In a Doctor's Arms

by Lisa Mondello

  Karen nodded silently, giving Dennis’s arm a squeeze, and then walked to the door, reluctantly closing it behind her.

  Teresa took a good look at her new patient. Benny hadn’t grown up in the tough streets of the city. Stockington Falls wasn’t even a dot on the map save the ski resort that made it known outside the state. But the stubborn set of his jaw and long hair dyed jet-black would make him fit in among the kids she knew in Hartford. If Teresa dug deep and looked at the clothes Benny had been wearing last night during the accident, she was sure she’d find a well-worn pair of baggy jeans and snowboard or basketball T-shirt among his things.

  He’d been spared the acne that so many kids suffered with at seventeen, but he did have small bald patches where his light beard was still downy and hadn’t fully matured. He probably only bothered to shave at all but once or twice a week, most likely at his mother’s urging. “I hear you’re itching to get out of here, Benny,” Dennis said.

  Still no response from the boy.

  Dennis checked the chart at the end of the bed. “Everything looks pretty good. How does that shoulder feel?” Silence.

  He gave a quick glance to Teresa and then back to Benny. She’d known Dennis only a short time, but the love and concern she saw in those deep eyes was unmistakable. He was afraid for his nephew. And that did nothing to dispel the skitter of nerves crawling through her veins.

  “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Benny. Her name is Teresa Morales.”

  Benny didn’t acknowledge her at all, so Teresa gave it a try. “Your uncle told me you’re quite the basketball player.”

  When Benny still showed no movement, Teresa touched Dennis by the arm. “If I could have a moment or two. It might be easier if we’re alone.”

  Dennis nodded and then sighed much like Karen had. There was no guarantee that Benny would talk to a stranger any more than he would talk to his own family, but at least she had experience with dealing with teenagers and the silence.

  “I’ll be in Allie Pryor’s room or in my office if you need me,” Dennis said. It may have been her imagination, but he seemed to hesitate for a fraction of a moment, as if he wanted to tell her something.

  She ignored the warning bells that clanged in her head. Dennis had simply asked her to come talk to the kid. It was the morning after something horrific had happened, and surely Benny had conflicting feelings about his part in all of it.

  When the door closed behind Dennis, Teresa forced her thoughts back to Benny’s room and took a deep breath to steel herself for what was to come. Unfortunately, she’d been through this very scenario more times than she wanted to count. Guilt, betrayal, blame, grief. All that had to be sorted out in one’s mind before healing could occur.

  She turned, taking a stride into the room, and sat down next to the teenager. She had her work cut out for her.

  “I’m sure you know why I came here today, Benny.” No answer. She tried a different tactic. “But let’s put all that aside and just talk for a bit, get to know each other.”

  He turned his head toward her, his face void of emotion. She could almost feel the anger inside him simmering just below the surface of his composure. “Why?”

  “You look like a pretty nice guy. Why not?”

  He turned and looked toward the window again. She stifled a sigh.

  “Why don’t we talk about sports? Your uncle said you’re an athlete. I’m not much into basketball. I’m a hockey fan myself. What about you?”

  The slight movement of his shoulder could hardly be deemed a shrug, but Teresa would take whatever she could get at this point.

  “I’m a big Bruins fan. My dad used to take me to the games when I was little. I don’t have much time for it now, but I manage to see a game every now and then.”

  That earned her a roll of the eyes from Benny. Good. Progress.

  She chuckled quietly. “Okay, so you don’t like the Bruins. Or is it hockey you’re not fond of?”

  “Hockey’s okay if you’re into getting your face bashed on the ice. It doesn’t take much to skate around and swing a stick.”

  “Fair enough. So basketball is more your thing?”

  No comment.

  “Are you on the team at school?”

  “You already said Uncle Dennis told you I play basketball.”

  “He said you were on the team at the community center. I was just wondering if you were playing on the high school team. You know a lot of kids get college scholarships when they’re good enough at athletics.”

