by Barb Han
“You want a cup of coffee?” he asked.
“Absolutely,” she said.
“Let me get Officer Long set up here,” Austin said, pulling the carafe from the base.
“I’ll take that in a to-go cup if you have one,” Officer Long said. “There’s more security here than I’ve ever seen and you probably don’t need me but I’d like to take a look around the property anyway.”
“I’ll get Gideon Fisher, our head of security, to fix you right up with whatever you need,” Austin said before firing off a text. He poured three cups of coffee, one in a to-go mug as requested, and passed them out.
Long had barely taken his first sip when Gideon knocked on the door. Austin let him in and introduced him to the officer.
Within a minute the pair was gone, leaving an awkward silence in their wake.
“You’re welcome to sleep in our...in the master bedroom,” Austin corrected.
“I can’t kick you out of your bed.” Maria gripped her mug like it was precious metal.
“It’s fine. Half the time I fall asleep in my office or on the couch,” he said.
“Everything okay with you?” she asked, really looking at him.
“You already know that I have a lot going on with the calves.” He shrugged off her question.
“Since when did you stop sleeping?” she asked.
“The ranch has been busy since Mom and Dad died,” he said.
“I’m so sorry about your parents. I know how close you and your family are. What really happened?”
“I already told you,” he said, defensively.
“Since then,” she clarified. “Maybe I can take a look at Tommy’s notes? Offer a fresh perspective.”
“Don’t worry about it. You have enough on your plate,” he said. And then he looked at her. She seemed eager to talk about something besides her own problems for a change. If him opening up a little could break some of the tension between them, he’d give it a shot.
“At this point, I’d welcome the distraction,” she said. “My brain is still trying to process what happened and it’s hard to think while I’m so worried about Cliff.”
“I’ll tell you as much as I know but I can see if Tommy will let you take a look at the file. I’m sure he’d appreciate another perspective,” Austin said. It felt good to be home again after being gone for a week.
“How about Joshua? Think I can speak to him? I mean, would he want to talk to me?” she asked, clearly walking on eggshells.
“You’re part of the family here, Maria. A piece of paper won’t change that,” he said, and there was so much going on inside her head he could almost hear the kinetic energy pinging.
She took a sip of coffee and didn’t immediately look at him. “After this latest attempt on my life, a few things came back to me.”
“Like what?” He stared at his coffee mug.
“We lost a baby, and that’s why you don’t want me to stay in the guest room. I’d have to walk past her...” He could feel her eyes on him but he didn’t give away his response. “That’s when things between us fell apart, isn’t it?”
He nodded but kept his gaze focused on the handle of his coffee mug.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “It was my fault. I must’ve exercised too much or had too much stress. I should’ve stopped working...”
“There you go again,” he said, not bothering to mask his frustration. “How strong could we have been if we couldn’t get through our first real problem together? You were right to walk away.”
He glanced up in time to see the hurt in her eyes. Hurt that he put there. He wanted to apologize but stopped short when her hand came up.
“I’m going to lie down. My offer still stands if you want my help with your parents’ case. They were good people and didn’t deserve what happened to them,” she said, and her voice had that cold, all-business edge to it.
“Maria—”
“Don’t, Austin. An apology isn’t necessary at this point.” She turned and walked away, picking up her bag before heading down the hallway to the guest room. She didn’t so much as flinch as she walked past what would have been their daughter’s room.
Chapter Ten
By morning, Maria was all business. She wore dark jeans and a navy blue V-neck short-sleeved shirt. Her hair was tied back neatly in a ponytail.
“I made coffee,” Austin said through a yawn. He’d never really been a morning person and his brothers had had a field day with that considering they’d been born on a ranch. It didn’t help that he’d spent most of the night alternating between thoughts of her case and the few kisses they’d shared—kisses that had heated his blood faster than a boiling pot. The latter were inappropriate thoughts under the circumstances and yet this was Maria, his wife, and he could admit to having an overload of nostalgia when she was near. Having her home felt right on many levels but he reminded himself not to confuse circumstance with her making a decision to return.
Maria didn’t comment as she walked over to the counter. Tension radiated off of her in waves and it had nothing to do with her case. That familiar vibe was her making sure he knew personal chatter was off the table.
“I’m sorry about last night. I was a jerk,” Austin said, handing her a mug, her mug.
“It’s no problem at all,” she said so casually that he almost missed the note of pain in her voice.
“Do you mind?” he asked, taking the pot from her.
She stood there, staring at the cabinet, while he filled their two mugs.
“When you closed up on me before, I didn’t know what to do so I left you alone,” he said, searching for the right words. “I don’t think I ever apologized for my actions.”
“What actions?” she shot back.
The words had the effect of a bullet chipping away a piece of his bone. The truth had a way of cutting to the core.
“I deserve that,” he admitted. “It seems like your memories have come back and I have divorce papers on my desk that you’ve been waiting for me to sign.”
