Expecting

by Sarah Havan

  I lay back and looked up at Conrad who stood next to me.

  “All right, and there’ll be some touching. Your penis and scrotum are on the small side. And your penis is fully functioning, correct?” she asked as she felt my balls.

  “Yes.”

  “Good. Good.” Dr. Matthews tapped my knee. “Pull back your legs for me.” Then she lubed up her finger. “Some more touching. My finger will be entering your anus. You never felt that opening before?”

  “Maybe. I just thought that’s how it felt in there. I don’t stick my fingers up there a lot.”

  “More than likely, tissue covered it before to protect your cervix and uterus from your rectum. And when you engaged in intercourse, it stretched the tissue to the sides. Have you engaged in a lot of anal sexual activity with others?”

  “Uh, no, just the one person.”

  Dr. Matthews smiled at Conrad. “I want to talk to you today about your condition and giving birth in the future.”

  “Oh no, what else is there? Do I have no actual male hormones? An extra uterus? What do you mean by giving birth in the future?” How much worse could it get?

  Dr. Matthews laughed. “No, but it is regarding your anatomy.”

  “Okay.”

  “Pull back your legs again for me.”

  I pulled them back, and I held one and Conrad held the other.

  “I’m going to touch you for a moment again,” Dr. Matthews said as the nurse stood off to the side.

  “All right.”

  “Now, right here,” she said, touching behind my scrotum. “This is where your vagina would’ve formed.”

  “But my body decided on other things?”

  “Almost. You have this thin line here.” She ran her finger back and stopped about halfway between my balls and my hole.

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but it’s a bit raised on both sides of it.”

  “Really?” I asked, knowing I had probably felt it but never paid it much attention.

  “Yes. Your labia started to form.”

  “Oh God.” I rolled my head to the side and stared at the wall.

  “There’s nothing wrong with that and nothing to be ashamed of.”

  My stomach started to quiver. “I somehow know where you’re going with this.”

  “In the future, if you want to deliver naturally, one way would be to open up your vagina and move over your vaginal canal. Close up your rectum wall.”

  “And I’d have an actual vagina?” I asked. It all sounded so preposterous.

  “Well, you already have the internal part of one. You would then have the vulva to go with it, and you’d be able to deliver your baby vaginally.”

  “Wouldn’t it like burst or something?” Moving around things inside me didn’t sound like the best idea.

  “No. Giving birth might be a bit harder, more painful, but we’d make sure you were ready. Make sure your vagina is strong and stretched.”

  “But I’d have an actual vagina.” Holy crap. I’d have a vagina. I was pretty sure I didn’t want one of those.

  “Yes. This is just something to think about for the future.”

  “Hold up a sec, so if we moved things, I’d have to have vaginal sex in order to get pregnant.” I bit my lip and realized what I said. I was somehow concerned about getting pregnant in the future. What was wrong with me?

  “That’d be one way. That’ll be all,” Dr. Matthews then said to the nurse. “There’s another way to deliver naturally and a whole lot of new information to go with it. I just had to examine you to make sure my assumptions were correct.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Grab my hand and sit up. There is the non-traditional way and doesn’t apply to the general population.”

  I pulled in my eyebrows and pressed my lips together and stared at her good and hard. “Now you’re scaring me.”

  “You could deliver anally.”

  “What the holy hell?” I’m sure people could hear me from blocks away.

  Dr. Matthews smiled. “Yes, if you choose that way, when you give birth it will basically go how any other pregnant person delivers. The baby will travel down the birth canal, and instead of being pushed out of a vagina, the baby will be pushed out of your anus.”

  “That just sounds horrible and painful and might rip me in half.” A shiver ran down my spine thinking about it.

  “Giving birth does come with many unpleasant feelings, but you won’t get ripped in half. We studied your ultrasound, and you seem to have thicker rectal tissue than most.”

  “Really?” I asked because that was another of the five million things I never expected to hear in my life.

  She clasped her hands together and smiled. “Yes, you were built for this.”

  “Are you messing with me?” I looked around the exam room. Maybe cameras were hidden in a corner somewhere.

  “I would never.”

  “So, will it be like … that just seems wrong.”

  “Your baby will spend hardly any time in your rectum, just that short distance to your opening.”

  “But still. How will it get out such a small opening?” I asked, wincing, thinking of the pain.

  “The anus is quite elastic.”

  “It sounds kind of terrifying and improbable.”

  “It’s not, and it wouldn’t be terrifying. We’ll make it as nice of an experience as we can for you.” An experience from some kind of freaky horror or sci-fi movie.

  “How can you sound so sure about the whole delivery? Has this been done before?” I asked.

  Conrad crossed his arms, and he too stared at Dr. Matthews with me.

  “Not in a conventional hospital.”

  “Is it some sort of illegal procedure? Is it high risk or something that a normal hospital won’t do?” I imagined some dirty warehouse on the outskirts of town and a whole bunch of secrecy surrounding it. Maybe she really planned to harvest my organs or something.

  “Mason, you have a rare condition, and very few people with what I suspect might be your intersex condition can have children. But your case is even a bit different from the ones in the books. We have a name we call people with your condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Omegas.”

