Psyche Honor (Psyche Moon)

by Buhr, Chrissie

  Clearly troubled, Billie acknowledged the others silently and gazed at the hills behind her home. Far in the distance, she spotted the outline of an animal trotting quickly towards them. Her expression eased slightly when she saw him. “Kato is here.”

  Jason clenched his jaw resolutely. “Let’s go in.”

  They turned as one, filing into Billie’s large home. Richard and Billie crossed to the kitchen, retrieving water and leftovers from the refrigerator. As they returned with an assortment of food and drink, a leggy red Wolf with white on his chin, chest and tail stepped through the doggie door. Grey hair covered his muzzle, showing his age, but he moved as lithely as any young Wolf. Ancient eyes locked with every other pair in turn, ending with a prolonged intent gaze into Billie's troubled green eyes. Those in human shape settled in the couches. Kato shimmered, changing too quickly for the eye to see the transition between wolf and human forms. Suddenly an old black man stood before them completely naked.

  His grey muzzle transformed into grey hair and beard, tumbling in messy strands nearly to his waist. Only the color of his hair and the depth of his eyes betrayed his age. He stood motionless for a few moments before settling smoothly on the floor near the others. A fat grey cat materialized from the shadows and plopped into his lap, kneading his stomach and purring ecstatically. Kato rubbed her head with a calloused thumb.

  Reaching for a food container, Kato tipped his head slightly at Billie. “Thank you for the meal, Beta. Human food is a delight when in human form.” She canted her head in reply as Jason handed the Eldest a bottle of water. She’d have heated the food for him but knew from experience that he preferred it cold. “Warm food,” he told her once, “is at the end of every successful hunt. Only in human form do I eat food cold, and that is something I cherish.”

  “I’m glad you were nearby, old friend.” Jason spoke deferentially to the ancient Wolf.

  He nodded and swallowed before speaking. “I smelled unrest in the wind and have stayed close since before the last full moon.” Billie didn’t know how the Eldest Wolf knew when they needed him, but he always came. “Mages are among us again. You are afraid to trust your instincts.”

  Jason did not reply, bristling at the truth in the Wolf’s words - a truth he did not want to face. Kato made him Wolf long ago, mentoring him for years before naming him Alpha. Only respect for the old Wolf restrained him from challenging the statement. “Nathan was turned by a Mage's Wolf and may be collared.” The weight of his words hit the others like a stone in the face. They all knew the outcome if true. They would be forced to kill Nathan, hopefully before he killed anyone else. Jason let out a long breath and told the story as Nathan told him.

  Richard spoke first. “Has he shown himself to be collared?”

  Jason shook his head. Only those who knew him well could recognize the unease behind his stoicism. “Nothing definitive. He was forcibly bitten, so erratic behavior is to be expected.”

  Billie bit her lip soberly, remembering the first months of her new life. She’d have killed someone if not for the guidance of the pack. By sheer luck Kathryn had found her and brought her home before she caused any lasting harm. “I’ll work with him and watch for any sign of Mage coercion while I’m at it.” The word still stung when she said it. She loved and trusted her mate, yet she still spoke of Mages as the enemy.

  Richard noticed. Like her Alpha, Billie exerted confidence with every movement, and few saw what lay behind it. Richard knew her better than almost anyone. “Is this something you can do right now, Billie?” Even the air in the room quit moving as he questioned his Beta’s ability. “Now that you know your mate is a Mage, do you trust your judgment with this situation?”

  The human hairs on Billie’s neck rose. She fought the urge to challenge him for questioning her ability and for his veiled contempt towards Sadie. She responded icily. “I think the better question is do you trust my judgment?”

  Richard spoke softly, almost apologetically. For over a hundred years the Wolf had practiced law, and he spoke eloquently from long experience with judges and juries. “I don’t know, my friend. I want to, but I can’t banish the memories. I’ve seen what they can do.” Richard’s world had once crumbled under the shoe of a Mage. Nearly his entire pack, including his mate, had been killed by a collared Wolf. The memories still haunted him.

