"What if I was to tell you that your inability to have casual sex was because of your father's and society's influence on you, not because of anything inherent in male-female sex differences? We're both animals with drives, Kate. Society has just controlled women's drives more, redirected them, couched the control in moral platitudes."
"I forgot you wanted to be a psychoanalyst. I never did like Freud and his focus on fathers."
"He was right, but in the wrong way. Your father – the generalized father of patriarchal authority – made you believe that if you were purely sexual, if you needed to be fucked, you were bad. Isn't that right?” I said and watched her face closely for her response. She blinked rapidly at that, so I knew I’d hit home. I pressed on. “He and the Church made you believe you were a bad girl to just want a hard cock inside of you. So you always held back, using this idea of intimacy as a shield – as armor against just feeling pleasure for its own sake. You use the demand for intimacy as an excuse so you can maintain the façade of being a good girl when really you're just an animal like me."
She stood in front of me, her face turned away as if what I said was too hard to face – I was too hard to face. I knew she had probably reached her limit so I turned and went to the small living room filled with shabby furniture and worn parquet floors. I removed my jacket and tie and sat on the couch.
Right in the middle.
She’d have to decide where to sit – beside me, or across from me. Where she sat would tell me if I was going to get her naked tonight or if we would continue to talk with me going home with blue balls. I leaned back, and stretched my arms out on the back of the couch, my stocking feet up on the rickety old coffee table.
I caught her eye. "Am I right?"
"Maybe," she said, staring at the couch beside me, then glancing at the chair across from me. Oh, she was torn. Where to sit? What would it say about her? "But whose approach is more satisfying in the end?"
"I've tried your approach,” I said and shrugged, thinking back to my disastrous marriage. I thought when I met my future-wife that I needed a woman as strong as me so we were ‘equal’. I’d quashed my tendencies towards dominance sexually in order to be a sensitive lover. What it did was ensure I never really enjoyed sex as much as I could, with women who were never really satisfied with me. Performance wise, I was fine but there as a lack of spark. When I tried to push things with my wife, she couldn’t handle it and thought I was too controlling.
It didn’t end well.
“I was married for five years,” I said, not wanting to dwell too much longer on it. “You haven't tried mine. Yet. Why don't you give it a chance? Then you'll know."
She looked doubtful. "I can't imagine that meaningless sex can be rewarding in the long run."
I sighed. Meaningless sex was a relief from sex that was wrapped up in anger and frustration and misunderstanding. "It's not. But it's good enough for now."
She stood and stared at me, and I could tell from the expression on her face that I was forcing her to confront issues that were difficult. "I only want to fuck someone who loves me. Is that so wrong?"
"Someone will love you, Kate,” I said, for someone would. Kate was not the kind of woman to remain single for very long. I was surprised she’d been single for as long as she had, but there were several traumas in her life to recover from. "Do you really want to wait until he does? Is masturbating all alone in your room at night, for what – a year? Is that really good enough for you?"
As soon as I said it, I knew it was a mistake. I could almost see her wince.
She left the living room and I heard her opening and closing drawers and cupboards with quite a lot of force. She was hurt. I followed her into the kitchen after a moment and stood behind her as she fiddled with a teapot.
"I'm sorry." I reached out and touched her, wanting to reconnect and mend things.
"You’re a bastard."
"No, I'm not. I'm just being honest.” I turned her around and tried to catch her eye but she avoided me. “Kate, you deserve to have pleasure when you need it. You're not a bad girl for wanting to feel it. I can give it to you. I want to give you the pleasure you need in the way that most appeals to you, deep down inside if you're brave enough to admit it to yourself."
She actually closed her eyes and turned her head away.
"Here," I said and pulled her into an embrace, needing to break the icy silence between us. She didn’t respond, her body stiff.
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings by speaking the truth so plainly,” I said softly. “If this is going to work between us, you have to let me break down those protective walls you've built up around yourself. Otherwise, you won’t really experience submission the way you need to."
"So you're telling me you have to be mean to me in order for me to be able to submit?" she said, her green eyes wide.
"No, you have to be honest with me about what you need and want. You have to honest with yourself."
I watched her chest heaving. She was close to tears. I had to save the moment or the night would be over, and fast.
"Kate, are you sexually attracted to me?"
"You already know you're very handsome."
"I didn’t ask that. I asked you if you were sexually attracted to me." She didn’t answer so I spoke even more softly "Do you want to fuck me? Is there a part of you that just wishes you could right now and to hell with convention?"
Finally, she replied, but I could hear the emotion in her voice. "Yes. But I'm afraid."
"What are you afraid of? That you'll have a great orgasm or three?"
"I'm afraid that you'll hurt me."
"I told you and Lara told you that I'm not into pain. I don’t want to hurt you, Kate. I want to make you feel pleasure."
"Not that kind of hurt."
I shook my head and stared at her for a moment. I knew what she meant. I had to get it through to her that we would keep things from becoming too tangled emotionally.
"That won't happen. We'll only have sex. None of that relationship stuff. We won't have breakfast together or go to movies or on dates. We'll fuck. I'll tie you up and make you come until you scream. I'll come. Then I'll go home. You'll sleep like a baby. End of story."