She started to say something but he stopped her.
“I intend to sign them, don’t worry. I just can’t let you walk away without knowing that I never intended to hurt you,” he said, and he touched her arm.
She stiffened but then blew out a breath and looked as though it took great effort to force herself to relax her tight shoulders.
“It was as much my fault as it was yours,” she said. “I could’ve been the one to apologize just as easily as you or start the conversation we needed to have. Don’t blame yourself. Now, if you don’t mind. I’d really like that cup of coffee. We have a lot of work to do today. Unless you need to hang back here at the ranch.”
“Did you remember anything about your cases?” he asked.
“No, and I only have pieces of my personal life. Suffice it to say, I know enough to stop asking questions about what happened between the two of us,” she said stiffly. “And, like I already said, you can bail anytime you want.”
“I already said that I plan to see this thing through.” The chill she put in the air was a defense mechanism. He could see that now. Maybe if he’d figured it out before, things wouldn’t have fallen apart between them. Reliving the past wouldn’t change a thing about their current circumstances.
“Are you sure? I can always tag a ride with...who did Vic send over last night?” she asked.
“Mitch DeCarlo.”
Her hand visibly shook as she tried to hide the effect the news was having on her. Austin knew her well enough to know that would be a blow.
“Mitch is here?” she asked.
“He’s outside walking the perimeter.” It had taken every bit of Austin’s self-control not to say something to Mitch when he’d knocked on the door last night. But the man had apologized fift
y times and Austin had decided to put his own feelings about the conflict of interest and the fact that he was dating his wife on the back burner.
“I need to speak to him,” she said.
“I’ll bet you do,” was all Austin said before walking out of the room.
* * *
RELIEF WASHED OVER Maria and her shoulders sagged when Austin shut the door to the master bedroom. It had taken all the energy she could muster to put on her game face this morning and shove down the emotions threatening to drop her to her knees.
Being in the house again brought a flood of memories of her pregnancy. Even though Raina had never taken a breath outside the womb Maria felt like she’d become a mother the first time that little girl kicked inside her.
She caught herself touching her stomach at the memory. There was no use. Raina was gone. Emotions threatened to overwhelm her like pelting rain from a heavy thunderstorm. All Maria’s insecurities crashed down around her as the dark cloud hovering over her returned, curling its outstretched fingers around her, suffocating her. How naive had she been to think that she and Austin could have a real life together, that all the tragedy was behind her and not stalking her like prey?
And she was literally being stalked now. Clouds were thickening and the walls felt like they were closing in.
There wasn’t much she could do about her relationship with Austin. She’d hurt him in the worst possible way. The gentleman in him wouldn’t let him quit until this whole case was behind her. Maybe that was the closure he needed in order to move on. In the meantime, there was a predator loose and she had every intention of making sure he was locked away forever. And then she’d finally let Austin O’Brien go so he could move on with his life. Her heart ached again at the thought of walking away from him but she had enough love for him to know that he didn’t deserve the kind of misery that would surely follow her for the rest of her life. Maria was better at helping other families find justice and that wasn’t a bad role to play.
Pain seared her heart. Would she ever stop loving Austin? The sad truth was that she couldn’t imagine loving a man more than him. They’d been happy once. Crazy in love. And that memory would have to carry her for the rest of her life.
She looked down and realized that her hand had been on her stomach the whole time she thought about him.
A shadow moved behind the front door. She knew exactly what she had to do.
“Mitch,” Maria said, walking outside with a grip on her coffee mug so tight she feared she might crack the handle. Let the mug shatter, she thought. Then, it would be more in line with her heart.
Mitch made a move toward her and she stopped him from hugging her on the porch of the home she’d shared with her husband. The man she was still married to.
“We need to talk,” she said.
“It’s been killing me to walk away and not contact you,” Mitch said. “I wanted to be there for you, but I know how you feel about anyone at work knowing what’s going on between us.”
Maria really was confused. Hearing Mitch’s name had caused the nagging feeling she’d had in the back of her mind to surface. He was the “thing” she’d been forgetting. But not because she loved him. She remembered that she’d planned on having a conversation with him about her still being in love with her husband. Standing there, seeing the look of hope in Mitch’s eyes, made her keenly aware of the fact that she was about to hurt someone else.
Surely he’d understand. Until Maria pulled her life together, she didn’t need to be involved with anyone.
“Based on your reaction, I’m guessing you don’t remember what we meant to each other,” he said, and he sounded wounded.
Damn.
“That’s what we need to discuss,” she said, taking in a fortifying breath.
“Does that mean you’re ready to go public with our relationship?” he asked, and there was an eager quality to his tone that made her feel like she was about to shatter his feelings. “Because I think that’s a great idea. I mean, the timing could be a little better for me work-wise since I’m up for the promotion—”
“Which I think you should take,” she said.
