Back to the Drawing Board

by L. L. Collins

“I just grabbed a sandwich myself. It’s in my truck. As long as you don’t mind, I’d love to be inside for a few minutes.”

  “Of course, you’re more than welcome,” Julia said, putting down the roller again. “Right, Carter?”

  “Right,” I muttered, flinging open the cooler. Looked like I was having a sandwich instead of Julia for lunch, after all.

  Ever since our lunch guest had rudely interrupted our make out, Julia and I had been working in separate rooms again. The quiet time left me to reminisce about those few minutes before we ate. I replayed every second over and over in my mind as I painted little Garrett’s room.

  Colby wanted her. I knew it. The way he looked at her and hung on every word she said, he’d probably wanted her for a long time. She was either oblivious or not interested, though who knew how long it would be until he took the chance and asked her out. Maybe he already had. I wanted to know, though.

  What did our big make out session mean for us now? I was so confused. I knew we needed to talk about it, but all I wanted to do was continue where we left off. I was sweaty and had more paint on me than on the walls. I was ready to pack it up and take Julia back to my place. My reasoning screamed at me, but I was tired of doing what was right. Or at least what my brain said was right.

  I swiped the edge brush in the corners, putting the finishing touches on the paint. The chalkboard paint was on the bottom part of one wall; the track for his cars on another wall. The cling on decals would go on once the paint was dry. It was a race car room suited for a race car enthusiast. I hoped he loved it.

  “Wow,” her voice came from behind me. I didn’t jump; my body sensed hers the second she walked into the room. “He’s going to die over this room, Carter. This is amazing.”

  I turned, putting the brush carefully in the paint tray. She looked around the room at the different colors, bright and full of life, just like Garrett.

  “He told me his story,” I admitted. I wasn’t sure if Julia knew it or not, but I had the feeling she got to know all of the families she worked with.

  Her eyebrows went up, and I had my answer. “Really?”

  I nodded. “He’s quite a kid. He has a lot of perspective for a five-year-old.”

  “He does. He and his mom have been through a lot, most of which he doesn’t remember.”

  “A few of the things he said made me think they were in Witness Protection.”

  “Alicia doesn’t talk about it, not that she could, but that wouldn’t surprise me. All I know is they have a sad past, and she’s so deserving of not only this house, but her new life as well.”

  “The man that raised me wasn’t my father,” I blurted out. Julia stood, waiting for me to continue. “He said he was, but he was lying. He knew from the time I was four years old for sure, but I think he knew way before that.”

  “Was he a good father?”

  Had Ronan been a good father to me? I’d thought so, but I hadn’t had anything to compare it to until Blake. “In his own way, yes. As much as he was capable of being.”

  “When did you find out?”

  “When I was eighteen. It was when I almost died in the car accident. It wasn’t until I needed blood that Ronan admitted to my mom that I wasn’t his. By a miracle of God, my mom had reconnected with my actual father, Blake, and that’s when we all found out.”

  Confusion crossed her face. I wasn’t making much sense. It was such a long story to tell.

  “It’s a long story,” I laughed.

  “I want to hear the entire story when we have more time,” she said. “But let’s get out of here if that’s okay. Tracey invited us to go hang out with a bunch of friends at our favorite beer and wings place. You game?”

  I looked down at the paint on my clothes, then at her. “I think we need showers first.”

  A look I didn’t want to read into crossed Julia’s face. “I know. I’ll take you home and pick you back up if you want? Or you can meet me there. Or . . .”

  “Or what?”

  “Nothing. Come on, let’s go. Tell me the story in the car.”

  I wanted to know what she was going to say more than I wanted my next breath. Had she been about to invite herself to my apartment to shower, or to hers? What would I have said if she had? My body knew what it wanted the answer to be.

  I didn’t feel like continuing my story once we got to the car. I wanted to hear about her. What made her sad? What made her happy? Who had broken her heart before? And what was her history with Colby?

  “Colby was nice,” I said.

