All We Knew

by Jamie Beck

  “Come down off that high horse, Mom. All I’m saying is that I won’t blindly dispense this without knowing what it is and whether it’s dangerous if combined with Dad’s other meds.”

  “Fine. If you can pry him away from Jenna, take him to Lelah Fekke.” She flashed a conspiratorial grin. “She’s a homeopath up in Portland.”

  Hunter tried not to cringe when imagining his dad’s response to that suggestion.

  “I’ll see.” He kissed her cheek and thrust the coffee mug at her. “Gotta run.”

  “Wait!” She refused to take the cup. “What’s up with Gentry and the baby? And how’s Sara?”

  “Why do you ask?” The weekend had been excruciating. His memory of the bleak moments following the desk sex still made him sick.

  “Do I need a reason?”

  “No, but you look like you’ve got one.” He set the cup down on the small foyer table.

  “Fine. You’re right. I’m glad this thing with Gentry has revived Sara’s hope for a child, but I’m worried that she’s lonely and maybe a little scared.”

  “In other words, you think I’m a lousy husband.” Just great.

  “Not ‘lousy.’”

  He raised a brow. “Gee, thanks.”

  “Anyone can see that Sara isn’t herself lately. She’s going through the motions, but she’s lost the sparkle in her eyes.”

  His mom regarded him as if she’d delivered sage advice. He had eyes. He knew Sara better than anyone, so the fact that she’d changed hadn’t escaped his attention.

  His mother sighed. “I don’t think she’s grieved enough.”

  That was unexpected. “Grieved?”

  “Yes. But more than just the failed IVF. She’s got to grieve the loss of the future she’d probably envisioned—even taken for granted—for most of her life. She’s from a big family. Her sisters have kids. Now she’s at the mercy of your sister and other women who are giving kids up for adoption. She won’t pass on her bloodline. She won’t experience pregnancy. You may only get one kid, not three or four. It’s not what she expected. Not what she wanted.

  “Instead of coming to terms with all that, she’s distracting herself with the foundation and Gentry.” His mom set her hand on his forearm. “And, not to upset you, but I suspect you haven’t been as sensitive to all that as you should be. In fact, I doubt you’ve processed what you’ve lost, either. You keep on burying yourself in your work to fill those holes.”

  Reflexively, he shirked her off.

  “We grieved. She cried a lot, and believe it or not, I was sensitive.” Then he remembered Sara crying during sex right after the last failed IVF. Maybe he hadn’t comforted her the right way, but not because he didn’t care. He just didn’t know how to handle these, or her, emotions. “I ‘bury myself’ because I like what I do, and I have hundreds of workers’ livelihoods in my hands.”

  “I see.” She waved dismissively. “Your whole life you’ve ignored me and my opinions in favor of your father and his. You’re so much like him now it worries me. As smart as you two are, you don’t know everything. And something I know a little about is loss—and loneliness. So, you can blow me off, but I see Sara’s loneliness because I’ve been there. Trust me, choosing to ignore it, or letting her fill the void with other activities, won’t end well.”

  “We’re not getting divorced, if that’s what you’re implying.” He hoped that sounded more assured than he felt.

  “I hope not. Sara’s like another daughter to me.” She squeezed his arm. “If you start turning to other women instead of sitting down with your wife and working through your problems, you’ll be sorry in the end.”

  “For Pete’s sake, I go to work and I go home. There are no other women.”

  She looked him dead in the eyes. “There’s Bethany.”

  His head went back as if she’d slapped his face. “Why would you think I’d be interested in Bethany?”

  “You think your dad fell for Jenna like lightning?” She shook her head, the hurt in her eyes erasing all the years between then and now. “No. But she was there, working at his side, sharing his dream. I was at home, raising two babies, feeling abandoned. The slow erosion happens before you notice. I know you’re battling for CTC, and no one wants to see you stick it to Jenna more than I, but not at the expense of your marriage. Be careful, dear.”

  She picked up the abandoned coffee mug and kissed his cheek, then sent him on his way, YogaToes still in place.

  He left her house, the weight of her warning dragging at him. Instead of striding in command down the hallway at work like normal, he didn’t say good morning to a soul.

