Of course, there was still one troubling aspect that his ghostly presence couldn’t help me with. This belief that Gabriel and I were bound to each other through some archaic ritual. That I was promised to him. What was it he’d told me?
You are a Vampire’s Promise . . . given by word . . . accepted by deed . . . bound by ritual to keep safe that which has been surrendered.
I had no idea what any of it meant. Perhaps breaking it down, line by line, I might get a better insight.
You are a Vampire’s Promise.
Okay, this was easy enough. Gabriel was the vampire, therefore I was the Promise. Although how a promise can be an actual person was something I didn’t quite grasp. Still, the only vampires I knew all believed it was so, as did Anasztaizia, who was human.
Given by word.
Whose word? If it was mine, then I had pledged myself unintentionally and with no idea of what the consequences might be. And going on the assumption that I had given my word to Gabriel, it was hard to recall any conversation between us in which anything I said could be misconstrued for a solemn vow. Surely I couldn’t be held responsible for what I murmured, and sometimes yelled, in the throes of passion. My brain and vocal cords had a hard enough time working in sync around him when he wasn’t trying to turn me on.
Accepted by deed.
Now this was tricky. The only action that could possibly account for this would be when I bit Gabriel. That definitely classified as a deed, and it was one that still mortified me because I had no way to explain my bizarre behavior. And in light of Gabriel’s recent coming out of the coffin, his wish to carry a permanent reminder of the event now took on a strange, and mildly troubling, significance for me.
And bound by ritual to keep safe that which has been surrendered. This was the part that had me completely bewildered. Both the ritual and the surrendered parts. Unless I had been drugged with something that had a very selective amnesiac effect, I was fairly certain I would remember taking part in any ceremonial rite. Unless of course it had happened when I was a baby, although my mother, for reasons my dad never told me—assuming he even knew himself—had been dead set against my being christened or baptized.
As for the surrendered part . . . I was going to give myself a headache if I kept chasing that one. If it was something that belonged to Gabriel, why would he give it to me to keep safe? And, more important, when would he have given it to me?
I recalled a moment not long after he’d come back into my life when he tried to give me a gift. Inside the black jeweler’s box he slid across the kitchen table was the most exquisite bracelet. Embedded in links of heavy gold were the most amazing chocolate-colored pearls. I’m not a fan of gold or pearls or jewelry in general, but this was unlike anything I had ever seen before. It was exotically beautiful, and my fingers itched to lift it from the nest of pale satin and feel the weight around my wrist. But, hard as it was, I closed the lid and slid the box back across the table to him.
With a look of curious resignation, Gabriel picked it up. He didn’t ask for a reason, and I never offered one, but he knew. It was too much, too soon. Although he later proposed replacing the POS—my piece of shit car—with a new Hummer, an offer I didn’t take seriously, he never tried to give me another gift. So far. What could I have that might belong to him? And why would he trust its safekeeping to me?
Trying to come up with a plausible explanation was starting to give me a headache. Closing my eyes, I ordered my brain to stop asking questions I couldn’t answer.
CHAPTER 9
My body’s expectation of sex was Gabriel’s calling card to me. Even in my dreams. An all-too-familiar heat roused me to the edge of wakefulness, making me scissor my legs as I kicked the quilt off. I felt feverish, and my forehead and upper lip were both dotted with beads of sweat. Searching for relief, I pulled up my T-shirt and offered my flushed skin to the cooler air above the rumpled covers. It made little difference. My heart could compete with a jackhammer, it was beating so fast, and I pressed the heel of my hand against my breastbone, as if somehow that would slow the frenetic pace. All I accomplished was the release of a sound trapped in my throat, a groan of frustration carried on a wave of need that was unlike anything I’d felt before.
I swept my hand over my breast, and my nipple erupted at the contact. I couldn’t remember ever being so aroused. I was needy, achy, and wet between my thighs. Whatever I’d been dreaming about must have bordered on the pornographic. Too bad all I could recall was the feel of skin on skin, the silky brush of hair, and the taste of a sinful tongue.