  “He’s great.” She allowed the conversation switch, and I was grateful.

  “Were you two friends in high school?” Did he date you? Did he want to date you? Does he still want to date you?

  “I didn’t know him at all until we started volunteering together. We’ve never been close, but he’s a super sweet guy. He comes out and hangs out with our group sometimes.”

  “Will he be there tonight?”

  “He didn’t say he would.” She looked over at me while she was stopped at a light. “Why all the questions about Colby? I thought we were talking about your story.”

  “I was just curious.”

  She smirked, turning back to the road as the light turned green. “Are you going to finish telling me?”

  “Okay,” I sighed. “When my mom was a kid, she spent two weeks every summer on Sanibel Island in Florida. Her mom and my dad’s mom, my grandmothers, were friends, and would meet there every year with their kids. My parents were friends from the time they were babies. When they graduated from high school, they realized they were more than friends.”

  Julia made a noise, and I looked over at her. She had her hand over her heart. “Oh my gosh. That’s like something from a fairy tale.”

  I nodded. “My other dad, the one that isn’t really my dad . . . oh my gosh. This is too confusing. Ronan is the guy that said he was my dad. My real dad’s name is Blake. I’ll use their names from now on, okay?”

  “Got it. Ronan, not baby daddy. Blake, yes baby daddy.” We both laughed.

  “Yeah. Okay. So Ronan and my mom had been boyfriend and girlfriend right up until the time she left for Sanibel, but he broke up with her rather than try to date when they went to different colleges. When she saw Blake, they finally admitted they had feelings for each other. So they spent the two weeks at Sanibel not being friends anymore. They loved each other. Then my mom went home, and Ronan wanted her back. He was jealous of Blake and just wanted to win. My mom refused, and she went away to college. Except not long after, she found out she was pregnant.”

  “With you,” Julia said. “Wow.”

  “Yeah. So the doctor told her when I was due and she did the math and figured out that Ronan was my father. So she got back together with him.”

  “But it wasn’t true,” she said.

  “No. It was the 90’s. Things weren’t as accurate. And Ronan did a bunch of stuff to keep my parents apart. They got married and had me and were married for eighteen years. When my mom took me to college, Ronan decided he wanted a divorce.”

  “Wow,” Julia said again.

  “My mom went to Sanibel to get away for a while.”

  “And she saw Blake,” Julia said, stopping at another traffic light. “I want to cry, and I don’t even know them. They fell in love again, right?”

  I nodded. “They hadn’t seen each other in so long, and there was so much they didn’t know that Ronan had done. They figured out most of it while they were there together, but then they found out the ultimate thing.”

  “That Ronan wasn’t your father,” she said.

  “Yes. I wasn’t supposed to be alive, Julia. When Blake and my mom came over to the hospital, Ronan came. It was then that he finally told them everything. So when I finally woke up, I had to find out my whole life had been a lie. Not only that, but my real dad, Blake, had been shortchanged by the man who said he loved both my mother and me. While I was still in a coma, Blake beat up Ronan so badly
that he was arrested. The only good thing Ronan ever did was drop the charges so Blake could be there for my mom and me.”

  “Not the only good thing, right? I mean, he did provide for you your entire life.”

  “Yes, but it was all a lie. Everything he did. He wanted my mom so badly that he manipulated everything and everyone in order to get her. He knew she loved Blake, and he knew I wasn’t his. He could’ve told the truth and let my mom go long before he did.”

  “But at least you know now, right? And your mom and dad are happy? You said you have three siblings.”

  “They are deliriously happy. Beyond what I can ever hope for myself.”

  Julia pulled to the curb in front of my apartment complex. “Why do you say that?”

  “I’ve never quite gotten over all of that,” I admitted. “I love my parents. Blake is the best dad, and my mom has always been my rock. I love being with them and seeing that they didn’t let the time they spent apart keep them from being happy now. I look at my little sister and brothers and am so thankful they won’t ever have to find out something so terrible about their family.”

