Miss Chopsticks

by Xinran

  Six thought a lot about what Meng had said. She was full of admiration for the cleverness of her reasoning. But, if Meng was right, why was it that her parents and her teachers had always said, ‘Laughter is a sickness: when a man laughs he’s playing the fool; when a woman laughs she’s playing the strumpet’? Was it because village people were poor and city people rich? Or because they had different definitions of laughter? It seemed to Six that it was the latter. And perhaps those different definitions even made city people look completely different from village people, so that when you walked down the street in Nanjing, you could tell at a glance who had come from the broad avenues of the city and who from the muddy tracks of the country.

  She wondered, too, about what Meng meant by a ‘truly good woman’. Her mother never laughed. Did this mean she wasn’t ‘truly good’? People in the city seemed to have so many ideas about women that it was hard to know what to believe. She had read something in the visitors’ notebook that had preoccupied her for days.

  The Differences Between Male and Female Workers in the Eyes of the Boss

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate with a family photo on the desk, the boss thinks, ‘Hmm … He must be a good, responsible man who takes care of his family.’ When the boss sees a female subordinate with a family photo on her desk, the boss thinks, ‘Hmm … work isn’t the most important thing in her life, no point in expecting her to put her heart into the company.’

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate with an untidy desk, the boss thinks, ‘He’s so industrious! Look, he doesn’t even have time to tidy his desk.’ When the boss sees a female subordinate with an untidy desk, the boss thinks, ‘Look at that! She’s clearly got no organisational ability!’

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate talking to his colleagues, the boss thinks, ‘He must be discussing recent business developments. That’s the spirit!’ When the boss sees a female subordinate talking to her colleagues, the boss thinks, ‘Humph, she’s gossiping and finding fault again. Oh well, it’s in women’s nature to have long tongues.’

  • When the boss sees that a male subordinate is about to get promoted by his manager, the boss thinks, ‘This man must have great potential.’ When the boss sees that a female subordinate is about to get promoted by her manager, the boss thinks, ‘This woman must be having a thing with the director.’

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate arrive late, the boss thinks, ‘Was he burning the midnight oil again last night?’ When the boss sees a female subordinate arrive late, the boss thinks, ‘Did her husband want it again last night? Or have they just …’

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate hand out wedding invitations, the boss thinks, ‘He’ll be more responsible now. Let’s give him a big red envelope of lucky money as a bonus to encourage him.’ When the boss sees a female subordinate hand out wedding invitations the boss thinks, ‘Let’s not make her red envelope too big. Soon she’ll get herself pregnant, take two months’ maternity leave, and end up quitting her job to look after the kid.’

  • When the boss sees a male subordinate leave for a better job, the boss thinks, ‘Here’s a man who understands how to make the most of a good opportunity. Too bad the company can’t keep him.’ When the boss sees a female subordinate leave for a better job, the boss thinks, ‘That’s women for you – untrustworthy!’

  Guess whether the boss is a man or a woman? Give me your answers please.

  There were several answers written at the bottom of the page and Six saw that one of them was in Meng’s handwriting. ‘Boss could be either!’ Meng had written. ‘We say “poor women”, but the boss’s opinions are often given to him by his wife …’ Six wasn’t sure she agreed. She wanted to add, ‘It’s all men’s fault! They did this to women’, but she thought of a phrase a customer had just taught her – ‘Lack of forbearance in small matters spoils great plans’ – so she kept her thoughts to herself.

  The next time Six met up with Five, she told her what Meng had said about only being a truly good woman if you knew how to laugh and cry. Five immediately took issue with this.

  ‘No one in our village says Three’s a good woman, do they? But she never laughs or cries. In fact, they criticise her for being made of stone because she doesn’t laugh or cry. No, it’s women who have sons who are the truly good women!’

  ‘What about our mother then?’ asked Six. ‘She can’t have sons, but she’s not a bad woman, is she?’