  “You know Sadie, and you used to like her. You haven’t even spoken her name since we found out she’s a Mage. She didn’t even know.” Billie spoke in an even tone, emotions flat. Only seven days ago she’d killed two teenage boys and watched her mate kill seven more. She’d discovered the love of her life belonged to a race that Wolves had called enemies for as long as anyone could remember. Her mate’s people had enslaved and murdered countless Wolves over the centuries. She didn’t need Richard to remind her how complicated her relationship had become. She’d thought of little else since the discovery.

  “Mages can’t be trusted,” Richard replied.

  Billie’s tenuous emotional thread began to wear thin. Exasperation and anger bled into her tone, and her jaw tensed. “Her name is Sadie. She is my mate, and I trust her.”

  Billie, are you okay? Sadie’s concerned voice permeated her mind.

  I’m okay, love. But I can’t talk right now. Elder Meeting. Sadie’s voice receded with a mental kiss.

  The others noticed their exchange in the way all Wolves could sense another’s mental presence. Only Billie could communicate directly with Sadie, and none could explain why or remember that ever happening before. Richard’s eyes widened at Sadie's sudden appearance at the meeting. Jason’s breathing deepened, and his neck muscles tightened. Kathryn lowered her eyes in contemplation but gave no indication as to what she thought. Kato peered curiously at the Wolves surrounding him, brown eyes bright and clear, absorbing the entire situation with silent interest.

  “We can’t even have an Elder Meeting without her. Am I the only one concerned about our safety?” Richard blurted.

  “Of course I’m concerned,” Jason interrupted with a snarl. “Don’t forget she saved Billie’s life and prevented exposure to Humans. I made a promise and will not break it. So long as she does not harm the Pack or coerce Billie, she lives.”

  “She won’t harm us.” Billie spat the words she’d been repeating for a week. “She felt my distress and asked if I was okay. She was worried about me. I told her I’m in a meeting and can’t talk right now. It’s our version of a text message.”

  Richard stood and began to pace, looking like a cornered animal. A slight lilt appeared in his speech, reflecting his Irish origins and indicating his anxiety. “I don’t like the notion of her knowing Pack business. I say we do not tell her about the Mage problem or any of our concerns about Nathan.”

  “She could help.” Billie’s eyebrows rose and nose flared, her one hope for Nathan's situation dissolving in front of her. Among them, only Sadie could ascertain whether or not another Mage had hold of Nathan. “One peek and she could tell us for sure if Nathan's collared. We need to know.”

  “No.” Jason answered with swift determination. “I agree with Richard. Keep all of this from her, and keep her away from Nathan entirely. Warn her away from this information, however that’s done between you. She’s not to know Pack business.”

  “She is my mate. That makes her Pack,” Billie disputed.

  “By tradition we have always granted that to Humans. She is not Human,” Richard replied vehemently.

  Kato continued to watch with studious disquiet. Billie turned to him, her bright green eyes pleading for help. “Kato, Eldest. What do you say?” She’d come to know the old Wolf since becoming Beta, and she respected his advice above all others’.

  His brown gaze softened in affection towards her before addressing the Wolves earnestly. “You are afraid to trust your instincts.”

  “I won’t lose my mate to this Mage,” Richard stated contemptuously, his lip curling in disgust.

  Billie’s body relaxed, and her
shoulders dropped minutely. The Elders knew her postures and froze while Jason readied himself. Their Beta didn't tense before a fight - she relaxed. The mannerism didn’t deceive those who knew her, and they either prepared for a fight or got the hell out of the way.

  Billie's voice deepened and her eyes flashed as she responded to her best friend. “You would risk the safety of my mate? Sadie is in just as much danger as the rest of us, possibly more. She’s Pack now. She’s one of us, and we don’t know what other Mages would do to her because of that. If you won’t let her help, at least let me warn her.”

  “Out of the question. We can’t trust her.”

  Kathryn spoke for the first time, her voice carrying serenely into the room. “I trust Billie. Billie trusts Sadie. In the short time I’ve known her, I’ve found her to be a sweet girl with a good heart. She is not the kind of person to behave as we have known other Mages to behave.”

