Back to the Drawing Board

by L. L. Collins

  “You. All I can think about is leaning you over that desk, flinging the plans on the floor, and taking you from behind.”

  I gripped his arms, my breathing sounding like I’d just run a few miles. The visual he’d just painted in my mind had me a puddle of desire and need, right here in this trailer on a job site. “Carter . . . my gosh. You can’t do that.”

  “Can’t do what, baby,” he growled, his hands now running under my breasts. “This shirt clings to your body in just the right places, and those pants? God, I can see every curve of your ass and it just makes it so . . . hard not to do you.” He pressed against me, showing me just how hard it was not to continue what we both wanted.

  “Torturing me,” I moaned as his mouth found mine, silencing us both. They could come back at any second, but with his tongue mixed with mine and our bodies writhing together, I didn’t care. Not one bit.

  Thankfully I heard footsteps on the stairs outside and pushed him away, wiping my lips and forcing myself to stop panting. “I’m going to do that, someday,” Carter said, walking back over to the desk where he’d been just as the door opened. If he didn’t stop touching me, I was going to have to go home and take a cold shower. Or bring Carter with me and get rid of this issue.

  I didn’t say much the rest of the meeting, my head in the clouds. Every once and a while, Carter would look over at me and smirk, then go right back to the professional conversation he was having. How did he do that?

  By the time we got into the car to go back to the office, I was exhausted.

  JULIA AND I BARELY MADE it back to the office without having to make a pit stop first. But before we went into the office, I needed to reach across the car and take her lips one more time.

  “I knew this was going to be hard,” she said, reapplying her lipstick with a small mirror. “But it’s impossible.”

  I smiled at her. “I know. At least at work we’re busy.”

  “Except you’ve made me lose my mind. I’m supposed to be working on something or taking a call, or focusing on anything, and I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

  “I like that,” I said.

  She laughed. “Well, yeah, but I do have work to do.”

  “Oh hey, while I’m thinking about it, my parents are going to come visit next month. Could you help me think of some fun things we could do with them while they’re here?”

  “I get to meet the parents?”

  “Well . . . yes? As long as you’re okay with that?” I hadn’t thought that maybe she wasn’t ready for such a thing.

  “Are you kidding? I can’t wait to meet the lovebirds! I have so many questions for them . . .”

  I groaned. “Oh, no.”

  “No, but that sounds fun. I’ll figure out some stuff we can do while they’re here. I have a question for you, also.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Would you . . . come with me to see Johnny this month?”

  “Are you serious?”

  “You don’t have to. I know it’s a lot to ask. We’d have to lie to my parents, and I know that’s a big deal . . .”

  “Julia,” I interrupted her. “I’d love to meet him.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “He’s your brother. He’s an important part of your life.”

  “But going all that way, and seeing what you see with these people in prison . . .”

  The elevator dinged open. “I said yes. We’ll figure out what to tell everyone,” I whispered as we walked a few feet apart down the hallway.

  “Julia, I’ve got some messages for you. Hi, Carter,” Paige came up, effectively stopping our conversation. She looked between us, then focused on Julia. “Carter, Mr. and Mrs. Gibbons want to see you.”

  “I know,” I said. “Thanks, Paige.” I headed for my cubicle, dropped my briefcase on my desk and took a deep breath. Time to focus, I told myself. Julia had me all sorts of rattled. I still couldn’t believe I was doing this with her; trying to be in a relationship with her. We hadn’t labeled anything to this point, but it was an assumption. We spent every waking moment together. I couldn’t believe how . . . happy I was, being with her. It still scared me to death, and I doubted what I was doing many times a day. But one look at her face, smiling with that dimple at me, and I was a goner.

  “Hey man,” Ethan appeared behind me. “How’s it going?”

  I was thankful Ethan knew what was going on because sometimes I just needed to be real with someone. “It’s great, man. How are you?”

  He nodded towards Julia’s office. “Things good?”

