Secrets 03 - Shattered Secrets

by Lana Williams

  “How much longer?” Addie asked. “I’m tired of travelling.”

  “We should arrive at the inn shortly,” Lucas said as he looked out the window.

  “Will Lady Weston and Lady Ashbury be there as well?” Amelia asked.

  “Yes, they will,” Moira said. “Tiago, too.” The girls had been amazingly good and it was no surprise they were restless. She was as well.

  “I want to ask Lady Ashbury more questions about her sisters.”

  They had never met another set of twins and were quite excited at the prospect of doing so.

  The coach soon pulled to a stop and the girls cheered. Lucas shared a smile with her. This was another one of those moments that made her long for things that weren’t to be. Having his help with the girls today made her realize how difficult it would be to have children with no husband to aid her.

  Of course, she’d have a nanny or governess. Other servants would help as well, but it wouldn’t be the same. Being the sole parent didn’t give her anyone with whom to share the joys either.

  The door opened, revealing their friends also alighting from their coach. Addie and Amelia rushed over to speak to them. Moira couldn’t help but smile when both Emma and Abigail greeted them as though they hadn’t seen them in weeks.

  Before long, they were all settled before the fire in the main room of the inn at a long table. Though everyone was tired from the journey with the exception of Tiago who never seemed to tire, they enjoyed supper together.

  The inn wasn’t overly crowded. The simple fare of baked beef served with carrots, turnips, and onions served in a gravy and topped with mashed potatoes was especially good. The bread was fresh and the wine better than she would have expected. Amelia and Addie took their meal with the adults and enjoyed every minute of it.

  “What museums do you want to see?” Emma asked.

  They spoke of nothing consequential, only of the sites the girls might like. The plans they’d made at the manor were set aside for now, especially while the girls were with them. The worries of the professor and what he had planned were forgotten for the evening.

  Moira couldn’t understand how the professor had changed as much as he had. All three of these men had suffered through the same accident. Perhaps they hadn’t incurred equal damage, but from what Lucas had said, they all bore the scars from that night.

  What made one choose such a dark path? While she knew Lucas was bothered by his severe headaches and despair, he was an honorable, caring man.

  “What is it?” Lucas asked as though he felt the weight of her regard.

  “Nothing.” She knew Lucas was even more puzzled by his former professor’s behavior than she was. “I’ll take the girls upstairs and get them settled for the night.”

  The ladies rose with her and they all went to their rooms. Fran, her maid, had already prepared the girls’ beds and laid out their nightgowns.

  “We’re not tired, Aunt Moira.” Amelia rubbed her eyes even as she said it. “Although I do like these little beds.” She studied the narrow trundle beds then pulled back the covers and sat to try it.

  “All the ladies are retiring for the evening.” Moira ran her finger along the little girl’s brow and was rewarded when her eyes drooped even further.

  “If you’re going to bed, then I suppose we should as well,” Addie said then yawned. She crawled into the narrow bed beside her sister’s.

  By the time Moira had kissed each of them good night, their eyes were closed. Fran followed her into her room, leaving the connecting door open, and helped her prepare for bed.

  One last glance at the girls showed they were already fast asleep. She bid Fran good night and shut the connecting door, grateful Lucas had remained downstairs and given her time to settle in for the night. Somehow she suspected it would be awkward to share this small room with him when they were far from a normal husband and wife. Despite his behavior in the coach, she had no idea how to act. Or perhaps because of his behavior. Her heartbeat sped at the memory.

  With a sigh, she eyed the bed—so much smaller than her bed at the manor. She couldn’t imagine sharing it with Lucas yet there was no other place for him to sleep. She turned down the lamp but left it burning low and crawled into the bed.

  She must’ve fallen asleep as soon as her head rested on the pillow as the next thing she knew, a warm body pressed against hers in the bed. She stiffened, disoriented by the strange bed, the darkness of the room, not to mention the unfamiliar feeling of someone beside her.