  ‘We may not think so, but everyone in the village does. Perhaps “good” or “bad” depends on where you are,’ said Five, sagely. ‘I know that everyone in the village thinks I’m stupid. Think what our mother says about me: “Three may not have woken up to her female nature, but Five hasn’t woken up to anything at all”! But at the Dragon Water-Culture Centre they say I’ve got a miracle talent. Even the section heads, who’ve never admitted that country people are good for anything, say I’m a clever girl with my Four Orifices wide open …’

  ‘Seven Orifices,’ Six corrected her. ‘It should be seven: two ears, two eyes, two nostrils and a mouth.’

  ‘No, four,’ insisted Five. ‘Two nostrils, and one ear and eye. The Dragon Water-Culture Centre people say I can only get the other ear and eye and my mouth once I’ve been to school and learned to read …’

  Six burst out laughing. ‘They’re very interesting, your Water people …’

  ‘What’s so funny?’ said Five, crossly. ‘How many people can even use four Orifices properly? If the streets were full of such people, why didn’t they find anyone to check the water and the medicine before me? Even Auntie Wang has to use a thermometer! Six, d’you think you’ve got more Orifices open than me? Come to the medicine pools and try your luck, you’ll know that your Orifices can’t beat mine …’

  Six smiled. But when she got back to the teahouse that evening, her happiness was tinged with sadness. She knew that, every day, she was learning things that would take her further and further away from her sisters. And what about her mother – her best teacher of all? Could she leave her behind? Much as she rejoiced at her entry into the world she had dreamed of, at the same time she felt a sense of loss at her fading attachment to her home …

  In the years to come, who would understand what Six had left behind? She was like a flower from the countryside that had caught the eye of a visiting artist. The painter, photographer or poet could transform that flower with their brush, camera or words; they could bring it to the city to be hung on the walls of high-class art galleries, or preserved and cherished in albums and books. People might admire that flower, but how many of them would truly appreciate the significance of its colours and the source of its fragrance?

  11

  Uncle Two Visits the Gates of Hell

  One afternoon in January, Five was at the Pool of Tranquillity checking the water when Lin rushed in with a message. Five had stopped thinking of her as the Green Girl when she realised that Lin didn’t always wear the same coloured clothes. After nearly a year, she was finally learning everyone’s names.

  ‘Five,’ called Lin, out of breath. ‘Manager Shui wants to see you! You must come at once.’

  Five barely looked up from what she was doing. Since the autumn she had been the official Tester at the Dragon Water-Culture Centre and she took her duties seriously. Apart from Engineer Wu and Auntie Wang, there was no one else who could do her job, and the other staff had to wait for her say-so before using the pools. Now she was like her father, she thought: at home, nothing could happen without a ‘yes’ from him. Not even her clever sisters had jobs where other people had to obey them. She imagined what it would be like when she returned to the village and everyone realised that her mother hadn’t given birth to a foolish child after all. They would have to respect her mother after that.

  ‘Five!’ urged Lin. ‘Hurry up, it’s urgent. Leave the testing to Auntie Wang and the others.’ She grabbed Five’s uniform and pulled her up. ‘Come on, quick-fire.’

  ‘Fire
!’ shouted Five in alarm. ‘Is Manager Shui’s office on fire?’

  ‘No, no, not a real fire … “Quick-fire” means … Oh, never mind. Come on!’

  Lin took Five’s arm and frogmarched her off to Manager Shui’s office, without even giving her a chance to wash her hands.

  When they arrived, Five was amazed to find Three talking to Manager Shui, who was sitting at the big desk in the outer office. It was weeks since she had seen her sister and she was struck by how pale she was.

  ‘Three, how did you get here? And why did you go straight to our Manager Shui without telling me you were coming?’

  ‘I can’t explain properly, let them tell you,’ said Three, looking anxiously at Manager Shui whose huge stomach wobbled as he swivelled round on his chair.