  Haru handed him his messages. “How’s your dad?”

  “Hanging in there.” He shuffled through the notes, distracted.

  “Good. Everyone misses him around here.”

  “Me too.” Hunter forced a grin before going into his office. A short while later, someone knocked at the door. “Come in.”

  Bethany walked in, coffee in hand, and closed the door. “Just checking in. I sent the projections to King Cola on Saturday like you asked. Have you heard anything yet?”

  Between his wife’s and mother’s assumptions, he had a hard time meeting her eye. He shook his head. “They should be enough to get a meeting, but who knows.”

  “You sound defeated. Did something happen? Is your dad okay?” After taking a seat opposite his desk, she crossed her legs and tugged at the hem of her skirt.

  He’d never noticed her legs or her skirts before. He shifted his gaze away and frowned. “He’s not bouncing back as quickly as I’d hoped. Jenna and I disagree about his doctors—big surprise.”

  “That’s tough, but you’ll figure it out. You always do.” She smiled, and for a second her confidence made him feel better. She’d been an exceptional employee and dependable cheerleader. Now his mom and Sara had warped this working relationship into something it wasn’t. “I’m sure Sara helps keep the peace.”

  “Of course she does.” Most days his wife kept in better touch with his family than he did. And she’d done it all despite her own disappointments.

  His mom was right: they hadn’t grieved together. In fact, they hadn’t done much of anything in recent months. Even the anniversary trip he’d planned had been cut short. And he hadn’t even tried to set up the trip to visit her family that he’d promised.

  “Well, I’m here to help, too. Whatever you need.” She crossed her legs in the other direction, a feline smile on her face.

  He tugged at his collar, then stuck his hands beneath his armpits. Was she playing some long game of seduction? He couldn’t imagine it. They’d worked together without any trouble or misunderstandings for five years.

  More likely his mom’s and Sara’s paranoia was affecting him. Still, he sat farther back on his chair to put more distance between them.

  “Thanks, Bethany. I’ll let you know the minute I hear back from Cortland. In the meantime, let’s go about business as usual. Don’t want to tip off Jenna.”

  “You got it.” She stood, sipping her coffee, leaving a red lipstick mark on the rim.

  He nodded and purposely dropped his eyes back to his screen, dismissing her. After she left, he put his forehead to his desk and clasped his hands behind his head. He couldn’t start losing it around here, too.

  Stuff like this didn’t happen to him. He’d always planned every move to make sure he wouldn’t be blindsided by life’s ups and downs. Took charge of his problems instead of reacting to them, because passivity never helped one damn thing.

  Yet he’d been passive at home. Both he and Sara felt like shit, but talking about their problems wasn’t working. He’d have to try something else.

  He called Bon Fleur and sent a bouquet of fall lilies to Sara that read “Dress up for dinner tonight.”

  Sara pushed the backings onto the aquamarine earrings Hunter had bought her for her thirtieth birthday. The ones he’d said matched the color and twinkle of her eyes. That memory made her smil
e as she adjusted her hair one last time.

  Swaying back and forth, she checked out the rear view of her sheath dress in the mirror before turning off the bathroom light and heading downstairs.

  The vibrant flower arrangement greeted her in the kitchen. She stuck her nose into the elegant petals and inhaled their perfume. Like a sunburst, the orange-and-yellow bouquet marked a hopeful turn away from the unpleasant weekend. They’d more or less lived around each other since Saturday, neither one bringing up the argument or the hostile office sex.

  He’d made this effort, so she needed to reach across the gulf. She loved him. She didn’t want to hurt him or add to the growing distance. She just wanted her husband back.

  When the garage door rumbled open, she set her hand against her stomach.

  He came into the kitchen smiling and kissed her, fingering one of the earrings. “You look gorgeous.”

  She teased, “I do my best to keep up with you.”

  He brushed his nose against hers. “I’m pretty sure you surpass me, even when you’ve got hives and a runny nose.”

  She lifted the wire-rim glasses off his face and peered through them. “Maybe you need a new prescription.”