  “Shh,” Lucas said, his familiar scent reaching her. “’Tis only me.”

  She relaxed as his warmth soaked through her thin nightgown. “Hello, you.”

  He draped his arm over her waist and pressed his chest to her back, his knees bent in the same manner as hers so they were touching nearly from head to toe. Her heart pounded at the contact.

  “Are you warm enough?” he whispered, his voice sending tingles down her spine. The scent of brandy laced his breath.

  “Quite,” she managed. How on earth was she to sleep when Lucas was this close?

  His hand trailed up and down her arm. He kissed her neck and drew her even closer. “Moira?” he whispered.

  “Yes?”

  “I find I am most anxious to get to London.”

  Her mouth went dry. Did he mean—

  “Do you remember what I promised to do when we arrived?”

  “Yes.”

  “Good. I don’t want you to forget.” He nuzzled her neck, chuckling when she squirmed. “Yes, quite anxious.”

  Much to her surprise, he continued to hold her tight. At last she heard his even breathing and felt his body relax, and her own body relaxed as well with a smile. It was so lovely to be cuddled up against him as if they were a real husband and wife.

  *

  “Oh, my.” Addie stared up at the imposing façade of the townhome on Park Lane with her mouth agape as they alighted from the coach.

  Moira couldn’t blame her. The exterior was stunning. At times, she forgot she’d married an earl who came from an extremely wealthy family. While Traverston Manor was a beautiful estate, she’d lived near it all her life. She hardly saw it anymore.

  But this—this was unlike anything she’d ever seen. The house was built in a villa style and had an amazing curved upper balcony.

  “There’s quite the view of Hyde Park from up there,” Lucas said from directly behind her.

  “May we see?” Amelia asked, going up and down on her toes in her excitement.

  “First you must meet the staff.” The girls might be young, but Moira wanted them to appreciate and understand their responsibilities.

  A footman stood at the top of the marble staircase in a blue and white uniform. Another assisted the footman who’d accompanied them with the luggage.

  Lucas offered his elbow to Moira and looked down at the girls. “Shall we?” But he didn’t step forward.

  Moira glanced at him to study him more closely. If she didn’t know better, she’d almost think he was reluctant to go inside. Did this place hold bad memories? “Is all well?” She kept her voice low, not wanting the girls to hear.

  He gave the barest of nods and started up the steps.

  Moira had thoroughly enjoyed the journey thus far. The sites she’d seen through the coach window as they’d passed through the city had been fascinating. Addie had caught sight of a street urchin stealing a ride on the back of a hansom cab and asked if she could do that as well. Moira had given her a firm no, though she had to admit it looked rather fun.

  Lucas had been kind enough to point out several places of interest as they made their way through the crowded streets, but as they’d drawn closer to his home, he’d grown quiet.

  The butler awaited them at the top of the stairs and bowed as they approached. “I am Bedford, my lord, my lady. Welcome.”

  The housekeeper was next and introduced herself as Mrs. Wade. The girls seemed to take an instant liking to her, especially when she offered to
take them to the upper balcony herself so they might see the park.

  Lucas seemed to relax as they met the rest of the staff. Moira breathed a sigh of relief when they all seemed friendly and efficient. One footman struck Moira as odd for he was sweating profusely. She could only guess he was nervous to meet the new lord.

  After the butler offered congratulations for the marriage on behalf of the entire staff, Lucas thanked and dismissed them. He glanced about the large foyer with its high ceiling, marble tile and crystal chandelier. A staircase was centered in the back of the entrance and split at a landing to go in opposite directions to the three upper floors.

  The place was certainly not cozy, but Moira supposed it looked much as the home of an earl should. There was plenty of room to entertain, not that she’d be doing any of that. She looked forward to taking up the housekeeper on her offer of a tour later.

  “I didn’t recognize any of the servants.” He seemed almost relieved.

