Secrets 03 - Shattered Secrets

by Lana Williams

  “My professor was conducting an electromagnetic experiment. Two of my friends and I were assisting him.” He couldn’t help but reach up to touch the patch, an outward symbol of all that had happened. “Something went wrong. There was a surge of power and electricity filled the air. That was the last thing I remember.”

  Moira said nothing, just waited patiently for him to continue. Yet somehow he felt her support, perhaps some curiosity as well but no pity. Thank God.

  “When I woke, it was to find the professor dead, my face and chest badly damaged, my friends wounded as well.” He shook his head, uncertain how much more he wanted to say.

  “At times, it seems the headaches are worsening,” he continued, “but other times I think not. The headaches bring a…sort of hopelessness I suppose you’d call it. I’m not certain what causes it but, when it occurs, it’s difficult to function. Impossible, in fact.” He dared to look at her then, hoping that would be enough to appease her.

  “I had no idea the accident was so severe.” She watched him closely, making him wonder if she’d press him further.

  “I’m sorry I can’t tell you more.” That was certainly true. But was it enough? Would she still agree to marry him?

  “Is all this the reason you want to return to Brazil? Do you feel better there?”

  Relief filled him that she understood that much, or at least tried to, based on what he’d told her. Though her guess wasn’t quite correct. It wasn’t that he felt better there, but safer. It was certainly less painful as there was no one in Brazil he loved that he had to watch for signs of impending death.

  “You could say that.”

  She seemed to be processing all he’d told her, working it through in her mind.

  Finally, he could wait no longer. “Has what I’ve told you changed your mind? Or will you still agree to marry me and take care of the girls?”

  “Of course. I would be honored to. As long as you’re agreeable to my request.” Her cheeks flooded with color, but he could see the determination in her eyes. “I love the girls dearly, but I would like children of my own. And I would think you’d want to have an heir.”

  “Yes, that would be a wise notion.”

  But that had nothing to do with his agreement to take her for his own. That was pure selfishness on his part. He’d never desired a woman as much as he desired Moira. And having her permission to walk away, to keep his secrets and return to Brazil, gave him the best of both worlds. Granted, he’d have to return occasionally to see to matters but having Moira here waiting for him would lessen some of the pain. He’d still have to look at her aura along with the girls’ but at least it wouldn’t be every day. If only it could be so easy.

  He feared he might be fooling himself, but he couldn’t help it. He wanted this marriage for reasons he didn’t fully understand.

  “We have an agreement then?” he asked.

  “Indeed we do.”

  Worry mixed with relief at her words. Would he be able to maintain his distance emotionally while having physical contact with her?

  To test himself, he bent to kiss her. But what he’d intended to be a brief kiss turned long and sweet, stirring things deep inside him that he didn’t think still existed.

  Damn if it didn’t feel good.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Preparations consumed Moira’s time over the next week while she planned for the wedding. Lucas had obtained a license to avoid the banns normally read in church for three consecutive Sundays. Addie and Amelia had been terribly excited when they’d heard the news, but she and Lucas explained he’d still be returning to Brazil in a matter of weeks. Moira did her best not to dwell on that. The twins were none too pleased with his plans either.

  The wedding was to be simple—a small affair held in the afternoon with her father presiding and a few of the local gentry in attendance.

  Moira’s nerves hummed as she alighted from the carriage and walked up the steps to the church with Addie and Amelia at her side, nearly overflowing with excitement. She paused at the threshold to smooth the beautiful purple velvet gown Lucas had presented to her. A separate lace underbodice covered her neck and arms in church but could be removed later for the evening. He’d also procured pale pink silk gowns for the girls, which they absolutely adored.

  Though society dictated they should still be in full mourning, Lucas refused to allow the girls’ black crepe dresses at the wedding. Instead, they all wore a black armband in memory of Markus.

  Lucas waited for her at the front of the church, looking especially dashing with his dark blue morning coat, his trousers a paler shade, the white of his shirt emphasizing the darkness of his skin. Her breath caught as she realized he’d had his hair cut. The new, close-clipped look reminded her of the man who’d left England, but the resemblance ended there. His expression was closely guarded, revealing little.

  As Moira said her vows, she added a silent one of her own: to help Lucas to the best of her ability, heal him in any way she could, and never give up hope that he would grow to love her and therefore stay.

  She told herself she shouldn’t love him more than she already did. But she doubted her ability to keep that promise.

  The family engagement ring she wore had come from his grandmother, a lustrous white pearl surrounded by small sapphires. The delicately etched gold band he added to it made the moment so very real. She presented him with a heavy gold ring as well, placing it on his finger, his hand warm in hers. She wondered if he’d actually wear it after today.

  The gentle kiss he gave her after they were pronounced man and wife warmed her, calming her nerves. This was a moment she’d hardly dared to dream about, yet here it was. She was determined to enjoy it.

  Many villagers cheered them in the churchyard as they stepped into the carriage awaiting to take them and the girls back to the manor. Moira had planned an elegant afternoon tea at the manor at Lucas’s suggestion since her own mother wasn’t alive to prepare it on their behalf.

