by Susan Stoker
She felt him jerk under her, but didn’t stop. “I didn’t even hesitate to ask if you would stay with JT the other night when I had to go into the clinic. Even though I didn’t think you’d ever been around toddlers before, I knew nothing would happen to him while he was in your care. There’s no one I trust with his life more than you.”
“God, Doc, you need to stop.” TJ’s voice was raspy with emotion.
“No. I won’t.” She braced herself on an elbow so she could see his face better. “You might not know the little things, like exactly how to change a diaper or how much cream to use on his tush, but you know the most important thing of all. How to love and protect him. And that is precious to me. If push ever came to shove, I have no doubt you’d do everything in your power to make sure he was safe, even if that meant you got in trouble or your life was in danger.”
That’s when the tears fell from his eyes. As if she’d turned on a faucet, they leaked out the corners of his eyes and soaked the cushion under his head. But he didn’t look away and he didn’t hide his emotions from her.
Milena dropped back down and hugged him, trying to show him with her actions how much he meant to her, and how much his opening up meant as well.
It might’ve been five minutes later, or it might’ve been an hour, but when his words came, they made any doubts she’d been harboring that she was doing the right thing by involving him in her life once more and moving in with him disappear as if they’d never existed in the first place.
“I love you. I’m sorry that I hurt you back then, but know that I’m a different man now. Better. I can’t promise to ever get over whatever part I might’ve played in my team’s death, but I swear to you here and now, that I’ll be there for you and our son when you need me. If you doubt anything else I say, don’t doubt that.”
“I won’t.”
She felt one hand snake up her spine and rest on the back of her neck. She smiled, knowing what was coming even as he tugged her closer to him. She lifted her head and was rewarded with a kiss on her forehead.
“It’s no wonder you can’t sleep through the night on this lumpy couch,” she joked. “Think you might be able to sleep better in your own bed?”
He didn’t play dumb. “If you’re in it with me, yes.”
Milena looked into his eyes. “I don’t think I’m ready for more than sleeping yet.”
“As long as I have you in my arms, I’ll be content.”
She narrowed her eyes at him in mock chastisement. “I didn’t say I’d never be ready, just not yet.”
He grinned, and she was so relieved to see it, she almost gave in and asked to be ravished.
“You let me know when you’re ready, Doc. I’ll let you use and abuse my body however you want.”
She grinned at him. “Promise?”
“Abso-fucking-lutely.”
Milena shook her head. “I kinda doubt that. I remember how bossy you were in bed. You never let me play.”
He laughed. A low, rumbly sound that she felt between her legs. “You loved my bossy.”
She did. But refused to admit it.
“It’s almost scary how much I love that boy,” TJ said. “You’re gonna have to give me quite the incentive not to sneak out and go cuddle with him in the middle of the night,” he teased.
Milena raised an eyebrow. “Sleeping with me isn’t incentive enough?”
“Depends. If you mean sleeping next to you with one-point-three feet between us, no. If you mean holding you all night with you wearing only my old Army T-shirt, yes.”
Milena couldn’t help the low moan that escaped. “I missed you,” she whispered, her turn to feel overly emotional.
“I missed you too, Doc. Every fucking day.”
They lay on the couch in silence for a few more minutes before TJ rolled off and helped her stand. Without a word, they went to their son’s door and checked in on him before continuing to the master bedroom.
Milena changed in the bathroom and got ready then crawled under the sheets as TJ took his turn in the bathroom. She almost swallowed her tongue when he reappeared wearing only a pair of red boxers. He turned off the lights and climbed onto the mattress as nonchalantly as if they hadn’t spent a night apart in the last three years.
He didn’t hesitate, but pulled her into his arms. Milena curled into him as naturally as she’d done when they’d been dating. His earthy smell wafted up and she sighed in contentment. Right before she fell asleep, she heard him say against her hair, “I’ve got your back, Doc. Your back, front, and everything else in between.”
She fell asleep with his heartbeat thudding heavily against her cheek.
Chapter 14
TJ couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept so deeply. He woke up at four-thirty, just as he did every morning, and for a moment he was confused. Then he remembered the night before. He was currently wrapped around Milena, his front to her back. One of his arms circled her chest and she was holding on to him as if he were a teddy bear. He inhaled and was rewarded by the lemony scent of her hair.
The smell immediately made his blood flow south and his dick hardened against her ass. It was such a visceral reaction, he almost growled. Memories flowed through his head of all the times they’d made love in the mornings. He’d taken her just like this more than once, easing into her body from behind. Sometimes their loving would be sweet and easy, and other times he’d take her hard, with her moans encouraging him to pound into her.
TJ inhaled a long, slow breath, trying to get control over his libido. When he’d graduated from the academy and first become a highway patrolman, he’d tried to put Milena out of his mind. He’d gone on a few dates, and even went home with a woman he met at a bar one night. But as soon as he’d walked into her apartment, he knew he’d made a mistake. He couldn’t touch her. Not when he still loved Milena. He’d made some lame excuse for needing to leave and had gotten out of there as soon as he could.
