Nothing but Darkness

by Maria Ann Green

  “Well, Bee and I are officially a couple now. I have a girlfriend. How weird is that?”

  Jason’s jaw drops as his eyes widen. He sits still, staring at me shocked without answering, and I struggle against laughter but end up losing the fight.

  Probably in response to my amusement, Jason snaps his mouth closed, jumping up to come toward me. “Wow, that’s great. When did this happen? His heavy hands slap me on the back, and then he envelops me in a hug. As he pulls back he adds, “When can you guys come over for dinner to celebrate?” His last question echoes the sentiment in Amelia’s apology message after the blowup. I guess when you’ve been together long enough you start to think alike.

  I’d love to answer never, but I bite it back.

  An odd question floats through my mind before I come up with a better answer, and I wonder if Bee will start to think like me if we stay together long enough.

  “Thanks. We’ll have to get together soon, for sure.” Quickly Jason looks distracted again, and this time I have to point it out. “Something on your mind?”

  “Yeah…Sorry.” I wave off his apology and wait for him to continue. “Dan sent out an email already this morning. They’re announcing who will fill Eva’s spot later today.”

  “Wow. That’s exciting, right? Who do you think it’ll be?”

  I doubt it’s me; I wasn’t on my game like I was months ago, and I don’t want it like I did then either. I seriously don’t know who they’ll choose this time. It feels much closer than before. I wonder if it’ll be Sarah.

  “I’m guessing you or Sarah. Who do you think?”

  Maybe it will be her.

  “Definitely not me. I didn’t care enough like I did last time. I’m happy where I am, actually. Sarah would make a good boss, though.” Jason’s face falls a fraction of an inch, and anyone else watching wouldn’t notice, but I’ve known him too long not to.

  “Yeah, she will.” I start to turn, then hear Jason open his mouth to add something. “Hey, it seems you’re not the only one who’s lost his watch lately.”

  I stop breathing. Stop thinking. At least my mouth still works.

  “What?”

  “Yeah, didn’t you see on the news? They found that missing girl, and the sicko who killed her left his watch with her body. I bet it’s some freaky calling card and we’re about to be bombarded with reports of other missing people and a warning to beware.”

  “That’s insane.”

  “I know. I bet they’ll come up with some weird name for him, too. Maybe something like: The Watch-er.”

  “Shit.”

  “Exactly.”

  I have no idea what else to say. Jason continues babbling, and I watch his every move. Listen intently to his every word. Does he know? Is he the one who left the note? I swallow down bile every few seconds as it threatens to explode from me. But he never looks suspicious. He never again brings up I’ve also lost my watch. He just gossips about the news with his friend.

  He doesn’t know. It wasn’t him.

  He’s as clueless as ever, and I let the wave of emotions subside.

  After a few more moments of Monday morning catch-up, to cover up my wave of idiotic fear, we head to our respective desks to begin the workday.

  Just after lunch, our department is called into the conference room for the big announcement. I have zero anxiety, because I know it won’t be me, but I’m full of curiosity about who has been chosen to fill Eva’s shoes. Whoever steps up will look amazing compared to her.

  After everyone sits down, Dan clears his throat, signaling he’s about to begin. “I know we’ve had a rough road behind us guys, but I have an immense amount of confidence backing my decision for who will lead us down a new road to the future. Everyone who interviewed would make a great leader, and my decision was incredibly hard. It wasn’t hard because I had a lack of talent to choose from, but instead I had so much I couldn’t include it all in one choice.” He’s building this up. If whoever he chooses fucks up he’s going to look like a huge idiot. Again. “So without further ado, I’d like everyone to congratulate Jason Moore on his new promotion.”

  Holy shit.

  Everyone starts clapping, and it’s obvious a good decision was made. Jason will do well, and he’ll be respected. I stand before anyone else, while it still seems to be sinking in for him, to clap Jason on the shoulders. “Congratulations. The best man won.” I smile proudly for my friend.