  “Carter,” Julia rested her hand on my arm. “Thank you for telling me all that. I know that wasn’t easy. Don’t you think that if your parents can get past all that happened to them that you can, too?”

  It was something my parents and my therapists said often. “I know I should. That doesn’t mean I can, though.”

  “Do you still talk to Ronan?”

  “Sometimes. He wants a relationship with me, but it’s so hard for me to hear his voice or look at him.”

  “Do you think he loves you?”

  “He loves me as much as Ronan Collier is capable of love. Now that I see my parents together, I know what real love looks like. Real love isn’t selfish and self-serving, Julia. That’s all Ronan showed me: that being the best at your job is love, that money is love, and indirectly, he showed me that lying to get what you wanted is acceptable. His thinking is that as long as it gets you where you want, it’s okay. I’ve always dreamed of having this career, and though I know it’s okay to be driven, Blake has shown me a different side to being a career man. He has a successful business, but his family is still more important.”

  Julia was quiet, too quiet. Did I say something wrong? That was the most I’d ever told anyone other than Hayden.

  “I want to spend time with you,” she said. I was confused. That was all she was going to say to all of that? “You’re going to come tonight, right?”

  “Yes,” I answered. “I told you I would. I’m just going to shower. How about I come pick you up this time?”

  She smiled. “I’d like that. Let’s talk more later, okay? Maybe we can hang out afterward, just us.” Julia brushed her lips against my cheek, effectively dismissing me.

  “I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” I said, hopping out and grabbing my cooler. I walked into my building, feeling both exhilarated at having told her something about me and scared at the way she’d kind of turned off afterwards.

  CARTER PICKED ME UP IN a hot red Camaro, obviously restored since it was definitely an older model. I made a note to ask him about that later. It took everything in me not to jump on him and ask him to stay at my place instead of going out with my friends. But I wasn’t sure we were yet at that place, or how that would’ve been received.

  I was grateful for the information he gave me earlier. It was the most he had shared with me yet. It helped me understand a lot about why he thought the way he did, and why he continued to push me away. I knew I was putting myself in danger of a huge heartbreak, but I wanted to keep pushing him. I felt like I was so close to breaking through his tough exterior. I knew Tracey would have a field day with that. Johnny too. Was I being dumb? I wasn’t sure.

  “Let’s play a game,” I said, breaking the silence. “A quick one. We’re only a few minutes away from the restaurant.”

  “Never Have I Ever again?”

  “Nope. Let’s do a short version of Twenty Questions. Like, two questions. We can resume later.”

  “Tell me the rules.”

  “We get to ask each other any two questions, and we have to answer them.”

  Carter cleared his throat, looking over at me. “Sounds . . . interesting.”

  “You start,” I said. I wanted him to get personal.

  “You’re putting me on the spot,” he laughed.

  “That’s the point.”

  “Okay. . . . have you had a serious boyfriend before?”

  I furrowed my brow. That’s what he wanted to know? “Yes. In high school. We broke up after our first year of college and I haven’t talked to him since. His name was Scott.”

  A look I didn’t understand passed over his face. “He was your only boyfriend? Like, ever?”

  “That’s what you want for your second question? It’ll be my turn next.”

  He nodded, so I continued. “He’s been the only . . . serious boyfriend. Since him, I frankly haven’t had the time or the desire to have a boyfriend. I’ve gone out with guys, but that’s it. Nothing serious.” I didn’t think I wanted to get into the details of all of that, so I was glad it was his last question.

  “My turn. First, where did you get this hot car?”

  He laughed. “My dad and I restored it. It’s a ’69 Camaro SS. It took us most of the last few years to perfect it. He’s a mechanic, and I didn’t grow up knowing anything at all about cars, so it was a great way for us to bond. I found out that I love restoring old cars, and driving them. And having hot girls in them.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me, and we both laughed. I loved that he was lightening up with me. Now it was time to get more serious.

  “Okay, my next question is . . . if you could remember one thing about that night that we can’t remember, what would it be and why?”