  Benny stiffened. “Won’t matter if I do.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’m…not going to college.”

  “Why not? If you want to go, an athletic or academic scholarship is one of the best ways to make it happen.”

  “Because I probably won’t live long enough to make it out of high school.”

  It took everything Teresa had not to shrink back in her seat. Fighting for air, she tried to find the right words to respond. Was he worried about his injuries? Dennis surely assured Benny that his injuries weren’t that severe and he’d make a full recovery.

  Fearful of what might come, Teresa proceeded slowly. “Benny, what makes you think you won’t live long enough to make it to graduation?”

  Benny regarded her seriously. “The accident didn’t manage to kill me, so I guess I’ll have to do it myself.”

  It was just under a half hour since Dennis had left Teresa with Benny when he saw her barreling down the hallway, wildly forcing her arms through her jacket sleeves. He’d convinced Karen to run across the street for a bite to eat. Louise, the day waitress at the Twin Falls Café, was good at bending an ear, and his sister would surely need that now.

  All seemed normal again, until Teresa came charging toward him. He stepped into her path before she could advance any farther.

  “Move, Dennis,” she ground out, barely looking at him.

  “Whoa. Hold on.” He caught her by the upper arms. She quickly thrashed his hands off her. It was a good thing the clinic had cleared out and was now pleasantly quiet. He had the nagging feeling this scene was going to get ugly.

  “Get out of my way.”

  “What happened in there? What’s wrong with you?”

  “With me? What about him?” Although they were virtually alone, her voice had lowered considerably as she pointed back toward the room she’d just fled. Benny’s room.

  “He’s still in shock. It was a horrible accident,” he said, stating the obvious. “Spencer did tell you, didn’t he? He told you what happened at the school.”

  She stalked past him, the heels of her boots echoing down the empty hall as she charged.

  “I told you I talked with him this morning, but he said nothing about why you left Hartford. He only assured me that I’d be in good hands with you helping here at the clinic. And I already knew that,” he said, catching up with her and falling into her step.

  As she reached the door to the clinic, he gripped her arm and swung her around. His breath lodged in his throat when he saw her eyes brimming with unshed tears. She was visibly shaking.

  “What happened in there?” he demanded.

  She glanced around and saw that they were alone. “You didn’t tell me Benny has a history of being suicidal, Dennis. That he’s tried to kill himself twice already.”

  He sighed, regret eating away at his insides. Yes, he should have told her. He thought he’d have more time in the room with Teresa and Benny so that it all could be brought out in the open.

  “I should have told you,” he agreed wearily.

  “It was important. I never would have come here if I’d known.”

  Pushing through the door, she stepped out into the darkness. He followed her. The bitter cold bit through his thin hospital jacket, assaulting his skin.

  “He needs you, Teresa.”

  As she swung around, she swiped at her face. Her movements were quick and thrashing, her arms swinging as she paced back and forth. It was more
than evident her reaction was not just about Benny. There was something more. Spencer had implied as much, telling him he thought Teresa might need someone like Benny, too.

  “She won’t think she can help,” Spencer had said on the phone. “In fact, I’m sure she’ll flat-out refuse. But you talk her into it. Whatever you do, make her do it.”

  At the time, Dennis was already too tired and too worried about what his nephew might do to think what that meant. Now that one statement and its true meaning nagged at him.

  Teresa stopped pacing for a moment. “He needs help. I’ll give you that. But it can’t be from me, Dennis. I can’t do it. He needs something more than what I can give him.”

  “Maybe so. But right now you’re all he has.”

  She shook her head. “I’m sure there are plenty of facilities within an hour’s drive of here with doctors who can help him. Really help him.”

  “That’s just it. He’ll never get to one.”

  “Why not?”

  “Not everyone thinks therapy is a good thing. There are a lot of folks around here who’d see it as a weakness.”

  Her shoulders slumped. “Admitting you need help isn’t being weak.”