She looked doubtful, her brow furrowed. "What if I fall in love with you?"
I smiled. "I won't let you."
"That's like saying you can control the weather. You can't."
I smiled even more widely. "I can control the weather, too."
She turned away slightly so I couldn’t see her, but I caught her grin nonetheless.
"I know this is all new to you. I know you're afraid." I embraced her once more, pressing my hips against her so she knew how hard I was. How much I wanted her. Then I let her go and went back into the living room and sat back in the center of the sofa. She’d have to follow me eventually, and I’d know by how she responded and where she sat whether I was going to make any progress with her or whether I had gone too far. My sense was that she was fighting with all her might not to want me, not to want this, but that she was failing. And more importantly, that she wanted to fail.
She wanted me to convince her.
She returned and stood in front of the coffee table, her cheeks pink.
"Just theoretical, but if I was really your sub-in-training, what would you normally do at this point?"
I looked her over, deciding how much to admit. In truth, most of the subs I trained already accepted they were submissive sexually and were eager to learn. They wanted me to take control and show them. Tell them what to do. It was a relief for them. It was exciting.
Most could hardly wait for me to tie them up the first time.
With Kate, I had to be careful for she wasn’t eager. She looked as if she was being led to her own slaughter.
"I'd suggest that you come and sit with me and we can talk some more."
She sat on the edge of the sofa, her back stiff, her hands folded in her lap.
"Did you go to a Catholic scho
ol as a child?"
"Yes,” she said. “Why do you ask?"
"You have very good posture,” I said, examining her. Your hands are folded."
She immediately unclasped her hands, smiling guiltily.
"Yes, they expected us to sit properly. The nuns gave us the cane if we were slovenly in our dress or behavior."
"A good Catholic school upbringing,” I said with a grin. “Making uptight women out of excited little girls full of life and promise. Only the really rebellious ones escaped with their libidos fully intact."
"Yeah, the nuns really did a number on us."
She visibly relaxed, and I decided to push things. I patted my knee. "If you were really my sub-in-training, I'd tell you to come closer. Sit on my lap. So why don't you?"
She frowned and for a moment, I thought I’d lost the battle. "Am I a child?"
"No, but I like to sit close together at first. Just touching for a while with all our clothes on.” I let that sit for a few seconds. “If you decide to stop at any time, you just have to get up. I won't prevent you."
She stood before me but seemed at a loss as to how she should sit on my lap. "How do I…"
I grabbed her arms and pulled her down, positioning her body so that she sat with her legs over to one side. It meant she had to put her arms around my shoulders. There was an awkward moment when she seemed as if she was going to try to sit with her arms around herself, but she relented, her arms threading around my neck, resting on my shoulders. Our faces were inches away from each other. I could smell the anise from dinner on her breath.
She finally met my eyes and God… blood rushed to my dick, which was already hard as rock against her soft thigh.
I adjusted her on my lap, for she was pressing hard against my now aching erection. "Sorry, you're pressing just a bit too hard on my…" I adjusted myself. "That's better."
Her cheeks actually flushed deep red at the suggestion I was erect. I breathed in her scent and it was a delicious mixture of her hair, her perfume and her female scent, which almost made me dizzy.
God, she was delicious.
"You smell so good," I said and slid my hand along her thigh to her hip. I wanted to slip it between her thighs to feel how wet she was, but I held back. She’d make the first move or nothing would happen.
"It's my perfume," she said. "It's called Mystique."
"I wasn't referring to your perfume."
"Oh.” She tensed, her back straightening. "Maybe I…"
She was uncomfortable with the fact I could smell her arousal but I had to get her used to how I responded to her. I loved how she smelled, how warm she was, how soft. I imagined sliding my cock inside of her velvety wetness.
She tried to get up but I stopped her.
"I love how you smell. Your female scent and the thought of how wet you are makes me so hard."
I took her hand and pressed it against my erection, sliding her fingers along its length
She closed her eyes and I felt her tremble just a bit.
Yes. That unnerved you, didn’t it, sweet Kate?
You want to know how it will feel inside of you, stretching you, filling you completely.
A moment passed while she breathed in deeply as if trying to calm herself.
"So we just sit here like this?"
"Yes.” I stretched my arms over the back of the couch so that she felt in control. She had to be the one to push now so there’d be no doubt about her willingness for this to happen. If she was sitting on me, if she was touching me, if she kissed me, she was the one who signaled it was okay to proceed.
Of course, I was doing everything I could to arouse her and seduce her into giving over control to me.
"We can just talk. With my new subs, I always let them choose the time of our first fuck. If they want anything to happen, they have to make the move. If they want me, all they have to do is kiss me. But I warn them,” I said and caught her eye, frowning just a bit so she knew I was serious. “If they do, I take that as a sign they want to fuck me and I take over. I take control and I fuck them. If they change their mind, they have to use a safe word. If they do, it all stops right then, and I go home. So be warned. Don't kiss me unless you mean it."
I held her gaze for as long as she let me and when she tried to glance away because it was becoming too intense for her, I took her chin in my hand and stopped her.