  Carter coughed. “Whoa,” he said. “You don’t mess around.” We hadn’t discussed ‘that night’ since right after we both realized we couldn’t remember. “I . . . Julia. Wow. I’m not sure how to answer that.”

  “Truthfully,” I said. I loved making him uncomfortable.

  “I wish I could remember touching you,” he said, the deepness of his voice tickling all through my body. “Everywhere.” It felt like he just had touched me, everywhere. I squirmed in my seat, almost wishing I hadn’t asked. Now I really wanted to attack him.

  When I didn’t answer, he looked over at me. I smiled, reaching out and touching the scruff on his face, my favorite thing to do. “Wow is right,” I said quietly. “I wish I could remember that, too.” We looked at each other until the car behind us honked their horn.

  “One more,” I said, seeing the restaurant down the block. “Do you want to come home with me tonight?” Tracey was going to kill me. I signaled for Carter to pull over to park, and he sat, looking out the window at the street in front of us. The air crackled with tension. The same feeling I’d had at the Williamson’s house earlier blanketed my body. I wanted him. Now.

  Just before I was going to let him off the hook and relieve him of having to answer, he turned and grabbed me, pulling me across the console. “Julia,” he growled into my neck, pressing kisses along the soft skin behind my ear. His scruff rubbed the skin of my neck, and I closed my eyes, my pulse racing. “That was three questions. It was only supposed to be two. You’re killing me.” I didn’t even get time to respond to that before he took my mouth, picking right back up where we’d been hours before when Colby interrupted us.

  I whimpered at his fervor, his mouth consuming mine. He breathed heavily as he gripped my face, taking what he wanted. I fought the temptation to crawl completely in his lap and take care of the ache growing faster by the second. Did this mean that he wanted to come home with me? I still couldn’t believe I’d asked that, but while I was on a roll, I had to keep going.

  “Do we have to be here?” Carter whispered against my lips. At first I was confused by what he meant, my head still reeling from the way he kissed.

  �
�Is that an answer to my question?” I whispered back, looking into his eyes. He wasn’t getting an out. If he wanted me this time, he was going to tell me.

  “Damn, Julia. You’re something else. I want nothing more than to squeal my tires out of here right now and use this powerful engine to be at your apartment in record time and peel all those clothes off of you. I want to taste every last square inch of your body, all night long. How about that for an answer?”

  I sat back, my mouth open in surprise. He laughed, leaning over and kissing my open mouth. I had no response because he’d successfully shocked it out of me.

  Carter got out of the car and came around to my side, helping me out. I still couldn’t speak. He pressed me against the door, his hands finding the edge of the skirt I’d worn. His fingertips skated along the skin just under my skirt, and I sucked in a breath.

  “I’m going to remember everything this time,” he growled, licking the edge of my ear before sucking my lobe into his mouth. My knees buckled and he put his leg in between mine, holding me up against the car.

  “Carter,” I groaned, knowing we were in a public place right now.

  “You knew what you were doing, asking that question,” he moved over to the other ear. “Now you got your answer, didn’t you? Did you get more than you bargained for?” Oh, Carter was trying to beat me at my own game.

  “You didn’t answer me,” I said, lifting my head.

  “I bet if I touched you right now, you’d be dripping,” he whispered as an answer. “Do you feel me, Julia? You’ve been doing this to me all day.”

  Uh, yes, I felt him. “We . . . we should go in.”

  He laughed, running his hands down my sides before grabbing my hand and lacing his fingers with mine. He led me across the street to the restaurant, my legs shaky. Carter opened the door and waited for me to go in. As I walked past him, he winked at me. “Just in case you didn’t get that, it was a yes. A hell yes.”

  Now I had to sit here for the next few hours and try to talk to my friends. How was I supposed to do that?

  “What is going on with you two now?” Tracey picked up her drink, looking across the room at Carter. He was playing pool with a few of the guys that met us here. “Because I was feeling some major sexual tension when you walked in here tonight.”