Infinite Ties (All That Remains #3)

by S. M. Shade

  “Joseph,” Abby says softly. “She needs to eat. She needs her daddy.”

  Nodding, I place the nipple gently between her lips, smiling as she latches on, drinking with a healthy appetite. Jayla returns thirty minutes later to tell us Emma has died without regaining consciousness. My last words to her were a promise to love and care for our baby. I hope it was some comfort to her. “She’ll never know her mother,” I mumble.

  Abby’s soft hand cups my cheek. “I’m sorry, no matter how screwed up things were, I didn’t want this.”

  “I know.”

  “She’ll be surrounded by people who love her.”

  I can see the sincerity in my girl’s eyes, and I think of the wonderful mother she has been to Walker from the beginning. “Will you be her mom?”

  “Baby, of course I will,” she says, laying her head on my shoulder.

  Airen joins us on the couch and we sit for the longest time just watching Natalie, trying to wrap our minds around all the changes. My baby girl sleeps on my lap, oblivious to the chaos that surrounds her.

  Chapter Twelve

  Nine Years Later

  Abby

  The sky is a beautiful bright blue, as if nature is celebrating along with us. It’s our tenth wedding anniversary and like every year, we mark the occasion by having everyone over for a barbecue. Then Airen, Joseph, and I spend the night under our willow. It’s tradition, and we’ve never missed a year.

  “Come on, Dad!” Lane calls, waving to Airen. “You’re on my team!” Twelve years old and the carbon copy of his dad, Lane has the childhood I desperately hoped to give him. He’s growing up in a time of relative peace, surrounded by people who love him.

  “Daddy Airen! Lane won’t let me on his team! He’s being an ass!”

  “Natalie Abigail Holder, mouth!” Joseph scolds, trying not to smile.

  Airen bends so our nine year old daughter can climb on his back. She grins and sticks her tongue out at Lane, making Joseph shake his head. “She gets that attitude from you,” he informs me, wrapping his arms around my neck from behind. His chin rests on my shoulder as we watch the scene before us.

  Carson and Jayla arrive hand in hand, Jayla waddling under the weight of her first pregnancy. I wasn’t the only one who fell in love at first sight in that darkened department store all those years ago. She settles on the blanket under the tree beside Julie, ready to cheer on the winners of the kickball game. Lexi waves at me before chucking the kickball at Eric’s head and laughing as he chases her down.

  “You playing?” Walker calls to us, gesturing toward the field. Sometimes I look at him, searching for that sweet five year old boy who showed up on our lawn nearly fifteen years ago. Where has the time gone? I’ve always heard time flies when you’re having fun, but it hurtles when you’re happy.

  “Yep. Troy and Nic are on our team. You’re in trouble,” I tease. Walker scoffs and heads toward the field. “Did Troy tell you they’re looking for a house here?” I ask Joseph.

  “Yeah, along with Diane and Gary.”

  “Getting pretty crowded,” I joke as Joseph grabs my hand, leading me toward the others.

  “As long as I have you and Airen to myself tonight.”

  “Hmm, and I thought you might be sick of us after ten years.”

  “It’s passed in a heartbeat, ladybug. I want to slow it down, hold tight to every second.”

  I know exactly how he feels. The things we fight hardest for are worth more to us in the end. We fought tooth and nail to come and stay together. Through a plague, a cult, ice, and fire, we kept striving. We’ve struggled with reunions and losses, heartbreak and betrayal, babies and nightmares, haunted pasts and fear of the future. We stumbled and fell together, and rose as one. We made it.

  “I love you.”

  “Me too, my girl.”

  “Everyone’s waiting on you two!” Airen calls, running to slide his arms around our shoulders. “If you can’t quit yapping, I’ve got something to tuck between your lips.”

  Joseph just smiles and shakes his head. “Air, you really know how to interrupt a moment,” I scold.

  A stinging slap lands on my ass before he runs off, a wide smile on his face. “Everything’s a moment, darlin’.”

  * * * *

  This, my faithful readers, is Abby, Airen, and Joseph’s happily ever after. You can leave them here and remember them always laughing and happy together.