I made myself take a couple of long, slow breaths, realizing, as my heart decided not to send me into cardiac arrest, that my mouth was dry. It was the same parched feeling I got whenever I was trying to catch my breath, like right before Gabriel tipped me over the edge and I climaxed. I licked my lips . . . and heard a very different sound. One that wasn’t supposed to be in my bedroom in the middle of the night. At least not right now.
My hand went to snap on the bedside lamp that wasn’t there. Sleep-fuddled, I stared at the nightstand, looking for the missing light a few moments longer before waking up enough to grasp that this wasn’t my bedroom. I’d fallen asleep on my dad’s bed. The fact that I’d had an erotic dream while sleeping on his bed struck me as indecent. I sat up, my feelings of guilt amplified by the sight of Gabriel standing in the doorway.
I tried telling myself he was a figment of my imagination, conjured up by an overactive libido. But then I caught his scent—a familiar blend of winter forest and snow, all mixed together with a mystifying something else I couldn’t name but recognized as being uniquely Gabriel. And I knew he was no mirage.
“W-what are you doing here?” I asked, the dryness in my throat making my voice husky.
He stepped toward me, and I scuttled back up the bed until I felt the headboard against my back. The sight of him transported me back to the monstrous mansion Katja had taken me to, and I was standing once again inside that awful room, a room bathed in candlelight and boasting a bed with erotically carved posts and black satin sheets. A bed not meant for resting tired muscles or relaxing a weary mind. If ever a bed was made for one specific purpose, it had been that one. It was a bed made for fucking and nothing else. And so was the woman who came with it.
A picture of carnal lust with long blond hair, she gave her voluptuous figure to Gabriel without hesitation. Or so I assumed. All I could see in my mind right now was the sudden spray of arterial blood that arced from the wound in her neck, and the frozen look of fear on her face. How quickly her expression had changed from anticipated pleasure to horrified panic as she realized what had been done to her. The promise of ecstasy had been a lie, and now the life force was flowing out of her with each frantic beat of her heart. And she was helpless to prevent it. With her blood staining his chest and mouth, a mouth I once thought I would never get tired of kissing, Gabriel had held my gaze and admitted the truth about himself.
You know what I am . . . you have always known . . .
And this was also true.
Here, in my dad’s bedroom in the middle of the night, I finally accepted that. The man I had given myself to, the man I had secretly fantasized a future with, the man I wanted to grow old with . . . wasn’t really a man at all. And somewhere, deep in a forgotten corner of my mind, a memory struggled to break free. It urged me to accept the truth about Gabriel. And as I did so, another truth was revealed. It didn’t change a thing, God help me! I’d loved him before consciously knowing he was a vampire . . . and I still did.
Stepping slowly into the room, he held a glass of water in his hand. Carefully he placed it on the nightstand before turning to look at me. His expression conveyed how hurt he felt by my need to put physical distance between us. I watched as he parted his lips, not enough to smile but enough for me to see the tips of his fangs, and I saw his normally smooth brow furrow slightly. I could tell myself all night long that I had nothing to fear from him, but somewhere deep inside my
intellect, the message hadn’t been received. My innate sense of survival saw only a predator and was trying to protect me in the best way it knew how.
“You are afraid of me,” Gabriel said in a voice that did nothing to indicate his mood.
“You st-startled me,” I stammered. “I wasn’t expecting to see you.”
“No? You surprise me.”
My heart had revved itself back up to jackhammer mode. Thanks to my newly acquired knowledge of vampires, I knew Gabriel would have no difficulty detecting the accelerated rhythm. I tried calming myself, silently pleading with my heart to slow down. But it ignored me as usual. If my brain wasn’t excited about seeing Gabriel, my body definitely was. I took a deep breath, and looked at him. God—he was magnificent!
“What I meant to say was, I didn’t expect to see you tonight. If I’d known you were coming, I wouldn’t have gone to bed.”
“Why are you sleeping in your father’s room?” he asked, his glance taking in the rumpled bed covers.