  I blew out a breath. “Beyond good, Ethan. But I’m afraid to think that way.”

  “Why? She’s an amazing girl, Carter.”

  “Oh, I know that. I just don’t know that I deserve how good she is. Plus, it’s stressful to worry about what happens if and when her parents find out. I mean, it’s not possible for us to hide forever. What if we decide we want things to be more serious? Then what?”

  Ethan nodded. “I can understand that. It’s a hard situation. At some point, if you two decide this is serious, you’re going to have to be the man and go talk to her parents. They like you and respect you, and will appreciate you being honest with them rather than sneaking behind their back.”

  “What if they fire me though? What if they won’t let me apply for a position here after my internship is up?” I’d posed this same question to Hayden several times already. It was my worst fear in all of this.

  “Well,” Ethan started, looking around to make sure no one could hear us. “That’s a chance you’re going to have to take, Carter. You’re going to have to decide which thing you want more. Because if it’s this job and not Julia, well then you have your answer on whether or not this is going to get more serious.”

  I had nothing to say to that, because I knew it was true. I felt like I had to make a choice between what I’d wanted for years and what I’d just recently discovered, and which one was more important. I thought about what Julia said about me wanting a job more than happiness, like Ronan. I knew what she meant, but at the same time, wasn’t it good to have a goal, a dream for a career? A career that could provide for me and . . . her?

  “I have to go meet with the Gibbons. Thanks for listening, man. I appreciate it.”

  “Always. I don’t envy your position, but I think what’s meant to be will be.”

  I sighed. In a way, I knew he was right. But I thought back to my parents; they were meant to be but spent eighteen years without each other. That was a hard pill to swallow.

  Summer was quickly turning to fall with the days getting cooler and cooler as the weeks flew by. I was both scared and excited about my first winter in Colorado. I couldn’t believe I’d lived here over two months now, most of those spent being delirious over Julia. We’d gone shopping for my ‘new winter wardrobe’ as she called it. I’d let her dress me in layer after layer, with sweaters, jackets, and boots now a part of my regular wear. I wouldn’t be wearing flip flops in November like I would in Florida.

  With my help, GSJ had secured the contracts to design and oversee the construction of the one hundred grocery stores. I hoped I would still be there to see the completion of that contract, but I was almost halfway through my internship, and the project wouldn’t even be started until after the new year. The Adams project was moving right along, the contractors pushing to get the majority of the construction done before winter hit.

  Julia and I firmed up our plans to go see her brother after my parents visit. Within a week’s time, I’d introduce my girl to my parents and meet Johnny. I was nervous, not only for the pure reason of meeting him, but because we had to lie to her parents to go. I’d told the Gibbons my parents would be visiting, and I wanted to have a long weekend to spend with them. I left out that they would already be gone when we went to Oklahoma.

  While my folks were here, we were going to do an early Thanksgiving, and I planned on inviting all of my Colorado friends over to meet my parents. They were arrivi
ng later after traveling a full day on flights from Florida. I missed them terribly and wished my siblings could come, but was also glad my parents got time to themselves while my grandparents had the kids. They were staying with me, of course, and I wasn’t sure what to do about Julia continuing to stay with me or not.

  “I’m heading into the office,” Julia said, coming out of my bathroom wearing a form-fitting sweater dress, knee-high boots, and carrying a knee-length coat. Her long hair was hanging in waves around her shoulders, and her cheeks were still pink from our morning lovemaking.

  I groaned, flinging the covers off of me and standing up. “Julia. You come out of that bathroom looking good enough to eat and expect me to let you just leave? I have an idea.”

  She giggled, smacking my bare chest as I came after her. “Carter! I have to go! And you have to get up, too!”

  “One day,” I said, undeterred, watching her as she slipped on her jacket. “You’re going to wear just this jacket in your office and invite me in. After hours, of course.”

  Her cheeks reddened further, and I knew I had her. Small puffs of air released from between her lips. “You’re so good at doing that.”

