To Russia With Love (Countermeasure Series)

by Aubrey, Cecilia; Almeida, Chris

  She couldn’t remember how long she had sat there with misery as her companion. The room had eventually lightened, drawing her from her tribulation and forcing her to bed. As she lay there alone, tears had once again forced their way from her eyes. She missed the cradle of his arms, his harsh groans as they made love, the beating of his heart under her ear soothing her to sleep. She missed all of him deeply; it was as if a part of her had been ripped away, leaving an empty chasm, an open wound behind.

  It had been a few days since and, desperate to escape her thoughts even for a little bit, Jessica fretted over what to do or where to go. The only people she had ever socialized with in Ireland were Cassandra, Trevor and…Stephan. She had not met anyone else yet, had no sphere of friends in her new world. Picking up the stack of papers from the basket on Cassandra’s desk, she rifled through them until a postcard caught her eye. Lillie’s Bordello—touted as being Dublin’s most renowned and prestigious nightclub. Possibilities. Just on Grafton Street. Not that far. Going. Tossing the stack back in the basket, Jessica jogged up the short flight of stairs and zipped to the guest bathroom.

  An hour later, she stood outside the front door waiting impatiently for the cab she’d called. She wanted to get going before she changed her mind. She had slicked and pinned her hair in a classic style, displaying the long gentle curve of her neck, and had slipped into an unadorned little black dress set off by hot red platform heels that showcased her shapely legs. Jessica’s heart was pounding with nervousness and her body was buzzing with energy.

  Jumping in the cab the minute it stopped out front, Jessica sat back and stared out the window during the short ride to the nightclub. This would be her first evening out on her own in Dublin. Her heart wasn’t really into it, but her head was ruling this outing and she was damned if she was going to mope some more around the house. Evenings were the hardest. That’s when images of moments spent with Stephan bombarded her at every toss and turn. She hoped to be rid of those images for at least one night. One night in which she would return home and fall into bed for a full night of uninterrupted sleep.

  Lillie’s swanky lounge with its burgundy walls and cream seating was just the kind of place Jessica would have hung out at back home. For the last many months, nightclubs had slowly lost their appeal. She hoped that night would get her back into the swing of things.

  Squaring her shoulders, Jessica moved deeper into the club and found a table in a dark corner. The hostess stopped by and took her drink order, a dirty martini. Why the hell not? She wasn’t interested in a pint, the usual drink she had with Stephan. Lost in thought, she missed the hostess setting her drink in front of her until the music called to her. Sipping her drink, she watched the action, couples dancing, their bodies moving in time with the music, the heat of the dance floor contagious and tantalizing.

  Jessica ignored several men who passed by her table in hopes of catching her eye. She wasn’t interested in what they had to offer. She had taken the first step in an attempt to heal her aching heart by going out, but her stomach churned in knots and her hand tightened around her glass each time her thoughts strayed.

  It would take more than a night out to close that wound and she was sure a scar would be left behind when it did. Was he working? Was he out with another woman? Doing the same things they shared? Holding the woman tight against him the same way he had held her? Jealousy reared its ugly green head and a bitter taste filled her mouth.

  Jessica’s anguish choked her and she downed the martini in two quick swallows. Setting her glass on the table, Jessica realized she should have never come. The evening out on her own was making her feel worse, not better. She was scooting out of the booth when a familiar voice reached her ears amidst the commotion in the nightclub.

  “Sweet Mary, thank you for bringing the woman of my dreams into my life.”

  Jessica whipped her head in the direction of the same Irish drawl she had heard at the airport on the day of her arrival. A smile spread across her face as she tipped her head back and looked straight into Sean’s mossy green eyes.

  “Damn. Does that line ever work?”

  A grin quirked the corner of his mouth. “There’s always a first.”

  “Yeah, Yeah.” Her laugh bubbled up and spilled over. “Where have I heard that line before?”

  His grin widened as he slid into the booth next to her and kissed her cheek. “Jessica. How are you?”

  “You remember!”

  “Of course I do, lass. My heart’s been pining away for the American girl who never used my card. I bet you tossed it as soon as you reached your friend and the guy she was with.”

  “That guy happens to be her husband, and no, look—” Jessica reached into her purse and pulled the small slightly worn card from her wallet, “—here is it. Not tossed.”

  “Good to know I left an impression on you.” Sean waved at the hostess, and shortly after another martini and a pint were left on the table.

  “Wow, now that’s what I call service.”

  Sean chuckled. “Nah. They know me. I work here.”

  “Ah…perks. So, where were you arriving from that day at the airport?”

  “Australia. Had spent the winter there. Who wants to freeze in Ireland when they can burn in Australia?”

  “True.” She laughed at his enthusiasm.

  They talked for hours. She learned about Sean’s love for adventure. His time in Australia and other warm, tropical countries, which explained the golden tone of his skin. His wild streak had taken him to amazing places—Egypt, South Africa, Thailand, Brazil—all on a shoestring budget, living on temporary jobs and loving each second of it. He was a cool guy. If only she hadn’t lost her heart long before she’d laid eyes on him. But his enthusiasm and youthful attitude would never be able to warm her blood the way Stephan’s secure, strict, and even domineering one did. Stephan didn’t just warm her blood, he set it aflame.