  For those of you willing to travel a little farther into their journey, come with me, but I must caution you with the words of a great writer.

  If you want a happy ending, that depends, of course, on where you stop the story. – Orson Welles.

  Epilogue

  7 years later

  Airen

  “I set the tent up, darlin’.”

  Abby nods, a small smile on her face. “We married Joseph seventeen years ago today. It doesn’t seem possible.”

  “And you and I are coming up on twenty years,” I remind her, kissing her soft lips. Twenty years and it’s not nearly enough. No amount of time would be enough.

  “Those first few years were so hard. I didn’t think we’d survive. Now, I’d give anything to go back and do it all again,” she says with a sigh.

  I’m silent for a moment as I study my wife. She’s fifty-two years old, but I’ll be damned if it shows. Not a gray hair on her head while mine is equal parts white and black. Her body is lean, and her tits still firm, a bonus of having small breasts. I exercise every day, but it’s getting harder to keep myself in shape. I know I’m a little softer around the middle, but Abby doesn’t seem to mind. It sure doesn’t show in our sex life.

  “Take a walk with me before we go to the willow to meet Joseph. I want to show you something.” She nods and places her soft hand in mine. We’re silent, drinking in the sound of the forest while I lead her down the path. Her eyes widen when we approach the barn, her and Joseph’s special place.

  “What are we doing here?” she asks in a soft voice.

  “I found something when I was storing extra grain.” Her hand tightens around mine as she follows me into one of the small stalls. “Did you know this was here?” My flashlight is trained on a low wooden beam. Carved into it is an infinity symbol with Abby and Joseph’s names written on each side.

  A sob escapes her chest and tears streak her face. “No. When did he do this?”

  “No idea, darlin’.”

  “The bastard can still make me cry,” she says with a watery chuckle, and I have to swallow the lump in my throat.

  “Are you ready to go tell him off for making you cry again?” She nods and wraps an arm around my waist.

  The willow is massive and even this early in spring its branches are nearly full enough to touch the ground. They brush across my face as we approach the tent that awaits us beside a small pile of firewood.

  “Joseph,” Abby cries. “You bastard. I found your carving in the barn. When did you do that? When did you want me to see it?” Her shaking hands move over the slate gray stone, imprinted with the words Loving Husband and Father. His name and birthday etched above the date of his death, nearly a year gone.

  When I pull her into my arms, her warm body goes slack against mine. “This is when he wanted you to find it, sweetheart. When you needed him. When you were missing him.” Tears roll down my face as I rock her in my arms, pictures of Joey playing like a movie in my head. The first time he kissed me, turning my world upside down. His mischievous smile, his dimples, those green eyes that stare back at me when I look at his children. Our children.

  I look up to see the gray threads protruding from a branch above me, all that remains of that green and blue scarf after the tree has swallowed it up. I can still see him grinning at me while I boosted him up so he could tie it around the branch, imbuing the tree with a part of each of us.

  “I’m sorry, Air,” she says, scrubbing the tears from her face. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

  “Yes it is. We spent sixteen
anniversaries sleeping under this tree.”

  “But we’re just bringing it all back.”

  “It wouldn’t matter if we spent the night here, at home, or as far away as we could get. We can’t run from his memory. You don’t want to run from Joseph.” She shakes her head. “It’ll always be hard to think about him, but every year it’ll get a little easier. We’ll remember and celebrate his life more than we mourn his death. It’s what he’d want.”

  Abby nods and lays wood for our fire. “It was getting better.”

  I know what she means. Nearly a year after his death, there are days when I think I’m okay. There’s never a day I don’t think of him. His face comes back to me at the oddest times. Some random moment occurs and I think Joey would’ve loved this, or Joey would’ve thought this was funny. Some of my worst moments are when something happens and my first thought is I can’t wait to tell Joey.

  But there are days now when I laugh with Abby, days when I don’t wake heavy with the pain of his absence. I can take the boat on the lake and fish again without bawling the whole time, wishing he was still sitting across from me. I’ll never forget him, but slowly, I’m adjusting to a life without him. We both are.