I shrugged, unsure of how to explain my need in a way that wouldn’t hurt his feelings any more than I already had. I opened my mouth and then closed it again. No matter how I put it, it was going to come out wrong. Gabriel shrugged and moved back to stand in the open doorway.
“It doesn’t matter. Your reasons are your own.” There was a reserve to his manner, an aloofness I didn’t like, and then he surprised me by saying, “I should go.”
“I think we need to talk,” I said, speaking quickly before I lost my nerve. His offer to leave was the last thing I expected. “Only not in here.”
“Of course.”
I waited until he stepped out of the room before moving. Getting up, I hastily straightened the quilt I’d kicked off and picked up my dad’s shirt from the floor. I must have shucked it off during my erotic dream. Still mortified by my fantasy, I felt my face burn with shame. It didn’t matter that I couldn’t control what I dreamed about. It had happened and I was going to have to live with it. Picking up the glass of water Gabriel had brought me, I eased my parched throat.
It was my intention to have this conversation in the kitchen or living room, but Gabriel stood at the top of the stairs, effectively blocking the way. He was challenging me, daring me to admit I didn’t have enough control over my feelings to risk talking to him in the intimacy of my bedroom. It struck me that I had no idea how long he’d been watching me in my dad’s bed. Had he heard me moan? Did he know the reason why? I refused to be intimidated by him and decided to call his bluff. I turned and walked directly into my bedroom, feeling his gaze on me as I went.
I switched on the lamp on my night table and turned around to see Gabriel had made no effort to come any farther than the doorway. He leaned up against one side of the doorframe, looking at me. I sat on the edge of my bed and saw him glance at the clock next to the lamp.
“I’m sorry,” he said, “I didn’t realize how late it was.”
“No matter,” I said, dismissing his concern.
“Did you find Aleksei helpful?”
I don’t know why his question threw me off track. I should have expected it. “Yes. He was very nice to me.” A warning flashed in Gabriel’s eyes, and I recalled Anasztaizia’s caution about the possessive nature of vampires. Male vampires in particular. I needed to make sure there was absolutely no misunderstanding what Aleksei had been doing while inside my house. “He answered my questions, Gabriel, nothing else.”
“Did he answer all of them to your satisfaction?”
“No,” I admitted, “some of them he couldn’t answer, and some of them he wouldn’t answer.” I waited for his reaction and watched as the glow in his eyes began to diminish. “He did nothing wrong, and if you thought it was going to be a problem, then you shouldn’t have sent him to me.”
“If I didn’t trust him, I wouldn’t have,” Gabriel said in a low voice.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“It’s difficult for me . . . knowing you were with someone else.”
“But I was not with anyone else!” I protested hotly. “Besides, Anasztaizia was here.”
“She was?” He seemed both surprised and relieved by this news.
“Yes, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t give her a hard time about it. I don’t think I could have dealt with Aleksei by myself.”
“Oh, I didn’t realize.” He was humbled by the unexpected tartness of my tone. “You must know I have never questioned your fidelity.”
Gabriel might not have been questioning my fidelity, but he sure needed reassurance about something. Still, it was nice to know he didn’t think I was a bed-hopping slut. Shifting position, I sat cross-legged and pulled a pillow into my lap. I needed something to do with my hands, and fussing with the decorative edge of the pillowcase seemed a good way to occupy them.
I stared at him. He was here for something besides conversation, and it wasn’t that difficult to work out what. The strain each bicep was putting on the sleeves of his T-shirt told me his body was zinging as much as mine. It made me wonder whose self-control was in question. Asking about Aleksei was ridiculous. I was certain he was fully aware of every question I’d posed, along with every scrap of information Aleksei had given me. But his surprise over Anasztaizia’s presence had seemed genuine enough, so maybe the big guy hadn’t told him everything.
Keeping his voice low, and his expression absolutely neutral, he asked, “Is there anything you want to tell me?”
