Things We Cannot See

by Dianne Maguire

  ‘You look beat. Isn’t it time you went home?’ Noah said later after she had told him about Declan’s call. ‘There’s nothing more you can do here.’

  ‘Has there any news from Victoria about Eve Moonie?’ she said.

  ‘No. But they’re onto it. And Shepherd has made no attempt to leave the Northern Territory. So why are you hanging about?’

  ‘It could be the fifty or so other cases I’m dealing with at the moment. But you’re right. It’s time I was gone from here,’ she said rising from her seat and shutting down her computer.

  Slowing at the final traffic light before she entered the hills, Laura considered calling into the supermarket to buy a steak for dinner, when her phone signalled a text. I have leftover Penne Primavera for you to take home. Call in on your way through. Flynn x. She accelerated away from the lights, unable to suppress her smile.

  Flynn opened the door amid the usual bird and dog chaos even before she had knocked. He stepped aside for her to enter. She smiled hello and would have bent to stroke Callie had Flynn’s arms not been around her, his lips pressed against hers. She melted into his chest, all thought of Callie, Alex, and everything else gone.

  ‘I’ve been waiting for that all day,’ he said when they finally parted, their bodies still close enough for her to feel what was happening, to wonder if his arousal felt as urgent as hers.

  ‘I’d better get your dinner,’ he said, pulling away and loping into the kitchen, ignoring Gorgeous as she bobbed up and down on her perch, screaming for a kiss. Flynn placed a casserole dish from the oven into a thermo-bag and handed it to her, his smile and lingering dark eyes taunting her senses.

  ‘I’d better go,’ she said turning. Waiting for him to reach out and stop her.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  She stepped into Simon’s room, the morning sky screaming the joys of spring behind as he sat in bed, hair combed and face scrubbed, a partially eaten plate of vegemite toast at his side, his eyes brimming with tears.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she said, placing the fresh underwear and his Pierre Cardin aftershave in the drawer beside his bed.

  ‘These headaches just won’t go away. The drugs aren’t working anymore and according to all the tests, there’s nothing wrong. It’s fucking depressing,’ he said, his face suddenly turning to stone. ‘And you’re not helping any by acting as though you’re doing me a favour by rocking up whenever you can find ten minutes to spare in your busy fucking life.’

  Whatever, Laura thought as she turned to a sharp rap on the door before Bryce Cowlett entered with Patrice in his wake.

  ‘How are you today?’ he said to Simon after acknowledging Laura with a nod. ‘He’s depressed about the pain,’ Laura said.

  ‘I think I can speak for myself thanks, Laura,’ Simon said through tight lips.

  Dr Cowlett studied Simon over the top of his glasses. ‘The nurses tell me you seem to be having mood swings. It’s common for emotional disorders to accompany a brain injury,’ he said, pulling a penlight from the top pocket of his coat, and then lifting Simon’s eyelids and flicking the light across. ‘We’ll get a psychiatrist to see you. Then we’ll talk about options,’ he said dropping the penlight back into his pocket.

  ‘What are the options?’ Laura said.

  ‘Medication, counselling, behaviour management . . . Don’t worry, Laura,’ he said, his smile warm. ‘We will do our very best to get Simon back to his old self again, but it may take some time.’

  His words shocked Laura into silence. She studied Simon’s accusatory frown, a cold chill claiming her body. Her natural inclination was to nod and smile politely in the face of Dr Cowlett’s assumptions. But instead she lifted her chin, ‘Doctor, it would be useful if we could discuss Simon’s rehabilitation in the light of he and I now being separated,’ she said, ignoring the three astonished faces suddenly turned to her.

  Dr Cowlett pulled a pen from his top pocket and scrawled across the open file. ‘Of course. Thank you for mentioning it. I shall certainly bear that in mind,’ he said, his eyes locking onto hers with the message he understood how difficult those words had been for her to utter – how new they were.

  But as doctor and nurse left the room and Patrice turned back briefly, Laura could not fathom her expression.

  As she drove to the office Laura pondered Simon’s new additional health challenges and thought in hindsight how grateful she was that Flynn had not stopped her from leaving his house last night with Penne Primavera in hand and her hormones writhing and screaming. If she hadn’t walked away then, her guilt now would be beyond tolerance.