  The servants lined up on the front steps of the manor to greet them and offer their congratulations. When greeted as Lady Berkmond, she nearly turned to look over her shoulder for Lucas’s mother. But the enthusiastic welcome she received pleased her to no end. She and Lucas thanked them before continuing inside.

  Moira paused at the threshold of the drawing room, which had been filled with flowers while they’d been at the church. Dahlias in shades of purple and white along with delicate pink cannas brightened the room. The girls rushed in, delighted with the blooms.

  Lucas paused behind her. “Mrs. Tollers outdid herself.”

  “As did you.” Moira turned to look at him, touching the beautiful necklace he’d presented her with the night before. The large square pendant was covered in sapphires, a lovely match to her ring. It had brought tears to her eyes when Lucas fastened the black velvet ribbon for her. “You’ve been far too generous.”

  A shadow crossed his face. “You deserve so much more, Moira.”

  Before she could respond, their guests filed in, and their brief moment of privacy was gone.

  Mrs. Anderson, the cook, had created a three-tiered white wedding cake decorated with garlands, scrolls and roses. Addie and Amelia helped Moira cut it for their guests.

  Moira visited with each person, trying her best to move the focus of conversation away from her and Lucas and their plans. She had no desire to tell everyone he was only there temporarily. She hoped he wasn’t telling them either, else she’d find herself the subject of far too many pitying glances. She’d already endured that as the years had passed and she had remained unmarried.

  Tiago visited with several of the villagers he’d met since his arrival and seemed to charm those he was introduced to while helping to make sure all were comfortable.

  Nigel and Sarah had come, both wishing her well. “I say, Moira, I had no idea you and Berkmond were considering marrying,” Nigel said.

  Moira could only smile in response. She hadn’t known it either. �
�Congratulations, Sarah,” she told her friend. They visited for several minutes about Sarah’s plans for her wedding before Moira moved on to the next guest.

  “I didn’t think you’d ever marry, Moira,” Lady Donnelly told her as she squeezed her hand. “But now I realize that all this time, you were waiting for his lordship.”

  Moira smiled, knowing the lady spoke the truth. A tingle of awareness filled her and she glanced over her shoulder to find Lucas directly behind her.

  “Thank goodness she did,” he said as he placed his hand on her waist.

  She closed her eyes for a moment as longing, deep and fierce, filled her. How she wished he truly felt that way, that he wanted her for more than a reliable caretaker for the girls. She pushed aside the need and placed her hand on top of his.

  “There could be no one else for me.” She smiled up at him, wondering if he knew she spoke from her heart.

  The entire day was bittersweet for Moira but that didn’t stop her awareness of Lucas from sparking into desire. Though she continually reminded herself this wasn’t a real wedding, the heated way Lucas watched her made her certain he wanted her. She told herself that was enough for now.

  She had no idea what to expect of their wedding night. Would it be her only chance to spend the night with him? Oh, how she hoped not.

  At last the guests departed, and Moira went up to her room to prepare for the evening. Several of her things already decorated the room but they looked out of place amidst the elegant furnishings. The bed was covered in a deep rose silk. The small armchairs and matching settee near the fire were creamy white. A desk and chair of dark wood stood near the window. Her clothes already hung in the wardrobe. As she moved toward it, a quiet knock sounded on the door.

  “Come in.”

  Fran, the maid, opened the door. “Might I assist you with your clothes, my lady?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  “Please accept my congratulations. We’re very pleased to have you as Lady Berkmond.”

  Moira’s stomach lurched at the title. It would take some getting used to. “Thank you,” she said with a smile.

  “His lordship left a package for you.” She gestured toward the small settee near the fire.

  Moira hadn’t noticed the box. She opened it to find a beautiful silk and lace nightgown and matching robe. Heat filled her cheeks at the intimacy of the gift. How thoughtful of him. It was almost as if he’d realized she wouldn’t know what to wear when she retired tonight.

  “Shall we modify your gown for the evening?” With Moira’s agreement, Fran helped remove the lace underbodice from the purple gown, leaving her arms and neck bare. She changed Moira’s hair as well, pulling a few ringlets loose to drape over Moira’s shoulder. “You look lovely, my lady.”

  Moira was rather surprised at her reflection. The woman in the mirror looked quite different than the woman who had left for church. Her eyes were wide and luminous. The cut of the gown without the underbodice was rather daring and displayed curves she hadn’t really paid much attention to before. The sapphire necklace looked lovely against the paleness of her skin.

  Another knock startled her. Especially as it came from the connecting door to Lucas’s room.

  Fran smiled knowingly and Moira again felt her cheeks heat. “Was there anything else you needed?”

  “No, thank you.” The maid bid her good night as Moira rose to face the connecting door, heart pounding. “Come in.”

  Lucas opened the door but didn’t enter, still wearing the suit he’d worn to the church. He stood there for a long moment, which only made her more nervous.

  At last he stepped forward to take her hands. “You are so beautiful.”

  She smiled. “You are very kind.”

  “I am only speaking the truth. I can’t understand how you were still here when I needed you.”

  She only wished he meant that in a different way. “I’m glad I was.”

