Meemaw pushed the door bang closed. I couldn’t say words pointed at the slidey silver lock. Meemaw closed it. Meemaw pulled my trousers my pants sitted me down the pain so mighty coming coming.
My legs went to trembly trembly. I squeezed Meemaw’s arms no crying then just pushing. All the loudness of it in me but Karen’s shouts louder.
I fucking get it, Natalie! Don’t worry, I understand you don’t want me. Never mind what I’ve fucking done for you. Just take, yeah? Fucking take from me and do me over. You’re like every other fucker, aren’t you? I told you I loved you. I fucking told you I loved you, you bitch!
Then bang bang so loud. Bombs at our flat. Bang bang on the bathroom door. All pushy pain stopped. Poo stopped.
Bang! Bang!
Each every one maked a jump inside Meemaw and me holding on holding on. Door shaking of each bang I thinked she will come in.
Bangs stopped. Meemaw crouched by me still I feeled the bird flick faster in Meemaw’s neck. Meemaw arms tight around me.
Then it came a great cry.
Aaaaaaaaaaaah!
It wasn’t me. It was a terrible of pain cry. Of a T-Rex wounded by horn of triceratops. Death cry of a mighty beast in our flat. Here in our flat this very day. But it was Karen.
Again again came the cry. Meemaw whispering whispering.
It’s okay, it’s okay, Danny.
I squiggled off the toilet into Meemaw’s lap she pulled up my pants my trousers. Meemaw rocked rocked rocked. Whispered.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
Cry stopped. Karen’s voice then muffly breathing. Right by the door must to be close at the crack. Inside me whoosh! A rushing of run! My legs heavy strong for go! But we were prisoned up.
Nat, Nat, Nat, I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry. Open the door. I’m sorry. Nat, Nat!
Meemaw mouth so close my ear.
It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re okay, Danny.
Meemaw tried to slide me off her lap. I clinged on clinged tight of Meemaw. I thinked not to open the door Meemaw. Keep the lock slided. But I couldn’t make words come.
You just curl up here.
She pushed me off her lap to underneath the sink. Meemaw pulled off her velvety coat covered my front of it.
Just snuggle here for a minute. You’re all right.
Under the sink was white pipe where water trickles away. Grey fluff on. Meemaw’s green sock curled in there lost. I pressed in tight.
Meemaw her hand on the slidey silver lock. Meemaw looking in me. In my eyes. She sended a message you’re al right Danny. She opened the door.
Karen on the floor too. Curled up on her side arms round her head. Meemaw crouched near stroked Karen’s hair. Karen bursted into crying lots of ugh noises no words.
You’re all right, K. You’re all right. It’s okay, baby.
I shutted my eyes. Inside my head behind my shutted eyes I was triceratops. I was. I plunged my horn in Karen. She was lied down on our floor. Like right now here now. But slain by triceratops. By the mighty beast. Dead.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Meemaw pulled our duvet up round me. Round me walls of soft. Sitting in a cloud. Really I was in the armchair. Meemaw and Karen on the sofa for talking.
Karen and I are going to have a chat about some grown up things, Danny. Here, you go on my phone.
She gived me her phone of her shaky hand.
Cloud walls thick only little bits could I hear them. Quiet voices the sometimes ugh of Karen. Words hard of bitch broken fucked up came in the walls.
I watched all Tale of a Tooth and then finded another one Tale of a Egg but not so good. Still the man though. Walter Kronkite man. His voice strong as big steps across the land. If I had a million of pounds I would go far away in America with Meemaw find the Walter Kronkite man. We in a car in the desert to dig up bones of the most mighty allosaur. Karen wouldn’t know where. We gone in America. Karen would never and never know.
I was thirsty. Inside the cloud it was hot. I didn’t want to look out but my hair sticked on my head sweaty. So thirsty I had to.
Karen’s head on Meemaw. Meemaw stroking her hair. Meemaw looked at me.
Are you hungry, love?
I didn’t say. All was too much strangeness for talking.
Night coming. The sky purply purple and street lights come on already. All the day gone. Going to the centre gone. All in our flat was stopped and closed.
I looked at Karen. Her eyes stucked on the floor. Wet in them of crying. Hands tighted up in Meemaw’s t-shirt. Crab pinchers. No pinching.
I thinked of the wailing of her and looked at her mouth. Lips pink and fat. She opened them just a little bit. But then it was Meemaw who talked.