  ‘Come on, I’ll buy you lunch,’ Noah said later as he approached Laura at her computer.

  ‘OK,’ she murmured without lifting her head, anxious to finish the report that had been bothering her for days.

  ‘Laura, take a break.’ Noah laughed. ‘I’ll buy you a pub lunch. We’ll be back in half an hour.’

  ‘Uh?’ She looked up, now fully aware of his presence. ‘No thanks, Noah. I have to get this bloody report done and dusted. Another time,’ she said, turning back to her screen.

  ‘Please?’ He made a needy face. ‘I’d really like your opinion about something.’

  Noah asking her opinion about anything was too good an opportunity to miss. ‘OK, but I only have half an hour,’ she said, shrugging into her jacket.

  ‘That’s all I need,’ he said.

  They stepped into the familiar dark timbered space to be assailed by aromas of beer and deep-frying. Ordered at the bar and weaved their way through several tables to a vacant booth.

  ‘So how can I help?’ She leaned back in her seat, studying his expression. ‘You don’t want my advice at all, do you?’ she said, smiling.

  Noah shook his head. ‘I just said that to get you alone.’ He hesitated, until the waiter had placed their meals on the table and left. ‘Mia told me she thought Bev the hairdresser was fishing for information about you and Flynn a couple of days ago,’ he continued. ‘According to Bev, our neighbours have seen you two walking along the beach together quite a few times.’ He picked up his burger and took a large bite.

  ‘It’s none of their bloody business,’ she hissed, toying with her salad, her outrage building.

  ‘That’s right. They don’t know shit,’ he said.

  ‘Flynn is my friend. We enjoy each other’s company. What’s wrong with that?’ She glared at Noah.

  He shrugged and swallowed another bite of burger. ‘Nothing.’

  ‘That’s right. Nothing. And nothing has happened.’ She leaned forward, her voice an angry whisper. ‘It may inject a thrill into their tired dreary lives to know that if we were both single it may have happened by now. Yes, probably right there on the beach in front of their beady eyes peering through their smeary binoculars and telescopes. But I’m married, so nothing has happened.’ She speared a slice of chicken with her fork and shoved it into her mouth, chewing and peering at other tables, relieved to see that others in the room, some of them their colleagues, did not seem to be aware of her outburst.

  ‘Pity,’ Noah said, peering at her over the rim of his glass of water.

  ‘Pity what?’ Laura snapped.

  ‘It is a pity you are married,’ Noah said. ‘That is what you’re thinking, isn’t it?’

  Laura felt tears sting behind her eyes. Tried to swallow the mouthful lodged in her throat. ‘Not at all,’ she finally managed to rasp.

  Noah dropped his voice to almost a whisper. ‘Oh. So you don’t mind that your husband has been screwing his way across the state with willing strangers. And you don’t mind that he has a lifetime of care needs and that you seem to be the most logical person – indeed the only person – who is available to meet them.’

  ‘That’s not true,’ Laura said. ‘No one seems to know his prognosis yet. He may not have any care needs longer term. It’s entirely possible he’ll be fine after rehab therapy.’ She stared down at the table, Dr Cowl
ett’s sympathetic gaze revisiting her from this morning. ‘But his brain injury is causing mood swings, and they don’t know whether they’re transitory or permanent.’ She slowly pushed her salad away. ‘I told his doctor this morning that I would not be able to provide full-time care for Simon because we’re separated.’ She peered down at the space where her wedding ring used to be. ‘I was so relieved when he didn’t appear to have an opinion about that.’

  ‘How could he?’ Noah said, frowning.

  ‘Everyone would be entitled to think I am lower than freezing point for abandoning my husband when he needs me now more than ever.’

  ‘I can only think of one thing lower,’ Noah said leaning back in his chair and lifting his eyebrows. ‘And Simon has done that more than once.’

  Laura’s gaze met his. ‘Well, I can hardly pass judgement now, because I am seriously attracted to Flynn. I would . . . well, you know, in an instant, the only difference between Simon and me being that I take our marriage vows seriously. And reading between the lines, I think Flynn is respectful of that as well.’