  She released a deep breath and Sean cocked his head. “Am I boring you already?”

  “No. Not at all. It’s been a trying week. I just need a good night’s sleep to restore my energy.” Jessica had been so stressed over the sudden way Stephan kicked her out of his life that she could barely sleep at night. She tossed and turned, searching for a comfortable position that could never exist without his arms around her. As a consequence, she found herself dozing at the worst times during the day. Good thing she wasn’t working for Cassandra’s father anymore, or she would have found herself repeating Cassandra’s snore-and-drool routine at team meetings.

  She collected her purse and straightened on the seat, ready to take her leave, when Sean pushed to his feet. “I’ll take you home. Are you far from here?”

  “Not really. I was planning on walking home, taking in some fresh air. “

  “Even better. I’m not sure I should be driving after a few pints anyway. It’ll sober me up.”

  She didn’t argue. She found that his company took her mind off her problems. Standing, she allowed Sean to guide her to the door.

  “I need to settle my tab before we leave.”

  “Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it later.”

  “But—”

  “No buts. My treat. If you are worried about paying me back, just give me the pleasure of your company another time.” His jovial approach had no hidden intentions. Jessie was a master of decoding male innuendo.

  Sean nodded at the hostess on their way to the door and received a wide understanding smile back. Once outside, in true gentleman fashion, Sean took off his jacket and guarded Jessica’s shoulders against the brisk night air. After a short walk full of jokes and laughter, they arrived at the Bauer residence.

  “You live here?” His surprised tone made her chuckle.

  “I own the place. Cool isn’t it? Nah, just joking. It belongs to my friend, Cassandra, and her husband, Trevor. I’m staying with them until I can move into my own place.” She unlocked the door and hesitated. A near stranger. Harmless, nonetheless. She s
houldn’t let him in, but she didn’t want to be all by herself in the big house again. Against her better judgment, she found herself asking, “Want to come in for a chat? Finish sobering up before heading back?”

  Sean held her gaze and all humor bled from them as a gleam of heat flared. “I can hang for a bit. I’d love to spend some more time talking to you, Jessica.”

  “Come on in, then.” She opened the door and crossed the threshold, with Sean following close behind.

  *****

  Earlier that afternoon, Stephan had reached his limit. Nobody could ever blame him for not being a hardheaded Irishman. It had taken him a while to face the music, but once he had, he realized he wanted Jessica back. So bad, he would risk anything. Even telling her why he had ended their agreement. Give her a piece of him he had never shared with any other woman since Layla.

  He had arrived at the Bauers’ house and knocked on the door only to realize she wasn’t in. He waited impatiently in his car for her return so he could apologize, spill his guts, and place the reins of his—their—future in her hands.

  He would grovel if needed. Sometime within the last few days, he came to the realization that his treatment of her was high-handed. Patronizing, really. Assuming that hiding the truth behind his motives was protecting her from hurt. Jessica was young, but she was a very mature, opinionated, intelligent woman. She had made it clear she had wanted him long before she had ever set foot in Ireland. Stephan was certain that if he hadn’t fled her house that first day, their relationship would have ignited then and there. She was clear as crystal, she had nothing to hide. He, on the other hand….

  If the love he had seen in her eyes before was still alive, if she found it in her heart to listen to what he had to say, he would bare himself before her. And then, if she agreed to take him back, he could try to undo the damage he had done and they would find ways to handle the future as it unfolded.

  His thoughts tumbled back to that first night without her. He had walked into a home empty of her things but still saturated with her essence—her scent permeating the air, the furniture rearranged to make things cozier—the images burned in his mind. Unable to face the large imposing bed where they had shared so many intimate moments, he sat in his library and drank himself into a stupor to dull the memories. Needless to say, he never made it to his bed that night.

  Stephan hadn’t fared any better the next day. He had taken a couple of personal days to pull himself together, but being trapped in the house with all of the memories of her—her smile, her voice, her mischievous eyes—crowded him at every turn. He didn’t know what was more torturous, staying at home or going to the office, where the vision of Jessica bent over his desk, his palm print on her rosy ass, haunted him.

  During the last few days, Stephan had time to reminisce about Layla and all the past heartache. Through it all, he could still remember the good times, the smiles, and the happiness they’d shared. He wanted much more from Jessica, much more than the couple of years he’d had with Layla. Forever wouldn’t be enough. But even if they ended up as he feared, at least he would’ve—they would’ve—collected those happy moments, and he would be grateful for each and every one of them. He was ready to take what he wanted—and all he wanted was to take her home and hold her tight for as long as he could. No more fear of what ifs, no more fear of events that might never happen.

  Movement on the street caught his eye. Anticipation flooded his veins, disappointment close on its heels. It wasn’t Jessica. Just a couple on their way home after an evening out. As he glanced at his watch, out of the corner of his eye he noticed the couple had stopped in front of Cassandra and Trevor’s home. Sitting in his car, parked across the street from the house, he gave them his full attention and realized that the woman with the glossy slicked-back hair and hot red shoes was indeed Jessica.

