Loving a Lawman

by Amy Lillard

  “Girl time is always nice,” Jessie lied. She wanted nothing more than to be tucked safely at home and not worry about anyone or anything else. Funny, living outside town had made her see that she had the perfect hideout in the old ranch house. But she couldn’t afford to hide any longer. Next weekend was the garage sale at her grandmother’s house. She had decided that was just that much more money she could use to help her when she left. Not that she had any concrete plans on when that might be. But one day soon . . .

  The thought of leaving Seth behind made her stomach hurt, and that pain had nothing to do with the lingering cramps. She would miss him terribly, but it was getting harder and harder each day to face him knowing that she was just another one of the messes Chase left for Seth to clean up. How she wanted to be so much more to him than that. But how would she ever know that she was?

  “I think so too.” Evelyn smiled. “We should make time to do this more often.”

  Jessie made a noise that she hoped sounded like an agreement.

  “That’s another reason why I wanted to come out with you today,” Evelyn started.

  “Oh, yeah?” Jessie asked. “And what is that?”

  Evelyn sat up a little straighter in her seat and made a perfect pleat in her napkin, a sure sign that she was uneasy. The great Evelyn Duvall Langston was uncomfortable. “I don’t know what happened between you and Chase, but I want you to know that you are a welcomed member in this family. Of course, the holidays may be a little strained, but somehow we’ll make it through. We’re Langstons after all.”

  Jessie cleared her throat and pushed to her feet. She didn’t know if she was even going to be here come Christmas. “I need to use the restroom,” she said. “I’ll be right back.”

  Evelyn drew back, looking a bit shocked. “Of course, dear.”

  Jessie walked toward the back of the restaurant where the bathrooms were located. She didn’t have to go, but she needed a minute. Anxiety had taken her breath. She knew what it was, but identifying it didn’t make it any easier. She didn’t want to talk about Chase, but even more she didn’t want to talk about spending the holidays with the Langstons.

  She pushed inside and decided she’d go while she was in there. At least then her words wouldn’t be such a lie. As she shut the door behind herself, she heard someone else come into the restroom.

  “Did you see her over there?”

  Jessie knew that voice. Lindy Shoemake. They hadn’t been in the same class at school. Lindy had been a senior when Jessie started high school, but everyone knew Lindy. Her father had been mayor as long as Jessie could remember.

  “Ugh. I know, right? Sitting there with his mother like nothing in the world is wrong. Makes me sick.”

  Darly Jo.

  And they were talking about her!

  Jessie held her breath.

  “I just wish I’d thought of it before Jessie. Pretending to be pregnant and then losing the baby. Brilliant.”

  “Everybody in town knows that baby was Chase’s.”

  “If there even was a baby. Then she trapped Seth and made him marry her. It’s a cryin’ shame, really. I mean, Seth is such a great guy.”

  “Yeah. He’s too decent to ask for a divorce. And why should she file? She has everything she wanted and more.”

  Tears stung her eyes. Jessie would never live down this place. Cattle Creek was her home and her hell.

  The door to the restroom opened and Jessie was alone once again. She dashed away her tears with the back of her hand and let herself out of the stall.

  This town.

  She splashed cold water on her cheeks and tried not to look at her reflection. She couldn’t even face herself. Was that what this town was saying about her?

  It had become so hard to hold her head up. Now it was dang near impossible. Her neck was about to break under the strain. She needed to get out and as soon as she could manage.

  She headed back to the table and slid into the booth.

  “Are you okay, Jessie? You look pale.”

  Jessie shook her head. “I’m fine.” A total lie, but Evelyn seemed satisfied.

  “Now, where were we?” She shifted in her seat as she started folding her napkin again.

  “You know I went to Seth about it, and he actually told me that he loves her.” Darly Jo’s voice floated to them from a nearby booth.

  “Do you believe that?” Lindy. Of all the luck. They were practically sitting right next to them.

  “Not for a minute.”

  Evelyn looked up from her folding and caught Jessie’s gaze.

  She would not cry. She would not cry. She would not— Screw that.

  Jessie stood. “Excuse me.” She started for the door, noticing that of course she had to walk by the table where Lindy and Darly Jo sat in order to get there. Just her luck.

  She could hear Evelyn behind her, but she wasn’t about to stop. She needed to get out of there. If she had ever thought that she and Seth had a chance, this just proved how wrong she could be.

  “Your folks would be ashamed if they could hear you now.”

  Jessie looked back over her shoulder to see Evelyn had stopped next to Darly Jo and Lindy’s table and was giving them a dressing-down as only she could.

  And as much as she appreciated whatever support she could get, Jessie knew deep down the problem wasn’t the lack of people on her side, but that she had a side to begin with.

  Evelyn caught her just as she swung herself into her Jeep. “Jessie, wait.”

  She cranked the engine and rolled down her window. “I know what you’re going to say.”

  Evelyn propped her hands on her slim hips. “And what is that?”

