Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  She answered on the first ring. Her voice sounded a little groggy. “Hello?”

  “Hey.”

  “Hi. I didn’t think I would hear from you.”

  “I know. I’m sorry I didn’t call you back. I just…wasn’t sure how to respond to your message.”

  “That’s okay. You didn’t have to respond.”

  “Did I wake you?”

  “No. I was just sitting in bed thinking.”

  My heart started to beat faster as I pulled on my hair. “You said I didn’t need to respond. But I do, Gia. Because you told me you loved me, and I never even fucking called you back. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay, Rush.”

  My voice sounded pained. “I love you, too. I really do. You know that, right?”

  “I know. Your actions have always proven that.”

  “This is just so fucking hard,” I breathed out. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my life. And I’ve been through some serious shit. But nothing compares to this.”

  “I know.” She paused. “Where are you right now?”

  “I’m home. I’m in the baby’s room, actually. It’s the first time I’ve let myself look at it since...”

  She exhaled into the phone. “Oh, Rush. It must be strange to be in there.”

  “Nah…actually…it’s kind of calming in a weird way. The dim lights. The baby stuff. The moon décor. It’s just what I needed tonight, I think.”

  After some silence, she asked, “How was The Heights?”

  “Boring without you, but busy with end-of-the-season shit.”

  “I can’t believe the season is over.”

  “Yeah. It’s always a stressful time.” I paused. “Hey…so I told Oak everything tonight. About Elliott, too. I thought you should know.”

  There was some silence before she responded, “Oh. Okay.”

  She sounded weird about that.

  “Is that okay?”

  “Yeah, of course. Just took me a second to process it. I trust Oak. He’s a good guy, and you needed to talk to someone. What did he say?”

  “He gave me some good advice. Some stuff to think about. He really likes you, Gia.”

  “I really like him, too. I’m gonna miss him.”

  I hated the reminders that she was leaving.

  “I almost smoked tonight,” I said. “Really close to falling off the wagon but caught myself.”

  “I’m so proud of you for keeping that up. I know it can’t be easy with everything that’s been going on with us. But it makes me feel good to know you’re not filling your lungs with that crap anymore. I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you.”

  Grabbing a stuffed elephant off the nearby dresser, I clutched it to my chest. “This whole thing with us, Gia…it isn’t a decision you make overnight. I wish it were simple. I wish I could sit here and say with one hundred-percent certainty that I knew I could handle it. All I know for sure is that I love you and care about this baby enough to really think about whether I can be the kind of father he deserves under the circumstances. I will not look at him with resentment the way my father looked at me. I can’t do that to him. I won’t. I love him too much, if that makes sense.”

  “I know. I get it. And I totally understand your need to think this through. It’s why I’m leaving to give you space. It’s the best thing right now. Plus, my dad has been really supportive, and I think I just need to be closer to him right now.”

  It hurt me that she felt she needed him more than me…but then I had to remind myself that I was basically pushing her away in a sense. My lack of answer was speaking volumes, even if I wasn’t saying anything. What the fuck did I expect?

  “I’m so sleepy, Rush. This baby is really kicking my ass.”

  “Why don’t I let you go to bed?”

  “I don’t want you to go,” she insisted. “Please…don’t go.”

  Those words. Their meaning extended beyond tonight, and I knew it.

  “You want me to stay on the phone with you?” I asked.

  “Yes. I just want to hear you breathing while I fall asleep. Is that okay?”

  “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that.”

  Resting my phone against my cheek, I laid back farther into the chair and closed my eyes, never imagining that Gia and I would be sleeping together this week.

  But that was exactly what we did.

  It had become a game of sorts.

  Make Rush Look.

  It started out innocently enough. Earlier in the evening, I’d caught him watching me while I sat at my station inserting the daily specials into the plastic menu casings.