  “I see clearly.” He snatched them back, then lowered his voice and tugged her against his chest. “Especially when it involves you.”

  “Okeydokey, Mr. Magoo.”

  He chuckled. “Are you all set?”

  “Sure. Where are we going?”

  “I hope you don’t mind, but I asked Colby and Alec to join us since they have Mondays off. We haven’t hung out with them in a while, so I thought it would be fun.”

  A little part of her might’ve liked to have had him to herself, but she was never against hanging out with family, especially Colby. Hopefully, he didn’t invite them because he needed a buffer. “Sounds lovely.”

  “Great.” He kissed her hand. “I really love this dress, although you might be slightly overdressed for Gab-n-Eat.”

  Her mouth fell open, then he laughed.

  “Kidding. Colby and I know better than to drag you and Alec to our favorite diner. We’re meeting at Headwaters.”

  “Ooh-la-la. Very nice.” She took his hand and followed him to the car. “Alec picked it, didn’t he?”

  “Maybe.”

  As she slid into the passenger seat, she said, “So you’ll want to stop for a burger on the way home.”

  He laughed. “Maybe.”

  An hour later, she nestled against the pea-green leather banquette seat and sipped a rich chardonnay with tangerine and peach undertones. Colby and Hunter opted for Ex Novo’s IPA, while Alec settled for flat water, keeping his palate clean.

  Sara savored the lemony last bite of her shaved brussels sprout salad. “I’m glad these two let you choose the restaurant, Alec.”

  “Me too.” He feigned pain when Colby slapped his arm. “One of these days we’ll get them to appreciate truly good food.”

  “I’m learning to appreciate it.” Colby then leaned toward Hunter, snickering. “But nothing beats the onion rings at Gab-n-Eat.”

  “Hear, hear!” Hunter raised his beer mug.

  “It’s nice to see you smiling.” Colby rested her chin on her hands and grinned at her brother.

  Sara concurred, but kept quiet.

  Hunter grabbed her hand, sighing. “Well, we haven’t had much to smile about recently, with the IVF and now Dad’s health.”

  That was the first time he’d acknowledged any sense of loss about the IVF without her prompting. A minor point but a marked change. His distant gaze suggested that he’d gotten lost in his thoughts.

  She squeezed his hand. “Let’s celebrate the good news, like A CertainTea’s success, the difference the foundation is making in our community, and the adoption.”

  Hunter released her hand, nodding while averting his eyes. “Yes, the restaurant is exceeding CTC’s expectations.”

  “We’ve been booked for several holiday parties in December and just got a big wedding gig for early spring. If this keeps up, I might be able to buy CTC out in less time than I originally thought.” Colby’s proud smile stretched across her face.

  “What happens if Pure buys CTC? Does it want the restaurant, or will it let us buy it back?” Alec asked. This time Colby elbowed him hard.

  “No need for violence, sis. I’m a big boy. We all know what’s happening at work. I doubt Pure has any interest in the restaurant, but Colby’s the general partner, anyway. You’ll be fine. And it may not come to that, so don’t count me out just yet.” Hunter grinned and finished his beer with a gleam in his eye.

  “Something happened. Something good?” Colby asked, leaning close.

  “Nothing certain. But I’m heading out of town on Thursday for a day or two.”

  “Where to?” Sara couldn’t hide the surprise in her voice but stopped short of questioning whether Bethany would be going with him.

  “I’ve said too much.” His expression sobered. He pointed his index finger at everyone. “Don’t breathe a word. I don’t want Jenna sniffing around and screwing it up. As far as anyone knows, I’m making a routine trip to our Idaho plant.”

  “You don’t trust us?” Colby asked.

  “So, how ’bout them Seahawks?” Hunter leaned back and stretched his long legs.

  Colby wouldn’t be put off. “Hunter, whatever you’re doing, promise me it won’t hurt Dad or his recovery.”

  Sara bit her lip, knowing Hunter would get defensive.

  “When have I ever done anything to hurt Dad, or anyone in the family? If I’m successful, it benefits us all—even Jenna. I just hope I can nail it down before Pure comes back with an offer.” He cast a furtive glance at Sara. “Let’s not talk shop, though. What have you two been up to outside of the restaurant?”

