No Filter

by Maxine Morrey

  ‘Yeah, that’s what I thought.’

  ‘All right. Don’t let it go to your head.’

  ‘I’ll try not to.’ He gave me a look. ‘But I’m glad you’re feeling better. What do you want to do now?’

  ‘I don’t mind. Any thoughts?’

  ‘We could just go for a walk if you were up to it? And I know a little teashop down the back lanes that serves the best cake for later, you know, just to keep up your strength.’

  ‘Oh, so the cake would purely be for my physical well-being.’

  ‘Of course. I mean, I’ll have some too, in the interests of politeness. You know, just to keep you company. Be rude to let you eat alone.’

  ‘Ah, that’s so sweet of you.’ I put a big emphasis on the word and poked my tongue out as punctuation.

  ‘I’m all heart.’

  ‘OK, let’s go and walk this off and make room for cake.’

  The tide was out as we made our way along the coastline at the base of the cliffs. The summer sunshine bleached out the whiteness of the chalk, making them almost too bright to look at. At least too bright when you still had the remnants of a hangover. We walked further out and began climbing over the rock pools, peering in to see what creatures we could find in each one.

  ‘There’s nothing in here,’ I said, squinting at where Charlie had pointed. I’d been peering into pools on my own for the past twenty minutes whilst Charlie had wandered around taking photos, crouching over pools and getting so close that I was worried he was going to tip in head first. I’d wandered off across rocks warmed by the sun, leaving him happy in his pursuits, but he had now caught up with me and, upon hearing how little luck I’d had in spotting any sea life, was trying to help.

  ‘Yes, there is. He’s just buried himself in the sand a little.’ Charlie crouched next to the pool and pointed.

  ‘Doesn’t sound like a bad plan to me. Maybe he had too much champagne last night as well.’

  Charlie straightened up. ‘Are you all right? I can take you home if you’d prefer, and you can get some rest.’

  I stood up and tilted my head back to look up at him, the brim of my hat shading me. ‘No, this is good. Honestly. It’s nice. I can’t remember the last time I did this.’

  Actually, I could. It was exactly two weeks before Mum died. I’d never been rock-pooling since. Not until today. Of course, Charlie had no idea about any of that. Despite my chattiness, I rarely opened up to anyone about what had happened with Mum. Even my ex only knew that she had died young, and unexpectedly. Despite nearly two years of dating, I had never felt that I wanted to open up about that. And he’d never asked.

  Charlie took off his sunglasses, his beautiful eyes focused on me. ‘I’m pretty sure that was another big fat porker, Libby.’ His voice was soft. ‘Is everything OK?’

  I felt the tears prick my eyes, hidden still behind the oversized glasses I’d grabbed on the way out of the flat. Suddenly I wanted to tell Charlie everything, and I didn’t know why. But I did know that it had nothing to do with last night’s champagne and everything to do with knowing I could trust him completely and utterly. And with wanting him to know.

  ‘I’m fine!’ I said, bailing at the last minute, squishing the tears back down.

  ‘You’re really on a roll with those fibs today.’

  He held out a hand and I took it, my sandals dangling from my other one. Stepping across the rock pools, with Charlie steadying my way on the slippery rocks, we headed out to where the sand had formed into little ripples from the outgoing tide. We walked along next to each other, content in silence, the wash of the tide drowning out the sounds of families having fun as we walked further from the main beach and moved along the coastline.

  I bent and picked up a large shell, washed clean by the waves. Turning it over in my hands, I smiled at the perfection of its shape.

  ‘Isn’t nature amazing? I mean, look at this. It’s just so—’ I let out a squeal as a mollusc began poking its head out to see what was going on with its home. Quickly, I brought my arm back and lobbed the shell out to sea.

  Charlie raised his eyebrows. ‘Impressive throw.’

  ‘Yes, my brother is the one that throws like a girl in our family. My nephews hate playing ball with him.’

  Charlie laughed, and so did I. And then I burst into tears.

  Charlie’s arms were around me before I knew it. He didn’t ask what was wrong or tell me everything was all right, or that I was fine. He just held me and let me cry until I was ready to stop. When I did, I searched in vain for a tissue in my dress pocket, having left my bag in the boot of the car.