  “What’s that?” I asked, batting my eyelashes at her.

  “Making me want you. Again.”

  “I live to make you want me,” I growled against her lips. “Now get out of here before I make both of us late for work.”

  I got ready quickly without Julia there and headed for the office. I should’ve known something was wrong the second the elevator doors opened. It was quiet; too quiet. No one was around. I didn’t even see Brandi. I headed for my cubicle to check my emails and see what was on the agenda today when I heard shouting. I froze, looking around for the source of the noise.

  It was coming from down the hall, so I walked that direction. I looked for Paige but didn’t see her. Mr. Gibbons’s door was shut, and it was his voice I could hear yelling. I ducked my head into Julia’s office, but it was empty. Fear slid down my stomach like ice. What was going on?

  I knocked on the door softly, hoping I wasn’t overstepping my bounds but needing to know that everything was okay. His voice stopped and the door flung open. Mrs. Gibbons stood there, her eyes red from crying. My eyes quickly scanned the room, stopping on Julia’s huddled figure on the couch. Mr. Gibbons stood in the middle of the room, his fists clenched. His eyes were now trained on me.

  “I-I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t see anyone out there and I heard yelling. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay.” I was talking to them but looking at Julia. I’d seen her body stiffen when she heard my voice, but she didn’t look up. Her shoulders were shaking from crying, and all I wanted to do was run across the room and scoop her up. But I couldn’t.

  “We’re just having a . . . family discussion,” Mrs. Gibbons said, her voice thick with emotion. “If you don’t mind, take an hour and grab a coffee or something. We’d appreciate it.”

  I was frozen. She was asking me to leave Julia here. Whatever was going on, Mr. Gibbons was angry, and Julia was crushed. If I stayed, I’d need to tell them how I felt about Julia. The problem was, I didn’t know how I felt about Julia. I knew we’d come so far in the time we’d known each other, but was I ready to throw away everything for the chance that she’d want me for good? What if she changed her mind?

  My head and my heart were screaming at each other, different scenarios on what I should do at this moment. She still hadn’t looked at me. Julia, look at me, I willed. If she would just look at me, I’d do it. Right now. I’d tell them to go to hell and stop hurting her, whatever is going on. I waited two more agonizing seconds, but she never looked up.

  “Okay. Is . . . everything okay, though?” I couldn’t stop myself, my thoughts still muddled on how I should handle being asked to leave her here.

  “It will be,” Mrs. Gibbons said. “Thank you for checking on us. If you could call Mr. Adams back, he had some questions on the next stage of construction. Also, Mr. Latham called and had some questions about the schedule of the plans for the stores.” Mr. Gibbons hadn’t moved, but had turned his gaze back to his daughter instead of to me. He hadn’t said a word.

  “Okay.” I had no idea what else to say. Here was Julia, crumpled on the couch in her dad’s office like a broken little girl, and they were giving me work to do. But why wouldn’t they? They had no idea how I felt about their daughter.

  Mrs. Gibbons started closing the door and I allowed her to do it, the sound of the lock clicking behind her reverberating through my head.

  I stood there, my feet rooted to the floor. I heard whispered voices, but no more yelling. Finally, I forced myself to move back to my desk and grab my computer. Maybe Ethan was at the coffee shop, too. A conference door opened and Brandi came out, with Paige on her heels. They smiled at me thinly but didn’t say anything.

  “Paige,” I said, grabbing her attention. “What is happening? Why are they yelling at her?”

  Her sad eyes met mine. “I don’t know. All I know is when we got here today they asked me to clear the office for awhile for an important meeting that had to be kept confidential. Then, when Julia got here they ushered her into the office, and I haven’t seen her since.”

  My stomach roiled. What the hell was happening? “Thanks, Paige.”

  “Did you see her?”

  I nodded. “She was . . . crying. I didn’t know what to do.”

  A sad look passed over face. “I wish you could tell them.”

