Man Under the Mistletoe

by Debra Carroll

  “Oh, Michael...” She could imagine only too clearly everything he left unsaid.

  He shrugged away her compassion. “It was a lesson worth learning.”

  Now she could finally understand why he overreacted so much to the situation between her and Colin. It must have seemed like history repeating itself.

  “And then she left, leaving the baby with me. Five days later I heard she was dead in a skiing accident. She’d been with another man. But my love had died before she did.”

  Sabrina stared silently out at the water. The lake and sky dissolved into a blue-gray blur as tears filled her eyes. She loved him. God, how she loved him.

  “Now that I’ve told you everything there is to say about Lorraine—” his voice softened, became husky “—I want to talk about us. I dreamed about you last night, about making love to you.” His fingers trailed slowly up her arm, sending violent tremors racing through her. “I want to hold you....”

  “No!” she choked out. “You promised.”

  “I know, but I need to hold you, to be with you. I need you.”

  “But for how long?” She couldn’t suppress the questions that tormented her. “How long will it take you to realize that we have nothing in common? That we come from two different worlds and that I’m all wrong for you, Michael?”

  “What are you talking about, two different worlds?”

  “You’ve grown up with power and privilege and money. You can go anywhere you want, do anything you want, have anything you want. Your family has built this incredible business empire, with stores around the globe. My parents run a modest little cottage resort. They’re just plain hardworking folks.”

  “Then I don’t see how we’re any different. I’m just a plain hardworking person—”

  “You’re Michael Worth!” she cut in. Was she not being clear enough? Why couldn’t he see for himself that chasm between them? “Your world and my world are separate. It’s not so easy to cross that border.”

  He looked at her for a moment, then gave a low, ironic laugh. “Life can be so damned unfair. You just told me that being Michael Worth means having it all. But right now what I want is out of reach, because of who I am.” He stopped in frustration, his voice suddenly low and weary. “I just want to be with you.”

  His anguished need was her undoing. He lowered his head to hers. Her lips merged with his instinctively. When he crushed her to him, she felt a wild torrent of desire.

  He pulled away a fraction. “I want to make love to you here, between the water and the sky.” He needed her close, so close, he wanted to absorb her into himself. “It’s been hell trying to keep my mind on business these past two weeks. Don’t you know, Sabrina, that you fill my thoughts day and night? This hunger for you is tearing me apart.”

  “That’s crazy,” she said in a whisper. But the responsive arching of her body belied her words. Her every movement made him shudder and burn.

  “I know.” He couldn’t stop himself from taking her mouth again.

  Then he pulled away, gulping air into his lungs like a drowning man. When he spoke, his voice didn’t even sound like his own. “You know what’s even crazier? I have no defenses against you. You make me laugh, you make me cry. God knows you’ve brought me trembling to my knees with a deeper need than I’ve ever known before.”

  From behind, came the sound of children’s voices calling and laughing, and she drew away from him abruptly, but he held on to her hand and squeezed it tight.

  “I missed you.”

  Just the low, husky sound of his voice made her tremble. She stared out at the gray horizon.

  “Did you miss me, too?”

  She wanted to deny it, but he cupped her chin and turned her face toward his, forcing her to look up at him. The piercing intensity in his eyes made her feel suddenly very shy.

  Nodding her head, she could only whisper, “Yes.”

  He heaved a deep breath and expelled it in what sounded like relief. “I wanted to call. But I thought maybe if you had some time and space to think about us...”

  She turned her head away, and drew her hand from his. Picking up a pebble lying at her feet, she tossed it into the water three feet below, watching as the ripples spread out and died away. “You’re right. I do need time to think.”

  “What’s there to think about, Sabrina?”

  At the tension in his voice, she darted him a glance and saw the frustrated look of a man who was sick to death of going over the same old argument. And yet she couldn’t give up. He was who he was, and nothing could change that.

  Even if by some miracle he could love her back, they didn’t live in a vacuum. How could she ever be truly accepted into his world? As Sybil had correctly assumed about Lorraine, there would be many quick to conclude that she’d pursued him because of his wealth.

  “Don’t you understand? If this thing between us was meant to happen, it would feel right. I wouldn’t have any reservations.” He made an impatient sound, but she pressed on. “You come from a different world....”

  He groaned with frustration. “Yes, I know—so you keep saying—but what the hell does that have to do with us?”

  “Everything.”

  He swore angrily and stood up, shoving his hands into his pockets. She rose to her feet as he stared out over the ruffled waves with a bleak expression on his face.

  “No. You’re talking about two separate realities. I’m talking about making a world of our own.”

  “That won’t work.” The truth of her words weighed on her heart like a millstone. “My life has been so limited, but you grew up knowing that anything was possible, because you’re a Worth. It shaped your attitudes and your view of the world, just as my upbringing shaped me.”

  He turned slowly toward her, incredulous. “You’re a snob!”

  She shook her head. “I just don’t think it would be a good idea for us to start anything.”

  “It’s too late. We’ve already started something.”

  “Then we have to stop.” She turned and began walking away.

