by Susan Stoker
“I also need to update my will and make sure you’re listed as my next of kin on the departmental paperwork.”
“TJ—” she started, but he talked over her.
“I don’t know anything about it, but what do people normally pay in child support?”
She didn’t say a word, just stared at him in disbelief.
He waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll write you a check for ten thousand to start with. That should cover some of what I should’ve been paying all along.”
“I don’t want your money.”
“Tough. You’re getting it.”
“You can’t buy me back,” she said snarkily.
“I’m not trying to,” he replied immediately. Her words hurt, but he refused to be nasty back to her. She had every right to be pissed at him. He’d abandoned her when she’d needed him most.
“Then what are you doing? JT and I have been just fine without you.”
“I know.” And he did. It was more than obvious she didn’t need his help, and that stung. A lot. He pushed through it. “You told Cruz at the station that you took that whack-job’s offer because you needed the money. You quit working at the clinic full-time to start at the school. All I’m doing is giving you some breathing room to figure out what you want to do next. If you want to use it to get your own place, great. If you want to buy a newer model car, that’s fine. If you want to work full-time again at the clinic, no problem. But if you want to continue with less hours so you can spend more time with our son, then I’m going to make sure you have the means to do that.”
He knew he wasn’t playing fair, but all was fair in love and war. And this was a war to gain back her love and trust. He’d play dirty if he had to.
Not giving her a chance to respond, he said, “I need to go. The bank closes at five and I want to get to the station and start the paperwork to add you and JT to my insurance.” He took out his phone and asked, “What’s your number? I want to send you a text so you have mine in case you need anything.”
She stared at him for a long moment, and TJ wasn’t sure she was going to tell him her number, but finally she relented.
He punched it in and sent a quick text. “I mean it, Milena. You let me know if you need anything. I won’t let you down again. Even if I’m working, I’ll find a way to get you what you need. Understand?”
She nodded woodenly.
Deciding she’d had enough and needed to regroup, he asked, “Do you think it’d be okay if I said bye to JT before I go?”
Milena stared at him with big eyes and swallowed before saying, “Yeah. He’d probably like that.”
“Thank you.” TJ leaned in close and gave her a chaste goodbye kiss on the cheek. “See you tomorrow, Doc.” Then he strode toward the kitchen where he’d last seen his son heading.
JT was sitting at a high chair at a small table in the corner of the spacious room, and TJ went to his side. He kneeled down next to him and smiled when his son held out a Cheerio.
“Daddy, eat.”
He leaned forward and caught the snack in his mouth, gumming the little fingers as he did. JT giggled loudly and clapped his hands in delight when his dad let him go.
“She was in a bad place when we moved her in.”
TJ stiffened, but he’d known this was coming. He stood and turned to face Milena’s mom. “I didn’t know.”
“I realize that, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”
“I’m adding her to my insurance and giving her the money she and my son should’ve had all along, that they would’ve had if I’d known she was pregnant.”
“Money won’t buy their love.”
Missy Reinhardt sounded so much like her daughter, TJ couldn’t help but smile. “That’s what she said. And I know that,” he informed her. “I won’t let her down again.”
He refrained from shifting in place like a naughty child under her stare, barely.
“See that you don’t,” she finally said.
Feeling as though he’d somehow earned the older woman’s approval, even though it didn’t look or sound like it, TJ merely nodded. “I’ll be back tomorrow after she gets off work.”
“Why don’t you come over while she’s working? You could get to know your son better.”
TJ’s heart lurched. Oh, he wanted that. Badly. But he said, “No. That would make Milena nervous. I’m not here to take our son away from her. I can’t deny I want to spend time with him, but I’ll do it with Milena or not at all. She needs to know she can trust me before she’ll want me being alone with him.”
“Then I guess we’ll be seeing you tomorrow,” Mrs. Reinhardt said with a slight smile, and TJ couldn’t help but feel as if he’d passed some sort of test.
He nodded, then turned back to JT. He leaned over and kissed the top of the boy’s head and turned to leave. At the last minute, he asked Milena’s mom, “Would you take a picture of us? I’d love to be able to show it to my friends. They’ll never believe my ugly mug helped make something so perfect and beautiful.”
It was obviously the right thing to say, because her smile grew and she reached for his phone. TJ crouched down next to his son’s high chair and looked at him for a long moment. God, he still couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that he was a father.
He turned to face Missy and saw that she was already holding his phone up. He dutifully smiled for the photo. He was still smiling when he felt a slimy hand touch his cheek. Turning to JT, he laughed outright when he saw that his son had stuffed as many Cheerios into his mouth as he could and was drooling all over himself…and had shared that drool with his old man.
“Don’t choke, little man,” he drawled, wiping his tiny hand with a paper towel sitting nearby.
When he’d wiped off as much drool as he could, he stood. Milena’s mom was still grinning like a loon, but she didn’t say a word as she handed him back his phone. He didn’t bother looking at the picture, simply put his phone back in his pocket.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, TJ.”
He strode out of the kitchen and back to the front door. TJ knew he’d be having a serious conversation with Milena’s dad at some point, and the man wouldn’t be as easy on him as her mom had been, but he didn’t mind. He liked that Milena and JT had people who loved and looked out for them.