  ‘Hang on,’ Noah said, lifting a finger. ‘So it’s OK for the guy in a marriage to screw around, but the woman has to stay loyal and faithful. Is that what you’re saying?’

  ‘Noah, I care how people see me. What they think of me.’

  He leaned forward. ‘Laura, they’re saying things already, and you are doing nothing, nothing is happening. If you live your life by how other people see you, what they say about you, you’ll have no life at all.’ He leaned back in his seat again, studied her face. ‘And regardless of what they’re saying, you still look exactly the same to me – I see no scarlet “A” painted on your forehead, no horns or talons. Go figure,’ he said, lifting both hands, smirking.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Maddi sat alone under the pendulous lilac blooms covering the rotunda and laid her head against the trellis wall, watched other kids go about their normal lunchtime banter with their friends. Her days were like this now, ever since she’d told her mother what she’d seen. Sometimes she wished she’d just kept it to herself. Other times she knew that it was the only thing she could have done. I miss you, Alex. I wish you could understand. She recalled the approaches she had made over the past few days, her futile attempts at being friends again. With a sigh she pulled herself up from the seat, trying to muster enthusiasm for chemistry class.

  The sight of Alex walking towards her made her stop and wait at the rotunda’s entrance. She tried not to read too much into Alex being here, in case she simply walked past. But the nearer Alex came the more difficult it was for Maddi to remain cool. ‘I had to tell my parents, Alex. I could not keep it to myself. What he was doing to you was wrong.’

  Alex stepped up and faced her. ‘I don’t care if it was hard for you to see. I don’t care if you thought you were doing the right thing. You’ve ruined my life,’ she hissed, her eyes brimming with tears. She looked around and pulled Maddi into the rotunda. ‘Greg was doing nothing wrong. He cared about me. Now he’s gone and Mum and I will probably have to find another house. And it’s all because you’re so frigid you couldn’t bear the sight of him and me together.’

  ‘That’s not true . . .’ Maddi said, feeling her own tears stinging. ‘If I didn’t care I wouldn’t have told anyone. That was a bloody hard thing to do Alex and it was only because I really care about you. You have to believe me because I can’t bear the thought of us not being friends any more.’ She turned to the trellis wall, bit her lip, took deep breaths, in an attempt to control her tears but they would not stop.

  ‘You wrecked our friendship when you betrayed me.’ Alex said.

  ‘I’m, not the one who has betrayed you Alex,’ Maddi whispered.

  Alex’s face grew solemn and she stared at Maddi as though she didn’t trust herself to speak. Turned and ran down the steps and across the lawns to the science building.

  As far back as Maddi could remember, this was the only chemistry lesson where Alex seemed unfazed by Fullavit’s presence. And the only time she had not hung around after class. Maddi ran to catch up as Alex approached the school gates for home.

  ‘Where’s Greg?’ Maddi said, keeping pace.

  ‘What?’ Amy said tersely.

  ‘Greg. You said he’s gone. Where did he go?’

  Amy stopped and glared at Maddi. ‘He’s gone to Darwin. He had to. He doesn’t want to go to prison.’

  ‘That’s not my fault. And it’s not yours either,’ Maddi said, holding her breath for Alex’s angry outburst.

  ‘That’s what Dr O’Leary said.’ Alex spoke through tight lips as though she was about to cry. ‘Laura said Greg lived with someone else in another state. The police are after him for that as well,’ she added swiping her eyes.

  ‘Oh. Alex. Don’t you get it? ‘ Maddi said stopping and facing her. ‘He will do the same in Darwin. That’s just how he is.’

  ‘Dr O’Leary said you are a special friend.’

  ‘I am. Very special . . . And you are bloody lucky to have me,’ Maddi said, her face straight even though deep down she felt happier than she had for days.

  ‘Laura thinks it’s easy for me to report Greg. She doesn’t understand how much I care about him. The other girl interstate wouldn’t report him either,’ Alex said after they had walked a few metres.

  ‘Maybe the next one will get what he’s really doing and she’ll report him.’ Maddi said, aware of Alex’s scrutiny.