Even going home with the woman had made him feel as if he’d cheated on Milena, which was crazy since he hadn’t even known where she was at the time, but the feeling was there all the same. He’d been on a few more dates since, but had kept everything casual.
Having Milena back in his arms, and his son sleeping down the hall, made him feel complete once again. He couldn’t believe he’d shared as much about his last mission as he had the night before, but he also knew it was necessary. If they were going to move on as a couple, which he wanted more than he wanted to breathe, he had to open up to her. Try to explain why he’d been so angry three years ago.
And typical of Milena, she’d taken it in stride. She’d made some excellent points and deep down, TJ knew she was right. He’d made a mistake, but he wasn’t the one who had killed his team. The terrorists were ruthless, and if their plan hadn’t worked that day, they would’ve tried again. And again. It wasn’t as if they played fair.
As he lay there with Milena in his arms, TJ had an epiphany.
He had a son. He and Milena had created a human being together. He wouldn’t have JT if he hadn’t been in that VA hospital in Austin. He wouldn’t have met Milena, wouldn’t have fallen in love with her. If he hadn’t been hurt, he wouldn’t have been sent to Austin to recover. She had always said that everything happened for a reason, and he finally, truly understood what she meant.
His arm tightened around Milena and he closed his eyes. For the first time since the men who’d been like brothers to him had been murdered, he’d thought of something good that had happened because of their deaths.
The idea almost felt sacrilegious, but then TJ imagined Mouse smiling at him. He could practically see Bud, high as usual, grinning in that mellow way he had, telling him to just chill. Each of his buddies flashed in front of his eyes. Alive and whole.
“Morning,” Milena said softly, interrupting his thoughts.
Yeah, he could practically feel his friends watching over him. He grinned. Fuck off, assholes, don’t look at my woman.
&nbs
p; “Morning, Doc. Sleep well?”
“Yeah. What time is it?”
“Early. You can sleep for at least another hour and a half.”
“Mmm, kay.” She turned to face him then, curling her arms up in front of her and tucking her head so it was notched under his chin. She was lightly snoring within seconds.
TJ’s heart felt like it stopped beating in his chest for a second, then when it started up again, it was beating at twice its normal rate.
Even after everything he’d done to her and everything he’d told her the night before, she still cuddled up to him as if she didn’t have a doubt in her head that she was safe. Her capacity to forgive after all she’d been through was astounding.
TJ lay in bed holding Milena for another fifteen minutes, memorizing every nuance of how she felt. His cock still throbbed, but he ignored it as best he could. This moment wasn’t about lust. It was about coming to grips with his past and finally putting it behind him once and for all.
He would’ve stayed there all morning if it hadn’t been for the soft babbling that came through the baby monitor next to the bed. Not wanting Milena to wake up, he immediately eased back from her, making sure to place a pillow in her arms as he left. It was a poor substitute if her groan of protest was anything to go by, but when he ran a hand over her hair, she immediately settled.
TJ had loved before. He loved his parents. He’d loved his Delta teammates even if he’d never come out and said it. He supposed he even loved his new friends. But nothing had ever come close to the kind of love he felt for Milena and their son. It was all-encompassing, as if the world had so many more possibilities than he’d ever been aware of before.
TJ knew he was being corny, but didn’t care. He leaned over and kissed the side of Milena’s head and made his way into the bathroom, grabbing the baby monitor on the way. He quickly took care of business and pulled on a pair of sweats before heading out of the room and down the hall.
When he opened the door, JT was standing in his crib. When he saw his dad, he smiled and bobbed up and down, holding up his arms. TJ lifted him and brought him over to the changing table. “How about we try this again, huh buddy?”
“Food, Daddy. ’Ungry.”
“I know, buddy. Let’s get you changed then we’ll go see what we can find for you. Okay?”
“’Kay,” JT echoed.
Even though he was still grossed out by the whole changing-a-diaper thing, TJ smiled throughout the entire process…and he managed to get it right on the very first try.
* * *
By the time Milena wandered into the kitchen an hour and a half later, TJ had fed JT, cleaned him up, read him three books, and was now supervising him playing with some toys on the floor in front of the couch.
“There’s coffee on the counter,” he told her when she stood staring at him and JT. “I already put sugar in the pot, so you don’t need to add more.”
“You drink your coffee black,” she said, tilting her head in confusion.
“Yeah, I know. I poured myself a large cup, then added the sugar. The rest is all yours.”
Without a word, she moved to the kitchen as if in a trance. He kept his eyes on her as she filled a mug. She then wandered back into the living room and settled on the couch next to him as if she’d done it every day of her life.
TJ put his arm around her shoulders and felt a contentment he hadn’t known before move through him as she settled against him, giving him her weight. She pulled her feet up and her knees came to rest half on his thigh. “You awake?” he asked with a chuckle.
She shook her head and took a sip of the coffee. Then she sighed and said, “It’s perfect. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“You have any trouble with his diaper this morning?” she asked.
“Nope.”
“Did he eat?”
“Yeah. He had some Cheerios and I made some scrambled eggs too.”
