"Yeah, yeah, very funny," Adam said, scowling.
Luc gestured towards the small, pull-down table. "Sit down, I'll bring breakfast over."
Adam was very glad to sit down on one of the fold-up chairs, even though it wasn't massively comfortable. Seconds later, Luc carried over mugs of coffee for them both, before going to fetch plates with bacon sandwiches on them. He also had a glossy brochure tucked under his arm, which he handed to Adam along with his breakfast.
"What's this?" Adam asked.
"The other half of my surprise. You weren't interested in looking at it last night. Something about being desperate to have my cock up your arse." Luc waggled his eyebrows suggestively as he spoke.
Adam swallowed and opened up the brochure. It was for the ballet company that they'd been to see the night before. Within seconds, he realised the brochure was information about joining the company, including an application form.
"They're holding auditions next month," Luc said, his voice teetering on the edge of excitement. "I know dancing professionally is your dream. If you got in, you could move in with me. It would be perfect."
Adam stared at him, his head swimming. "Move in with you? You've only got one bedroom." If you could even call the mezzanine a bedroom.
"And that's a problem because...?"
"Because Mum and Dad have been here. They know you only have one bedroom."
Luc stared at the table, the smile dissipating from his lips. "Yeah, you're right. It was a stupid idea, I'm sorry."
Adam leaned across the table and put his hand over Luc's. "It's not. It might be a bit soon, but it's not a stupid idea."
Luc stared into his eyes. "You'd be interested in applying for the company?"
"If the dance school wasn't in trouble? Yeah, I would. But it is. Besides, I wouldn't get in. I don't have the experience."
"But you do have the talent."
Adam shook his head. "According to who? You? No offence, but you're not an expert."
"No," Luc agreed. "But I know how beautiful you look when you dance and how graceful and powerful your body is. You have so much talent and it deserves to be on display."
Adam wasn't sure about that, but it felt good that Luc had so much confidence in him.
"The dance school is picking up, isn't it?" Luc asked, before taking a bite of his sandwich.
"If you mean the toddler classes, yes. But it'll take more than one extra lesson a week to get it out of trouble completely." Adam picked at the crust of his sandwich. "They don't pay me a full wage. If I leave, they wouldn't be able to afford to replace me." He sighed. "I can't do that to them, Luc."
"You're amazing, you know that?"
Adam felt his cheeks heat up. "I'm really not."
"You are," Luc insisted. "Come on, Adam. You put your dream of preforming on stage aside to help Mum and Dad. You're still putting them first. Not many people would do that."
"You're helping them out."
"Not to the same extent you are. I haven't had to sacrifice anything." He stared at Adam, biting his lower lip.
"Yet?" Adam asked.
"I'm hoping I don't have to give you up."
Adam leaned back in his chair, suddenly feeling very heavy. He wanted to be with Luc, more than he could put into words, but the situation was just so messy. If he could apply to the ballet company and move in with Luc, he probably would. Even admitting that to himself felt monumental. He did want to dance and he did want to be with Luc.
But he couldn't have either dream, not only because their parents needed him, but because he didn't want to see the looks on their faces if—when—they found out he and Luc wanted to be together. But the longer they left it, the more the truth would hurt.
"We have to tell them, don't we?" he said.
Luc's eyebrows lifted. "I didn't think you wanted to?"
"I don't," Adam said miserably. "I don't want to hurt them, or disappoint them, but we'll do both if we keep this to ourselves and they find out by accident. We'll probably hurt them a whole lot more if that happens. But if we tell them, at least we can try to control the fallout." He pushed his plate away. "Except, what good is telling them if we still can't be together? I'll still be there, with them and you'll still be here." He dropped his chin to his chest.
"Hey," Luc said, standing and coming to kneel beside him. "One problem at a time, okay?"
Adam pinched his nose. "I guess I'm just feeling overwhelmed right now." He half smiled at Luc. "You telling me you love me hasn't helped my general state of confusion."
Luc grinned. "I'm pretty sure you told me you love me back."
"I did. I do." He pulled Luc to him for a kiss. "But are we being utterly naive to think we could have a future together? One where Mum and Dad support us? Because the only future I can see, is one where they turn their backs on us."
"I don't think they'd ever do that," Luc said, though his voice didn't hold the same confidence as his words.
"That's the thing, isn't it?" Adam asked. "We have no idea how they'll react."
"You're right about one thing though."
Adam held his breath, waiting for Luc to continue.
"If they find out some other way, their reaction will be a whole lot worse."
Adam dropped his forehead onto Luc's shoulder. "I want to be with you," he said. "I've never been surer of anything in my life. I don't care that loving you is a new thing. I've known you almost my whole life."
"We know each other's bad habits," Luc said, his voice strained.
They both laughed, though there wasn't as much humour in the conjoined sound as there should have been.
"We have to tell them," Adam said.
"I know. I've just been waiting for you to catch up." He cupped Adam's face in his hand, coaxing him to look up. "It'll be okay."
"We can't know that."
"No."
"I'm scared, Luc. I'm scared of losing them."