  I smiled and waved. He lifted his chin giving me the casual Rush what’s up and quickly looked away. The next few times I caught him, he diverted his eyes pretending that he hadn’t been staring. And so my game began. A little extra wiggle in my walk. Licking my lips while I innocently looked down. Since I’d enjoyed myself so much for the first half of my shift, I decided to play the advanced version of Make Rush Look for the second half:

  Make Rush Hard.

  This wasn’t a game for novices. A certain level of skill was required. And it was definitely for ages eighteen and over. Rush had disappeared to his office a little while ago, and I’d grown impatient for my turn. So I decided I should grab the extra salt from the storage room across from his office. None of the shakers were near empty, but I was a damn diligent employee. As luck had it, Rush’s door was wide open, and the oversized container of salt was all the way down on the bottom shelf.

  Like everything else I owned, the skirt I wore tonight was pretty damn tight. I held my breath and hoped that the fabric didn’t split in two when I bent over without bending at the knees. I wanted to shove my big ass in his face, not ruin one of the few things that still fit me.

  Even though the salt was right in the front, I spent a good thirty seconds moving things around on the bottom shelf while wiggling my ass. I was so damn obvious; I practically cracked up while I did it. All the blood had rushed to my head, so when I stood up I was a little lightheaded. I couldn’t hide the smirk on my face as I wondered if all the blood had rushed to Rush’s head, too—his southern head, that is.

  I glanced across the hall and found Rush sitting in his chair, staring straight at me.

  Two points for Gia.

  Feeling particularly ballsy, I turned back around and quietly unbuttoned the top two buttons of my silky blouse. The material parted down to beneath my bra. Then I grabbed a stack full of extra menus that I didn’t need from the top shelf and accidentally dropped them all over the floor when I turned around. I might as well have been naked from the peep show my gaping blouse gave when I bent to pick them up—one at a time, of course.

  The look on Rush’s face when I stood made me feel like a queen. But when he quickly diverted his eyes like he’d been doing something wrong, it caused a physical pain in my heart. Apparently, he hadn’t read the rules to the game—looking is encouraged. So I decided to fill him in. He stared at my legs with every step I took from the supply closet into his office.

  Shutting his door, I leaned my back against it with my hands tucked behind me. “You know, I see you watching me.”

  Rush clasped his hands together, resting his elbows on the arms of his chair—a very casual, but confident stance. Full of attitude. So Rush. “Is that so?”

  I pushed off the door and took two steps toward him. “Yep. And you know what?”

  “What?”

  “I love that you look.” I took another step. “I love that you don’t seem to want to look, but you can’t help yourself.”

  Rush just continued to stare at me. So I took that to mean he wanted to hear more. Raising my hand to the skin on my chest, I grazed a fingernail up and down my exposed cleavage. Rush’s eyes followed along. “But you know what part I don’t love?”

  His eyes jumped to meet mine.

  “I don’t love that every time I catch you, you avert your eyes like you’re doing some
thing wrong. Like you’re not supposed to be looking at me the way you do.”

  “Gia…” His husky voice was a warning.

  So I took a few steps more and leaned on the opposite side of his desk, across from him. “Whether we wind up together or not, you’re supposed to be looking at me. And I’m supposed to be looking at you the way I do. Because you’re my person, Rush. And I’m yours.”

  His stare was so damn intense, but he still didn’t utter a word. I walked around to his side of the desk and turned his chair so he faced me. “You do like looking at me, Rush, don’t you?”

  Still no answer, not in words anyway. But his breathing definitely said something. It grew louder, faster…heavier.

  I scraped a finger along his chest. Between my legs throbbed with need, and I wanted nothing more than to get on top of his lap. What harm would that do? We were adults. He might not want to be together, but he clearly wanted me. It suddenly dawned on me that we’d been here before, with me taunting him and inviting him for a physical relationship, one with no strings attached. The only difference was—we had strings now. So many that we were both tangled and tied up with a million knots. But it didn’t change the fact that we both had needs.

  I unbuttoned another button on my blouse.

