Rebel Heart

by Penelope Ward

  “Rush,” I said. He didn’t even hear me.

  “Get the fuck out of here. We don’t need you hanging around.” Elliott slurred his words.

  Rush spoke between clenched teeth. “Yeah? Someone has to act like a man and stick around to make decisions. By the way, your father had a fatal aneurysm in his stomach. He had it removed today and lived through it. You’re welcome.”

  “You aren’t a man. You’re a street thug.” Elliott had been swaying back and forth and started to tip forward. Rush had to put his hand up to keep him from falling into him while he spoke.

  “Sit your ass down!” Rush roared. I immediately planted my ass on the chair next to me, even though he hadn’t been speaking to me. I’d never heard him so angry. Unfortunately, drunk Elliott didn’t scare as easily as me. Watching the two of them insult each other nose to nose, I felt like I was sitting waiting for something bad to happen, which I realized was stupid. I might not remember what Rush had said should be done to break up a fight, but I was clear on the fact that I was supposed to call Oak. Since he wasn’t around, I decided to get some assistance stopping this disaster waiting to happen, rather than dealing with the fallout afterward.

  Rush and Elliott were so focused on each other, I was able to slip out of the waiting room without an argument. Lucky for me, I found a burly security guard right down the hall. After explaining to him about the tense situation, he followed me back to the waiting room.

  The uniformed guard walked up to the stare off that was still going on. “Everything okay in here, boys?”

  “Fine,” Rush answered without averting his eyes from Elliott.

  “It’s not looking too fine. Having a loved one in the ICU can be stressful and can cause a lot of friction when it comes to deciding on care. But this isn’t how things get handled here. I’m going to have to ask you both to take a seat, or I’ll escort you both off hospital grounds.”

  After a solid fifteen seconds of more intense staring, it was Rush who took the high road. He shook his head, turned around, and took a seat.

  Elliott started to snicker like he’d won something. So the guard took Rush’s place and folded his arms across his chest while standing toe to toe. “Your turn. Sit down.”

  The drunk idiot mumbled under his breath, but finally went to sit on the other side of the room.

  The guard looked over at me, then at Rush. “I’m going to stick around for a while. Just gonna take a seat near the door.”

  I smiled. “Thank you.”

  Rush sat alone stewing and didn’t acknowledge the guard or me. I knew that, for him, Elliott’s presence was a painful reminder that I was pregnant with his brother’s child and the mountain of animosity it would cause for years to come. No doubt it also stirred up his own childhood hard feelings that he’d done his best to move past. It was my fault that everything was again such a mess.

  I had a doctor’s appointment this afternoon that I’d planned to cancel. But I started to think things might be better if I wasn’t here. My presence was gasoline on an already hot fire. Rush needed to be here for the sake of his father, and I didn’t need to add to his problems. So I decided to text my dad and see if he might be off today and could run me back out east for my appointment.

  Two minutes later, he responded no problem and that he was out running errands and would swing by the hospital when he was done. I figured I’d let Rush know after he cooled off a bit.

  A half-hour later, Elliott was snoring in a chair and Rush still hadn’t looked up. He was taking longer to cool down than I’d thought. I stood.

  “I’m going to go find a ladies’ room. Want me to get you some coffee or something while I’m gone?”

  Rush shook his head.

  Okay, then.

  I took my time in the ladies’ room. Since it was a one-person restroom, I decided to wash up in the sink in case I didn’t have time to stop home before my doctor’s appointment. Being in the hospital made me paranoid about germs, and I’d been sweating over the Rush and Elliott standoff.

  I washed my face and hands, then stripped out of my shirt and washed under my arms. Before I slipped my top back on, I took a good look in the mirror. My stomach was much rounder these days. It wouldn’t be long before I moved out of the did she gain a little weight phase and into the oh she got herself knocked up phase. It had been a while since I’d had a talk with the little guy, and as odd of a time and place as it was to have one right now, it felt like it was needed.

  I rubbed my belly. “Hey. It’s me. Mom.” Saying the word Mom was so foreign to me since I didn’t have one of my own growing up. The word didn’t roll off my tongue like it did for most people. “Sorry I haven’t talked to you in a while. I’ve had a lot going on. That’s no excuse; I know. But I’ll try not to have such large gaps of time between our talks. You’re getting so big. Well, at least I’m getting big. So I hope you’re the cause of it. Although, let’s be honest, I’ve spent a lot of time with my buddies Ben & Jerry lately. Today we’re going to the doctor for a checkup. Your grandpa Tony is taking us. He’s pretty awesome. The best dad anyone could ask for. I have no doubt that he’s going to be an even better grandpa to you. He’s kind and loving and the most dependable person on this planet. We’re lucky to have him.” I paused for a few seconds. “Okay. Well, that’s it for now. But I’ll catch up with you again real soon.”

  After I got dressed, I felt better about going back to the waiting room. Only when I walked in, there were three men now waiting—a sleeping Elliott, and my dad and Rush standing and talking.

  Rush’s eyes pinned me the minute I approached. “You didn’t mention your dad was coming.”