  ‘Here.’ Charlie offered me a freshly pressed, soft linen handkerchief. I looked at it for a moment. ‘It’s clean,’ he added.

  A laugh bubbled up inside me at his obvious, yet earnest statement and I flung my arms around his neck. His arms wrapped automatically back around me and in that moment I felt so safe, so secure I didn’t want to ever let go. But I knew I had to. My embrace loosened, and Charlie’s followed suit. I took the handkerchief still in his hand and tried to delicately wipe my nose. Accepting that as a loss, I blew it instead.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, stuffing the hanky in my own pocket.

  Charlie gave a small shake of his head. ‘You don’t need to apologise. What can I do?’

  I looked up at him. His expression held such concern that I felt the tears fill my eyes again.

  ‘My mum would have loved you,’ I said, my breath hitching a little as I spoke.

  ‘I’m going to take that as a big compliment.’

  I nodded in reply, smiling at him through tiny prisms of tears. ‘Mum loved rock-pooling. She’d bring us down here on summer evenings, helping us poke about in the pools, but gently so as not to disturb anything living in there too much. She had a never-ending sense of wonder at the world, and her enthusiasm transferred to everyone she came into contact with. Just her smile could lift you out of a bad mood. She didn’t even need to say anything half the time. Her being there was enough.’

  Charlie listened patiently. Mum really would have loved him. And if I wasn’t careful, I knew it would be very easy to fall in love with him, which I knew would be a Bad Thing. We were wonderful as friends but lovers were quite another matter; I knew I was the opposite of his ‘type’, and I didn’t want to lose him as a friend by attempting something that I already knew wouldn’t work. It was times like this I missed Mum the most.

  ‘I was right when I said you did remember the last time you went rock-pooling, wasn’t I?’

  I nodded. ‘Mum took us shortly before she died. It was one of those long summer evenings that seem to go on and on. She’d packed a picnic tea and as soon as Dad got home we all piled in the car and drove here. Dad got to work on the big umbrella and we sat eating this feast, Mum and I taking most of the shaded spot before setting off to clamber over the rocks and see what creatures had been left by the tide. That day we’d made it into a competition, Mum and I against Matt and Dad. We were all scrambling over the rocks, trying to be the first to find something, and then Dad started making up all these daft names of things they had supposedly found which, of course, had disappeared by the time we came over to look. We were all laughing and I remember looking up from the rock I was perched on and seeing Mum and Dad laughing together. I remember the look on each of their faces. I’ll never forget it. It was like…’ I swallowed, and flicked a brief glance at Charlie.

  ‘Go on,’ he said, his voice soft.

  I dropped my glance to my feet. ‘It’s going to sound corny.’

  Charlie gently took my fingers and gave them the softest of squeezes. ‘No, it won’t. And who cares if it does?’

  I lifted my gaze to him again. There was no judgement in his eyes. No expectation. Just concern. My gaze shifted to the horizon, hazy and indistinct in the heat.

  ‘The look on their faces… it was like there was so much love in it, it was almost tangible. It felt like you could reach out and touch it. It was so re
al.’ I swiped at my cheek as a tear rolled down it. Charlie’s thumb caught another before I could get to it. His touch was warm and gentle and part of me didn’t want him to ever stop touching me. I took a deep breath, stepping back from him as I did so, letting his fingers fall away from mine. All the emotion that the memory had evoked, plus the remnants of a hangover and a late night, was muddling my senses. I pulled my hat straighter and shoved my sunglasses back on. Behind their screen, I risked another glance at Charlie. His brow furrowed slightly as he watched me.

  ‘So, where’s this amazing cake place, then?’

  Charlie waited a couple of beats before he spoke. ‘Follow me.’

  Tilly had the Monday off so it was Tuesday before I was able to tackle speaking to her about the shock contents of the accounting file.

  ‘Morning!’

  ‘Morning,’ I said, a little less enthusiastically, as I let Tilly in the door. From the corner of my eye, I saw her slide a glance to me.

  ‘How was your weekend?’

  ‘Fine, thanks. Yours?’