  “Do you miss seeing me naked, Rush? Because I miss seeing your body. The hard lines of your stomach. The beautiful artwork inked all over. Your broad, strong shoulders. How hard you get for me…”

  The air in the office grew so thick, it became difficult to breathe. Rush’s eyes dilated to the point that he had little color left in his beautiful blues.

  The muscle in his jaw ticked a few times. “What gets hard for you, Gia? Say it.” His voice was so damn raspy.

  I ran my tongue across my top lip while he white knuckled the arms of his chair.

  “Say it…”

  “I love when your…”

  A knock at the door cut me off. Rush’s chest heaved up and down. He looked like he might burst if I didn’t finish the sentence. But before I could speak again, a second knock came. This time louder, and the door creaked open a crack. “Boss. It’s important.”

  Oak.

  I quickly turned my back and buttoned my shirt. Rush adjusted his pants and pulled his chair closer to the desk to hide the very prominent bulge he was sporting.

  “Come in.”

  Oak glanced back and forth between us and frowned. “Sorry to interrupt, boss. But you have a call. She called earlier, and I told her you were busy. But she called back again—said she’s been trying to reach you, and you’re not answering your cell. Said it’s an emergency, or I wouldn’t have bothered you two.”

  “Who is it?” Rush clipped.

  “Lauren.”

  In a heartbeat, I went from hot and horny to frozen and freaking out.

  Rush glanced up at me and lifted his cell from the desk. He scrolled, and we both saw a dozen missed calls and messages.

  I swallowed.

  Rush looked up at Oak who was still waiting at the door with the phone in his hand. “I’ll take it in here.”

  He took a deep breath and picked up the cordless extension. Nodding to Oak that he was on, Oak clicked his extension off and backed out of the office.

  “What’s up, Lauren?”

  I held my breath hearing her voice. I couldn’t make out anything she said, but when Rush’s eyes flashed up to meet mine, I thought I might pass out. She knows. She knows!

  “Okay. Okay. Calm down,” Rush said into the receiver. “And where’s Elliott now?”

  Oh God.

  Oh God.

  I’m not ready for this.

  I really needed to sit down.

  “Okay. I understand. I’m on my way. I’ll meet you there in a little while. Try to relax. I’ll take care of it.”

  He barely hung up the phone before I started shooting off questions. “What? What happened? He found out, didn’t he?”

  Rush closed his eyes for a few seconds and blew out a heavy breath. “No. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or the baby. Elliott has apparently been down in Florida for a business meeting the last few days.”

  “What happened then?”

  “It’s Edward. They found him passed out on the ground in his office parking garage earlier. He’s in the hospital. Apparently he had a brain aneurysm that no one knew about. He’s on life support at Mount Sinai. They aren’t sure if they can stop the bleeding or not.”

  “Oh my God.” My hand flew to my chest. “I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry. What are you going to do? Head to the hospital?”

  “I really don’t think Edward would want me there. But Elliott can’t get a flight back until tomorrow. Lauren sounded pretty nervous that he might…” He paused. “She doesn’t want him to be alone. He has no other family, really.”

  As much as the thought of him spending time with Lauren scared the living shit out of me, I couldn’t be selfish. I looked him straight in the eyes. “You should go, Rush. If you don’t, it could be something you regret for the rest of your life.”

  Rush’s face fell, but he nodded. He knew I was right. At certain times in life, the past doesn’t matter, and you need to do the right thing as a human being.

  “Do you want me to go with you? Riley is off tonight and didn’t have any plans. I could call her to cover for me.”

  Rush looked conflicted as he searched my eyes. His instinct was to protect me at all costs. But I wanted to be there for him. Finally he nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

  My heart started to hammer inside my chest at the sight of Lauren in the waiting room. She stood as we approached.

  “Thank you for coming. I didn’t know what to do.” Lauren hugged Rush and then turned to me.

  “You, too, Gia.” She hugged me and squeezed my hand. “I think our guys really need us right now.”