"So am I," Luc said slowly. "But whatever happens, we'll still be together."
"Yeah," Adam whispered, as Luc kissed him. It was the only certainty they had.
***
They caught the train together later that afternoon.
"Should we warn them you're coming?" Adam asked, leaning his head on Luc's shoulder as the train rocked gently from side to side as it rushed along the tracks.
Luc moved his fingertips in circles on Adam's knee. "Do you think it'll help?"
"No," Adam admitted. "I don't think anything will."
Luc wrapped his arm around Adam's shoulders. "It's not going to go as badly as you think. Everything will be fine I—"
"Don't," Adam hissed. "Don't promise. This isn't something you have any control over. Neither of us knows how they might react. We can hope and worry, but we don't know."
"Chill," Luc said. "Try to forget about it for a bit then, we're stuck on this train for three hours. Try to take your mind off it."
Adam sighed. He couldn't forget about it. It was easier for Luc: he'd already established a life for himself away from their parents. He'd spent the last four years barely having contact with them. Even though it was clear Luc loved their parents, he'd still separated himself from them. If their parents reacted badly and shunned them both, life would barely change for Luc. But for Adam, it would feel like his world had ended. He lived with them and worked for them. If their parents hated him for being with Luc, he wasn't sure what he would do.
He clenched his teeth, refusing to let himself try to dissuade Luc from revealing their relationship. Adam had been the one to bring it up this time and he knew it was the right thing to do. If heartache was coming, it was better to rip off the plaster and do it now. Worst case, he could move in with Luc until he figured out what to do next.
But what would that mean for the dance school? His parents couldn't afford to replace him with a full-time teacher, nor could they cover the lessons he taught if they didn't. But if they were repulsed enough by him and his love to hate him, he doubted they would let him
continue teaching with them, even if it destroyed the dance school.
"Hey," Luc said. "You're going to drive yourself nuts thinking about what might happen."
"I know, but I can't stop."
Luc rubbed Adam's shoulder in a repetitive calming movement. "Why don't you think about applying for that dance company instead?"
Adam shook his head. "I can't, Luc."
"You can't think about it, or you can't apply?"
"Either? Both? My head is too messed up right now and, if Mum and Dad are okay with us there's no way I can leave the dance school."
"We'd carry on the long-distance thing, then?" Luc asked in a disappointed tone. "It's been really fucking hard."
"It's only been a couple of weeks."
"Exactly. If I can't cope with two weeks of barely seeing you, how am I going to cope with months or years of it?" He jabbed Adam in the side. "How are you going to cope? I know how quickly you get frustrated."
That brought a small smile to Adam's lips. "I thought you liked how horny I get when I'm frustrated?" he whispered, before lifting his head to kiss Luc's jaw.
Luc chuckled. "Oh, I do. But if I had a choice, I'd rather have a non-frustrated Adam every day, than a frustrated Adam once every couple of weeks."
"You could always move back home."
Luc's lips drooped. "Yeah, I could."
"But would you?"
Luc shrugged. "I love my job, Adam, maybe as much as you'd love being on the stage. I don't think either of us should be giving up so much. It's time for us both to live our own lives."
Adam dropped his head back onto Luc's shoulder. He knew his brother was right. He'd already spent too long shoving his own dreams aside, there was no way he could ask Luc to give everything up and move back home, just so they could be together.
"I don't want you to stop doing what you love," he said quietly. "We'll figure things out."
"Yeah," Luc said. "We will."
They barely talked for the rest of the journey, although they didn't let go of each other until the train approached the station. Then they parted. The fear that someone they knew would see them together kept them from straying close as they found a taxi to take them home.
After the taxi dropped them off, they stood on the street.
Adam took a deep breath. "This is it, then."
"Still sure you want to do this?" Luc asked.
"No, but we have to."
Adam let them into the house. Almost immediately, their mum appeared from the sitting room, a puzzled expression on her face.
"Adam, we weren't expecting you back until tomorrow." She looked between them. "Is something wrong? Luc?"
"We need to talk," Adam said, his voice cracking.
"Is Dad here?" Luc asked.
Deborah nodded and waved her hand towards the sitting room. "In here. You both look really serious. What's wrong?"
Luc stepped round Adam and went into the sitting room. For a moment, Adam stayed where he was. This was it, the moment everything would change for good or bad. His stomach felt heavy, his mouth was dry, and his feet didn't want to move. There was so much anxiety spiralling inside him, that he wasn’t sure if he wanted to throw up or scream; probably both.
"Adam?" Deborah was still standing before him, her eyebrows pinched together.
There was no turning back. He and Luc had to face their parents.
"Let's go sit down," he said, finally managing to pick up one foot then the other.
He felt like a dead man walking as he shuffled into the sitting room and sat in one of the armchairs. Luc was sitting in the other, which put unwelcome distance between them. Their dad was sitting on the sofa. Still frowning, Deborah moved to sit beside her husband.
"What's wrong?" she asked again, concern making her voice shake.
Adam and Luc glanced at each other.
"There's something we have to tell you," Luc began.