  ‘OK. Bit crazy with organising things for the wedding, of course. But that just seems to be par for the course at the moment.’

  I smiled and nodded and walked on to the kitchen, where I proceeded to pour two teas from the Art-Deco-style teapot I’d set brewing a few minutes earlier, ready for Tilly’s arrival. She followed me in.

  ‘Is everything all right, Libby? You seem… a little quieter than usual.’

  I handed over the mug.

  ‘Thanks.’

  I took a sip from my own and then looked back at Tilly. She appeared to be waiting for me to say something.

  ‘Have I done something wrong?’ She had by now paled a little and an anxious expression creased her cute pixie-like features.

  ‘I took the paperwork and laptop to Charlie on Saturday so that he could go over those queries we had.’

  ‘And? Have I made a mistake on some accounts stuff?’

  ‘No. Not at all. That was fine.’

  ‘So why are you looking at me like that?’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘Like you want to explode but you’re too nice to do so.’

  I laughed in spite of the tension filling the air. ‘I don’t want to explode, don’t worry.’

  ‘But there’s something?’

  ‘OK. Remember the photo the camera took when I fell in the sea?’

  Tilly frowned. ‘The one when you stood up and everything was a bit, umm, see-through?’

  ‘That’s the one,’ I said, my voice a little tight.

  ‘What about it?’

  ‘I thought I asked you to delete it.’

  Tilly dropped her gaze to the counter top. ‘You did. I know. It’s just…’ She returned her gaze to meet mine. ‘Libby, you look super hot in it! I thought that one day, when you meet a guy you really like, well, believe me, he’d like to see it! So, I tucked it away in a folder for as and when.’

  ‘I see. Well, as and when became Saturday.’

  ‘You met someone on Saturday?’

  ‘No. But as you had put that photo in the accounts folder marked “Charlie”, he got rather more than he bargained for!’

  Tilly’s hands flew to her face. ‘No! No, I couldn’t have! I…’

  My suspicion that Tilly was, like Amy and Marcus, subtly – or not so subtly – trying to push Charlie and me together was immediately dispelled by the look of shock and horror on her face. Apparently, this really had been an accident.

  ‘Oh, Libby! I’m so, so sorry! I never meant to put it in there. I don’t know what I was thinking! I must have caught it and dragged it in there accidentally when I was preparing the file for Charlie. Did he see it… properly? I mean, were you there and able to close it quickly?’ Her question had a tone of hope in it.

  ‘Nope. I was the other side of the room. I only knew when he suddenly lost the ability to speak for a few moments, and I took a look at the screen.’

  Tilly’s hands went back to her face. ‘I’m so sorry!’ she said again, the words muffled by her hands. Tears began to prick at her eyes. ‘Am I fired?’

  I let out a big sigh. ‘No, of course you’re not fired.’

  A couple of tears released and streaked down Tilly’s face.

  ‘Oh, come here,’ I said, rushing round the kitchen table and wrapping my arms around her, as stray tears soaked into my new silk blouse. ‘Don’t be silly. It’s fine. I’m just a little bit paranoid about people trying to set me up lately, what with my father’s attempts. And ever since Charlie came on the scene, Amy and Marcus have been dying to try and get us together. I didn’t know if you’d been roped in.’

  ‘No, honestly,’ Tilly mumbled miserably against my chest.

  ‘All right. It’s OK now,’ I said, handing her a tissue to dry her eyes. ‘Is there anything you need to tell me, though? It’s not like you to make a mistake like that. That’s why I was sceptical. Is everything OK, you know, between you and Sam and stuff?’

  ‘Oh, yes, yes. That’s all fine. We just had a bit of a panic on Friday. Our photographer suddenly said he didn’t think he was going to be able to make it!’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Apparently he’s double-booked himself and only just realised. He contacted Sam on Friday, so he was trying to deal with it because he knew I’d flip out, but in the end he had to tell me. I guess I was more distracted than I thought. I really am so, so sorry about the photo. I never meant for Charlie to see it like that.’

  I slid my glance to her.