  “I know that, and you know that. I’ll even venture to guess my sister will agree to that, too. Unfortunately, my brother-in-law Frank is of the breed that thinks secrets are better left locked in a closet. He’s fought all attempts to have Benny placed in therapy, despite my recommendation and that of his physician after the first two attempts on his life. He thinks Benny is just doing this to get attention because he’s a little depressed.”

  “But one day he may actually succeed,” Teresa said.

  “That’s what I’m trying to prevent. Frank has even refused to have Pastor Balinski counsel Benny. It’s become a tug of war in the house. After last night’s accident, Karen is now without a car, so the chances of Benny’s dad taking him to therapy on his own are slim to none.”

  The car was the least of their problems. Dennis would drive Benny to St. Johnsbury himself if it wasn’t going to cause an escalation in the kind of friction between his sister and her husband that he’d seen since he’d come home from Iraq.

  “It’s not uncommon for teenagers to become de pressed,” Dennis said. “I know that. But something has gotten under Benny’s skin. I don’t know what it is, and he’s not talking about it—at least not to anyone who wants to help him. I don’t know if tension in the house is causing Benny to act out or if the tension is a result of Benny’s behavior. But I know that I need you, Teresa. He needs you.”

  Things had changed in his family when Dennis was away. The family that seemed to have it all now appeared to be crumbling right before his eyes, and he felt powerless to stop it.

  When Teresa lifted her chin, something had changed in her expression. She was closed off just like she had been when he first made his request this afternoon.

  “I’m sorry, Dennis, but I just can’t help you here. I’ll only make things worse.”

  Turning on her heels, she escaped into the cold darkness. Dennis didn’t bother to go after her. He could tell she needed some time to herself. There was definitely something more than just poor Benny and his problems on her mind. Something was eating at her—maybe whatever was haunting her that had brought her to Stockington Falls.

  He turned and strode back through the clinic doors, making a silent prayer to the Lord to find the answers. For all their sakes.

  Chapter Four

  Teresa had let it go way too long, she thought, looking at the bottom line of her check register. In an effort to forget the catastrophic episode at the clinic, Teresa had spent the night toying with her finances, and now knew she was in even bigger trouble financially than she had thought.

  Dennis had been right about another thing. Hartford’s school system, while generous in pay, didn’t afford her the comfort to live in the lap of luxury for too long.

  She tossed the checkbook back into her purse and pushed the classified ad she’d pulled from the morning newspaper aside. She held the warm ceramic mug of coffee between both hands and glanced out the window of the Twin Falls Café. Across the street was the Stockington Falls Medical Clinic. She’d fled the clinic the other day like a child spooked at a horror film.

  Ridiculous. She was a professional, after all, and that day she’d been anything but. She couldn’t blame Dennis if he were angry. She was angry—at herself and at the situation. At whoever was responsible for that accident, forcing her into resurrecting all the past ugliness she fought to leave behind in Hartford.

  Lord, what if I fail again? What if I miss some important sign? I can’t let down Benny that way. Not like I did with Mariah.

  More than anything, Teresa feared that if she wasn’t able to reach him through counseling, it was Benny who’d suffer the most, not just from his own fears and self-blame, but from the thought that he was beyond being helped. He’d view her weakness as his fault.

  Walking into Benny’s room, she’d thought she was in control. But as Benny just stared at her, instead of spewing typical adolescent vulgarities to vent, as she’d expected, she saw Mariah’s haunting eyes staring back at her. Teresa tried to remember the carefree smile she’d seen so many times before or that laughter that had always filtered into her office at the school before Mariah came bouncing in. But that was gone. She hadn’t been able to bring any of that joy back.

  All she saw was Mariah’s limp body lying on her childhood bed. It was as if the image was permanently fixed in her mind. She only hoped that memory, that image, would be something that with God’s grace she would eventually be able to erase from her mind.