  “What?” I asked, cocking my head to the side.

  “Regular medical science would say you’re the only one, but that’s because they don’t know about the others.”

  “What are you talking about?” Yet again, I was so confused.

  “There are more people like you.” She leaned back on the counter and crossed her arms over her chest.

  “Where are they all at then?”

  “Most of them live quiet lives. Many live in packs. Most around here live in Pine Wood Falls.”

  “Okay, I think we’ve got to go,” I said, going to push myself off the exam table.

  “Tell me, Mason. Did you have this incredible urge to have sex?” she asked, her eyes meeting mine.

  “I’m nineteen, so yeah,” I said, shrugging, trying not to think about mine and Conrad’s sexathon.

  “It might’ve started days, even weeks before. Cuddling, foreplay, and then it kept building. Did you present yourself to your mate? On all four, arching your back, anus in the air.”

  “Why are you talking about our sex life like this? Are you mocking us?” The things she said sounded like statements and questions a doctor shouldn’t say or ask their patients.

  “No, no, oh God no,” she said. “When an omega goes into heat, they desperately want to have sex, this insatiable need for it. And when they mate, they’ll well, it’s intense when the two come together. The alpha male can’t pull out until his knot goes down. They stayed locked together. Could be a half an hour, even hours when you’re so young.”

  “Woah. Woah. You’re making it sound weird, but why couldn’t Conrad pull out?” Now I needed to hear her crazy talk because all of a sudden, it sounded like it star
ted to make sense.

  “It’s called knotting. When an omega has found their alpha and has gone into heat, the alpha will plant their seed so they can possibly impregnate the omega. The alpha’s glans swells, so they can’t pull out, ensuring that his ejaculate stays deep in the omega, making a greater chance of impregnation. Conrad, how did you feel through the whole heat?” Dr. Matthews asked.

  Conrad scrubbed his palm over his face. “It was like I couldn’t control myself. I had to have him.”

  “The pheromones you release in reaction to Mason being in heat, makes you want to rut.”

  Conrad pulled back his head and raised an eyebrow. “Rut?”

  “It’s always hard wording this, but you take him and mate with him, and go until you’re done. Until you knot and release. You have such a strong urge to have sex, you’re going to command it from him.”

  Conrad’s mouth fell open, and his eyes bugged out of his head. “Jesus, am I a rapist?”

  “Not at all,” Dr. Matthews said in a calm tone. “He was receptive. You always have to have the omega’s permission. Sometimes, they’re at the mercy of their hormones, but if their body wants you, it will take you, and therefore they’re receptive.”

  “What if they weren’t?”

  “They wouldn’t be presenting to you. I know this is confusing. Alpha/omega relationships are.”

  “Why do you keep saying alpha/omega. Is that the medical term for whatever we have? And why do you say heat?” I asked.

  “I want you to come down to the Pine Wood Falls Health and Education Center. I think it would help clarify a lot of things. But the main thing to know is that you were fated to be together. Perhaps you didn’t know it when you first met, but you were drawn to each other.”

  “How do our lives keep getting more and more bizarre? How come we’ve never heard of this?” I put my hand on my chest, starting to feel lightheaded.

  “Mason?” Conrad asked, his palm on my back.

  I took quick breaths and winced because my chest began to ache.

  “Are you okay?” Dr. Matthews asked.

  I shook my head.

  “In through your nose, out through your mouth,” she said.

  I shook my head again. It couldn’t be done. Everything was too much all of a sudden.

  “In through your nose and out through your mouth. You can do it.”

  Conrad rubbed my back, and I took in a deeper breath.

  “There you go. Focus on the breathing. In and out,” Dr. Matthews said in a soothing tone.

  I took a deep breath in and let it out.

  “Meet me at Pine Wood Falls tomorrow. Noon. Okay?” Dr. Matthews asked after I took a few more breaths. She handed Conrad a business card.

  “I guess,” Conrad said.

  “Will you be all right if a nurse took your blood now?” Dr. Matthews asked me as I began to calm down.

  Conrad squeezed my shoulder.

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Hey,” Conrad said when we got back in the car.

  I stared out the window. He patted my knee and drove out of the parking lot.

  “Conrad,” I said, tears welling in my eyes.

  “I’m here, okay. We’ll get through this.”

  “What the hell? I’m an omega. Always my destiny.”

  “Mason, she could be feeding us total bullshit.”

  “She knew about how you couldn’t pull out. Oh my God, I fricking offered myself up and pretty much screamed take me now, plant your seed. And you did. It was like I was some kind of animal, and she knew. God, she knew about it all.”

  “I’m sorry about all of this.”

  “Stop, Conrad. This is happening to both of us. You and your magical penis.”

  Conrad started laughing.

  Once we got back to our room, I crashed. I was emotionally drained. My life was no longer recognizable.

  I blinked my eyes open to the sun shining through the blinds and Conrad squatted down next to my bed.

  “Hey, I was just about to wake you and see if you wanted to go find out what Dr. Matthews was talking about.” He pushed my hair back off my forehead.

