Falling Stars

by J. L. Brooks

  We left the store and went to pick up my rental. Grant assured me he would drive slowly enough for me to follow him, but to be careful driving up the mountain in the dark. He lived a half hour away from the campus and I was starting to get tired before we even arrived. Pulling up to the gated entrance, Grant hopped out of his SUV and entered a code while directing me to pass. "It's just up the hill; you can park in the circle.”

  I nodded my head and proceeded on the dark wooded road with his headlights behind me illuminating more of the surrounding forest. Taking a sharp curve, a motion detected light came on and guided me towards the front of the house.

  “Holy shit,” I said aloud while parking. Floor to ceiling glass made up half of the house with the rest being timber and steel. Designed with the same elegant aesthetics as the school, I was unprepared for something so grand. He looked almost embarrassed walking up to me and grabbing one of my suitcases.

  “This is home,” he said softly.

  “It’s beautiful!” I exclaimed while following behind him.

  It was difficult to see what wasn’t lit up, and I could only imagine what it would look like in the daylight. Opening the door for me to walk in first, I swallowed hard as he turned on the lights giving me a better view of the house. Cathedral ceilings opened up to a secondary loft. A grand stone fireplace went up the back wall with an antler chandelier. Massive leather furniture and timber tables rested on plush woven rugs. The columns in the center of the room were hand carved and painted to resemble Native totem poles, with vibrant red, black and white paint detailing the various animals. The house was entirely masculine and void of a woman’s presence.

  I wasn’t sure if I should have found comfort or felt nervous by that fact. Typically men had some residue of past relationships with items they found of no value yet kept for sentimental reasons. Everything in the house looked specifically chosen and meticulously placed. I wanted to wander and explore the rest of the house, yet waited quietly for Grant to return from getting the rest of the items from his truck. Setting them down on the granite island, he picked me up and placed me on the edge like he did the one day in the cabin. Rather than inciting a heated encounter, he rested his head against my chest and held onto me tightly.

  “I still can’t believe you’re here.”

  His fingers clawed up and down my back and massaged forcefully over my limbs, holding on in any way possible. I clenched my thighs around his waist and locked my ankles, pulling him closer.

  “I can’t believe I am here either, so I hope you don’t change your mind.”

  Shaking his head, he nuzzled into my neck placing soft kisses across my collarbone.

  “Not happening.”

  Squeezing a bit tighter, he backed away and lowered me down, taking my hand and leading me to a floating staircase to the upper level. The loft wrapped around the back of the house with a catwalk across the front connecting the two areas opposite of each other. An open game room was on one side with a pool table, bar and big screen television. An office was on the other. The hallway had a series of doors leading into various rooms, yet Grant only opened one which was to the bedroom. Inside was a massive king sized bed with a plush down comforter piled in a heap. It was the first sign of the house actually being lived in and made me smile.

  “This is it,” Grant said with open arms.

  I laughed mockingly.

  “Yeah, didn’t see this coming.”

  Concern washed over his face as he came closer and pulled me into a hug.

  “You don’t like it?”

  “I didn’t say that. I was just expecting…less I guess.”

  “I’m not here very often if you couldn’t tell. It’s too quiet sometimes.”

  “Then why live here and not in the city where you are closer to the school?”

  “It’s too noisy there.”

  I shook my head and pointed at a door.

  “Is that the bathroom? Mind if I take a soak? You can join me if you want.”

  Nodding, he growled and pulled me into the spacious tiled room. A massive soaking tub sat in the corner surrounded by stained glass windows. I quickly knew this would be my favorite room in the house as Grant began to pour the hot water.

  “Have any candles around? I know it’s cheesy but it really does make it nice.”

  Scrunching his brow in thought, he ran out and returned with package of tea lights, and a barbecue lighter.

  “Definitely a man's house if this is all you have.” I joked while setting them around the edge. He opened the closet and removed a few towels and a fresh bar of soap. Taking the items from his hands, I set them aside and loosened his tie before unbuttoning his oxford. He watched as I undressed him slowly with glassy eyes and a wicked grin. Helping me to slip out of my jeans and sweater, I could sense his mind devouring my body as I stepped into the steaming bathtub and held my hand out for him to follow.

  Lathering the bar of soap in my hands, I straddled his legs and began to massage the suds onto his arms and chest affectionately. He held my hips gently with his head back and his eyes closed. Using my cupped hand to rinse away the soap, he then picked up the bar and repeated the motions over my chest, and neck. I dipped back to rinse off and allowed my hair to fall out of the top knot and splay across my shoulders. Coming back up, his mouth caught my nipple and bit down hard.

  I jerked in his lap and slid forward feeling his arousal pressed against my belly. He held me in place to make sure I knew how ready he was. I wanted him and fought the nausea that flooded my senses from allowing strangers to touch me. Although I had visited a doctor and ran a battery of tests to ensure I was clean, nothing would wipe away the filth from my memory. He could tell something was off and stopped momentarily as I prayed he blamed it on leaving me behind.

  “Let’s get out,” I moaned urgently.

  Toweling off, Grant swept me into his arms and plopped me onto the bed like a rag doll. Jumping over me, I was happily caged beneath him.