  ‘Now Five,’ he said slowly. ‘You mustn’t panic when you hear what I have to say. Just listen carefully and everything will become clear … Now, you have an uncle who works in the south, right?’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Five in surprise. ‘Uncle Two.’

  ‘Well, it seems your Uncle Two came to Nanjing yesterday on his way home to Anhui. Finding that it was late and not wishing to bother anyone, the good-hearted old man unfolded his quilt in the doorway of Mr Guan Buyu’s office and settled down for the night. He had just gone to sleep when he was arrested by the police.’

  Five felt herself go weak with shock. ‘The police have got Uncle Two?’

  Manager Shui leant forward and signalled to her that she should sit down. ‘As I said, don’t panic until I have explained everything. He was probably arrested on charges of loitering or being an unemployed vagrant …’

  ‘But that’s not a serious offence, is it?’ interrupted Three, to the admiration of Five who didn’t know what ‘charges’ meant, let alone ‘offence’.

  ‘No, it’s not a serious offence,’ said Manager Shui calmly, ‘but it gets a lot of people into trouble. Since ancient times, we Chinese have never been allowed to move about the country freely. Even when visiting friends and relations we need permits and letters of introduction. If you wish to spend a long time in a place, you must register with the local officials – that’s the Production Brigade or local government in the countryside, and the work unit or police station in the city. Since the Open Policy in the eighties, country people have been permitted to come to the city to work, but the paperwork has remained the same. The police usually turn a blind eye to these formalities, but when they find themselves at a loose end, or they’re short of cash, they start picking up people for things like not having a letter of introduction, working illegally, or failure to abide by the hygiene regulations, etc … They’ll find a problem even if nothing’s the matter …’

  Five was confused. Although she understood only half of what Manager Shui was saying, it seemed to her that he was implying the police were bad, and she couldn’t understand how an upstanding citizen like him could criticise the police in this way.

  ‘Dad says the police are there to catch bad people …’ she protested.

  ‘And indeed they are, Five,’ said Manager Shui. ‘But despite their uniforms and big peaked caps, they’re human too, and there are good people and bad people among them. It’s like the powerful officials in the countryside: there are good ones and bad ones, right?’

  ‘Then are the policemen who got my Uncle Two bad?’ Five asked.

  ‘I wouldn’t go so far as to say that,’ said Manager Shui, ‘but I suspect they’ve made a mistake in arresting your uncle …’

  Three looked at Manager Shui in despair. ‘We’re done for!’ she moaned. ‘My boss is always saying that you have to have connections if you want to sort out problems like this. Connections mean you can go through the back door. They make big problems small, and small problems disappear. But, if you don’t have connections, then no problem becomes a problem, small problems turn into big ones, and a big problem can be the end of you. What are my sisters and I to do without connections?’

  ‘Don’t be alarmed,’ said Manager Shui. ‘Perhaps it was better for your uncle to spend a night in a police cell than outside in the bitter cold.’

  This thought cheered Five. ‘That’s right,’ she said. ‘Uncle Two could have frozen to death otherwise!’ But Three was not so easily consoled. ‘He’ll hardly be comfortable at the police station either!’ she cried. ‘Bao Daye from our village used to say that, if you spend a day in the cells, you lose a layer of flesh …’

  ‘Now don’t worry,’ said Manager Shui, getting to his feet. ‘I’m going to sort things out … What kind of friend do you think I am, Five, not to tell me that you had sisters working in the city? I only found out when young Three appeared in my office. Apparently, your Uncle Two told the police he knew Mr Guan Buyu. Well, when Mr Guan found out what had happened, he sent a message to Three telling her to come and find me. He knows I’ve got good contacts with the police. You’re my best worker, Five, I’m not going to let your uncle languish in prison, am I? I’ve made a phone call already. They’ve told me to come to the police station around midday to pick him up. Since it’s already almost half-past eleven, I suggest that you two come along with me to sort this out. I have to be at a government Cultural Businesses Meeting this afternoon.’ As Manager Shui was speaking he shut down his computer – by now Five knew that the glass window with fishes swimming behind it was a clever electric brain that could solve all sorts of problems.