  Silence filled the room, thick and palpable. No Elder Meeting had ever been this divided. Conflict had always existed towards something or someone else, and they came together to resolve it together. They’d disagreed many times, but they’d never been divided.

  “Thank you, Kathryn.” Billie spoke first, emotion thick with gratitude towards her friend. Her posture eased, alleviating some of the strain between the Wolves. “I know Sadie can help us with Nathan. She is our best chance at discovering what the Mages are up to and fighting them.”

  “No.” Jason and Richard spoke in unison.

  “I agree with Billie. Sadie brings a unique advantage to our defense against Mages.” Kathryn voted.

  All eyes turned to Kato to break the stalemate. He remained thoughtful for several long moments, searching the faces around him. He sniffed the air and cocked his head before speaking. “You want guidance but do not ask for it. I offer it anyway. Trust your instincts.” In the blink of an eye, he changed into his wolf form. The sleeping cat on his lap startled and raced out of the room. Without a glance backwards, he left.

  The others watched him duck through the doggie door, shocked by his abrupt exit. By tradition, the Elders advised. Though the Alpha could choose the course he or she believed best, Jason usually acted on the majority opinion of the Elders. With a stalemate, Jason became the tie-breaker.

  “That was unusually obscure, even for Kato,” Jason remarked. He spoke to Billie, his decision made. “Work with Nathan, and keep all of this from Sadie. I know she’s your mate, but she is still a Mage. She does not belong in Pack affairs.”

  “I do not agree, but I’ll do as you say,” Billie replied with stiff formality.

  Jason, troubled by his Beta's response, only nodded in acknowledgement and addressed another question. “Billie, have you recovered from the knife wound?”

  “Completely,” Billie announced.

  “Good. Tell me how you nearly lost that fight. You’re better than that,” Jason asked, his expression neutral.

  Billie bristled and cringed. He had every right to ask his Beta why she failed to win against such easy opponents. “They were kids. I hesitated,” she admitted.

  Jason accepted the explanation readily and impartially. He’d have hesitated as well. Speaking to both Kathryn and Billie, he turned the conversation back to the Pup. “Come to John and Phil’s house before dusk. We’re taking Nathan for his first run.”

  They agreed. They’d need several strong Wolves to control him if he panicked during his first shift. Not if ... when he panicked. What Kathryn lacked in strength she made up for in her ability to breathe calm into any distressed creature. Without her talent, it would be a very long night.

  The meeting ended. Billie said goodbye to her friends and packmates, the people she trusted and loved most in the world second to Sadie. The only bond stronger than Pack was a matebond, and her own instincts told her to prioritize Sadie ahead of even her pack. She would follow her Alpha’s orders, but she didn’t like the distrustful and aggressive attitude towards her mate. She could feel the wall rising between them, and she didn’t know how to dissolve it.

  Chapter 3

  The meeting’s over, and everyone’s gone. Want to come over? Billie sent a mental invitation to Sadie as soon as the others left. They’d grown accustomed to this new way of communicating, and spoke mind to mind with ease.

  Sadie sensed her emotional need embedded in the message. I’d love to. Be there in an hour.

  See you soon, Billie replied. The meeting in the aftermath of an extremely difficult week left her emotionally and physically exhausted. She’d taken two lives, nearly been killed herself, discovered her mate was a Mage, healed from a knife wound, and now this. She wanted a vacation. With an hour to wait, she decided to rest.

  Climbing the stairs to the second floor, she began stripping her clothes off before reaching the top step. She usually placed her expensive business suits directly on a hanger to be dry-cleaned, but in that moment she didn’t care. Dropping clothing to the floor in her bedroom, she shifted into wolf form. She craved to feel her fur and ignore the rest of the world for a bit. As a wolf, her wildness emerged and her human side dwindled a little. Still fully herself, she nevertheless found it a little easier to set her problems aside in her other form.