It would have been easy for Adam to stay silent and let Luc do all the talking, but he had been the one who had instigated this moment.
"We're in love," Adam said, the words rushing out of him.
Their parents stared at them, unblinking. Time seemed to freeze. Adam's heart clenched.
"I'm sorry—what?" Deborah asked, as though she hadn't heard.
"We're in love," Luc repeated. "With each other."
“Of course you are!” Deborah exclaimed. “Your brothers. Why wouldn’t you love each other?” She laughed nervously. “I’m glad you two have finally sorted things out. It’s about time, isn’t it Ken?”
“No,” Luc said as their dad started to nod in agreement. “Listen to us. We’re not talking about brotherly love. We’re in love with each other. We want to be together.”
“Romantically,” Adam added in a pained whisper.
Deborah's eyes widened. Their Dad's jaw clenched. Adam wanted them to say something but at the same time he hoped they wouldn't. Whilst they were silent, they weren't shouting, screaming or crying. They weren't outpouring hate and condemnation. He braced himself, expecting the worst.
Deborah smacked her hand to her mouth. "In love?" she repeated. "With each other?" The shock and disgust were all too evident in her tone of voice. She began to shake and then stood. "I'm sorry, I can't." Then she fled the room.
Adam glanced at Luc, saw the pain in his stepbrother's eyes and wanted nothing more than to go to him and embrace him.
"In love?" their dad roared, standing. "You can't be. You're brothers."
"Stepbrothers," Luc growled out. “We aren’t related by blood.”
"You think that makes a difference? You were raised together as brothers."
That was enough for Adam. His dad, who was his flesh and blood, hated him. Deborah, who had raised him since he was four years old, couldn't stand to be in the same room as him.
"Have you..." their dad swallowed. "Have you slept together?"
"Yes," Luc said, his chin raised in defiance.
In contrast, Adam bowed his.
"Disgusting," their dad hissed. "Utterly disgusting." He shook his head. "I'm going to speak to your mother. You two had best wait here." He marched out, slamming the door behind him.
Adam dropped his head into his hands and clenched his hair, not caring that his scalp burned with pain as he did so. He'd known this was how it would be. His body shook as he let out a violent sob. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried, but now he couldn't hold back the tears. They poured out of him as though a floodgate had been opened, and he bawled like a baby. His parents hated him, thought he was disgusting; maybe he was. Maybe everything he had done with Luc made him a monstrous deviant. He shouldn’t love his stepbrother, but he did. Shame filled him, which only made him cry harder. He let go of his hair and pressed his fists against his eyes, pressing so hard he made stars explode behind his closed eyelids. He hated himself for doubting what he and Luc had, but he still found himself wanting to wind back the clock and take back everything they’d just said to their parents. But he couldn’t, anymore than he could erase the hate and disgust he’d seen on their faces from his mind. Because of a decision he’d made—to give in to his lust for Luc—his world was about to shatter around him and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Luc
Luc watched Adam crumple in on himself and there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it. He stood and moved to sit on the arm of Adam's chair, his hand moving to caress his brother's back. Adam jerked away.
"Not here," he whispered. "Not now."
Adam sounded so desperate and miserable, that it made Luc's heart ache. Tears sprang to his own eyes. He felt utterly naive. He'd truly hoped their parents would be more understanding. At the very least he'd been sure his mum would be. But he'd been proved wrong in the worst possible way, and now there was a chance he'd lose his family for good. And so might Adam, which hurt him even more.
"It'll be okay," he heard himself saying.
"No, it won't be.
" Adam dipped his head further, his fingers turning white where they pressed against his skull. "We should have kept our secret."
Luc held his breath, waiting for Adam to say they shouldn't have started screwing around with each other at all. But he didn't. Whether he was thinking those words or not, Adam didn't say them out loud. Luc exhaled slowly. That was something, wasn't it? No matter how much hurt and anguish Adam was feeling, he still wanted them to be together. Luc hoped that was true, because they both needed to take something good away from this horrible situation.
"Let's just wait and see," he said. "I think they just need a little time to get their heads around the fact their sons are a couple."
Adam looked up, his eyes watery and cheeks damp. "Stop deluding yourself, Luc. Didn't you see the look in Mum's eyes? Or the expression on Dad's face? They hate us. They're disgusted by us." He dropped his hands to between his legs and curled them into loose fists. "What if they're right?"
"They're not." Luc slipped off the arm of the chair, onto his knees beside Adam. "We're not doing anything wrong."
He wanted to lay his hand on Adam's knee to offer some comfort, but he knew his brother wouldn't accept his touch right now. He fought down the urge to suggest they just leave. It wasn't too late to catch the last train if they hurried. Even if they did miss it, they were bound to be able to find a hotel room somewhere in the city centre. He doubted Adam would go, even though waiting felt like they were preparing to face an execution squad.
They lapsed into silence, Luc staying where he was—close, but not touching Adam. He wasn't sure how much time passed before Ken finally returned to the room. Alone. Luc felt like someone had punched him in the gut, but he looked up to meet Ken's gaze anyway, which was more than Adam managed to do.
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