  ‘But I’ve not got my money yet,’ exclaimed Five, leaping out of her seat to race back to the dormitory for her savings.

  ‘Five,’ said Manager Shui, gesturing to her to stay put, ‘all your money put together wouldn’t come close to footing the police’s bill! Now listen. You serve important people every day when they come to bathe here at the Dragon Water-Culture Centre, and they’ll help us out when we need them. That means a lot to me. Let me help you this time. You just carry on working well and we’ll be quits.’

  ‘But how many years will it take me to pay you back?’ Five asked anxiously.

  Manager Shui burst out laughing at her earnest honesty. ‘Oh, little girl … Just work until you don’t want to work any more …’

  Ten minutes later, Three and Five were sitting in the back of Manager Shui’s black Mercedes on their way to the police cells. Five spent most of the journey with her eyes squeezed shut. She had only ever been on a bus before, and the car made her feel dangerously close to the road. Three, on the other hand, had been in Big Ma’s delivery van a couple of times, and was therefore more calm. It was she who spotted her uncle as the Mercedes drove into the forecourt of the police station. He was standing just inside the building, flanked by two men who were gesturing in gratitude to the policemen inside. As the Mercedes edged nearer, caught up in a queue of cars waiting to park, Uncle Two was led out through the door, and Three saw that the two men were Guan Buyu and the boss of the teahouse, Shu Tian. Six was also with them. Without seeing the black Mercedes, they all squeezed into Shu Tian’s old red Xiali and were about to set off when Manager Shui drew up beside them, wound down his window and asked, ‘All settled, then?’

  ‘You took your time, good sir!’ said Shu Tian, opening his car door. ‘But, as it happens, we had a big stroke of luck today, and there was no need to wait for your chariot to arrive. My broken-down Xiali sufficed.’

  ‘Great stuff!’ said Manager Shui. ‘You must tell me all about it. How about coming to my place? We can have a talk and give the three sisters and their uncle a chance to get over the shock.’

  ‘That sounds good,’ shouted Guan Buyu over the revving of the Xiali’s engine, ‘provided I get to a meeting in a hour.’

  ‘I’ve got a meeting with the City Government,’ said Manager Shui, ‘but I can manage a brief break …’

  Three and Five were hardly listening. Instead they were smiling in relief at Six and Uncle Two who were sitting in the back seat of the other car.

  Shu Tian agreed with Manager Shui that he would follow him back to his house. On the journ
ey there, Guan Buyu chatted away to Six in an attempt to put Uncle Two at his ease.

  ‘I feel guilty,’ he said to her. ‘I ought to have given you and your sisters a telephone number so that you could reach me if you needed me. And I should have made sure that the Tofu Lady told Uncle Two how to contact me. I’m so sorry you and your uncle had to go through such a terrifying experience. But it would be just the same for us Nanjingers if we came to the countryside. When we leave the city we’re completely lost! It only takes a cow or a sheep to walk up to us and we’re frightened out of our wits. What good are all our city skills if we can’t even take a crap in your privies without running screaming from the pig, our trousers round our ankles? We end up cutting short our days out in the country because we’re desperate for the toilet. It’s the same when we go abroad, as I have done a few times. We’re so scared by the different language and customs that we find ourselves jumping out of our skin if the guy next to us so much as farts. No, when all’s said and done, at home we’re master of everything, but as soon as we arrive at a place we don’t know, we turn into cowering wretches …’

  Guan Buyu’s crude words shocked Six, who couldn’t equate them with the polite, cultured man she knew. However, their meaning rang all too true to Uncle Two, who rubbed his unshaven cheeks as he listened. He had been crying so hard that his face was covered in snot and tears. Yes, indeed, he had been a cowering wretch …