  Stephan froze in his sedan’s smooth leather seat and a blast of pain bloomed in his chest, almost knocking him forward over the steering wheel. His hands shook, a loud buzz rang in his ears as he watched the tall, lean young man walk her to the door. When he followed her inside and the door closed behind them, Stephan hung his head and squeezed his eyes shut. He never thought a broken heart could inflict such physical pain. He had thought the pain of sending her away had been intense. It was nothing compared to the burning fire churning inside him at that moment.

  He was hurdled down an emotional rollercoaster, completely numb and speechless one second, angry and resentful the next. He left his car and started across the street. He wanted to storm the house, beat the crap out of the piece of shit that was at that moment possibly touching her, kissing her. She was his. Nobody else’s.

  Then reality came crashing down hard and he stopped in his tracks. He had driven her away with that exact purpose in mind. To let her choose someone else. Someone with whom she could have a longer, happier future. He had fucked up his own life. He had let her go, expecting her to move on even if he wasn’t planning to do the same.

  Stephan retraced his steps to his car and slipped back behind the wheel. Defeat was bitter on his tongue. She had been swift in finding a replacement for him. The truth of what he had witnessed delivered the mercy blow. If she had found it so easy to replace him, it meant she didn’t really love him the way he thought she did. Stephan had reached the end of the road. He exhaled deeply, turned the engine, and drove toward a house where memories of her would torture him for a long time to come.

  *****

  “So…who is he?”

  “He who?”

  “The guy who put that shadow in your eyes.”

  Jessica sat across from Sean in the media room. She had made them a pot of strong coffee and they had talked some more. Laughed some more. Still, her mind circled back to Stephan. She couldn’t help comparing the two men. Whichever way she looked at it, Stephan always had the advantage. She loved his maturity, his calm demeanor, his take-control-leave-no-prisoner attitude. Sean sounded like a kid in a toy store. Cute kid, but still…not someone with whom she would choose to spend the rest of her life. She much preferred Stephan’s hidden delights.

  “Is it that transparent?”

  “Yeah. It is. You had a different smile when I first met you. This new one has sadness in the background. As if you were thinking of good memories and mourning someone you’ve lost.”

  “Morbid connection much?”

  Sean’s expression took on a somber quality. “No. I mean…after you go through the death of a loved one and through all the phases of grief, you eventually find yourself remembering the good things you lived, experienced with that person. The smile in your face has that type of sadness.” He seemed to speak from experience.

  “I get it. The thing is, I haven’t gone through the phases of grief. I can barely accept everything that’s happened.”

  “Want to talk about it? I’m a good listener.”

  “Do you want to talk about your own loss? Those types of deep thoughts don’t just pop out of nowhere.”

  Sean’s lips curved in a sad smile and he shook his head. “Not really.”

  “Me neither. I want to forget I was stupid enough to think he would be interested in me. At least, for the long run.”

  “He’s a dumbass, whoever he is.” Sean caressed her cheek with the back of his finger.

  A smile spread on her lips. “I think I agree with you on that one. He’ll miss out on being loved fully and completely. So yeah…it’s his loss.”

  “Damn. Yeah. You’re a goner.”

  “Guilty as charged.”

  “Again…t-amadán.”

  “I think I’ve heard Trevor refer to Nate with that word…it can’t be anything good.” Sean shot her a puzzled look. “Let’s not go there. It’s complicated,” she explained.

  Sean laughed. “The word means asshole. That’s what your guy is.”

  “I wish he was mine.” She laid her head against the padded back of the chair and sighed.

  Sean stood. “I should be leaving. It has b
een a pleasure spending time with you, Jessica, but I have to get back to work. I have to help them close.” He grabbed his jacket from the chair and they made their way to the door in a camaraderie born of the small shared secrets. “You still have my card. Call me. I have a broad shoulder. No strings attached.”

  “I appreciate it. We’ll see. Can’t promise anything.”

  “See you soon.” Sean headed back in the direction of the nightclub, hands tucked in his pockets, collar pulled up. He looked as lonely as she felt.

  If only…. Jessica brushed Stephan from her mind again and, closing the door, headed upstairs to her room, thanking the fates that she and Stephan had never shared her bed. If they had, she wouldn’t have been able to handle lying among the memories. He didn’t seem to have the same issue, she thought as she slipped out of her clothes and under the covers for another fitful night.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  Interesting Connections

  HE SIGNED THE LAST OF the documents and handed them back to his secretary with a stiff, polite smile. He tapped his fingers on the desk and fidgeted in his seat as he watched her stride briskly toward the door. The minute she walked out, he grabbed his cell phone and punched in the long number in a quick and memorized succession.

  The phone rang only a couple of times before Mikhailov answered with a curt, “Da.”

  “You have the program. Why is it taking so long for you to transfer my money? It’s been over a month!” the caller spoke in a low, inflamed voice, in tune with the workplace environment. It wasn’t as if his office had thin walls, but he didn’t want their conversation to be overheard by his nosy secretary, who could walk back in at any time.