His thoughts were chaotic, but he hadn’t ever been happier. He had a son! And he’d made the first step toward getting Milena back.
He didn’t have any illusions; this was going to be the hardest thing he’d ever done. More difficult than hitting his target from a mile and a half away. Tougher than getting over what had happened to him and the things he’d done in the Army. But it’d be worth it. They were worth it.
Chapter 6
Sadie sat cross-legged on Milena’s bed later that night. JT was asleep and the room was lit only by a lamp on the bedside table.
“He flat-out said he loves you?” Sadie asked, her eyebrows drawn down in disbelief.
“Yeah. Just threw it out there like I was supposed to fall at his feet or something,” Milena said caustically. She knew she was being unfair, but she felt off kilter. She’d about had a heart attack when JT had run past her mom straight into TJ’s arms. She’d thought about trying to deny JT was his, but when her son had opened his mouth and called him Daddy, and after the look of awe on TJ’s face, she knew she couldn’t do it.
The years had been good to him. When they’d been together three years ago, he was still healing from the wounds he’d gotten overseas. But since then, he’d healed completely and had filled out. His arms were thick and muscular, and she had a feeling if she ever saw him without a shirt, she’d see that he was even more chiseled than he’d been in the past. His brown hair was shorter than when they’d been together before, and he seemed to have a perpetual five o’clock shadow now, which was sexy as all get out.
But it wasn’t just his looks that were slightly different. He seemed even more intense than he’d
been back then…if that was possible. His brown eyes were penetrating. Whereas before, he frequently looked away from her when he was talking, as if he felt guilty about something, now he had no problem holding eye contact. All that attention on her made Milena feel as if whatever she was saying was the most important thing he’d ever heard. It was a little discomfiting, but also made her feel all squishy inside.
“And did you?” Sadie asked.
“Did I what?” Milena repeated, not sure what they were talking about as she’d gotten lost in memories of TJ.
“Fall at his feet?”
“Of course not!” Milena said quickly—maybe a bit too quickly.
“But you want to.” It wasn’t a question.
“No, I don’t.” The look of skepticism was easy to read on Sadie’s face. “Look, he’s just here because he feels guilty or something. And he might be assigned to look after me until Jeremiah and Jonathan are found.”
Sadie shook her head. “I’m sure he does feel some guilt, and he should. He was a dick. But, Milena, he doesn’t have to protect you. The Feds can assign someone else to you. There are thousands of law enforcement officers in this city. Any one of them can protect you.”
Milena blocked out the common sense her friend was using. “He’s arrogant to the nth degree. He strode into the house and practically told me I was his…like a caveman or something. He thinks that throwing money at me and putting me on his insurance will fix everything.”
Sadie shifted until she was lying on her side and her head was propped up by a hand. She was about as different from Milena as she could get. Her dark auburn hair fell messily around her shoulders and her green eyes were piercing in their intensity. She was almost five inches taller than Milena, and slender in a way Milena would never be.
“Let me tell you something about dominant men…once they decide they want something, they’re gonna get it one way or another.”
Milena shook her head. “That’s not how things work.”
“It is,” Sadie insisted. “Let me guess, he told you he left for your own good, right?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Men like TJ have crazy high standards for themselves. It’s ridiculous, really. They think they have to be perfect. I’m guessing he was really good at what he did in the Army…” Sadie’s voice trailed off, as if she was asking a question without coming out and actually voicing it.
Milena nodded. “Yeah, I got that impression. He was a sniper.”
“Oh Christ,” Sadie murmured, and turned to flop onto her back. “Yeah, so he was probably very good at his job. He got hurt and was sent home…to him, I’m sure that felt like a massive failure. He was frustrated he wasn’t over there still fighting, and then he was chaptered out of the service altogether. When he had healed enough, he lived with you, right?”
“He didn’t have anywhere else to go,” Milena told her friend defensively.
“Don’t you get it?” Sadie asked. “There he was, still healing, no home, no job, he probably felt like he’d let his friends and country down. He was lost. I’m frankly surprised he stayed as long as he did.”
Milena couldn’t help but flinch. That hurt.
“Oh sweetie,” Sadie said, and leaned over and put her hand on Milena’s knee. “I didn’t mean that in a bad way. What I meant was that he had to have loved you to have stayed for as long as he did. He left because he didn’t feel like he was man enough for you. He was trying to be noble. Men like him don’t like to feel vulnerable. At all.”
“I didn’t judge him, Sadie. Not for one second. I would’ve been there by his side as he worked through whatever he had to, but he didn’t give me the chance.”
Sadie turned back over and stared at the ceiling once more. “You have to be sneaky with men like him,” she informed her friend. “They need your support, but you have to do it in such a way that they don’t really realize what you’re doing. He’s got a group of close friends, right?”
“I have no idea.”