  “Fuck. I don’t have anything,” he growled while leaning back onto his heels.

  Running my fingers across his shoulders I encouraged him forward again.

  “It’s okay.” I whispered.

  Grumbling to himself, he rolled off and held his arm to stop him.

  “No, it’s okay, you don’t need anything.”

  Looking at me unsure, I could tell he wanted a further explanation.

  “I have an IUD and I’m clean, scout's honor.” I laughed holding up two fingers.

  Walking back slowly, I could see he was still hesitant.

  “I haven’t been with anyone like that in a really long time. I don’t know if I’m ready.”

  I nodded my head in understanding and pulled the sheets over my body feeling vulnerable. I couldn’t blame him. Suddenly being denied his affection ripped at my heart, although I shouldn’t have taken it personally. I fought the muscles in my chin from frowning and scooted to the other side of the bed so he could not see my face. Pulling on a pair of pants, he bolted from the room and barreled down the steps. A few minutes later he returned with the backpack he had camping and dumped the contents onto the bed. Shaking everything out, the box of condoms hit the blanket softly and caused Grant to shout, “eureka”!

  He ripped one out of the box and kissed the foil packaging. Ready to romp, he tore the blankets off the bed causing me to shriek. Seeing the tears that ran down my cheeks his hands came up to my face and forced my gaze to meet his.

  “No, no, no baby. It’s not like that. I don’t want to come too fast. And, yes, I know it probably hurts your feelings, but I need to know you are going to stick around. I know I was the one that left, but you frighten me.”

  I couldn’t tell him to trust me, because I didn’t even trust myself. I never wanted to hurt him and would do everything I could to make sure that never happened. Shaking in his arms, he pulled me close as more tears rushed forth.

  “I won’t go anywhere, I promise.”

  As I wept, his mout
h crushed my sorrow while his knee parted my legs. Feeling the small titanium balls press against my folds, I raised my hips to draw him forward. Sheathed or not, I desperately wanted him inside of me. With one quick thrust, he stole my breath, causing me to gasp. Following with another, he began to slam repeatedly with intense force. Grabbing the headboard for support, I locked my ankles around his hips and arched my back into the air. The position rocked my body like a pendulum, allowing him to sink even deeper. Unable to hold the pose for long, I flipped over onto my stomach and wrapped my feet around his calves while holding onto his arms.

  He moved slowly, grinding his hips while drawing out soft whimpers. I ached for release, and he was taking his sweet time like he warned he would. Nipping along my neck and shoulders, I ran my fingers through his hair and pulled gently.

  “Fuck Lila. Hold onto the headboard again.”

  Without question I did as he asked. The moment my fingers curled around the spindles, he pulled my hips into the air and hammered roughly, coming hard within seconds. Collapsing on my stomach, he did not withdraw, yet massaged my clit while thrusting gently. With his left arm he hiked my knee onto his elbow, pulling me close against his chest.

  “It’s your turn, come for me Lila,” he groaned into my ear.

  I slid my hand over his and began to maneuver his fingers in a way I knew would make myself come quickly. Kissing my neck and shoulders as he continued to move within me, I felt the length of the barbell tug against my muscles with every clench. Quietly I shuddered as the warmth tingled from my abdomen outward. I squeezed Grant’s arms around me even more, and never wanted to be anywhere else in the world. Completely exhausted, I rolled onto my back, yet remained beneath him.

  “And to think I almost let you go. What a miserable life I would lead.”

  His fingers brushed my hair away from my face as he looked at me appeased.

  “But you didn’t. So after tonight, let’s not think of it any longer. I have had over two weeks to think about a life without you in it, and I have been miserable. From this point on, nothing in the past can change what we have now. I would marry you today if you allowed me to, but I will continue to woo you until the right time. Just know now, I am in this for keeps. If you are not serious, tell me.”

  Shocked, my breathing became shallow as I attempted to process what he just said. Because I was so unsure, I repeated it.

  “Did you just say you would marry me?”

  Dipping his lips to mine, he kissed me softly.

  “Absolutely Lila. Is that something that you want?”

  I closed my eyes, reeling at the possibility.

  “It’s not really a place I’ve let my mind explore. I never thought I would meet anyone like you. I have to consider it now. I’m not saying no. It’s just a lot to think about.”

  “It’s okay, nothing you need to decide tonight. However you must apply for Canadian residency soon. Passion does not exclude you from the law. I would be furious if you ever got deported.”

  Covering my eyes, I banged my head against the pillow and whined.

  “Tomorrow I shall tackle the world, right now, there’s only one thing I want.”

  “And what’s that mademoiselle?” Grant asked playfully.

  “Sleep.”

  The next morning bright beams of light filled the house. The bedroom had blackout shades and I slept much longer than I had anticipated. Smelling bacon and eggs, I padded down the stairs and into the kitchen where Grant was cooking breakfast in nothing but his sleeping pants.

  Groggily I laid my head on the counter where he placed a cup of coffee in front of me and kissed my nose.

  “Morning sunshine,” he chimed.

  Whistling happily while cutting up the fresh fruit and setting two plates on the bar, I asked what time it was.