  Her divided loyalties escalated further with each confrontation about Sadie. She felt a chasm widening between the people she held most dear. For the first time in years, uncertainty ascended on her. A Wolf’s mate always came first, the one she’d stand beside to love and protect forever. As Beta, she held a clear and absolute obligation: protect the Pack, support the Alpha, cherish and teach the Wolves. If her mate were Wolf or Human the two would line up easily.

  Sadie was Mage. To her knowledge no Wolf had ever befriended a Mage, let alone become mates with one. Her pack didn’t trust Sadie, and many wanted her dead. Any mate, by Wolf tradition, was automatically Pack as soon as the matebond appeared between them. Any mate but hers.

  Richard and the others feared that Sadie would collar her and force her to kill her packmates. As the second most powerful Wolf in the Pacific Northwest and Beta of the largest pack in the region, she could understand the fear. But their lack of trust insulted her and wounded her pride. Worse yet, it risked everyone’s safety, including Sadie’s.

  Of all the times for Mages to show up! Their timing couldn’t have been worse for Pack politics. Sadie could help them with this situation, of that she had no doubt. She might even be in danger. Who knew how these Mages would feel about one of their own living among Wolves. Keeping this secret from her mate clashed with every instinct in her. So did defying the Elders and disobeying her Alpha. Her inner conflict rose by the minute.

  Hopping into bed, she curled around herself and tucked her nose under her tail. She thought of Sadie, remembering her sweet earthy smell and the feel of her skin touching her own. The thought calmed her frayed nerves a little. Without expecting it, she fell asleep.

  * * *

  I hadn’t left the house since the attack. Billie’s distraught invitation gave me the courage I needed to walk out the door.

  I had been fortunate not to break anything worse than my nose, and I knew I looked like the victim of a brutal attack. Standing in front of the mirror the next day, I’d inspected the damage through an eye swollen nearly shut. Cascades of deep purple marks spread from my left eye down my cheek and across the bridge of my nose. Unmistakable hand-shaped bruises on my arms revealed how and where the boys had restrained me. Other bruises appeared on my neck, torso, and legs, many of which I didn’t remember receiving.

  I was the victim of a brutal attack, but no one could know. My employer believed I had pneumonia. I could only talk about the horrifying night with the Wolves, and most wouldn’t come near me. Amy and Kathryn had visited every day, and their company made the days more bearable. Billie had been distracted, first by a severe knife wound and then by Pack needs. I knew very little about what happened in the pack around me. Billie and the others conveyed unspoken concern, but I’d stayed out of Pack min
ds as promised.

  The nine teenage boys Billie and I killed already had everyone on edge. Just the thought of those boys and what I’d done brought bile to my throat. I hated myself for taking seven young lives. Even though I knew from their thoughts they wouldn’t stop until they’d raped and killed me, I couldn’t justify my actions.

  Once again I reminded myself of the knife flashing and the blood flowing down Billie’s leg. I reminded myself that those boys were killing my love, and I’d reacted to that not knowing the consequences. I hadn’t known what would happen when I drew on that power. I didn’t know I could kill with a thought before that night. It just happened. Reminding myself of all this kept me sane, but it didn’t assuage the guilt.

  I’d killed seven young men in the space of a heartbeat, and the seduction of the power had engulfed me. I’d enjoyed feeling like a god. For a few moments after they fell lifeless to the ground, I’d looked at their lifeless bodies with satisfaction and joy. Only after the power dissipated could I see clearly what I’d done. Guilt hadn’t left my side since.

  The idea of using Mage abilities at all made my stomach clench and hands shake. So I’d called in sick to work, spinning a story that I could draw out for a few weeks if necessary. I hadn’t left my home and kept the windows tightly covered. I could easily turn someone’s notice away from the bruises. I’d learned to do that with my first pimple. That kind of power didn’t seduce, but I didn’t want to use even that much.

  Amy had visited frequently, keeping her promise to watch over me. I’d chosen not to go to the hospital and face police officers and their questions. As Pack Medic, Amy had the training to oversee my injuries and ensure I made a full recovery. Her bubbly personality and early 1900’s speech cheered me with every visit. A friendship was forming, and sometimes she came by just to see me.