Prince Philip

by Nigel Cawthorne

  On another occasion, Prince Philip said: ‘Any country gets the young people it deserves.’ One commentator asked whether a country got the old people it deserved too.

  At a Bangladeshi youth club in London’s Marylebone in 2002, the Duke of Edinburgh asked youngsters: ‘So who’s on drugs here?’ Arbitrarily spotting fourteen-year-old Shahin Ullah, the duke said: ‘He look as if he’s on drugs.’ The teenager adamantly denied it.

  Prince Philip made a similar accusation when visiting Oxford University in 2005. Spotting a traditional Egyptian ‘Shisha’ pipe in the room of Faizal Patel, he asked the student if he was involved in ‘that sort of activity.’ Then he asked the College Master: ‘You let the students do this?’ ‘I think he thought it was a bong,’ the student said later.

  Talking on the radio about drug-taking, violent crime, and disrespect in 2000, Prince Philip said: ‘I think there are some things which are rather disappointing. This general rather bitter, sour attitude that so many people have toward life at the moment. This aggression, boorishness and rudery… you do owe a certain amount of politeness to each other.’ Fortunately, these words passed without comment.

  In 2008, Prince Philip was handing a Duke of Edinburgh Award to a youngster who said he had done conservation work in Belize, ‘where the SAS train, in the jungle,’ the recipient said. ‘Ah, Belize,’ said the prince. ‘A bit like Sussex.’

  When the Blairs took their young son Leo to Balmoral he had been trained to recite the first verse of the National Anthem to ingratiate himself with the Queen. Knowing of Cherie’s republican tendencies, Prince Philip immediately taught the boy the second verse, which goes:

  O Lord our God arise,

  Scatter her enemies,

  And make them fall:

  Confound their politics,

  Frustrate their knavish tricks,

  On Thee our hopes we fix:

  God save us all.

  Handing out prizes to cadets on board the HMS Devonshire in 1953, Prince Philip said: ‘I would like to congratulate heartily all the prize-winners and at the same time offer my sympathy to all those who were unsuccessful, an experience with which I am quite familiar.’ Modesty belies the man. ‘I am afraid that I am in no position to offer you any advice about your future in the Navy as I only served about half a dogwatch myself.’ A dogwatch is a short watch of just two hours (instead of the usual four), from 4 to 6 pm or 6 to 8 pm, allowing the night watch to be changed every twenty-four hours. In fact, Prince Philip served in the Royal Navy from January 1940 to February 1952, only retiring when the Queen acceded to the throne. He could not have stayed on, he conceded. ‘Given the way of the British press, I wouldn’t have gone far in the Navy,’ he said. ‘Every promotion would have been seen as me being treated as a special case.’ As it was, on his ninetieth birthday, the Queen made him Lord High Admiral.

  The Duke of Edinburgh also ticked off a boy he found walking across the estate at Balmoral. ‘You can’t just wander about anywhere, you know,’ he said. ‘What do you think you are doing?’ ‘I am doing my Duke of Edinburgh’s Award,’ the boy replied. For once, the duke was lost for words.

  Visiting the University of Salford in 2012, Prince Philip was introduced to two students, one from Liverpool, the other from Manchester, and asked, not unreasonably: ‘Do you fight?’ Next he came across a student with a strong Sheffield accent. ‘Do you understand each other?’ he asked.

  Swedish rabbi Ronnie Cahana forked £32 to take his family around Windsor Castle – money that would go towards the restoration of the castle after the 1992 fire. It was to be the highlight of their visit to England and it was daughter Kitra’s sixth birthday. Prince Philip had been out driving around Windsor Great Park on his carriage and stopped for the gate to be opened. ‘We are royal fans and recognised him,’ said Ronnie. ‘My daughter loves the Queen and wondered if the duke would say Happy Birthday.’ So Ronnie and six-year-old Kitra approached. ‘Good morning sir, my little girl is six,’ said Ronnie. ‘So what?’ said the prince, geeing up his horses and trotting into the stable yard, leaving the youngster in tears. ‘She was very upset and crying,’ said Ronnie. ‘We calmed her down by saying all the other Royals were nice and he was the only nasty one.’ ‘Prince Philip is always extremely good with children,’ said a spokesman for Buckingham Palace.