She looked up at him then. “He ate eggs?”
TJ shrugged. “Yeah. With lots of ketchup.”
She chuckled. “No TV?”
“He watches a lot. I figured maybe I’d read to him instead this morning. When he got tired of that, he played with his cars for a while, now he’s obviously moved to his blocks.”
Milena looked from him to JT, and back to him. He braced himself for her ire. He knew mornings were usually her time with their son, but he’d wanted to let her sleep in for once. He might love her and she might trust him, and hopefully like him more than a little, but they were still finding their way to being a family.
But she didn’t say anything. Simply sipped her coffee and rested against him.
“I know mornings are usually your thing with him, but you looked so peaceful sleeping, I wanted you to have an extra few minutes,” TJ said quietly.
“I like this.”
TJ blinked. That wasn’t what he was expecting to hear.
“I love that you were able to have some time with him. And you’re right, he does watch too much TV, but it’s an easy way to keep him occupied. Admitting that might make me a bad parent, but…” Her words trailed off.
“It doesn’t make you a bad parent,” TJ reassured her, giving her a squeeze.
She looked up at him then. “Are you all right?” she asked quietly.
That gooey feeling inside him grew even larger. “I’m good.”
“Because you were pretty upset last night.”
“I’m good,” he repeated. “Promise. Are you okay with everything we talked about?”
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“We talked about that last mission of mine, but we didn’t talk about what it was that I did in the Army.”
Her brow furrowed, and TJ wanted to kiss away her confusion, but he needed to bring this last thing up. Then he wouldn’t ever again talk about what he used to do for a living if she didn’t bring it up first.
“What you did? TJ, you were a soldier, I know that.”
“I was a sniper,” he said firmly. “I can’t tell you how many people I’ve killed, but I can tell you it was more than a regular soldier has.”
Milena sat up and placed her mug on the table in front of her, then she turned to TJ. She framed his face with her hands and leaned toward him. “I don’t care, TJ. It doesn’t surprise me that you were good at what you did. And it’s not like you were out there shooing innocent people. I’m fairly certain everyone you killed probably deserved it.”
“They might’ve had kids. A wife. Family.”
“Then maybe they should’ve been at home taking care of that family instead of running around trying to kill American soldiers,” Milena fired back.
TJ stared at her for a heartbeat then grabbed her. Ignoring her grunt of surprise, he hauled her over him until she was straddling his lap. He didn’t care that she would feel his erection, he just needed to hold her.
Once she’d gotten over her surprise, she melted into him, putting her arms around him and laying her cheek on his shoulder. He felt the warm puffs of air against his neck as she spoke.
“I’m proud of you, Thomas James. Proud of your service to our country. Proud of the man you’ve become. And proud that you’re the father of our son. You might confuse me sometimes, and frustrate me, but never doubt my support of both your military career and law enforcement one.”
“You’re too good for me,” he told her.
“Nah,” she countered. “We’re perfect for each other.”
He couldn’t have stopped himself if he tried. One hand moved to her neck to hold her still and his head dropped. TJ poured every ounce of love he felt for her into the kiss. Showing her without words how much she meant to him. That he’d protect her from the Joneses and anyone else who might ever dare try to harm her. She was his.
He half expected her to protest, to pull away, but she didn’t. Milena gave as good as she got. Moving her hands to his head and running her fingers through his short hair as they kissed. Her hips gyrated against h
is erection, and he could feel the heat of her body seep through his sweats to kiss his already rock-hard cock.
Just when he was preparing to roll them over on the couch, TJ heard a laugh. A high-pitched, happy sound. Then he felt a little hand smacking his cheek. Laughing, TJ dropped his hand from Milena’s neck to reach out and grab his little boy. Then he fell over onto his back, pulling the two most important people with him. JT thought it was a fun game and squealed with laughter. Milena’s eyes sparkled with a mixture of humor and lust. It was a look TJ wanted to see every day for the rest of his life.
JT squirmed until he was face to face with his daddy, and then mimicked what he’d just seen. “Daddy, kiss. Daddy, kiss,” he babbled as he leaned forward and kissed TJ’s scruffy cheek. Then he kissed TJ’s chin, then his forehead. He was drooling and laughing as he did it, his little hands patting his daddy’s face and chest as he smothered him with kisses.
Milena laughed and sat up, scooping her son as she went. “How about we let Daddy get up and get dressed, huh, little man?”
“Daddy, dress!” JT repeated.
TJ stood and curled an arm around Milena, bringing her and their son into his embrace. He kissed Milena hard on the lips, then kissed JT on the forehead. “I love you guys. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Then he let go and sauntered toward the master bedroom to get ready for the day.
He never saw Milena bite her lip and her eyes fill with tears as a result of his casual but heartfelt words.
Chapter 15
Milena sat with Sadie in the breakroom at the downtown clinic. They were exhausted from seeing patients nonstop that morning, and needed ten minutes or so to regroup before they saw the last couple of patients. Sadie usually stayed at home with her parents and JT on her days off from the coffee shop, but this morning had asked if she could come along and volunteer.