  “I know, sweetheart.”

  We settle around the fire and Abby produces a bottle of bourbon, handing it to me with a small smile. “He’d never forgive us if we didn’t have a drink with him.” She takes a pull from the bottle after I do and shudders. A few minutes later, she gazes at me, eyes glazed from alcohol. “Remember when he hit you in the mouth? The day you took off without telling him?” The corner of her lip twitches up.

  “Yes I do. I also remember him spanking your ass for the shit you pulled in Missouri,” I counter, and she giggles. It makes her sound so young.

  “Joseph was the sweetest man, but he could be mean when he wanted to. You didn’t see him ordering me to get my ass off the couch when you were stuck in Indianapolis. He bullied me into going sledding. I was so pissed at him, but he knew what I needed.”

  “It was infuriating how often he could be right,” I agree with a chuckle.

  “You’re just mad because he usually agreed with me,” she teases, scooting close to me so I can hold her.

  “Always had to protect his precious little ladybug.” Her shoulders shake with her sobs, and I squeeze her tighter. “He loved you so much, sweetheart. He was so proud to call you his girl.”

  “He loved you too. From the very beginning, Air.”

  “I know. He showed me there’s more to loving, more to life than I ever suspected. He was the best man I ever knew.”

  I let my tears flow into my wife’s hair, holding her so tight it’s a wonder she can breathe. I can hear Joseph’s voice in my head.

  “Love her for the both of us, Dark Eyes.”

  Abby

  Airen’s light snore fills the tent, rousing me from a deep sleep. It must be nearly noon. We spent the entire night talking about Joseph, reliving the good and the bad. Sometimes it seems like he’s been gone forever, yet at the same time I’m amazed we’ve already made it almost a year without him. It was a few weeks past our sixteenth anniversary when Joseph went to bed complaining of a headache.

  Airen found him a few hours later in our bed, a small smile permanently curling his beautiful lips. I can still hear Airen’s terrified voice screaming his name, begging him to wake up, but he was beyond hearing our pleas. Julie thinks it was a brain aneurysm, sudden and hopefully painless. We know he went in his sleep and didn’t suffer, but sometimes it’s of little comfort.

  We had sixteen years of marriage, twenty years of life with our amazing man. Now, lying in this tent, the moments fly through my head, flipping from one image to another. I see his face in the barn, softly lit by firelight, telling me his life story. He’s holding his newborn daughter for the first time, smiling down at her, so proud and terrified. I see his outline against the black sky as he stands on a burning roof holding my baby, snow falling around him.

  I swear I can still feel him. His warm arms around me, his lips on mine, kissing me underwater and with our feet in the stars. Crawling in bed between me and Airen as if he was always meant to be there. I can hear his giggle as he chased Walker across the yard, his shocked yelp when we pulled him into a mud puddle, his easy laugh as we just hung out, spent time together. So much time together. So why does twenty years feel like nothing? Mostly, I hear his voice, teasing me, telling me he loves me, calling me ladybug. Always calling me ladybug.

  Airen stretches, his heavy eyes opening to gaze into mine. “Hey darlin’, you okay?” I want to say no, I’ll never be okay again, but I know that’s not true, and I don’t want to upset him. There are days when I know he’s barely hanging on too.

  I kiss his lips and then his cheek. “Morning, Air. I’m alright. Ready to go home when you are.”

  “Okay.”

  It only takes a few minutes to pack up our things. Airen slips up behind me, threading his arms around my waist, his chin on my shoulder as I stare at Joseph’s tombstone and murmur, “Goodbye, Joseph. I love you.”

  Airen squeezes me tighter, kissing my head. My breath catches as I raise my hand to cup his face and see a bright red ladybug crawling over my knuckles. “Air,” I whisper.

  “Infinity, sweetheart. He’s with us.”

  Tears stream down my face. He is with us. We think of him every second, remember and pass on what he taught us of love, forgiveness, acceptance, and sacrifice. In that way, we hold him within us. He remains connected to us forever. Bound by infinite ties from our hearts to the smallest immeasurable speck of life we possess.

  The End

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