  “I…uh…I have a doctor’s appointment this afternoon.”

  The muscle in his jaw ticked. “I would have taken you.”

  “I know you would’ve. But you need to stay here. And my dad was off today.”

  “Taking care of you takes priority over everything else,” Rush said. He was clearly not happy that I hadn’t discussed it with him.

  “Thank you. I know that.”

  My father reached out his hand. “Call me if there is anything at all I can do, son. Even if you just want some company while you’re waiting here. I can always swing over on my break or go off the clock for a little while.”

  “Thanks, Tony. I appreciate that.”

  I stepped forward and gave Rush a hug. Even though he put an arm around me, his body was stiff. “Text me later,” I said. “Let me know how Edward’s doing.”

  Rush nodded.

  My dad opened the door for me, and I started to walk through, but then stopped and looked back over my shoulder. Rush looked up and our eyes met, but he didn’t say anything or try to stop me from leaving—not that I’d expected him to. But it was a sad reality check. This was what it was going to be like next week: me leaving with Dad, only I’d be leaving the Hamptons then. And when I said goodbye to Rush, it would be permanent.

  I started to drag by eight o’clock. The Heights was busy, and it was a struggle to keep up. Although I perked up about ten minutes ago when Rush finally walked in. He looked haggard, still in the same clothes he wore when we’d left for the City yesterday. I assumed he had spent the rest of the day at the hospital and come directly to work. I’d texted him earlier in the day to let him know everything went okay at my doctor’s appointment and asked how things were going at the hospital. His response was short. ‘Haven’t killed the asshole yet. So that’s a plus.’

  It took until almost nine-thirty for the dinner rush to have a lull long enough for me to pop into the boss’s office. I knocked on the open door. “Hey. How are you?”

  “Holding up. You?”

  “I’m good.”

  “No fight with Elliott?”

  “No, but he did get a black eye.”

  “How?”

  “The asshole fell off the chair he was passed out on in the waiting room. Landed right on his face. It was the highlight of my day.”

  I smile
d. “How’s Edward?”

  “Doctors said he’s doing really well. They’re going to try to bring him out of the coma in a few days.”

  “That’s great.”

  Rush nodded and picked up a pile of papers. He turned to dump them in the file cabinet behind him while speaking. “How was your day with your dad?”

  “It was good, actually. Since we had a little time, we stopped by my apartment so he could help me move around some furniture. I’ve been ordering stuff for the baby and needed to make some room.”

  Rush froze. He stayed with his back to me for a minute before turning around. When he did, he leveled me with an intense stare. “So I guess you’re all set, then. To move back.”

  I looked down. “Yeah. I’m getting there.”

  When I looked up, Rush was still glaring at me. “I’m happy for you.” He grabbed a file from his desk and spoke while looking at it. “Did you need anything else? I have a lot of work to catch up on.”

  “Oh. No. I’ll let you get back to it, then.”

  Somehow, I managed to put one foot in front of the other and shut Rush’s office door behind me. But I wasn’t sure how I was ever going to put the man behind me when I walked out that door next week.

  I was tired.

  Damn tired.

  Between trekking back and forth from the hospital to the Hamptons and Gia’s looming departure, my head was just constantly spinning.

  My father was finally taken out of his coma, which was a relief. It was still going to be a long road to recovery, one that wasn’t made any easier by Elliott’s asinine behavior lately. Not that he wasn’t always an ass, but he’d taken it to a whole new level in recent months. It seemed like he was going off the deep end.

  Driving home from the City, I had to curb the urge to pull over and buy cigarettes about a dozen times. Every time I wanted to stop, I’d force myself to think about this commercial that used to come on when I was a kid. It had always scared the shit out of me. The man on the screen spoke with a hole in his throat, warning against smoking. Then, at the end, you’d see the guy had died. So I would force myself to think about that commercial every time I almost gave in. It seemed to be working. I’d gone this long without caving. Hopefully, I could keep it up.

  It was late and pitch black out. The lights on the highway looked like a bunch of blurry, illuminated lines. I blinked several times to see straight.

  I’d just gotten off the Long Island Expressway when the headlights of an oncoming car came into focus. Suddenly, it seemed like the car was headed straight toward me.

  Shit!

  Gia.

  I swerved, nearly losing control of my Mustang. And then it was over.

  Gia.

  What just happened?

  Did I almost just get hit head-on?

  My heart was practically exploding out of my chest. My body was shaking.

  Gia.

  It was still unclear to me whether the car was headed into mine, whether I was the one at fault, or whether I’d just overreacted. All I knew was that for a split second, I felt like I was going to die. And in that moment, it was Gia I thought about.

  Well, isn’t that an eye opener.

  Keeping my speed down, I wiped my forehead with my sleeve and continued to drive while trying to grab my bearings.

  Everything on the radio was pissing me off as I kept flying through the stations, giving each song a two-second opportunity to win me over before rejection.

  Nope.

  Nope.

  Nope.

  I finally shut it off.

  My phone started ringing. Glancing down, I saw that it was my mother.

  With my heart still thundering against my chest, I answered, “Hey, Ma.”