  “Eight o’clock.”

  Looking at my watch I realized I was still on New York time and it was nearly noon there.

  “Sweet, time change worked in my favor.”

  I popped my watch off and readjusted the time before taking a sip of coffee. Curling my legs underneath me, I stretched my back and yawned.

  “What do you want to do today?” I asked Grant while he divided the eggs.

  Shrugging, he really had no preference. “Whatever you want, it’s your day. But we should probably take back your rental, you don’t need it.”

  “I need a car while I am here. I was supposed to buy one in Cleveland and I never got around to it. I suppose I could go look for one this weekend.”

  Setting the plates in front of us, I started to devour the crisp bacon.

  “No Lila, you don’t need to, I have it covered.”

  Mid bite I stopped chewing and looked at him curiously.

  “What do you mean you got it covered? Do you have a few cars just sitting in your garage or something?”

  Cringing slightly he nodded.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Unbelievable!” I shouted. "Who the fuck are you? I don’t care that you have money, but why wouldn’t you tell me before?”

  I could see him grow defensive. “I don’t like being judged because of what I have. Every woman I have tried to date before expects me to buy her things, and take her places, and spoil her rotten as if it’s automatic, and when they see I am not like that, they drop me and move on.”

  His demeanor told me that it happened more than once. That is why he was still single, he wanted to be loved for who he was, not what he could do. Knowing now how busy he was, I could only imagine how hard dating must be.

  “But I’m not like that. I have my own money, well now I do. And I wouldn’t care if you didn’t have it. I never thought you did, so it doesn’t change anything. I just didn’t understand why you would hide it, but now that you explain it, it makes sense.”

  Speaking softer, I could feel he was relieved that I understood.

  “I know you’re not like that. I wasn’t trying to deceive you; I just don’t know you the way I want to. As fast as I want to move forward with you, I know we still have a lot to learn about each other. I’m okay with that if you are. Just as I said I am in this for keeps; know that I will take care of you, not because you need me to, but because I can and I want to.”

  Suppressing the urge to argue, I snatched a piece of bacon off of his plate and laughed.

  “Sure about that? Giving me what’s yours?”

  Knowing I was being ornery, he placed a piece of bacon between his teeth and tilted his head to feed me.

  “This is a two way street. I don’t want your money, I want something more valuable.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “I want your heart Lila.”

  “Hopefully you are pretty handy because it’s in a million pieces right now.”

  Although I was joking, the painful truth could not be hidden from the falter in my voice. Grant had finished eating and was scraping his plate when he nonchalantly decided to address the cause of my calamity.

  “I can’t fix it for you, but I can help. First I need to know about Hunter.”

  My face dropped and I became rigid as stone. I had never once allowed that name to cross my lips in his presence and a wave of nausea rolled through me. Intuitive to my emotional recoil, his brow furrowed in thought.

  “When we were in Utah, and last night, you said his name just before you screamed. I know what I read online and the pieces don’t fit.”

  Taking a deep breath, I straightened my back on the barstool, no longer feeling sleepy.

  “You really cut right to the chase, don’t you?”

  Shaking my head I got up and started to pace back and forth in the sunlit room feeling the rays warm my skin. Through the windows I could see beyond the tops of the thick trees and out onto the sea. As I stared into the distance, Grant came up from behind winding his arms around my torso and speaking with an apologetic tone.

  “I have found that facing things head on is typically the best route. There’s no point in prolonging you
r pain if we can do something about it now. I don’t want to start a life with you and have this hanging over our heads.”

  I nodded and turned in his arms.

  “I agree, but this means no more holding back from me too. Just like you didn’t tell me about Aaron because you thought I would run, I didn’t tell you about Hunter.”

  Grant buried is nose in my neck and nuzzled softly. Taking in my reason, I could feel him struggling with the unknown.

  “I get it. But I can’t get over what I read. I need to know the truth. What made you leave New York with him? Were you really drugged?”

  Laughing, I stepped away and pointed to the deck on the back porch.

  “Is that a hot tub out there? Because this is a really long story and I want to be comfortable if I am going to tell it.”

  He did not appear to favor brevity in this situation, and I could guarantee I would be crying. Somehow sitting in bubbling water surrounded by nature somehow made it less depressing. Stripping bare, I dipped my toe into the steaming tub and sank with a grateful moan. Following behind, he picked up a foot and began to rub it softly.

  “Full version or abridged, your call.” I asked indifferently.

  “Abridged is fine as long as it explains why you are so restless.”

  Exhaling deeply, I poured out my soul and prayed at the end he would still be there. To say Grant was shocked would be a gross understatement. He was horrified to hear what had transpired and I could see the fury building in his eyes.

  “How could you still write the story after everything?”

  Knowing it probably wouldn’t make sense, I tried my best to explain it.

  “I did it as a way to find some peace and exorcize him from my bones. If nothing else, make a ton of money off my misery.”

  “Was it worth it?” he asked.

  I smiled and crossed the water to straddle his knees. Wrapping my arms over his shoulders, I kissed him softly.

  “I have to say yes, because it led me to you.”

  He broke the kiss and looked away. I could feel the muscles in his body tighten with frustration.