  Sara intertwined her fingers with his.

  “Well, yesterday after we closed the brunch service, we went to Powell’s for coffee and books.” Colby grinned softly at the memory, and Sara felt a twinge of envy, wishing she and Hunter could spend a lazy afternoon together. “Today we actually took the Shanghai tunnels tour.”

  “You did not.” Hunter pulled a face.

  “We did.” She nodded. “It was fun.”

  Hunter shot a cockeyed stare at Alec, who shrugged and confessed, “It was kind of fascinating to imagine all of the smuggling and activity that happened beneath the city. The ghost stories are a bit ridiculous, but the labyrinth down there is wild.”

  “I haven’t done any touristy things since my early visits to Portland with Hunter.” Sara tugged at his shirtsleeve. “We need to be more creative.”

  “You want to scurry around underground?” Hunter asked her, his face filled with amusement.

  “Why not? Besides, we should take advantage of our freedom before the baby arrives.”

  Hunter nodded weakly. “True.”

  “I expected Gentry to be climbing the walls with boredom at this point, not happily back at home with Dad and Jenna, acting like a perfect family.” Colby’s tone sounded much like Hunter’s did when grousing about his dad’s “other” family. “What’s the due date again?”

  “May eleventh,” Sara said, the date stamped on her brain and circled in red.

  “Excited much?” Colby’s warm smile didn’t fully hide her lingering doubts about the adoption. Again, just like her brother.

  “Thrilled.” Sara’s resounding smile didn’t wobble, not even a little.

  The waitress interrupted them to serve the main course. Fortunately, the menu not only catered to Alec’s palate but also included a New York strip to satisfy Hunter, and a funky burger that Colby decided to test.

  Alec cut into his duck. “Sara, how’s the Angel House?”

  “It’s a wonderful organization. Your brother and Mark would be happy to have their names associated with supporting it.” Sara smiled, recalling that Colby and Alec had started the Maverick Foundation to honor Alec’s dead brother and Colby’s former husband, Mark.


  “And you enjoy volunteering there, Colby says,” he said.

  “I did . . . do.” Sara didn’t look at Hunter but felt him shift in his seat.

  “Must be rewarding.” Alec sampled his food, his eyes closing briefly, as if he were savoring the bite.

  “I miss Ty.” It was an honest answer that avoided directly discussing her reduced role at the Angel House. Also, anytime she thought of Ty, a little pang pinched her chest. On a daily basis, she wondered how Pam and he were faring. “I dropped a box of books and toys off at the place Hunter rented for them, but no one was home. For all I know, they’re sitting unopened in a corner of the apartment.”

  Hunter patted her hand, softly adding, “Babe, you need to let him go.”

  “Hunter’s right.” Colby downed the rest of her IPA. “And while leasing that apartment was really nice, I worry that other residents might target us, expecting the same level of help from you or the foundation. How will you say no?”

  “No one will ask. The women aren’t entitled. They’re hurting. They’re eager for a second chance to prove that they can stand on their own.” Too late. She heard the defensiveness in her voice.

  “I didn’t mean to insult them, or you, Sara.” Colby reached across the table.

  “Sara has a big heart. She really wants to give those women a fresh start. If we have to shell out extra money to help, I’m okay with that.” Hunter kissed her cheek while stroking her thigh under the table. His big hand warmed her leg, and she wished he hadn’t needed to remove it to cut his steak. “She’s always had a soft spot for underdogs.”

  “Must be how you ended up with her,” Alec laughed, lightening the mood.

  “Thank God.”

  Hunter grinned, and a little part of Sara’s heart melted. Hunter made a lot of mistakes, but so did she, and he still loved her, anyway. That admission slightly thinned the fog that had been hovering over their relationship. Suddenly, she wanted to race through dinner so she could be alone with him and replace the memory of their recent angry sex with something much better.

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Do you know why we’ve been summoned?” Hunter pulled into his dad’s driveway, the thumping wipers’ sound nearly drowned out by the rain hammering the car’s roof. “Did my dad take a turn for the worse?”