  The television seemed to be on in the background as she said, “You sound out of breath.”

  I exhaled. “Yeah.”

  “I had a strange feeling that something was wrong,” she said. “So I decided to call you and check in. Are you okay?”

  Chills ran through me. She had a strange feeling? If that wasn’t creepy, I didn’t know what was. This night just kept getting weirder.

  “You freaked me out just now,” I said.

  “What do you mean?”

  “When you said you sensed something. Because I’m pretty sure I might have almost died. Either that, or I’m losing my mind.”

  “What?” She sounded panicked. “What happened?”

  “I’m fine. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I just averted a head-on collision. At least, I think I did. It happened so fast, I’m not sure if I overreacted, or if I was really in danger of getting hit. Nothing like that has ever happened to me. All I know is…I’m sweating like a motherfucker right now. Excuse my language.”

  “Thank God you’re okay. You’ve been under too much stress.”

  “I’ve always worked well under pressure. Not sure why all of a sudden it’s catching up with me.”

  “Well, you just answered your own question. Everyone has a breaking point. You’re allowed for once in your life to lose it a little, son. But please be careful, and try not to drive when you’re tired if you can help it. I hope you learned your lesson.”

  “You want to know the kicker? As this car was supposedly careening toward me, all I could think about was Gia.”

  “Oh, Heath, what does that tell you?”

  I sighed into the phone. “I know what I feel. I just don’t know if that’s enough.”

  “The right decision will come to you, Heath. But you need to take care of yourself before you can think with a clear mind. It’s okay to be worrying about everyone else, but at some point you have to take care of your health, too. Look at what you’ve been through in just a matter of months. You fell in love for the first time in your life, found out she was pregnant, then found out the unimaginable about who the father of the baby is. Not to mention, the only real father figure in your life passed away, and your actual father was near death.”

  Damn, when she put it like that, it sounded crazy as fuck. “Thanks for the reminder, Ma. Now I need a cigarette and a drink.”

  Once I arrived back at my place, the reality of what might have almost happened tonight hit me. I could have died. Then what? Who would look after Gia? That was a screwed-up thought to have when I hadn’t fully committed to her—to them. A part of me knew that even if I couldn’t go through with being a father to Elliott’s child, that I was going to protect them somehow, even if from afar. She felt like she needed to prepare for a life apart from me, but I would find a way to take care of them no matter what.

  But what happens when she finds somebody else?

  Because she will find somebody else. You gonna take care of her while she’s with someone? How does that make sense?

  Fucking some other guy?

  The mere thought of that scenario made me ill beyond comprehension.

  I threw my keys down and opened my fridge. Nothing seemed appealing. Opening the freezer, I spotted an old carton of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey that had been left over from the last time Gia was here. That seemed like ages ago.

  Might as well finish it off.

  When I opened up the carton, there was a sticky note attached to the underside of the top.

  There’s not much left. I’m sorry. Got a late night craving. I’ll replace it. I love you.

  She never had a chance to replace it, because she hadn’t been here since. Now my chest hurt. I didn’t want to touch the damn ice cream anymore. All I wanted to do now was go to sleep and shut off my thoughts for a while.

  I headed upstairs to my bedroom and opened the French doors that led out to the balcony. Letting the cool evening breeze into my room, I lay back and listened to the sounds of the waves while I inhaled the salty air. This was the best part of living where I did. The ocean had a calming effect on me like nothing else did.

  And I knew just what I was going to do to seal the deal on falling asleep. There was only one way I was going to be able to relax enough to do t
hat.

  I had three photos in a hidden album in my phone that always did the trick when I wanted to come fast. The images were of Gia during the last week we were together before the Elliott news surfaced. Totally naked and spread eagle, she was taunting me in the pic, inviting me to claim her. It was the perfect shot, because you could see everything, including her gorgeous tits. That night, I had asked if I could snap some naked shots of her and she’d said yes. At the time, I had no idea that those photos would become a replacement for the real thing. Looking at them now was a form of self-torture, one I couldn’t seem to resist from time to time.

  Just as I’d unzipped my pants and taken my rock hard dick out, the photo of Gia’s pussy began to vibrate in my hand.

  Gia calling.

  I laughed at the irony. Fitting.

  Sorry, Gia. I can’t talk right now. Your pussy is calling to me instead.

  Sexually frustrated, I picked up. “Hey.”

  “Hi…I just wanted to check in on you and find out how Edward is doing.”

  “No difference since they took him out of the coma. He’s stable. Thank you for checking.” I opted not to tell her about my near-death experience, mainly because I didn’t want to stress her out even more in her condition.

  “What are you up to tonight?” she asked.

  Uh.

  I couldn’t help but laugh. My eyes were watering.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “Your pussy just vibrated.”

  She gasped. “Wait…how did you know that?”

  Huh?

  Her bizarre question made me laugh again. I knew what I was referring to. But what the hell was she referring to?

  “Hold up…your pussy is actually vibrating?” I asked.

  “Yes. But how did you know?”

  I started to crack up even harder. “What in God’s name are you talking about, Gia?”