  As everyone titters with excitement, taking their turns to say how excited they are for Jason, I make my way to Dan. I extend my hand in a request to shake his, and without hesitation he returns the favor.

  “It was close.” Dan’s volume is low enough so I’m the only one to hear. “You were our next choice, Aidan. Jason just seemed to want it more.”

  “I couldn’t agree more. He deserves it. He’s the best man for the job.” And I mean it.

  Dan sobers. “Have things been any better for you? I can’t believe after harassing you at work Eva’s turned to stalking you.”

  “It’s awful. She’s crazy. But hopefully it’ll stop soon.” A little sympathy never hurt anything.

  “Hopefully.”

  After nodding, Dan moves to speak with Jason.

  ****

  After a great day, I couldn’t be happier sitting on Bee’s couch with her legs across my lap. I even let her pick some stupid show about cooking without making her beg. I felt generous, because as I left work Eva was still missing, as well as a police presence.

  “Are you bummed Jason got it over you?” Bee’s already asked something along these lines twice, and both times I’ve said no. She seems to think I’m hiding hurt feelings. But actually, I’m content.

  “I’m not. Seriously,” I add when her eyes narrow. “More money would’ve been nice, but without the extra responsibility I get to spend more time with my distrusting girlfriend.” I sneak my fingers up the side of her shirt to tickle her soft skin.

  After she’s gasping for breath, I finally relent.

  “Okay, okay. I believe you.” She hiccups from all the air she’s gulped before continuing. “Good answer, by the way.”

  “Haven’t you learned yet? I always know what to say.” She laughs and hiccups at the same time, but I don’t get to enjoy the sound as my cell phone starts ringing.

  After looking at it, I report, “It’s Jason. Should I answer?”

  Bee nods. “Yeah, I bet he’s calling to tell us where to meet him and Mel for a celebratory drink. Not that that won’t be awkward. We can fake it, though.” Her smile is a little sinister. She’s cooking something up.

  I answer expecting the same as Bee, but we’re both way off. Before I can even say hello, I’m greeted by choked sobs. “What’s going on? Who’s hurt?” The concern in my voice is evident, and Bee’s features quickly match mine. We both sit up straighter, waiting for his response.

  “Amelia’s gone.” He doesn’t say anything else. I know Bee heard too. She’s already up and moving toward the front door.

  “We’re coming over.” I hang up the phone and join Bee. Since we’re only a few houses down we walk the short distance, jogging really, and go into the Moore house without knocking.

  It’s empty, eerily quiet. Mel must have taken the girls with her. We walk in past the entryway and see Jason sitting on the stairs to the second floor facing us. He’s pulled himself together a little bit since we hung up moments ago.

  “I didn’t even get a chance to tell her about my promotion. She just said it’s over. I know we’ve been fighting lately. I just never thought she’d leave. I couldn’t convince her otherwise. Aidan…I…she’s gone.” He refrains from crying audibly, but a few tears leak from his lids and spill down his fat cheeks.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  I walk over, sitting next to him on the stairs. I sling my arm around his shoulders and just sit there with him. I don’t say much more. I look to Bee, and I can tell she feels the same. We want to be here for him, but we keep quiet more than w
e would for someone else, because we know too much.

  Bee interjects an amazing idea. “Let’s go get drunk at Z.”

  Jason lets out a halfhearted bark of laughter.

  “That’s the best idea I’ve ever heard, Bee. You’re pretty great.”

  He stands slowly, and we all move outside.

  “I’ll drive.” Bee starts to protest, but I shake my head. I lean in toward her and whisper, “I’ll drive so you can drink with Jason, and I’ll take advantage of you later.” I wink at her as her smile spreads wide. I add one last thing before we all get into my car. “He’s right, you know. You’re pretty fucking great.”

  We all got through the night. Bee and I both stayed with Jason after getting him home from Z. The empty house upset him too much, and we felt too bad to leave him alone. I didn’t get to take advantage of Bee like I’d hoped. But we made it through to the next morning. Everyone alive and breathing.