  At a preview of his documentary Around the World in Forty Minutes it was thought that some footage of whaling was too gory for children. But Prince Philip was adamant it would be fine. ‘If my children are any guide,’ he said, ‘there is nothing they like better than a little blood.’

  Questioned by teenagers on the BBC in 1965, Prince Philip said that he missed ‘just being able to walk into a cinema or go out to a night club, or go to the pub.’ He could not enjoy those things because, everywhere he went, he was recognised. Then sixteen-year-old Christopher Hall asked him if there were any other countries he would like to visit. He said Russia, China and Japan. ‘How do you think you’d be received in places like those?’ asked Christopher. ‘Oh, I think they would be reasonably polite,’ the prince replied. ‘Do you think they would line the streets, for instance?’ Christopher persisted. ‘I wouldn’t say that was essential,’ said Philip.

  Public Speaking

  In 1960, Prince Philip published Prince Philip Speaks: Selected Speeches by His Royal Highness the Prince Philip, Duke of Edinburgh, K.G. 1956-1959. In the introduction, he wrote: ‘Some people have what I can only describe as a positive genius for saying absolutely nothing in the most charming language. Neither my English nor my imagination are good enough for that, so I try to say something which I hope might be interesting or at least constructive. To do this and at the same time to avoid giving offence can sometimes be a ticklish business. I have come to the conclusion that when in doubt it is better to play safe – people would rather be bored that offended.’

  In a speech made in 1956, he had outlined his technique: ‘It is my invariable custom to say something flattering to begin with so that I shall be excused if by any chance I put my foot in it later on.’ Full marks for honesty.

  There were other pitfalls to public speaking: ‘All sorts of unexpected things can happen in speech-making. Microphones are getting more reliable but they can still play fancy tricks. Turning a page in a high wind wearing gloves and holding a sword can also be quite exciting.’

  And there is always the possibility that he may something inadvertently funny: ‘Gratifying but sometimes unnerving is when an audience sees a joke or something amusing in a bit that was not originally intended to be funny. This happens rather more often that I care to admit.’ Naturally, this gets reported in the press. ‘When, as happens from time to time, something I have said appears in ‘Sayings of the Week’ or similar columns, I am generally left wondering whether it was put in at face value or whether the editor has managed to read some fearfully subtle joke into something which I fondly imagined was quite ordinary.’

  The prince realised that it was his role to make people laugh. ‘I don’t think I have ever got up to make a speech of any kind, anywhere, ever, and not made the audience laugh at least once,’ he said. ‘You arrive somewhere and you go down that receiving line. I get two or three of them to laugh. Always.’

  Addressing the Royal Aeronautical Society in 1954, he set a benchmark, being his speech: ‘If a little learning is a dangerous thing then you are in for a very dangerous address… From this you will gather that any views I express this evening must be treated with caution if nothing else.’

  At a charity dinner in 1955, Prince Philip said: ‘I imagine that the excellence of the dinner is designed to prevent any guests feeling that their presence here is in any way a charitable action. I take it rather more of them are demanded. You will be pleased to hear that my charitable action this evening will be a short speech, but those who cannot make speeches will have to think of something else to do.’

  He had no time to sit through long speeches. At the opening of a City and Guilds of London Ins
titute he told the foreman: ‘Get weaving, I’ve done my bit!’

  When given Freedom of the Mercers’ Company in 1953, he praised the educational and charity work undertaken by the City guilds: ‘It will be a very sad day if they forget their responsibility to the present and only think of their glorious past. If I may say so, you would be like baboons – all behind and no forehead.’

  Prince Philip claimed to have given the best speech of his life at the opening of the Melbourne Olympic Games in 1956 – ‘It consisted of exactly twelve words.’

  Prince Philip noted his own shortcomings when it came to making speeches. He told an audience at Edinburgh University in November 1953: ‘This speech-making business is rather dreadful. Here I am, on my feet again, and you have all heard enough of me. I am inclined to think the only solution is to employ a professional private orator who will get up and make the proper remarks, and will then sit down again. Then there is another advantage. I can fire him if he is not funny enough and tell him to sit down if he goes on too long. Incidentally, he can write out the speeches beforehand and save all these chaps a lot of trouble.’

