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Textual Encounters (The Christine + Jake Affair)

Page 3

by Morgan Parker


  5:08pm:

  You’re good to me, Jake. A true gentleman.

  --------------------------------------

  5:09pm:

  It takes a bit of work.

  --------------------------------------

  5:10pm:

  Something tells me you’re embellishing a bit.

  --------------------------------------

  5:11pm:

  You’re right, I’m a total jackass. It’s why I’ve been single for half a decade and why any woman I meet (like Melissa) always asks how long I’ve been divorced.

  --------------------------------------

  5:11pm:

  So, how long?

  --------------------------------------

  5:12pm:

  Fuck, you’re cold!

  5:13pm:

  I think I hate Tuesday’s too!

  --------------------------------------

  5:14pm:

  Oops. Never married?

  --------------------------------------

  5:14pm:

  I think it might be time to test just how well they fasten the windows up here on the 39th floor.

  --------------------------------------

  5:15pm:

  Sorry. Some things aren’t always obvious. You’re not exactly hard on the eyes, Mr. Jake so pardon my uncertainty.

  5:16pm:

  And you haven’t revealed any personality flaws that scream “psycho.”

  --------------------------------------

  5:16pm:

  Yet.

  --------------------------------------

  5:16pm:

  True.

  --------------------------------------

  5:17pm:

  Aside from my addiction to my job.

  --------------------------------------

  5:18pm:

  Forgivable.

  --------------------------------------

  5:18pm:

  And my Carnegie Hall sell-out quality humor.

  --------------------------------------

  5:18pm:

  You mean your tendency to embellish? Also forgivable.

  5:19pm:

  Well, to an extent that is.

  --------------------------------------

  5:19pm:

  Let’s just say I’m all about quality.

  --------------------------------------

  5:20pm:

  Quality is good.

  --------------------------------------

  5:21pm:

  How did we get around to talking about this, exactly?

  --------------------------------------

  5:21pm:

  We’re trying to figure out why people assume you’re divorced instead of being non-marriage material.

  --------------------------------------

  5:22pm:

  When you put it like that, I feel like stepping in front of a train. Screw testing the windows. A quick and painless death seems so much more appealing all of a sudden.

  --------------------------------------

  5:22pm:

  You asked.

  --------------------------------------

  5:23pm:

  Let’s talk about you.

  --------------------------------------

  5:24pm:

  Maybe tomorrow. I have to crunch some numbers.

  --------------------------------------

  5:24pm:

  Sounds like a delay tactic.

  --------------------------------------

  5:25pm:

  No, the past half hour has been a delay tactic.

  --------------------------------------

  5:26pm:

  Can we do some more delaying tomorrow?

  --------------------------------------

  5:26pm:

  I’ll be home tonight around midnight.

  --------------------------------------

  5:26pm:

  I think I’ll be asleep by 6:00pm - I’m exhausted. But if I’m up, I’ll get your phone vibrating ; )

  --------------------------------------

  5:27pm:

  Then I’ll be sure to change my notification settings, just in case.

  --------------------------------------

  5:27pm:

  Sounds good.

  5:28pm:

  Have fun working.

  --------------------------------------

  5:29pm:

  Thx.

  5:29pm:

  Have fun sleeping.

  --------------------------------------

  Wednesday January 16, 2013

  --------------------------------------

  12:04am:

  You awake?

  --------------------------------------

  12:04am:

  Just getting home. I thought you were tired?

  --------------------------------------

  12:05am:

  I was. But I’ve been sleeping for 6 hours, I’m ready for the day!

  --------------------------------------

  12:05am:

  I’m wiped.

  --------------------------------------

  12:06am:

  OK, get to bed. We’ll chat tomorrow when your mind is fresh.

  --------------------------------------

  12:06am:

  Thx, Jake.

  --------------------------------------

  12:07am:

  Did your phone vibrate?

  --------------------------------------

  12:08am:

  No. I haven’t changed the settings yet.

  --------------------------------------

  12:08am:

  OK, change those settings before checking out. You’ll thank me tomorrow.

  12:09am:

  Good night.

  --------------------------------------

  12:10am:

  Good night.

  2:15am:

  Jake?

  --------------------------------------

  2:16am:

  Still up?

  --------------------------------------

  2:16am:

  Unfortunately, yes.

  --------------------------------------

  2:16am:

  Everything OK?

  --------------------------------------

  2:17am:

  Sometimes I can’t sleep. Like tonight.

  --------------------------------------

  2:18am:

  Or you don’t want to admit that you set your phone to vibrate and you like it when

  2:18am:

  I

  2:18am:

  send

  2:18am:

  text

  2:18am:

  messages?

  --------------------------------------

  2:19am:

  Oooo. You’re so clever.

  --------------------------------------

  2:20am:

  I should get going.

  2:20am:

  You should get to sleep.

  --------------------------------------

  2:21am:

  Going? Where to at this hour?

  --------------------------------------

  2:22am:

  The gym.

  --------------------------------------

  2:22am:

  For real? At 2:00am?

  --------------------------------------

  2:23am:

  What’s real is that I can’t stop thinking of you.

  --------------------------------------

  2:23am:

  Where is this coming from, out of the blue…

  --------------------------------------

  2:24am:

  That’s messed up, isn’t it? I have a quarter-inch square photo of you on my phone and we’ve had a dozen or so chats, but you’re constantly on my mind.