  And since the news, Jason’s been stellar at work. He did deserve the new position. Though, after work for the past two nights he’s attached himself to me and Bee like his life depends on it, like glue. He’s been clingy, but he’s agreed he won’t be intruding again tonight. And I can’t really blame him. After ridding myself of Eva I don’t want to add a new tail, so I asked for one night off. He seems to be doing much better.

  I don’t think he’d ever admit it, but maybe he’ll be better off.

  ****

  Just before leaving work, I check my email.

  But I wish I hadn’t.

  From: Anonymous

  To: Aidan Sheppard

  Subject: Don’t forget I know

  Aidan,

  I thought you would appreciate this video. When I stumbled across it, it reminded me of you.

  Enjoy,

  Your friend

  I click the link embedded and watch as a video pulls up.

  What the fuck am I in for?

  I know I shouldn’t, but I hold my breath as the seconds tick by while it buffers. There’s no way this can be good for me. Then finally it’s ready, and I start breathing again but too quickly this time. As it starts with a black screen, a raspy voice croons things about abusing and being abused.

  Well isn’t that just a peachy little bit of music.

  Fuck.

  The screen comes to life with color, and I have to slap my hand over my mouth to prevent drawing any attention to my office. I bite my lip, hard, to keep silent as blood flows across my computer’s monitor, and it tastes like iron in my mouth. The video is a compilation of death scenes in scary movies. Every clip is gory. Every death stabs me deeper. There are so many I lose count. Some have drawn-out monologues, but others are quick with no preamble. It’s a movie of my life, what it is and what it can be, acted out by others.

  I feel like I might faint again.

  Or throw up.

  Or have a heart attack.

  This is terrifying.

  It’s thrilling.

  The video is over ten minutes long. I watch it in its entirety. And then I watch it again, silent the second time.

  I don’t stand up to leave the office until half an hour after I normally do, and I’m sure I look like a zombie the whole way out.

  ****

  The video, that disturbing video, didn’t deter me. Maybe it should have, maybe I’ve lost my damn mind, but my plans for tonight remain the same. I need an outlet. I need to get back to what I’m good at. In other circumstances, I would have drawn inspiration from the scenes in the video. It could have been something helpful, something special. But instead it was a reminder someone is on to me.

  I tried to respond, but immediately after sending the link my friend disabled the email account. I couldn’t have someone else trace the address without raising a lot of questions, either. Next, I tried to attack through the video after email failed. There were no comments posted below since it was only uploaded today. And the account that created it is both blocked and anonymous. That’s where I hit a second dead end.

  And then I quit, with nothing else I knew how to do.

  It evoked a sense of helplessness and rage throughout me. It made me want to scream. It made me want to cry out for help. It made me want to turn tail, running to an uninhabited part of the world where no one has ever heard of Aidan Sheppard.

  And it made me want to kill.

  Which is why, after calming the fuck down, my plans for tonight stayed unchanged.

  Bee has to work on another writing deadline, so I have the evening to myself, and since Eva’s still gone, I’m using it to take a drive. Regardless of finding a hitchhiker or not, I will have fun tonight. I’ll find some nobody and take her to the woods.

  This isn’t an if. It’s a definite.

  Then she won’t be a nobody anymore. She’ll be a somebody, a somebody to me. She’ll be a playmate.

  I’ve been waiting long enough and my need, my hunger, is pulsing stronger than it ever has before. I can feel it all the way down to my toes. Tonight I’ll satisfy my inner darkness with warm, slick blood. I’ll wash my hands in it as it seeps out.

  This is the thought I cling to as I pat my kit next to me on the passenger seat.

  After two hours of driving along the highway, my excitement and adrenalin have subsided, leaving a void in their wake. I feel emptier and hungrier than I did before embarking on this search.

  I’m disappointed.

  And I still feel the need for a donation.