  ‘Isaac said there’s another manager at the store who’s super cool. He thinks I should come back to work,’ Alex said, stopping as they reached her corner. Searching in her backpack for her beeping phone.

  ‘You should,’ Maddi said diving into her pocket for phone, which was also beeping.

  They looked up at the same time, each afraid to be the first to speak. ‘Was yours from Chloe?’ Maddi said.

  Alex nodded. ‘She’s invited me to her party tomorrow night.’

  Maddi grinned. ‘Me too . . . ‘ Her grin disappeared. ‘I’m not going,’

  ‘Why not? It’s the A-team, for Chrissakes. It’ll be a great party.’

  Maddi shook her head. ‘You know what we said before. There’ll be drugs and booze and Chloe’s psycho friends. It’ll be asking for trouble,’ Maddi said, disgusted by how much she sounded like her mother.’

  ‘Do what you like. I’m going,’ Alex said.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  ‘I hate this already,’ Maddi said, turning to Alex at the beginning of the driveway, eyeing two bulky security guards with arms like hams crossed over their chests. ‘We can still leave. It’s not too late,’ she pleaded above the thump of music, the sound of psycho voices floating across from the tennis court, which, had it not been for the strobing of coloured lights, would have been in total darkness. Only the two-storey house with pillars like a Georgian mansion was well lit – illuminated inside and out like a real estate advertisement.

  ‘Why would we leave now? It’s awesome,’ Alex said, already jiggling to the music, her smile a permanent fixture.

  ‘I hate that I lied to my parents.’ Maddi grimaced as they made their way up the long steep drive, recalling with gnawing guilt the trusting look her mother had given when she had finally agreed to her staying at Alex’s house tonight. ‘I’m only allowing you to stay with Alex because I know you want to be friends again and because you’ll be safe now that Greg Shepherd has gone and Mr Martin is behind bars,’ she’d said through pursed lips. ‘Your dad and I will both have our mobiles with us, Madeline, so ring if you want to come home.’ She’d turned to Maddi, her brown eyes soft with pleading. ‘Promise me,’ she had said. Maddi felt she’d had no choice but to lie. There is no way her parents would have allowed her to come to this party, and she worried about Alex who, despite her tough exterior, seemed more fragile than ever since it had all come out about Greg.

  ‘Well, my mum was relieved when I asked if I could stay at yours because it meant sh
e could work a double shift without worrying about me. I did her a favour,’ Alex said, her grin widening.

  The security guards attached neon bracelets to their wrists and took their drink money, issuing tickets in return. It was a so-called strategy for managing the consumption of alcohol. Maddi thought it may have worked had hordes of kids not been making their way up the driveway, lugging coolers of beer or arms full of gin and vodka.

  ‘The only bad is that we couldn’t dress up because our parents would be suspicious,’ Alex said surveying their jeans and boots, turning to a group of girls behind in backless or strapless dresses and towering stilettos.

  ‘I don’t care,’ Maddi said, thinking the last thing she wanted was to impress any of the boys, or the girls for that matter. ‘They’re older than us anyway. I seriously do not get why we have been invited to this party.’

  The tennis court was packed with dancing and screaming clusters but no one seemed to know anyone outside the group they were with. Maddi and Alex stood together for a while and watched the head shaking, arm swinging moves on the specially erected timber dance floor in centre-court, before Alex suggested they find the drinks they’d paid for. Maddi lit her phone up to show the way.

  ‘Maddi. Don’t,’ Alex said, her face twisting with disgust, her arm practically swiping the phone from Maddi’s hand. ‘That is seriously uncool.’

  So they picked their way across bottles and shoes, coolers and people, to the bins of spritzers nestling in ice. Maddi squinted into the tubs, but by the time she’d made her choice, Alex had ripped the lid off hers and swallowed a mouthful to make a wharf labourer proud.

  ‘Alex, slow down,’ Maddi hissed.

  ‘Come on, let’s dance,’ Alex said, gulping her drink as she ran back to the dance floor, Maddi reluctantly following in her wake.

  Her first drink now thankfully at room temperature in her hand, Maddi told herself to have a good time. Ignored the sight of school prefects sucking on cigarettes and the acrid smell of weed. Moved to the music instead and made out she was somewhere else.