“He does,” Sadie said with conviction. “His tribe. And I’ll bet those friends have women of their own. You need to get to know them. Get close to them. They’ll be your source of support when it comes to your man because TJ isn’t going to come home and tell you when he’s had a bad day. You’ll be able to sense it, but he won’t tell you why. And that’s okay, but you can talk to the other women to help yourself deal with how he is. You can set up guys’ nights out. Let him blow off some steam. Cook him dinner. Initiate sex. Let him take you how he wants and needs. That’s how you help a man like TJ.”
“How do you know all this? You’re single!”
Sadie smiled up at the ceiling. “I’m a good observer. My aunt married a man just like TJ. Well, maybe not just like him, but close enough. You know I was the administrative assistant for McKay-Taggart. Everyone who works there is just like your man. Alpha, obsessive, insanely jealous, and when they fall for someone, they fall hard. And it might look like the men are in charge, but ultimately, it’s the women who hold most of the power. I’ve seen my uncle leave in the middle of an important meeting because my aunt called and needed something. He’s big, and sometimes scary, but my aunt and his kids mean the world to him.”
Milena sighed. She wanted to believe her friend, but it was so hard. “He let me down, Sadie. Big time. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust him again.”
“You will,” Sadie said with conviction.
Milena shook her head sadly. “I can’t just take him back like nothing happened. Like he didn’t rip my heart out of my chest and stomp on it.”
“And you shouldn’t.” Sadie moved and sat up once again, crossing her legs and leaning forward. “He knows he screwed up. But he missed two years of his son’s life as a result, Milena. If he’s anything like my uncle and his friends, that’s something he’ll beat himself up about for the rest of his life. He missed JT’s first smile, his first steps, his first word, and so many other firsts that he’ll never get back. Ever. There’s no need to throw it in his face because he’s well aware of the magnitude of what he missed. He needs to work hard for your forgiveness and trust, and he should. He needs to prove to you that what he did two years ago will never happen again. That you can rely on him. But, girl, if you can find it in your heart to let him in again, not a day will go by where he won’t show you with and without words that you’re the most important person in his life. You’ll never feel as loved, cherished, or protected as you will with a man like him by your side.”
Milena knew what Sadie said was true. But she couldn’t just forget all the pain, worry, and hardship she’d been through over the last three years. “I’m scared,” she admitted in a soft tone.
“I know. That’s why you should take things slow. Get to know the man TJ is today. Let him show you that you can trust him again. One day, you’ll realize that the fear you’re feeling right now is gone. That’s when you can move forward again.”
“How’d you get so smart?” Milena asked. Sadie was younger than her by a couple years, but in many ways, she seemed older. Milena might be a mother, but Sadie had a wisdom beyond her years.
“I’ve had good role models,” she replied. “I’ve watched my uncles Sean and Ian and their friends. They’re stubborn, badass, infuriating men. But they’re all completely devoted to their women. They’ve set the bar so high for me, I don’t think I’ll ever find a man who lives up to their legacy.”
“I think you will,” Milena told her friend. “You’re smart. Loyal. Brave. You’ll so find the man meant to be yours.”
“I hope so,” Sadie responded. “I’m kinda glad that FBI guy said that I had to stay in town in case they had more questions. I like hanging out with you. I’ve missed you.”
Milena heard the wistfulness in her friend’s voice and she immediately offered, “I’ve missed you too. I don’t get out a lot, and having you here has made me realize how much I’ve missed talking to other women my age. You’re welcome to stay longer, even if you
’re cleared to leave.”
Sadie’s eager gaze met hers.
“I mean, there’s plenty of room in this house. My parents don’t mind you being here at all. You could easily get a job down here if you wanted.”
“I had a job up in Dallas.”
“I know, but you’re my only close friend here. I’d hate to see you go.”
Sadie chewed on her lip for a moment before saying, “Maybe I could find something part-time.”
Milena smiled, then leaned over and hugged her friend. “Thank you. I’m so happy you’re staying.”
“For a while,” Sadie warned. “Eventually I’ll go back. Uncle Ian is probably scaring off the new admin. He has a tendency to bluster when he doesn’t get his way. So…think you’ll see TJ tomorrow?”
It was an abrupt change of subject, but Milena didn’t mind. “He said he’d come by after I got off work.”
“Then you’ll see him tomorrow,” Sadie said definitively. “What are you going to do?”
“What do you mean?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Sadie asked. “You can’t just sit around the house staring at each other.”
Milena looked at her friend in shock. She hadn’t thought about doing anything. “I have no idea,” she blurted.
“Stop panicking,” Sadie ordered, obviously reading her friend well. “How about taking JT to the park? You guys can stay busy watching him and it won’t be as awkward as sitting on the couch trying to figure out what to talk about.”
“Yeah, okay, that sounds good.”
“Then the next day, you can take him to McDonald’s and let TJ experience a meal out with his son.”
“The next day?” Milena asked, but Sadie went on as if she hadn’t heard her.
“Then maybe you can go to the zoo downtown. That might be a bit ambitious for an afternoon, but probably better for JT, since he tends to get bored easily. And if it’s nice, you could take him to that park that has the water spout thing and let JT play in the water. Oooh, I know, another good date could be the farmers’ market downtown. That would tire JT out and you could get some good fruits and veggies while you walk around and talk.”