  “Something along the lines of ‘Keep your chin up and don’t let the people of this town get to you.’ Well, you know what? They do get to me and I’ve had all I can take. There’ll never be a day when I can hold my head up in this town and not have whispers trailing behind me. The quicker I accept that and move on, the better off we’ll all be.”

  “That’s not true, honey. Give it some time. You’ll see.”

  Jessie nodded, but not because she agreed. She nodded because she knew the truth and accepted it. She had to get out of Cattle Creek as soon as she could. Go somewhere she could start over. Someplace where no one knew her name.

  Evelyn squeezed her hand in that reassuring manner that Jessie so desperately wanted to believe. “You and Seth come out to the ranch tomorrow. Maybe I can talk Jake into grilling some hamburgers.”

  “Sure.” She flashed her mother-in-law a cheeky smile, hoping the gesture bought her escape.

  Evidently it worked. Evelyn kissed her cheek and gave her a quick wave.

  Jessie breathed a sigh of relief. But the break was cut short by the jangle of her cell phone.

  “Hello?”

  “Jessie? It’s Dale Carson. Is this a bad time?”

  “No,” she lied. She rolled up the window. “Did you check over those papers?”

  “Yes, I did.”

  “And?”

  “Are you sitting down?”

  Jessie stared at her lap. “Yes.”

  “We had figured the Southwestern Bell would be worth a little money. It’s the small tractor company. They sold to a national chain, and from the terms of the original stock, that transferred and you retained ownership. It’s worth a small fortune.”

  Jessie started trembling. “Define small fortune.”

  “I’m thinking close to half a million dollars.”

  She nearly choked. “Half—half a million?”

  “Give or take. Of course I won’t know for sure until I contact a broker. But somewhere in that neighborhood.”

  “That’s some neighborhood.” Was this really happening? Should she pinch herself to make sure? Would it work if she was truly dreaming and she pinche
d herself?

  Dale chuckled. “I can’t imagine this happening to a better person.”

  “Thanks,” she murmured.

  “So, does that mean you want me to find a seller for these?”

  “Yes, please.” So much money just hanging on the wall all these years. Money that she could have used to make her escape long ago. But deep down she knew the real reason she’d never left. She had never really wanted to go. But now . . . she had nothing to keep her there and money wasn’t an obstacle. She couldn’t even pretend that it was.

  “It may take a little bit to unload. I’ll call you when I get something worked out.”

  “That sounds great.” Great? It was stupendous. Wasn’t it? “And, Dale, just one more thing.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Please don’t tell anyone about this. I don’t want this to get around.”

  “Sure thing.” If he thought the request was strange, he didn’t say.

  Jessie hung up the phone, the weight of what had just happened dropping on her like a half-ton boulder. She had all the money she would need. Maybe enough to last her entire life.

  She had no reason to remain in Cattle Creek. She was free to go.

  Chapter Twenty

  You want to watch a movie?” Seth asked. It was too quiet in the house. Like a movie would make more noise than the baseball game. But Jessie was curled up on the end of the couch reading a magazine. At least if they watched a movie they would be doing something together.

  “I thought you were watching the game.”

  He shrugged. “The Rangers aren’t playing tonight.”

  “Whatever you want to do,” Jessie said.

  What had happened to the sassy-mouthed redhead who everyone in town believed was behind half the mischief that took place inside the city limits?

  “I asked you what you wanted to do.”

  She looked up from her magazine once again. “I don’t care, Seth.”

  “Are you trying to fight with me?” He didn’t know where the bee in her bonnet came from, but he wasn’t about to argue with Jessie over something as trivial as what to watch on television.

  “No, but you’re making me crazy with all these questions. I’m trying to read.”

  “I’m trying to spend time with you.”

  She placed the magazine on the couch between them and crossed her arms. Something was wrong. He didn’t know what. Something that transcended magazines and baseball games.

  “Jessie?”

  She stood. “My head hurts. I’m going to bed.”

  He watched, confused, as she made her way to her bedroom. He had talked to Gary that very afternoon about Jessie’s roller-coaster moods. The doctor had attributed them to the drop in hormones coupled with all the loss and change that Jessie had suffered in such a short time. He told Seth to be patient and if she was still having trouble in another week to let him know. Seth had hung up the phone not feeling any better about the situation. He wanted his Jessie back.

  They had the perfect—okay, not so perfect—chance to start over. But it was still a chance, and she was slipping away. He wanted nothing more than to put that spark back in her eyes. He just didn’t know how to do it.

  He eased down the hallway and creaked open her door. “Jess?”

  She mumbled something from the bed, though he couldn’t make out any words.

  “Did you take something for your head? Do you want me to get you a Tylenol?”

  “Don’t, Seth.”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Don’t be nice to me.”

  What was she talking about? “Why shouldn’t I be nice to you and take care of you?”

  “I don’t deserve it.”

  His heart broke in two. “Of course you do.” He wasn’t about to let her browbeat herself over nothing. “I’ll be right back.”

  She mumbled something else.