  “Not even the butler or housekeeper?”

  “No.”

  “Is the house much as you remembered?” she asked, wishing he would tell her what had him so uneasy.

  “For the most part. It appears as if Markus made a few changes.” He tucked her arm in his and turned to the right and opened the door.

  Moira’s caught her breath. The room was stunning.

  “The blue drawing room. One of my mother’s favorites,” Lucas said.

  The ceiling was painted in an intricate pattern. The crystal chandelier was immense, making her wonder how strong the ceiling must be to hold it. Potted ferns dotted the room, keeping it from appearing completely cold. Chairs with clawed feet and ornately carved arms with seats and backs in a variety of shades and patterns of blue fabric were set about the room along with a settee and several small tables.

  While the furniture seemed to be set about the room haphazardly, as she studied it, she realized the arrangements allowed for the host to entertain different size groups of guests. A more intimate one was nearby while another with more seating was arranged on the far side.

  Moira hardly knew what to say.

  “It’s a bit much, isn’t it?” Lucas asked as he studied the room.

  “It’s quite beautiful. Cool perhaps, but beautiful all the same.”

  “I suppose my tastes have changed from my years in Brazil.”

  “In what way?” she asked, truly curious. He spoke so little of his time there.

  “Simplified, I suppose. I prefer more natural wood, more plants, and less…blue.” He smiled at her.

  She returned his smile. “It is a lot of blue.”

  “I find it odd to be here without the rest of my family.”

  Moira said nothing as he continued to stare about the room and into the hall. Though he’d said several times that he didn’t miss them, she knew he must in many ways, whether he wanted to admit it or not. His mother had died two years after he’d left for Brazil, and his father the following year.

  “Let us see what the girls are up to and find our rooms.” He kept her hand tucked in the crook of his elbow as he started toward the stairs, taking the staircase on the right once they reached the landing.

  Moira could hear the girls’ voices as they reached the next level. They were still on the balcony with Mrs. Wade and Fran.

  “Aunt Moira! Come and look!” Addie hurried to take Moira’s hand and tug her forward.

  “Isn’t it pretty?” Amelia asked. Her eyes shone as she stared out over the expanse of the park. “It’s much bigger than I’d thought.”

  Moira had to agree. The view would be more incredible in the spring. Her pleasure at the site faltered as she realized that by then, Lucas would be gone.

  She pulled her hand from his arm, suddenly needing some distance. She had to keep a little space to protect herself. If she allowed herself to enjoy this time too much, she’d be shattered when he left. She needed to keep her balance between taking pleasure in his company and keeping her heart whole. If only she knew how to do so.

  She felt his gaze on her but moved about the terrace as though she merely wanted to see the park from a different angle. “Amazing to think the park is in the middle of London.”

  “Today is remarkably clear. Wait until the morrow as the sun never shines on London for more than a day. Once the fog rolls in and brings all the soot from the city with it, you’ll have no problem remembering you’re in London.”

  “I look forward to it,” she told him. “I want to see the many sides of London. Abigail suggested we take a carriage through the East End.” She watched the girls as they ran toward the opposite end of the balcony.

  From the look on Lucas’s face, he thought it a terrible idea. “You cannot be serious.”

  “I believe she was quite serious. From what I understand, she’s been there several times.”

  “Did she describe the trouble she ran into each time?”

  “Not in so many words. She merely said one needs to take great care if venturing there.”

  “I forbid it.”

  She turned to face him, surprised at his adamant tone. “I wouldn’t take the girls, of course.”

  “Nor will you go.”

  “Do you think it that dangerous?” She couldn’t decide if she was annoyed to have him ordering her about or touched that he cared what happened to her. Though she was certain his concern was more for her as caretaker of the girls.

  “Indeed I do.”

  Though it irked her, he was right. The only reason she was here, married to him, was to take care of Addie and Amelia. That meant she could not put herself in danger. “Very well then. I won’t go.”