  “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

  “Maybe you need another day off,” Conrad said, cupping my face in his hand.

  “What’s the point of even going? Just to be told I can birth a kid out my ass. I mean Jesus, doesn’t that sound awful?”

  “It’s probably like vaginal birth.”

  “People who have vaginas were built to birth.”

  “So were you, just in a different way.”

  “Can I just sleep to avoid it all?” I rolled away from him and put my arm over my head.

  “We should probably get a hold on this all.” He rolled me back over, locking his eyes on me.

  “Fine, but Jesus, I have to pee.”

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Conrad

  “This place is in the middle of nowhere. Maybe we should’ve told someone where we were going in case we don’t come back,” Mason said as we drove down a back, state road that I had only driven on like once and only because I had gotten lost.

  “Stop, Mason. They’re not going to kill us.” I hoped my words were true because honestly, I didn’t know what we were walking into.

  “What if they try to get us to join their cult?” he asked, looking out the window watching the farm fields go by.

  “I’m pretty sure it’s not a cult.”

  “I guess we’ll find out.”

  I turned down a road that looked more like a long driveway. Each side lined with trees so close together you couldn’t see much beyond them, and after about a couple of miles, we came to a tall wrought iron gate. I pulled up to the speaker box and hit the red button.

  “Holy shit, we’re going to die or never be found again or both.”

  “Mason, if you really want—” I said.

  Someone from the other end of the speaker spoke. “Pine Wood Falls, how can I help you?

  “We’re here to see Dr. Matthews.”

  I gave them my name, and the gate opened. We drove about another fourth of a mile before we came up to a large, white colonial house. A wooden sign sitting in front read: Pine Woods Falls Welcome Center. I parked in the small parking lot next to the building, and we got out. Walking over to the front door, Mason stopped and grabbed my forearm.

  “We doing this?” he asked.

  “I think we’re about to. It somehow feels right.”

  “I hope you’re right on feeling right.”

  “Let’s go,” I said.

  We entered into a large foyer with a small antique table and a sign that said, Please ring the bell. I shrugged and rang the little silver bell next to the sign. Dr. Matthews came out from a door next to a grand set of stairs.

  “Mason, Conrad, so glad you came.” A tall black man wearing khakis and a red polo shirt walked out of the door, too. “This is Mr. Jones, and he’ll give you a guided tour and help answers whatever questions you have.”

  “Nice to meet you,” he said, giving Mason and then me a handshake.

  “So, this place,” I said, glancing around at the shiny buffed floor and the tall ceiling with ornate crown molding.

  “We call this The Welcome Center, but it’s really just a gathering place. But if anybody new ever arrives or needs help with anything, someone is always here. To the left we have the day room,” Dr. Matthews said, waving her hand toward the spacious room off of the foyer. “People come here to relax, catch up with each other, have coffee. Even though we call it a day room, we’re open until late into the evening. And across the other side, is the banquet room, used for large gatherings. And in the back, we have the kitchen and another sitting room, and upstairs are individual living accommodations.”

  Mason bobbed his head but had yet to say anything. He held up a finger and pointed it at Dr. Matthews, opened his mouth but snapped it shut again.

  “I’m sure you have so many questions, Mason,” Dr. Ma
tthews said.

  He nodded his head a good few times. “Um, yeah.”

  “Ask us whatever you want.”

  He scratched the tip of his nose and exhaled. “This whole alpha/omega thing. What exactly is that about?”

  “A good place to start,” Dr. Matthews said with a smile.

  “I’ll take this if you don’t mind,” Mr. Jones said.

  “I don’t care who tells us, just actually tell us something besides magically expanding penises.”

  “Some people have DNA that’s a bit different. There’s a gene that’s been passed down for generations. We refer to it as the wolf gene.” Mr. Jones pressed his fingertips together, making a steeple with his hands.

  “Oh, Jesus,” Mason said.

  “Are you for real?” I asked.

  “Yes, and people who have this gene display slight characteristics of wolf behavior and biology. Generally, the behavior is much stronger than the biology.”

  “Wolves aren’t inherently intersex, so how does that explain me?” Mason asked, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at Mr. Jones.

  “We’re not for certain exactly. We believe it’s a genetic mutation from the wolf DNA mixing with the human. And it’s not just the omegas. It doesn’t happen as often, but alphas can be intersex, too.”

  “So, Conrad’s DNA or gene or whatever the hell…”

  “He has the alpha gene. You have the omega gene.”

  “This doesn’t seem like a common thing, so what were the chances of us meeting?” Mason bit his lip and ran a hand through his hair.

  “The gene has been passed down for generations and those who hold it come from certain regions in the country. He probably picked up on your scent and was drawn to you, sought you out. Let’s walk and talk, shall we?”

  “I suppose,” Mason said.

  We followed Mr. Jones out a set of patio doors that led to a large veranda with lawns and gardens all around. Two guys walked across the veranda in our direction.

  “Mason, look, there are other pregnant dudes. It’s amazing,” I said, trying not to stare at their round stomachs.

  “Did you drug us?” Mason asked, his little nose all scrunched up.

  Mr. Jones laughed. “No, we did not.”