  Maybe I should’ve looked for someone else. I could’ve looked for another prostitute, or another homeless woman living in a cardboard box. Either one would’ve been a surer bet. But I didn’t go that route.

  I didn’t, because I’ve already walked down those paths. I don’t mind if I stumble upon a happy coincidence and find a female who happens to fit into one of those two categories. But I don’t want to go looking for the exact same occurrence I had before. I want each experience to be as different as I can make them. That’s what my adrenaline thrives on.

  I’d prefer to find a hitchhiker, or someone in a parking lot, or walking down the street, anyone new, anyone different, anyone exciting.

  Once I hit the three-hour mark, I decide it’s time to turn around. It’s time to give up. It just isn’t meant to be tonight, and I can’t afford to push it. Not with so many variables flying around lately. With Eva, my new anonymous friend, and the news reports, I can’t take another possible problem. Up until this point I used to have a lot of luck on my side, and I don’t want to push it away. No, I want as much luck as I can get, so if it isn’t supposed to happen tonight then I shouldn’t force it.

  Three hours away. Fuck. I shouldn’t have driven in a straight line away from home. Now I have three hours to drive back with nothing to show for it and nothing to keep me happy.

  I flip my turn signal and U-turn in the middle of the highway, prepared for the long drive home. At least I’ll have plenty of time to think of future plans, weapons, and execution styles. It won’t be a completely wasted chunk of hours.

  No more than one minute down the other side of the highway, I almost shit my pants. There’s a hitchhiker. A petite, young, female hitchhiker, with long hair whipping in the cold, is walking the opposite way from which I was just driving. If I hadn’t driven this far before turning around then I’d never have spotted her. I have no idea how I missed her before, even though she was on the other side.

  Fate gives me a kiss yet again. A wet sloppy kiss which leads me to number four. Perfect little number four.

  I slow down next to the hitchhiker and let my passenger window roll down slowly. “Where ya headed?” I keep my tone light, hoping a single man won’t be too intimidating to accept a ride from. I’d rather not have to get out and chase her, chancing a car spotting me.

  “As far as you can take me in that direction.” She points the way she was walking, the direction toward home.

  I click the unlock button, and she immediately reaches for the door. I can see the confidence rolling o
ff her as she does. Independent and smarter than everyone else. She thinks she can handle it all, and she isn’t worried about me.

  What stupid assumptions.

  “It’s freezing out there. How long have you been waiting for someone to help you out? Hopefully not too long.” As we pull back on the highway, my car automatically locks itself. Such a convenient technological feature.

  “I’ve been walking for about an hour, and it is fucking cold. Thanks for picking me up. I think if I had to walk much longer some of my toes would’ve fallen off. I’m not exactly dressed for this.” She gestures down her bare legs.

  “No, you’re not.” I keep my eyes forward, but my hands are itching to wrap themselves around her legs, her throat, her heart.

  “Thanks a lot…what’s your name?”

  You don’t need to know, bitch.

  Instead of answering, I brace myself and then slam hard on the breaks.

  Hitchhiker’s head slams forward, hitting with a crunch into the dash. I’ll have to clean that up later. Should’ve stolen Jason’s car again. Oh well, blood can be cleaned.

  And the beautiful blood I’ve needed starts to ooze from a fresh cut on her forehead. Her eyes roll back, and she loses consciousness, but I know it won’t last long. In a moment of weakness, I take precious time to slap her face hard once. She doesn’t stir, and the handprint forming is satisfying. It’s almost as satisfying as when I rip her shirt open, exposing her milky white skin.

  Shit. I need to get off the main road.

  I drive a few blocks and find a patch of thick trees to conceal the dirty deeds I’m about to indulge in.

  Hitchhiker starts to stir as I pull her from her feet out of the car after parking it. I don’t take the time to savor; I’m starving for this, and it’s going to be quick. Her head hits the ground with a loud crack against the gravel. The disturbance is enough to bring her back to consciousness.