  His brow raised. “Truly?”

  “Truly.”

  He seemed quite relieved. “Thank you.”

  She bit her lip, wondering if she had the right to request him to be careful as well.

  “What is it?”

  She glanced over her shoulder to be certain the girls couldn’t hear. “I would ask you to take care. The situation that caused you to come here…” she couldn’t bring herself to directly refer to his brother’s murder. “It is dangerous. The girls couldn’t bear to lose another loved one.”

  Lucas drew closer. “And what of you, Moira? Would it matter to you?”

  “Of course it would. Our friendship has always been important to me.” Perhaps defining their relationship as only friends would help her remember the boundaries.

  “But we’re far more than friends now.” He trailed a finger along her cheek. “We’re lovers.”

  She could only blink as heat coiled deep inside her. She had no idea how to respond to that. “We’ve only made love one night. Somehow I don’t think that makes us…lovers.”

  He smiled but the heat in his gaze made her breasts ache. Or perhaps it was the way his finger lingered by the sensitive spot beneath her ear. “We shall have to remedy that.”

  “Uncle Lucas, do you have horses here?”

  Addie’s voice broke the spell. Moira stepped away to the railing that lined the balcony and looked out over the park. Why had she thought marriage would clarify, or even simplify, their relationship? Instead, it seemed to only have added a layer of complexity. She still had no idea what Lucas wanted of her. Then again, she doubted he knew. Didn’t that give her the freedom to act as she wished?

  “May we see our rooms?” Amelia asked as she came to stand beside Moira.

  Moira turned to the housekeeper.

  “It would be my pleasure.” Mrs. Wade offered her hands to both girls and escorted them into the house. “Your rooms are two floors above us. I believe you’ll like them.”

  Fran followed them out the door, leaving Lucas and Moira alone on the balcony.

  “Would you like to see your room as well?” Lucas asked.

  “That would be lovely.” She went back inside, still feeling out of balance and not liking it one bit.

  *

  Moira sat at the elegant desk in her bedroom late that afternoon, writing a
letter to her father. She wore the loose-fitting nightgown Lucas had given her as she’d rested for a time. Delicate lace bordered the fine white linen. The neckline plunged low and the sheer fabric left little to the imagination, but Fran had suggested it would be quite comfortable in which to rest. She’d loosened Moira’s chignon and left her hair to cascade down her back with only a small clip to catch it at the base of her neck while she rested. Traveling had certainly made her tired, but she’d been unable to sleep.

  Fran would return before long to help her dress for supper. It was odd to stay in a house where she didn’t know any of the servants. She was grateful Fran had accompanied them to the city so she and the girls had a familiar face.

  Her bedroom was nearly twice the size of the one at the manor and had a small sitting room attached to it. The elegance of the pink and cream décor was difficult to grow accustomed to. Everywhere she looked, from the hothouse flowers to the hand painted walls to the fancy chairs and tables, was something that reminded her of how out of place she felt.

  Did one grow used to living in such richness? That was difficult to believe when some of the areas she’d caught sight of from the coach window had appeared so destitute. Perhaps as an earl’s wife, she might be able to become involved in a charity or at the very least donate money to a worthy one. She’d ask Lucas for his opinion.

  She sighed as she looked down at her letter, which was less than half a page. In truth, very few of her thoughts and feelings could be shared with her father as most of them revolved around Lucas. She could think of nothing more to tell her father that wouldn’t alarm him. He seemed to believe she and Lucas were quite in love. When she’d advised him of the practical reasons behind their marriage, he’d nodded but glossed over those in favor of what he wanted to believe, much as he’d done her entire life.

  She’d given up thinking of anything else to share and signed the letter when a quiet knock sounded at the door.

  Fran had returned more quickly than she’d expected.

  “Come in,” she called.

  She heard the door open but finished folding her letter before looking up.

  “Lucas.” Her heart pounded at the unexpected sight of him.