  “Tell them what?”

  “That Julia is more to you.”

  I sighed, turning away from her. “Me, too, Paige. Me, too.”

  “What’s going on, bro?” Hayden’s familiar voice made me instantly homesick.

  “I need your advice.” I was sitting in the coffee shop nursing the same cup of coffee and blueberry muffin I’d had for an hour. My computer was on but I wasn’t doing anything but worrying about Julia.

  “Hang on, let me step away for a second . . . Okay, what’s up, Mac? You don’t sound good.”

  “Well, you know things have been great with Julia. More than great. My mom and dad are flying in later, and we have plans to do an early Thanksgiving with them and then go see her brother next week.”

  “Right. Why do I think there’s a ‘but’ here?”

  “Because something happened, and I don’t think I handled it right.” I filled him in on everything I’d seen that morning and that I’d left her there instead of stepping in. When I finished, Hayden was so quiet I thought for a minute we’d been disconnected.

  He whistled. “Let me guess. You’re kicking yourself for leaving her there, but you don’t know how to broach this subject with the bosses.”

  “Right. I know I didn’t handle it correctly.”

  “What could be a reason for her parents being so upset with her?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never seen either of them like that. Mrs. Gibbons was crying, and Mr. Gibbons looked so furious. I know from what she’s told me that they have some issues, mostly her feeling that they never cared about what she wanted, and after her brother . . .” I broke off. “Oh, shit.”

  “What is it?”

  “There’s only one thing that she’s told me that makes her parents furious, and that’s her having anything to do with her brother. What if they found out she’s been seeing him?”

  “How would they find out?”

  “I don’t know, but that makes sense. I can’t imagine them being that mad at her about work, and that’s the only time they talk to her.”

  “Get back there, Carter. Find her. Don’t be a moron.”

  I closed my computer and threw away my trash. “I am a moron.”

  “So stop being one, and help your girl. Be the man I know you can be.”

  I hung up and slid the phone into my briefcase. Just when I was about to push the door open, Ethan walked in.

  “Carter, have you seen Julia?”

  “Earlier, but not since. Why?” I
wasn’t sure how much he knew about what had been going on in the office.

  “She left the office. I saw her pulling out of the garage. She was extremely upset. You may want to call her.”

  I nodded. “I know she and her parents were getting into it earlier,” I said. “I don’t know what it was about though.”

  He sighed. “It was about her brother.”

  My mouth dropped open. “How do you know about that?”

  “Everyone knows about that,” Ethan said, sliding into a barstool. I followed. “It’s a taboo subject and no one ever talks about it. It was a huge controversy here a few years ago.”

  “But how do you know that they were angry with her about him?”

  “Paige,” Ethan admitted. “I guess they found out that she’s been going to see him in prison. They fired her, Carter. Cut off all ties. Said if that’s the kind of family that she wanted then she was dead to them. When I got in earlier, all of her projects were on my desk.”

  I stood up, knocking my stool over. The patrons all turned to look at me, but I didn’t care. I checked my watch. I had two hours until I had to head to the airport. I had to find her. “Thank you, Ethan.” I ran out the door, pressing her number on my phone as I raced for my car. She didn’t answer, and I peeled out of the parking lot, pedal to the metal to get to her apartment.

  I hit the steering wheel. “You don’t deserve her,” I said out loud. “Not at all. You left her there. She was crying, and you left her. You were so frozen you didn’t even think it could be about Johnny, and now she got fired. FIRED! Holy shit! What’s her parents’ problem? How could they do that to their own child?” I tried to think about my parents being that angry, that mean to me, and I couldn’t. Even Ronan hadn’t ever acted like that towards me.

  I squealed into a parking spot at her building and ran inside, hitting the button on the elevator over and over. When it finally opened, I tapped my foot on the floor the whole time it lifted to the third floor. Bursting out of the doors, I made it to her door in seconds. I banged loudly, calling her name through the crack. There was no answer.