  ‘I mean at all!’ she clarified, pausing slightly before she spoke again. ‘But I do think you should keep it. I mean, seriously, Libs, you look bloody amazing in it. I wish I had one like that.’

  ‘Well, if you like, we can go down to the beach once we finish our tea. I’ll throw you in the sea and we can get you one of your own.’

  She smiled for the first time since we’d started talking.

  ‘So, is everything sorted now, I mean, with the photographer?’

  ‘Apparently. After I’d gone off on one about it, he seemed to reconsider. Honestly, I was a total Bridezilla. I didn’t know I had it in me.’

  I shrugged. ‘Needs must. So long as he’s got his act together now. And next time, just tell me what’s going on, OK? Don’t just sit and stress there on your own. I might not be able to help but I’d like to try.’

  ‘OK, I promise. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to think I was being unprofessional, bringing all this wedding stuff to work.’

  ‘Tilly, you’re getting married and there’s a lot to arrange. Of course there’s going to be stuff you have to do in the day. It’s fine. I know you well enough by now to know you won’t take advantage. And I did hope you knew me well enough to know you could come to me – about anything. I must be a worse boss than I thought I was!’

  ‘No!’ Tilly cried. ‘Not at all! I was just desperate to prove how efficient and professional I was. And ended up proving the opposite.’

  ‘Rubbish. The only thing you proved is that you’re human. And I already know you’re efficient and professional. So just relax, OK? The blog wouldn’t be where it is without you.’

  She gave me a hug and we headed on into the living room and settled down at our desks ready to tackle our individual to-do lists for the day.

  13

  ‘So, what else did you do at the weekend?’ Tilly asked when we broke for lunch. We were sitting out on my Charlie-declared-hazard of a balcony, under a parasol, eating a pasta salad I’d made first thing this morning.

  ‘I drank too much champagne in response to Charlie seeing that photograph and passed out on his garden bench.’

  ‘You did?’ Tilly laughed.

  ‘I did.’

  ‘And then what?’

  ‘Then I woke up.’

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Where what?’

  ‘Where did you wake up?’

  ‘In Charlie’s guest bedroom,’ I emphasised. Although I was now su
re Tilly hadn’t put the X-rated photograph in Charlie’s folder on purpose, it was clear she wasn’t entirely unconvinced by Amy’s prompts about him and me either.

  ‘Oh.’

  I laughed. ‘Sorry. No juicy gossip for you.’

  ‘Oh, well.’

  ‘Although, I did meet one of his neighbours, Elaine. Boy, she’s something!’

  ‘Is that good or bad?’

  ‘I think that depends on who you are. She’s quite the bombshell, a real siren!’

  ‘Wow. I’m guessing Charlie was just standing there with his tongue out, drooling?’

  ‘That’s the funny thing. He wasn’t. Not at all.’

  ‘Huh.’

  ‘She’s definitely interested in him though. And that’s putting it mildly!’

  Silence settled between us. I could tell Tilly was building up to something, though, because she kept fidgeting.

  ‘What is it?’ I said, eventually.

  She looked at me, as if to say, ‘What?’ but saw immediately that I wasn’t fooled.

  ‘I just wondered if Charlie was gay.’

  ‘He’s not.’

  ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Because he told me the first time I met him.’

  ‘You really do have boundary issues, Libs.’

  I laughed. ‘No, it wasn’t like that. The subject came up.’

  ‘OK. And you think he was being honest?’

  ‘Absolutely. I’m not sure that Charlie knows how to be anything much but honest.’

  ‘I’ve not met him a lot but, from what I’ve seen, yes, I know what you mean. It’s just a little surprising that he’s not with anyone. I mean, he’s gorgeous! And especially when he’s getting offers like that.’

  ‘He’s looking for something a bit more serious than that, apparently.’

  ‘A man who turns down no-strings sex? Blimey.’

  ‘Yeah. I know.’

  ‘And you’re not… you know…’

  I tilted my head a little. ‘I’m not what?’

  ‘You know, interested in him.’

  ‘No. And he’s not interested in me,’ I continued. ‘We’re friends. Good friends. But we’re not for each other in that way. I’m pretty sure I’d drive him insane within a week. He already thinks I talk too much.’