derek lying on the ground through the smoke and flying sand. He grabbed Derek’s neck and felt for a pulse. It was there, but barely. Sawyer squinted and looked to where Kyle lay face down, not moving. Sawyer crawled, dragging his weapon behind him. When he reached Kyle’s side, Sawyer rolled his buddy over. His buddy’s dull, lifeless face stared back at him.

  “Kyle!”

  Sawyer woke up drenched in sweat. He switched on the light and slid his feet to the floor, gasping until his heart stopped racing. Once he could draw in a breath, he hopped up and paced across the room. After all this time, why were his nightmares flaring up now? Always the same, starting here in Oak Grove but shifting to Afghanistan. Today it was Kyle’s lifeless eyes at the end of the horror, but it hadn’t always been. Sometimes when he missed his grandmother the most, it was her beautiful face staring back at him, condemning him for being away when she died. Other times, he’d turn over the corpse to find his mother or father, as he remembered them, their bloody bodies lifeless in his arms. Shoot, even Chloe had starred in his nightmare from time to time.

  But the dreams had been under control recently. It had been months since the last time he’d had a nightmare. What had changed? The only thing that came to mind was… Rachel.

  When they’d gotten back from their walk, Rachel had darted upstairs. Chloe had climbed into her bed in the living room, turned three times, and flopped down. Meanwhile Sawyer had sat on the couch and leaned his head back.

  He had no business kissing her. Not now. Not yet. She’d just gotten out of an explosive situation and had found a safe place under his roof. She was vulnerable, and he was no better than Shane if he took advantage of that fact.

  He
hadn’t been this affected by a woman since he’d gotten back from Afghanistan. What he was feeling right now overwhelmed him. After all this time, ignoring his feelings for her, her kiss had brought them to the surface and triggered his fears. How could he keep the feelings away when she was constantly in front of him, a reminder of what he shouldn’t have? This is why he’d shut himself off. He couldn’t let himself feel, because feeling hurt too much. Loving someone just meant pain, and he wasn’t ready to handle the up and down emotions of a new relationship. Even with Rachel.

  Chapter Eleven

  “ARE YOU SURE you’re ready? Joey will give you more time if you need it.” Sawyer shoveled another forkful of scrambled eggs between his lips.

  She’d never had this kind of morning with Shane. Sharing eggs, sausage, and toast over a breakfast table before each of them headed off to their jobs. With Shane, they rolled out of bed whenever they woke, scarfed down a bowl of cereal at the counter, and pulled on whatever clothes looked the cleanest.

  But just because the morning was peaceful didn’t mean she was calm. She may have convinced Sawyer she was ready to go back to work, but she couldn’t fool herself. Her stomach churned, and the food sat in it like a rock. People were going to talk about what had happened. Some might even point and stare. She couldn’t avoid it. Thankfully, Shane hadn’t made bail, so she didn’t have to worry about running into him.

  Rachel laid her fork on her plate. She’d hidden out long enough. “I’m sure. Better to get the first shift over with. It’ll be easier after that.”

  “I can come home at lunch and take you in.”

  She covered his big hand with hers. Sawyer was always willing to help, but if she let him, she wouldn’t find the independence she’d lost. If he did everything for her, it would be too easy to retreat into her old self that Shane had smothered. “That’s sweet, and I appreciate it. But I’ll be okay. Besides, I’ve been eyeing that car of yours for the past few days.”