  His footsteps rang on the rocks behind her, then she felt his hand on her arm, spinning her around. She almost lost her balance and had to grab on to his forearms, but he held on to her tightly.

  “So what you’re really saying is, you have no faith in me. You don’t want to give us a chance.” His eyes filled with anger and pain.

  “That’s not true,” she said thickly as tears began blurring her vision. “You’re just twisting things around. You’re confusing me.”

  “How? How am I twisting things around? For God’s sake, Sabrina, I want you. I think we could be really good together. What are you afraid of?”

  I’m afraid that you don’t love me the way I love you. But she couldn’t admit that fear.

  “I’m afraid that we could get in too deep and one of us, if not both, will end up getting hurt.”

  “But, darling, that’s the chance everybody takes....”

  She shook her head. “No, Michael. It could mess up my job. It could mess up my life. Can’t we just be friends?”

  “Could you really be satisfied with just that?”

  No, no she couldn’t, but she said, “I have to be.”

  She pulled away and stepped down onto the sand, then began walking back toward the parking lot. When she reached the car she turned to see him still standing where she’d left him, staring out at the lake. After a moment he turned and began slowly trudging across the beach.

  When he reached the car he paused for a moment, fixing her with a long, unreadable look. She couldn’t say anything, couldn’t even tear her gaze away. Finally he unlocked her door before going around to the driver’s side.

  He was suddenly so closed, so aloof. Once more the remote man she had first met in his office. Her heart contracted with despair. If she was doing the right thing, why did she feel so utterly miserable?

  9

  UNDER A BRILLIANT blue sky, the small boat sped across the open lake toward the isla
nd that the Worths had owned since the turn of the century. Sabrina leaned forward slightly and strained to hear as the weather-beaten marina operator yelled above the noise of the outboard motor.

  “You got all your groceries in there already. The missus stocked the fridge and made up the beds like Mr. Colin asked.”

  “That’s great. Thank you,” she yelled back.

  She must be crazy. After that final conversation with Michael, what was she doing going to his family cottage? He had returned to London the very next day, even though she’d heard from Anya that the problems over there didn’t require his personal attention this time. But he had obviously decided to give up on her and give them both more space to let things get back to normal. She should have been glad about that, but she was miserable with missing him.

  At least some things were working out, though. Anya and Perry were engaged to be married. Which only reaffirmed her philosophy of relationships. If it was meant to happen, nothing, not even distance, was an obstacle. The only question that remained was, would Michael transfer Anya to London, or Perry to Toronto? The last thing she wanted to dwell on was her own hopeless situation with Michael. But it was no big surprise—she’d known it from the very beginning.

  Better to dwell on what was working out for her. Through Jonathan, who was in touch with Michael in London, she’d convinced Michael to keep the parade going if she could find other sponsors to cover half the cost. Fortunately it had been easy finding several other companies eager to associate themselves with a good cause, and reap excellent publicity in the bargain.

  As for Colin, he had begun his first year at the University of Toronto and, although he was only working Saturdays now, Michael had promoted him to salesclerk in Menswear.

  Ever since then, Colin had seemed more like his old self. The schoolboy crush was over. He had made friends with some of his fellow workers and students, ensuring a healthy social life that left him too busy to chase her.

  There was some comfort in finally seeing Colin back on the right track, so when he offered her the use of the Worth cottage in the Muskoka Lakes for a long weekend, she had jumped at the chance.

  Anya, her usual source of well-informed gossip, had told her that Michael had ordered the refurbishing of the summer home, not far from where Sabrina grew up in the rugged beauty of Northern Ontario.

  Foolish as it was, she wanted to see the place where Michael had spent his childhood summers. What sort of little boy had he been? Mischievous and willful like his son, before manhood claimed him with its terrible weight of tragedy and responsibility? Or had he always been the loner who sought solitude in remote places, like the mountains of Nepal, places as remote as his own soul?

  She knew she shouldn’t be coming here, she shouldn’t allow herself to care, but she was tired of being sensible. She’d already done the smart thing by pushing him away. Now this was for herself. She couldn’t have Michael, but she couldn’t stop loving him, either.

  And it was a glorious day, still unbelievably warm in the lingering Indian summer. The woods crowding the shore were aflame in all their autumn glory.

  With the parade only a week away on the first weekend in November, all the arrangements were in place and now it was the calm before the storm. She needed this time to herself, and she wasn’t going to feel guilty about that, either.

  Up ahead, the island was swiftly growing larger. Like a giant egg of glacier-smoothed granite, it rose steeply out of the water on one side, then sloped gently down for a good half mile to meet the waves again.

  She caught a glimpse of black rooftop at the highest point, but otherwise there was nothing to be seen except the dark green cloak of spruce and jack pine, splashed here and there with golden birches.

  The motor slowed to an idle hum as the boat approached the heavy pilings of a cedar dock, set next to a large boathouse. The caretaker grabbed a mooring ring and hung on while Sabrina tossed her duffel bag onto the dock and scrambled out.

  “Okay, then, miss, I’ll be seeing you Sunday evening. Have a nice weekend.”