I took a moment or two to gather my thoughts, needing to make sure I was completely awake and not sleep-muddled in any way. I certainly hadn’t been expecting my face-to-face with Gabriel to happen this soon, not when I was still reeling from the effects of a highly erotic dream. I might not remember any details, but I had no doubt whom I’d been dreaming about. And my present condition may not have been consciously orchestrated by Gabriel, but he would have no qualms about taking advantage of it if I let him.
“I’m not afraid of you,” I said.
God knows I ought to be, but I wasn’t. Gabriel was a supernatural creature, one who, by design, preyed on humans. But he had never once tried to harm me—unless almost making me pass out from multiple orgasms counted. In truth, he’d had plenty of opportunities to hurt, maim, or even kill me, and I’d never once felt even mildly threatened by him. If anything, I was the one who’d laid some pretty damaging physical trauma on him. And he still had the scar to prove it, much to my chagrin.
And knowing he was a vampire? Frankly I’d been more frightened seeing Aleksei on my doorstep than I was right now. Although, in all fairness, that might be because I’d not had sex with the Russian.
“That’s good to know,” Gabriel murmured quietly from the open doorway. “I never want you be afraid of me, Rowan.”
“Oh, don’t misunderstand me. I’m terrified by what I now know you’re capable of ”—thanks to my current enrollment in Professor Aleksei’s Vampire 101 class—“but I’m not afraid of you. There is a difference.”
Frowning slightly, he considered my words, and then, appreciating the rationale, graced me with a truly relaxed smile. It lit up his face, and his dimple winked sexily at me. “So . . . what do you want to ask me?”
I thought it important to deal with the obvious first. “I guess you really are a vampire, huh?” I said.
“Yes, I really am.”
From his tone of voice he could just as easily have been admitting he was a Seventh Day Adventist, or had been born in Latvia, or only ate meat the third Sunday after the vernal equinox. It was strangely deflating, and I felt a little let down. Truthfully, I’d been expecting something more with his admission. Lightning, peals of thunder, and demonic laughter from outside the window would not have been amiss.
Gabriel was a creature that could take a life as easily as drawing breath. I know, I’d seen him do it, but all I could focus on at this precise moment was the fact he was also the lover I’d been waiting for. And I think that said more about me than it did him.
“You must believe me, Rowan, this was not how I imagined you finding out. What Katja did was unforgivable.”
“Then why didn’t you tell me?”
“Truthfully?”
“Of course!”
“I actually thought you might work it out for yourself.” How the hell was I supposed to do that? I stared at him in bewilderment. “When I realized,” he continued, “that you didn’t consider me anything other than human, I wanted you to keep thinking that for as long as possible. I knew that eventually the time would come when hiding the truth from you would no longer be possible, but I hoped by then I would have had time to prepare you.”
I didn’t want to disillusion him, but I couldn’t see how he would have prepared me for this. It’s not like confessing he belonged to some weird religious cult that worshipped a potato shaped like the baby Jesus.
“You just didn’t figure Katja into the equation.”
Sighing, Gabriel scrubbed a hand over his face. “I seriously underestimated her feelings about you.”
“No, Gabriel—you seriously underestimated her feelings about you.” The stricken look on his face said he really had had no idea the psycho bitch was in love with him. Guess human males weren’t the only ones with a stranglehold on the stupid gene.
“No, I had no idea.” He sighed. It was one of those I-just-got-kicked-in-the-balls type of sighs. “But if you recall, I did tell you that once you knew, it would change things.”
CHAPTER 10
Gabriel was right about that. He had warned me this would happen, and I wasn’t going to lie to him. It did change things. But when he’d told me that, I’d been imagining having to deal with a life that involved the Russian mob or drug dealers or prison. Not vampires.
“Yes, I can see how you might think that,” Gabriel conceded after hearing my theories.
The muscle in his jaw tightened. I told myself it was more amusement than dismay over the foolishness of my assumptions. And I’d be lying if I didn’t say a part of me wished Gabriel was involved with a gang. No matter the brutality that was customary with such a lifestyle, it remained a reality of my world. Not the supernatural. And thinking about it suddenly brought something else to mind.
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