  Addressing overseas students on the art of public speaking, Prince Philip said: ‘It makes the job of the speakers so much easier if the audience is somewhat ‘mellowed.’ Conversely, it makes the speeches so much more tolerable – or, of course, if you have gone beyond a certain point, it makes them irrelevant, or sometimes even inaudible.’ His other piece of advice was to get it over with before the last speaker is rendered completely invisible by accumulated cigar smoke.

  He also pointed out the vital role of the toastmaster, especially if you are sitting next to the chairman: ‘It’s bad enough if he’s got to worry about what he is going to say, but it’s hopeless if he’s also got to worry about when he’s going to say it.’

  North of the Border

  After being educated at Gordonstoun and being made Duke of Edinburgh in 1947, Prince Philip has a special affinity for the people of Scotland. On being made Chancellor of Edinburgh University in 1953, he said: ‘In education, if in nothing else, the Scotsman knows what is best for him. Indeed, only a Scotsman can really survive a Scottish education.’

  In 1995, he asked Scottish driving instructor Robert Drummond in Oban: ‘How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to pass the test?’

  In December 1999, after meeting three workers from a Scottish salmon farm at Holyrood Palace, the prince said: ‘Oh! You’re the people ruining the rivers and the environment.’

  In 1992, the royal family suffered an annus horribilis when their Berkshire home caught fire, causing £36.5-million of damage. ‘People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle,’ Philip said.

  Prince Philip further annoyed the Scots by referring to the Firth of Forth as the Filth of Firth because of the pollution in it. In 1979, the standard for cleanliness in Britain generally came in for royal disapproval when he declared that the UK was ‘one of the dirtiest countries anywhere.’

  In 1960, the prince told an audience at the Waldorf-Astoria: ‘Scotland is not entirely peopled by huge men in kilts with hairy legs, who drink whisky when they are not playing the bagpipes or tossing the caber.’ Just mostly populated, then.

  In a Radio 5 interview shortly after the Dunblane shootings in 1996, where a gunman killed one teacher and sixteen primary-school pupils, injuring fifteen more, Prince Philip was asked if guns should be banned. He said: ‘If a cricketer, for instance, suddenly decided to go into a school and batter a lot of people to death with a cricket bat, which he could do very easily, I mean, are you going to ban cricket bats?’ Afterwards he said to the interviewer off-air: ‘That will really set the cat among the pigeons, won’t it?’

  In 2006, Prince Philip visited the Caledonian Club in Belgravia (though he had been an honorary member since 1948) only to shock his hosts with the quip: ‘I’m just wondering what happens when Scotland goes independent?’ ‘The Duke of Edinburgh has obviously been reading the opinion polls,’ said Alex Salmond.

  The duke was then presented with a silver tankard, engraved with the deer-stalking areas of the Balmoral estate. ‘It’s unusual to get something useful, ‘he said with a grin.

  Being given the Freedom of the City of Glasgow in 1955, Prince Philip said: ‘The freedom of a city is looked up by those who give it and those who receive it as a very great honour indeed and the ceremony is full of charm and dignity.’ Then in reference to the old music-hall song, he added: ‘Unlike the ownership of Glasgow, which, I understand, can be obtained for a couple of drinks on a Saturday night.’

  The Welsh sometimes get some teasing, too. At a walkabout in Chippenham, Wilshire, in 2001, the prince stopped to speak to old soldier Jack Spencer. When the war veteran said he had served in the Third Monmouthshire Regiment, Philip replied incredulously: ‘What do you want to go to Wales for?’ (Mr. Spencer responded that his grandfather was a Welshman).

  Later the Duke poked fun at the Welsh again as he talked to farm stall manager Jean Pocock. Picking a leek from the stall and brandishing it, the prince asked: ‘Do any Welsh people live here?’

  Johnny Foreigner

  The Times of London said it best: ‘The Duke of Edinburgh is notorious for his ‘jokes,’ but he really only has one, single, transferrable joke, and it goes like this: foreigners are odd; they look peculiar, eat strange things, and may be lumped into groups according to national or racial characteristics; this is funny.’