  He lifted her hand and kissed her bare fingers. “Rather than going down to the dining room, I arranged for supper to be served up here. Does that suit you?”

  “How thoughtful.” He’d made one kind gesture after another in the past week. Did he realize how difficult he was making it to keep her emotions contained?

  He drew her forward into his room where a small round table was set for an intimate supper for two. Candles burned in a crystal candelabra, casting a rainbow of colors across the fine china and covered dishes. Several vases of flowers decorated the room as well.

  “Oh, how lovely.” This was so much better than sitting in the large dining room filled with servants.

  “The girls are having their supper in the nursery tonight complete with china and crystal. They were quite excited at the prospect,” he said. “Mrs. Tollers said they spent considerable time deciding on the proper tablecloth.”

  Moira thought her heart might melt to a puddle on the floor. She turned to face him. “You never cease to amaze me.”

  His brow rose. “I hardly think giving the girls a celebration of their own while we have a quiet supper is amazing.”

  “It is. Along with the beautiful dresses you gave us, this lovely necklace, and I just opened the package in the other room. I hardly know how to thank you for everything.”

  “I only hope you like them.” He gestured toward the wine. “May I pour you a glass?”

  “Please.” She could only hope it would help settle her nerves. Though she told herself she had nothing to be nervous about, she couldn’t seem to relax. She reminded herself this was Lucas. She’d known him for a very long time.

  But that was part of the problem.

  How long had she dreamed of a night such as this? Yet the situation was not what she’d hoped. With a deep breath, she reminded herself how impossible this had seemed only a few months ago. She needed to grab this chance with both hands and make the most of it. Attempt to turn it into something more. Even more than that, she was determined to help Lucas.

  She didn’t pretend to understand the full extent of what had happened to him. She only knew it was severe, but those worries were for another night.

  With a smile and an inward order to relax, she took the glass of wine he’d poured and sipped. Then she set it on the table and took his hand in hers.

  He appeared almost startled by her gesture but intertwined his fingers with hers.

  She smiled, unable to keep from reaching up to touch his bare neck. “You cut your hair.”

  He dipped his head in acknowledgement. “Tiago insisted an earl’s appearance must be proper for his wedding.”

  “I liked it long, but this is nice as well.” She’d hoped he’d remove his eye patch once they were in the privacy of his bedroom, but no. It was firmly in place. To her it was a sign he didn’t trust her fully, but she wouldn’t worry about that tonight either.

  “Let us eat before it gets cold.” He tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow and escorted her to the table.

  “Did you see Mr. Vilen’s attire this morning?” she asked as he offered her vegetables followed by roast beef.

  Lucas smiled. “His waistcoat was a rather vivid color. What would you call it?”

  “Hideous.”

  He chuckled. “True enough. Mrs. Vilen seems rather larger than I remembered.”

  “While Mr. Vilen is even thinner. I wonder why that is?”

  They spoke of inconsequential things as they ate. If she didn’t know better, she’d say Lucas smiled more often during their meal than he had since his return to England. Moira couldn’t help but smile herself. She was good for Lucas. He needed some light in all the darkness that surrounded him.

  This Lucas was more like the one she remembered, the one who showed care and concern, the one with a sense of humor. The meal gave her hope that he could live a better, happier life, whether she was part of it or not.

  A footman arrived to clear the table and brought a delicious lemon cake.

  As they enjoyed the dessert and the evening drew long, M
oira began to relax. Until Lucas stood and held out his hand. With a flutter of nerves, Moira took it and rose. A small part of her drew a breath of relief as he moved to the settee before the fire.

  Why on earth was she so nervous?

  *

  Lucas caught the look of wariness that crossed Moira’s face when he offered his hand. He realized she must be nervous about their night together. Ironic, considering it was at her request.

  His desire for her had steadily built for the past week but threatened to erupt when he’d opened the connecting door to find her in the purple dress, her luscious curves now revealed. Each time she shifted, his gaze dropped to her low neckline, hoping for a glimpse of something more. The knowledge that he’d soon see the whole of her had kept him in a state of half arousal all through dinner.

  But it had also been a pleasure spending this private time with her. He’d forgotten how well they suited, how their humor matched. Their shared memories made conversation easy, something he realized he’d missed.

  The firelight turned her skin golden as they sat on the settee before the fire. He kept his hand in hers, wanting—needing—to maintain physical contact with her. In many ways, he felt guilty. Her request to have a child of her own was certainly no hardship for him—for the most part. The risk he took was in growing any closer to her.

  He told himself he could control this. That he could keep his distance emotionally. If the voice in the back of his head protested, he chose to pay it no heed. Not tonight at any rate.

  Not when the firelight made her blonde hair glisten, making him wonder what it would look like down along her shoulders. Not when the flames cast her green eyes to gold. Not when her soft skin begged for his touch.

  He tore his gaze away to stare at the fire, attempting to tighten the reins on his desire. It had been a long time since he’d lain with a woman, let alone one who mattered to him. Despite the lies he told himself, Moira mattered. That he wouldn’t bother to deny.

  As they spoke further of the past and present, her father and the girls, he intertwined his fingers with hers. He moved his fingers along the inside of her wrist, enjoying her reaction to his touch.