  I felt like the worst person on the planet. Lauren was so kind and caring, and here I was standing in front of her carrying her husband’s baby, and she didn’t have a clue. We’d passed a chapel down the hall on the way in, and I hoped she didn’t want to go in there together to pray for Edward. I was certain my feet would combust.

  The two of them talked for a while. Lauren filled him in on what she knew so far and then told him the doctor said two people could visit at a time.

  Rush couldn’t hide the stress that the thought of walking in to see Edward in ICU caused. I took his hand and squeezed tight. “I’ll go with you.”

  We walked through the ICU doors like we were going to our own beheadings. Small steps and terrified. Edward’s little area had the curtain drawn, and we heard people working on him. So we waited.

  “Are you here for Eddie?” A heavyset nurse with an unexpected southern drawl asked.

  I waited a few seconds for Rush to answer. When he didn’t, I did. “Yes. How’s he doing?”

  She attempted to smile and stay positive, but I didn’t need to know her to see she wasn’t that optimistic. “He’s holding his own. He’s a fighter. I just cleaned him up. You can go on and visit. Don’t let the tubes scare you too much.” She took off a paper gown that she had worn over her uniform and crumpled it into a ball. “You must be one of his sons, right? I can see the resemblance.”

  Rush just kept staring at Edward in the bed, so I answered again. “Yes, I’m Gia, and this is Rush.”

  She stepped on the garbage can pedal next to her and tossed the disposable gown in. “I’ll give the doctor a call and let him know you’re here so that he can come speak to you.”

  “Okay. Thank you.”

  When the nurse walked away, Rush and I approached the bed still hand in hand. Edward looked frightening. There was a tube down his throat, a tube up his nose, and at least four bags of medicine running from an IV pole to his hand. A machine flashed all kinds of numbers to his left, while another machine hissed breaths into his body from the right. He looked so pale and weak.

  Neither of us said a word as we stood there. At one point, I watched R
ush close his eyes, and I thought he might have said a little prayer. Then he did something I never expected. He reached down and took Edward’s hand. I had to swallow to keep my tears at bay.

  The silence didn’t break until a doctor broke it for us.

  “Hello. I’m Dr. Morris.” He extended his hand and shook both of ours.

  “Rush. I’m Edward’s…son. And this is Gia.”

  “Hi,” I said, grateful that Rush had snapped out of it enough to converse with the doctor.

  Dr. Morris nodded his head toward the nursing station nearby. “Why don’t we talk over there?”

  Away from Edward’s bedside, he put his hands on his hips and sighed.

  “So…your father was brought in with a ruptured aneurysm. In case you aren’t familiar with the term, an aneurysm is basically a balloon-like bulge that pops out of an otherwise normal artery wall. Unfortunately, it’s common that there are no symptoms of the bulge until it grows and the pressure becomes so much that it ruptures. Picture a straw with a small crack and an uninflated balloon sticking out of it. Over time, through the pressure of our blood pumping, the balloon starts to inflate until it becomes so full that it bursts. That’s what happened to your father. It’s called a subarachnoid hemorrhage.”

  “Okay. So his balloon gave way and now, what, everything that was inside goes where?” Rush said.

  “That’s half the problem. The blood releases into the space around the brain. It’s essentially a hemorrhagic stroke and can cause some pretty severe damage, such as paralysis, coma and…worse. In some patients who make it to the hospital, the bleeding slows or stops by itself. Other times it doesn’t, and the patient isn’t stable enough when we go in and try to stop it. Your father’s bleeding seems to have slowed, for the most part. Which is good, because performing surgery to open up his skull while he’s in this weakened condition would pose significant risk for complications.”

  “It slowed, not stopped?”

  “That’s right. So now we’re at a point where we need to weigh the risks of further complications from the slow bleeding, against the risk of bringing him into surgery to try and stop the bleeding altogether while his vitals remain this unstable.”