  Visiting China in 1986, he said toaBritish exchange student in Xian: ‘If you stay here much longer, you’ll go home with slitty eyes.’ The Daily Mirror called him: ‘The Great Wally of China’; while the Sun said: ‘The duke gets it wong

  Later in 1986, he told a meeting of the World Wildlife Fund: ‘If it has four legs and it’s not a chair, if it’s got two wings and it flies but is not an aeroplane and if it swims and it’s not a submarine, the Cantonese will eat it.’

  In February 2013, when opening in £5.5-million cardiac centre at the Luton and Dunstable Hospital, Prince Philip told a Filipino nurse: ‘The Philippines must be half-empty – you’re all here running the NHS.’ Everybody laughed. Indeed, according to the Nursing and Midwifery Council, there were 16,184 Filipino nurses in the UK.

  At a Buckingham Palace reception, Prince Philip met cultural worker Sukhvinder Stubbs. ‘And are you from Guyana?’ said the prince. ‘Er, no I’m from India,’ said Stubbs. ‘Hmph,’ responded Philip, ‘I’m sure there are Indians in Guyana. They get everywhere, don’t they.’

  At a Christmas party for royal staff in Buckingham Palace in 2003, Prince Philip pointed to the turban of Sikh policeman Sarinder Singh and wondered: ‘How on earth do you get that under your helmet?’

  In 2003, while on a state visit to Nigeria, Prince Philip attended a formal reception hosted by the then-president of Nigeria Olusegun Obasanjo. Dressed to receive his royal visitor, the president was wearing his resplendent national dress, an elaborately embroidered billowing robe known as an agbada. The Prince took one look at the garment and exclaimed: ‘You look like you’re ready for bed!’

  He had been no more diplomatic during the ceremony giving Kenya its independence in 1963. Just as the Union Jack was being lowerd, hehe turned to Jomo Kenyatta, the country’s new prime minister, and asked ‘Are you sure you want to go through with this?’ The Kenyan flag was raised as arranged, despite Kenyatta’s joking answer of ‘no.’

  Plainly the prince has learnt his lesson over the years. When asked in Nigeria in 2003: ‘So what do you think of Africa?’ He replied: ‘I’ll pass on that if you don’t mind.’

  He was little more sympathetic to African art. When shown an example from Ethiopia in 1965, he said: ‘It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from school art lessons.’

  BBC Formula One TV presenter and former Jordan team boss Eddie Jordan was part of the welcoming committee in Dublin when the Queen visited in 2011. Prince Philip walked up to him a
nd said: ‘Ah! You’re that funny chap who does the F1.’ The following year the funny chap was given an honorary OBE.

  On a trip to Berlin in 2004, Prince Philip met two students who both said that they were from Ballyclare, County Antrim in Northern Ireland. ‘At last we’ve got two Irishmen in the same room agreeing with each other,’ said the prince. The Queen had just made a speech, urging the British and Germans to ‘learn from history, not be obsessed by it’ and ‘to look beyond simplistic stereotypes.’

  In 1974, two Irish nuns turned up with a party of schoolchildren making a special outing to the palace. ‘I hope you are not going to blow us up with your concealed bombs,’ said the prince. The Provisional IRA were active on the mainland at the time.

  Greeting a farmer’s wife from Northern Ireland at a charity event in 2004, Prince Philip commented: ‘So you managed to get here without having your knickers blown off.’ By then the IRA campaign on the mainland was over.

  In La Paz in Bolivia, Prince Philip was asked why he had not brought the famous photographer Lord Snowdon, then his brother-in-law, with him. The prince replied: ‘Britain is a democracy. I get what photographer I’m given.’ In Valparaisco, Chile, the prince appealed to one photographer to stop following him around. ‘We have one in the family already,’ he said.

  On a walkabout in Abu Dhabi in 2010 he asked British expats: ‘Are you running away from something?’ Spotting Lieutenant Colonel Ledger of the Queen’s Royal Hussars, of which Prince Philip is colonel-in-chief, he asked: ‘Why have you fled?’ Ledger explained that he was working for the British Government in the United Arab Emirates. Prince Philip then refused to shake the hands of a string of children in the ninety-degree heat, explaining: ‘I’ve got to get back to work.’ Further along the line eleven-year-old Jack Morgan stuck his hand out and asked for a shake. Prince Philip asked: ‘Why?’ (but eventually relented).