Mitch stood there, staring at her for a long moment. He had a stocky build, tight-cut sandy-blond hair and too-serious expression. There was no comparison between Mitch and Austin and the fact that Mitch was opposite was most likely the initial attraction and not that they had anything in common besides being dedicated to the job.
“I thought we agreed this move would be good for both of us.” He eyed her up and down as he seemed to connect the dots to what she’d implied.
Maria shook her head. “I never said that.”
“But I distinctly remember you saying that a move like this would be good for our future,” he said.
“I said it would be good for your future. And I still believe that,” she clarified. When he’d first lumped her into the category of “being on board” with his choice as though it had belonged to the two of them she hadn’t corrected him. He’d been excited and she figured their short-lived fling would be left in the dust as soon as he made it through the interview process. Half the reason she’d finally accepted his request for a date was because she’d believed that it might help give her closure from Austin. A year had passed and Maria had still been trying to cover the hole left in her chest when she’d parted ways with her husband. Nothing in her world had felt right since that day and going out with Mitch had been a way to test the waters to see if she was ready to date.
It hadn’t taken long to realize that she wasn’t. Dating a coworker had been an idiotic move because she had to be more delicate about untangling herself. Mitch hadn’t read the signs, either.
“You still haven’t answered my question,” Mitch said, and she didn’t have to be an investigator to pick up on the agitation in his voice.
“Remind me what you asked,” she said, snapping back to the present. If she kept looking backward she’d eventually run into a wall. That statement pretty much covered everything in the last year.
“Did you ever have feelings for me?” Mitch asked, and then turned his back to her. “Never mind. I sound like a needy kid when I ask that.”
Maria didn’t know what to say, so she kept quiet. Mitch was good at talking. And she was the opposite.
“I just thought we had a plan.” He spun around to face her. She’d expected to see hurt in his eyes but it was more like disappointment, like he wanted coffee but all someone had was tea.
“I’m sorry,” she said to him, thinking that she needed to say those words to Austin instead. She couldn’t imagine him hearing that she was dating from someone else and many of his actions were starting to make more sense to her now. “We’ve barely been dating.”
“How long does it take for you to know that you want be with someone?” he shot back, a little more fire in his eyes this time.
“I don’t know. More than a couple dates,” she said, holding her ground. She didn’t want to give him the impression that he could change her mind.
“Sure, we’d only gone out on a couple of dates but we’ve known each other much longer. It’s not like we only just met,” he stated.
“True.” She couldn’t deny that part, but they’d never spent time together in real life—life outside of the job. Maybe there’d been some comfort in dating someone who understood her work schedule. Or at least that’s what she’d believed. Relationships at work were taboo and she assumed that she’d be safe. And then Mitch had thrown her the curveball of making plans for a future together.
Not a shock to anyone who knew her, talking about emotions wasn’t really her thing. She’d believed there’d be some safety in spending time with a man like Mitch given that he wasn’t her usual type. Unfortunately, the same couldn’t be said for him and he didn’t seem to mind spending time with a woman who rarely spok
e. “I apologize if I misled you. It’s just that I didn’t think we were taking a couple of dates seriously.”
His face turned beet red.
“I guess we weren’t,” he said sarcastically.
She needed to keep her cool. He was obviously hurting, or maybe just felt scorned. Either way, it was her fault. She should’ve put a stop to his advances after the first date. That’s all it had taken for her to realize her mistake.
“Does Vic know?” she asked, worried that her career could be over if word got out.
“No, I only told one friend,” he said and then came, “Is that what you’re concerned about?” There was real anger in his tone now. “Work?”
“I guess I thought this wouldn’t be good for either one of our careers—”
“No, Vic doesn’t know. Do you really think he’d send me out here if he did?” Mitch practically shouted.
“No, I—”
“Furthermore, I wouldn’t care if he did. I actually thought we had something special,” he said as she walked away from the house. The last thing she needed was for Austin to get involved and he would if he heard the screaming or believed that she wasn’t being treated well. Cowboy Code or something, but it had been good at seducing her.
“I already said that I’m sorry, Mitch,” she said, making sure he followed.
“A job is easier to find than someone you want to spend the rest of your life with,” Mitch said.
“What?” Maria balked.
“Fine. There. I said it. I was planning to ask you to marry me,” he said.
And now it was her turn to have a red face. And she felt really bad for not paying more attention to his feelings.
“Mitch—”
His hand came up. “Don’t say it. It’s clear to me that you’re still in love with your ex.” He glanced around. “I’ll ask for a new assignment.”
Maria took in a breath, unsure what to say next. Was she still in love with Austin? Yes. Had she gotten over him? That was easy—no.
“But let me ask one thing before I go,” he said, and she wasn’t real sure she wanted to hear what he was about to say. “Why’d you move out? Why’d you leave him when it’s so obvious to me now that you’re still in love with him?”