"I can sit here like this for as long as you want and talk if that's all you want tonight. Sure, I'm hard as rock,” I said, wanting to reinforce how aroused I was, “but it will fade eventually if nothing more happens. But if you kiss me, I'll take it to mean you want me to fuck you. I'll take your clothes off and I'll eat you and then I'll fuck you. I'm not a frat boy, Kate. I don't like to play games."
She blushed at that and her back straightened. I hoped I hadn’t gone to far.
"I thought you liked playing games. Isn't that what people in the lifestyle call it? Playing?"
"Fuck games, Kate,” I said, my voice firm. “Not emotional games."
She tilted her head to one side, still frowning a bit, but she didn’t stand up so I knew the battle could still be won.
"Why do your subs need a safe word if the first time is just vanilla sex?"
"It's always good to have a safe word. Things get passionate. Heavy. Hard. Fast. If I overwhelm the sub and she can't handle it, I need to know. But Kate," I said and turned her face to me. "Using red as a safe word isn't a request just to slow things down a bit or to adjust things. It's a signal for a full-stop. Once they use it, it's over. So I warn my subs not to use red unless they really are unable to go on."
"What exactly do you mean by heavy? Hard?"
"Kate…" I smiled at her. Was she really that inexperienced? Had every man she’d been with fucked her gently? Afraid to be a bit rough with her? Passionate?
Our bodies were made to fuck. Hard.
I tried not to laugh but it took every ounce of my self-control. "Have you never had really passionate sex with a man before? A little desperate? He's pounding into you from behind, grabbing your hips, thrusting hard and fast?"
I watched her cheeks flush. They were a barometer of her emotions. Her skin was so fair she flushed very easily.
"Red is a stoplight," I said, trying my best to sound like an instructor to calm her down a bit. "You say red, everything stops."
"How do I know you won't run a red light?"
I closed my eyes and smiled. She was so afraid… "Unlike flyboy, I'm not into rape, Kate. Not even mock rape. If I do it, it's because my sub needs it and asked for it." When I opened my eyes, she was examining my face as if trying to detect if I was being truthful. "I can only get off with a woman who wants it. Who wants me."
"I want you."
There. She admitted that she wanted me. I waited for her to lean closer and kiss me. She was sooo close…
Nothing.
She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t make the first move. My whole body was vibrating with lust, my cock hard as rock as I imagined how close I was to spreading her thighs and tasting her, filling her up.
I actually held my breath, waiting for the kiss. It didn’t come.
"Then kiss me."
She froze. "I can't."
"Oh, Kate…"
I pulled her down on top of me as I lay back in the couch.
"Oh, God.” She gasped as I pulled her hips against mine.
"Jesus, Kate, are you that repressed that you can't even kiss me?"
"You said it yourself. If I kiss you, you're going to fuck me."
"You said you want me, so just do it."
"Why are you making me?" She sounded as if she could cry. "You already kissed me three times tonight. Why do I have to be the one now?"
"You have to be the one."
"Why?"
"You have to say yes. I have to know that you want me to fuck you. That this is what you really want. What you really need. I don't want any doubt."
"Then, yes, for Christ's sake, yes," s
he said, her eyes wet. "I want you to fuck me. I need you to fu—"
Then I kissed her. It went against my own rules, for I had to know, without a doubt, that my sub wanted me to take control. Kate wanted me, she wanted this to happen, but she couldn’t make the move. She couldn’t bend down to me, make her lips kiss me.
I shouldn’t have kissed her, but dammit, if I didn’t, she never would.
But I didn’t take over just yet. I needed to feel her respond to me. I needed her to kiss me back.
Passionately.
She ended the kiss, her brow furrowed. "I thought," she said, her voice wavering with emotion. "I thought you were going to take control after I kissed you."
I smiled at her naiveté. "Who's to say I haven't?"
"I don't understand. You said—"
Then I had enough of her stalling. "Stop talking."
I switched positions so that now, she was under me and pressed my erection into her belly. I watched her response as I trailed my fingers over her skin, the soft curve of her cheek, and over her plump bottom lip that I wanted to kiss, suck and rub my cock against. Her breasts were squeezed by her position, and almost bursting out of her dress. I traced each mound with my finger, enjoying how her skin went all gooseflesh. I squeezed one breast and found the hard peak of her nipple, squeezing it a bit harder than I should have, but I waned her to feel it.
I smiled when she gasped out loud.
Oh, yes…
She would be so delightful if she was as responsive as this all the time.
I spread her thighs with my knee a bit roughly and she didn’t object. I pulled up her dress, my hand finding her pussy, my fingers slipping down between her lips to find her clit.
She was damp and hard and she groaned when I pressed my cock against her. She closed her eyes but I wouldn’t let her escape that way. I wanted her right there with me.
"Keep your eyes open."
She did, her eyes so open and vulnerable and filled with desire. I grasped the top of her hose and started to remove them.
"From now on,” I said, making my voice as authoritative as I could, “you're only wearing garters and nylons when you're with me. No underwear."
I pulled down her panties and spread her thighs quickly, before she could close them. Moisture glistened on her flesh.
Intense 2 Page 108