  She waved and watched him putting away, then turned to climb the steps leading up from the boathouse. Farther along the shore lay a crescent of sandy beach and up above, through the dark pines, peeked a fieldstone chimney and the maple-stained wood siding of a huge home with a screened porch all along the front.

  She let out a low whistle. Nice cottage, but she hadn’t expected anything less from the Worths.

  Unlocking the front door, she stepped into a large, well-proportioned living room. She’d expected the house to be a little musty from years of sitting virtually deserted, but instead it smelled of furniture polish and the fresh, pine-scented breeze wafting in through the open window.

  The brilliant sunshine gleamed on pine antiques and splashed over braided rugs and English chintz upholstery. Despite the impression of affluence, the room had a cosy colonial charm that pleased her. She could relax here.

  Upstairs, there were four large bedrooms to choose from. She felt positively spoiled as she settled on the big front room looking out over the expanse of lake dotted with little islands in the distance.

  As she threw her bag on the bed, a loud banging from below startled her. She hadn’t heard the boat coming back, but obviously the caretaker had forgotten something.

  Racing lightly down the stairs, she flung open the door to see Colin’s grinning face.

  “Hi. Can Sabrina come out to play?”

  Words failed her for a moment and she could only gape at him. “What are you doing here?”

  He shouldered past her through the doorway. “I got to thinking a vacation would be fun. What’s the matter? You don’t look too pleased to see me.”

  His cocky grin nettled her into speech.

  “I’m not. As I said, what are you doing here?”

  “C’mon, Sabrina. Don’t be like that. We could have a lot of fun together.”

  The charming boyish smile was wasted on her. She gritted her teeth. “How did you get here?”

  “My boat.” He jerked a thumb back toward the dock.

  “Fine.” She turned away toward the stairs. “Then you go get it started, because you’re taking me back.”

  He laughed behind her. “But, Sabrina...”

  Whirling around, she strode back to poke a finger in his chest. “Don’t Sabrina me. You had all this planned, didn’t you?”

  “Well, not to begin with.” He stumbled back, slightly alarmed, but the grin stayed on his face.

  In disgust she headed for the stairs again.

  “Hey, where are you going?”

  “To get my things.”

  She snatched her bag, angry with Colin, but even more furious with herself. All this time she’d managed to convince herself he’d got over his infatuation. Like a blind fool, she’d been so caught up in her problems with Michael, she hadn’t paid much attention to Colin.

  Dragging her bag downstairs to an empty hall, she headed down to the dock, finding Colin stretched out on a lounge chair. Behind his dark glasses, she knew he was watching her approach.

  “You know, Sabrina, you’re being much too melodramatic about this. What’s the harm? So we stay here and have a nice weekend together.”

  “Are you going to drive me back or not?”

  “No, I’m not.”

  “Very well.” She stepped over to look down at the boat and her heart sank. It wasn’t just a little outboard. It was a sleek racing vessel, the skittish kind that could flip over spectacularly with the wrong handling. So what? She grew up around boats. She’d drive herself back.

  “Sabrina?”

  Turning, she saw Colin grin as he dangled a key chain on his fingertip, then made a show of dropping it into the pocket of his loose madras shirt. “You might need these.”

  This was absolutely the last straw. She dropped her bag and sank to her knees on the dock, tired, fed up and perfectly willing to toss Colin Worth to the catfish, lounge chair and all.

  “It’s a long
drive back to Toronto in the same day.”

  Refusing to respond, she fixed her gaze on the opposite shore.

  “I tell you what. I’ll drive you back tomorrow.” His soft voice cajoled her. “It’s so nice here. Why don’t we just enjoy it?”

  She was too tired to argue anymore. She got to her feet and pointed a threatening finger at him. “Fine. But you’d better not try any nonsense with me. Got that?”

  “What do you take me for? You’re too old for me, remember?”

  The incorrigible smile that broke out across his face brought an unwilling quirk to her own lips. After all, this was Colin. He was acting more like a mischievous kid than an adolescent with seduction on his mind. She had nothing to fear from him. Besides, she could handle him. She bent to pick up her bag, but he had already jumped to his feet.

  “Let me.”

  He whisked the bag from her hands, then dropped it on the dock again so that he could put a hand on her shoulder and send her toppling into the lounge chair. Before she could utter a squeak of protest he had grabbed her ankles and swung her legs up onto the padded cushion.

  “Now relax. That’s what you’re up here for, remember?”

  As he took her case up to the house, she leaned back and let out a huge sigh. Just one day. What could it hurt? She took a deep breath of the pine-scented air, luxuriating in the warmth of the sun on her face, feeling it soak through her jeans and caress her arms, bared by the T-shirt.

  It was so quiet. It really was glorious to be out of the city, in this peaceful environment that she missed more than she liked to admit.

  What if it had been Michael who was here with her? She closed her eyes on a tiny sigh. Would she be able to keep up her resistance under these circumstances? She wouldn’t have a prayer.

  Just the thought of having a whole weekend alone together set off a shudder deep inside her. Caressed by the warm breeze, she felt deliciously languid. How easy it would be to allow herself to forget about the outside world. How idyllic to be able to spend the days getting to know each other, the nights making love. This could be their own little paradise, if they were any other two people in the world.