  2:25am:

  And of course that comment you made on Day 2 about wha
t if there are no wrong numbers, what if we were put in touch by the order of some higher power for some higher purpose?

  2:25am:

  So I’m trying to figure this all out, but of course I can’t.

  --------------------------------------

  2:26am:

  Hmm, I think you’re adding your own twist (aka *embellishing*) to my Day 2 comment.

  --------------------------------------

  2:27am:

  Whatever, your point was the same - we’re chatting right now for some reason and whenever I see that you’ve texted me, my palms get clammy and everything else in my life takes a second priority. I don’t quite know why.

  2:27am:

  Any thoughts?

  --------------------------------------

  2:28am:

  I think that chats like this, at 2:30am, can get messed up.

  --------------------------------------

  2:29am:

  You’re right. I need a good workout. And you need to sleep.

  2:29am:

  We both need to chat tomorrow ; )

  --------------------------------------

  2:30am:

  Sure.

  --------------------------------------

  2:31am:

  Go to bed!

  --------------------------------------

  2:32am:

  I will.

  --------------------------------------

  2:32am:

  Good night.

  --------------------------------------

  2:33am:

  Good morning.

  --------------------------------------

  4:15am:

  You there?

  4:21am:

  OK, good.

  4:22am:

  You better be sleeping and not ignoring my texts simply for the sake of enjoying the vibration setting!

  4:22am:

  I wanted to apologize for not asking why you texted me at 2am this morning. Seems you probably had something on your mind, but I rambled some crazy thoughts before you could have a chance to spill... sorry.

  4:23am:

  When you’re ready to chat, I’m here... waiting : )

  --------------------------------------

  10:43am:

  You’re my hero, Mr. Jake Text-Stalker : )

  Photo Updated:

  10:46am:

  Note: to thank you for the flowers, I updated my photo. Just like you asked.

  --------------------------------------

  10:52am:

  Not the photo I had in mind.

  10:53am:

  But I hope you like the flowers.

  --------------------------------------

  10:55am:

  I love the flowers. How did you find me?

  --------------------------------------

  10:56am:

  Easy, I sent a bouquet to every Christine in your office. I knew you’d get one of them.

  10:59am:

  Hello?

  --------------------------------------

  11:04am:

  You little shit, you did too!

  11:04am:

  Are you texting the other Christines in my office at 3am, too?

  --------------------------------------

  11:05am:

  Depends. Are they all as beautiful and intelligent as you are?

  --------------------------------------

  11:06am:

  Not even close.

  11:07am:

  Well, except the receptionist. She’s younger, a college drop-out with killer breasts (I think they’re fake) and something like 2% body fat. I think she used to be a stripper.

  --------------------------------------

  11:08am:

  I’m not a titty-guy, so aside from her previous employment, she’s really not appealing to me.

  --------------------------------------

  11:09am:

  I hate that word.

  --------------------------------------

  11:10am:

  Me too, effective immediately.

  11:10am:

  You mean the t-word, right?

  --------------------------------------

  11:11am:

  Yes! The t-word!!

  --------------------------------------

  11:11am:

  Just double checking.

  --------------------------------------

  11:12am:

  Well, I wanted to say thanks for the flowers.

  11:12am:

  We’ll chat later, I think I have some answers for you : )

  --------------------------------------

  11:12am:

  OK, I can’t wait!

  --------------------------------------

  4:15pm:

  So, this is what I’ve figured out.

  --------------------------------------

  4:15pm:

  I’ve been waiting all day for this.

  4:19pm:

  Hello?

  4:21pm:

  Nice, leave me hanging.

  --------------------------------------

  4:42pm:

  Sorry, I was called into a meeting.

  4:42pm:

  So this is what I’ve got:

  4:42pm:

  Do you believe in signs?

  --------------------------------------

  4:43pm:

  ???

  --------------------------------------

  4:43pm:

  The first text you sent me. Maybe it was a sign. For me, I procrastinated canceling my old work phone. And then you showed up.

  --------------------------------------

  4:44pm:

  And for me?

  --------------------------------------

  4:44pm:

  We should meet.

  --------------------------------------

  4:45pm:

  That’s it?

  --------------------------------------

  4:45pm:

  For now, yes.

  --------------------------------------

  4:46pm:

  Isn’t that what I’ve been pushing for all along?

  --------------------------------------

  4:46pm:

  Yes, but I wasn’t “sold” on meeting a stranger who arbitrarily texts me.

  --------------------------------------

  4:47pm:

  What changed your mind? The flowers?

  --------------------------------------

  4:49pm:

  No, not the flowers. The connection.

  4:58pm:

  Still there?

  --------------------------------------

  5:16pm:

  Sorry, I was out of range.

  5:17pm:

  I agree about the connection. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.

  --------------------------------------

  5:17pm:

  Glad to see you’re agreeable today.

  --------------------------------------

  5:18pm:

  How about you? Are you agreeable to my suggestion of a Friday night to Saturday morning first meeting?

  --------------------------------------

  5:19pm:

  Still the funny man, I see.

  --------------------------------------

  5:19pm:

  So you’re telling me the flowers failed to impress you?

  --------------------------------------

  5:20pm:

  I’m telling you it takes way more than flowers and a handful of text messages to get into my pants.

  --------------------------------------

  5:20pm:

  Who suggested wearing anything at all?

 

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