  Seth let himself out of the room and made his way to the kitchen for some pain relievers and a glass of water for her.

  As quickly as he could, he took them back to her. She seemed to be sleeping, and he didn’t want to disturb her. He set the pills and the water on the nightstand next to the bed and bent close to press a kiss to the side of her face, just above her ear.

  He wanted to whisper that he loved her, tell her how much she meant to him. Let her know that whatever this was that plagued her, they would get through it together. But those were just words. He had said them before and she hadn’t believed him. Saying them now wouldn’t bring her back to her happy self.

  Instead he smoothed down her hair and left the room.

  * * *

  Forget the yard sale. She had to get out of here while she still could.

  Last night, Seth standing over her, touching the side of her face as if he couldn’t get enough of her. He was only trying to convince himself to stay in this thing. He didn’t have to treat her like that any longer. Like he truly cared. Especially when they were alone. It wasn’t necessary. It was over. When she got settled she would send him the divorce papers and set him free. It was the only thing she could do.

  She looked around the bedroom that she had never shared with Seth. She supposed that was a good thing. She didn’t know what would have happened to her feelings for him had they been so intimate as to share the bed. They’d made love twice, and leaving was about to kill her now as it was.

  The hardest part was knowing that it was for the best. She had to get out to save both her and Seth—him for staying married to her and her for loving him to forever and beyond.

  Sadie whined, jumped on the bed, and flopped down next to her suitcase. The poor pooch wore a worried frown as she watched Jessie throw her clothes in.

  “I’m sorry,” Jessie said to the dog. “But this is the only way. As much as I hate to admit it, Darly Jo was right. Seth is too noble. He won’t ever divorce me. But he doesn’t love me. Not really.”

  She sat down next to the pup and scratched her behind one ear. “See, there’s only one thing worse than being in love. And that’s being in love alone.” She had heard that once before, but she couldn’t remember where. At the time she hadn’t understood what it meant. Today she knew all too well. “We both deserve better than that.”

  She stood and grabbed the rest of her clothes and stuffed them into the suitcase before zipping it closed. Then she carted everything to her Jeep.

  It took three trips to load her car. It was a shame for sure that her entire life would fit into the backseat of her small SUV.

  But it was just the start of her new life, she told herself, not the end of the previous one.

  So why did her heart feel shattered into a million bruised and bleeding pieces?

  She kissed Sadie on the top of the head, then let herself out of the house.

  She had debated leaving Seth a note, but in the end she had decided against it. What could she say? I don’t want to be in love alone? Or how about I don’t want to be in love with someone who needs to pretend to love me back?

  He was a smart man. He would figure it out soon enough. Like five minutes after he got home from work.

  It was time to go. No doubt about it.

  Jessie took one last look at the house, then started the Jeep.

  Sadie jumped up onto the table in front of the window and braced her paw against the glass. She barked and barked as Jessie stared at the house.

  She wasn’t sure how long she sat there before she got out of the car and made her way back to the front door. She opened it, and Sadie flew toward her, wagging her tail the entire time.

  Seth had never wanted Sadie; she had become his by default. So had Jessie.

  “I guess we’re just two of a kind,” she said, holding the dog close.

  Without releasing Sadie, Jessie shut the door and headed back to her Jeep. “Come on, girl. Let
’s go start our new life.”

  She tried not to think about how Seth would feel when he came home and she wasn’t there. Maybe she should have left a note. But she wasn’t sure she could complete the chore without breaking down and begging him to love her.

  He would figure it out for himself. And maybe even one day when he was married to someone he truly loved, he would thank her for the sacrifice she made for him. She, on the other hand, would live life alone, but it would be a fresh start in a place where no one knew her name. No one knew her mother or her grandmother, and no one talked behind her back about her relationships with the Langstons.

  It would all be worth it. And maybe if she kept telling herself that, she would eventually come to believe it.

  She was almost to the highway when she saw one of the Diamond’s trucks on the side of the road. Should she call and let someone know? The driver should have a cell phone. She had no reason to get involved.

  Then she slammed on her brakes when she saw Jake come around the front of the truck.

  He shielded his eyes and gave her a wave.

  Unable to drive on past, Jessie rolled down her window.

  “Having problems?” she asked.

  Sadie barked in echo.

  He shook his head. “Just releasing a tortoise. Wesley made me bring him out here so he could find his way to the creek.”

  “Hi, Aunt Jessie.” Wesley waved from the backseat.

  “Hi, punkin’.” Lord, she would miss that little girl.

  “Where are you headed?” Jake asked.

  He was just being friendly, nothing more. The rest was her guilt talking.

  “Just running into town to pick up a couple of things.”

  “With the dog?” He nodded pointedly toward the Yorkie.

  Jessie shrugged as if to say of course. “Like any girl, she needs to get out of the house from time to time.”

  Jake planted his hands on his hips and looked up at the sky. “Pardon me for saying so, but isn’t town that way?” He pointed in the direction she had come from.