  Mariah had been just seventeen, like Benny. But unlike Benny, Mariah succeeded in taking her life as well as that of her unborn child.

  A cold chill raced up Teresa’s spine and made her shudder. She quickly took a large gulp of her coffee, but it did nothing to dissipate the feeling.

  Mariah had never told Teresa about the baby. If she had, maybe Teresa would have seen the signs of desperation. She would have paid more attention. Some kids were good at hiding, laughing on the outside, while inside the pain ate away at them. It had to for her to have been driven to the point of wanting to give up.

  Now Teresa questioned the real truth of what had led up to that day. Mariah had spoken about her boyfriend David, and she had seen the pair entwined in the halls, in front of their lockers and in the corner of the building during lunch. They’d seemed so happy. David and Mariah had genuinely seemed in love, which was why she knew that Mariah had been devastated when David was killed in a car accident the week before the last time Mariah came to talk to her.

  But Mariah hadn’t come to her because of David’s death or about the baby she was carrying. She wanted to talk about “her friend” and the problems her friend was having with other students. And Teresa hadn’t seen that Mariah’s “friend” was really Mariah until it was too late.

  Teresa had met with a lot of students at the high school who didn’t want to acknowledge the horrible truths of the trauma inflicted on them by bullying. It was easier to pretend it was happening to someone else.

  Yes, Teresa had failed Mariah by not seeing the signs of bullying that led to her suicide. That one mistake would haunt her for the rest of her life. “Ms. Morales?”

  Teresa pulled herself out of the past to look up at the woman standing in front of her.

  “Yes,” she said. “I’m Teresa Morales.”

  The woman smiled. “I don’t mean to interrupt your breakfast—”

  “No, not at all.” She recognized the woman but didn’t immediately place the face.

  “Karen Dulton? Dennis Harrington’s sister. We met yesterday at the clinic when you talked to my son, Benny.” Karen reached out a hand to shake Teresa’s.

  “Oh, yes, please sit down.”

  Karen shook her head. “I can’t stay. I’m on my way out to do errands while I still have the car.”

  The shame over no
t immediately recognizing Dennis’s sister mixed in with what had happened yesterday at the clinic made Teresa want to crawl into a hole. “I’m sorry. My mind was elsewhere. How is Benny doing today?”

  “The same, physically. But his injuries will heal.”

  “And his friend, Chuck? Do you have an update on him?”

  Karen’s expression clouded. “Still in a coma. Still in critical condition. I try not to talk about it with Benny. It only upsets him.”

  “I understand.”

  Silence hung heavy between the two women for a brief moment. Karen must have something she wanted to say—she had clearly sought Teresa out. If she’d only stopped into the café for a quick drink or bagel, she could easily have left without saying hello. It was Karen who broke the silence.

  “I was hoping you’d reconsider seeing Benny again. I know how difficult he can be sometimes.”

  “No, no. He wasn’t difficult with me yesterday.” The last thing Teresa wanted was for Karen to misunderstand her reaction to Benny yesterday. “He must be so confused right now.”

  Karen quickly sat, propping her purse in her lap. “He is. And truth be known, I’m really afraid for him. I was even before the accident, but now it’s worse. I feel like I’m losing him sometimes. Do you know what I mean?”

  Tears welled up in Karen’s eyes, knowing the notion of losing a child was unbearable to a parent.

  “Yes, I do know what you mean. I’ve worked with teenagers for over ten years. They can be very difficult until they find their way—and even when they do.”

  “Pastor Balinski said as much. But Benny doesn’t want to talk to the pastor of our church. He doesn’t really want to talk to anyone. Not even me. Especially not me.”

  Karen was hurting. That much was evident. “I’m not sure how long I’m going to be in Stockington Falls,” Teresa hedged. “I don’t know how much help I can be.”

  Karen gave it one more try. “Maybe if you talk to Benny again? I’d really appreciate it. If I can get him to a point where he’s open to seeing someone on a regular basis… I’m just asking.”