Let’s see if we can’t sort out some food, eh?
Meemaw tried to stand up. Karen maked a noise.
Nnnnugh!
Holding tight on. Meemaw falled back to sitting down. I didn’t want to watch more of programmes. I didn’t want to watch of Meemaw and Karen either.
My tummy did a hurt I stayed still for what if poo came its way out now? What if poo came in the cloud all white white? A terrible disaster.
K, come on, baby. Let’s all have something to eat and things will feel a bit brighter, eh?
Karen turned her face in Meemaw’s booby said words I couldn’t hear.
Sudden she reared up from the depths.
Argh! Fuck ‘em all, eh Nat? Fuck ‘em! I’ll go and get us some food and a few cans, eh?
She was standed up getted her jacket on looking of wild in her eyes.
Oh! Well I’ve got some rice and a few bits, K. We could just eat that. I’ve got an onion.
Fuck all that hippy shit food, Nat. I want a burger. I’ll get us burgers and I need a fucking drink.
Karen sniffed little sniffs rubbed her face of two hands. She looked all round then a horrible smile. Bared its teeth the mighty beast. I saw them white white in the dark. All the time darker darker in our flat.
She putted her hand in our pot of the keys. Taked them and holded up jangling.
Won’t be a tick!
She went out our door banged the front one hard. Loud for disturbing upstairs man.
Meemaw turned on the light. Her brown was swirls she came quick to me picked me out of the cloud. All things letted go in me.
Meemaw! Poo!
Crying tears came hard of raining. Meemaw runned to the toilet sitted me on it. Then no stopping the great of it. Meemaw rubbing my back I crying no words not words then plop. Plop again. I holded Meemaw’s hands.
Why? Why Meemaw is Karen why?
Shhh shhh shhh, my lovely boy. It’s all okay.
There was a time a piece of still time stopped. Whee whiney in my ears I heared my voice my teeths all tight together and then a funny voice.
Tell me why Meemaw. Why Karen I hate.
Meemaw holded my hands.
Oh Danny, Danny boy, she’s just…
The front door banged. The bathroom door open and Karen coming in now to our flat in to our flat. Me Danny on the toilet private a private thing!
SHUT THE DOOR!
Calm down, calm down!
Trying to get off I pulled toilet roll trundled a great white long of it. Bang! Meemaw slammed the bathroom door.
Lock! Lock! Lock!
Meemaw slided the silver lock. All my breaths fast I wriggled off the toilet.
Hang on there, Danny. Hang on!
She wiped blood very red I cried out. So mighty had been the poo it had breaked me.
It’s okay, love, it’s okay. Poor little love.
She gived me more toilet roll of blowing my nose she wiped all my face. Pulled up.
It was two actual worlds in out flat. Karen in the one world. Me and Meemaw in the other. I didn’t know of how it would be next. But Meemaw had done it the slidey silver lock.
Me and Meemaw washed our hands of soap. Warm soft as a whale it was and all in my body was lightness. I feeled of floating. My bot was very sore but a lightness.
But the other world there very close. The other side of just our bathroom door. I thinked of Karen before how she came to the bathroom door with whisper words and bangs. I thinked she will come again. But the slidey silver lock is there he is on our side. He is to keep us in the safety.
Meemaw helped me dry my hands I was gone too still to do it. I was just my eyes moving this way and that and in me a wondering of what next. Sudden I knowed she would do it. A great mistake. Meemaw pulled back slidey silver lock. She taked my hand leaded me out into the other world.
Karen at our table her jacket on. Brown bag of paper folded over beside her.
Sorry about that, K. Bit of toilet trouble. All sorted now. What did you get us?
Meemaw reached out to take it the papery bag and Karen grabbed it up. She throwed it hard hard across the room. It flied and chips falled down. Thin chips falled down in the air. Landed far by the door.
Meemaw taked one step back she looked at me. Me and Meemaw looking at each other just one splitted second then CRACK! Karen throwed a can of fizzy drink in that very moment. It hitted straightaway the kitchen cupboard.
Three more in a hoopy thing of holding she pulled. One then another she throwed them whizz past Meemaw’s head. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
One was bursted. The fizz of it the drink coming out. Karen was standed up her hands hanging down each side. Her hands fists open fists open. Then still. All to still.
Meemaw came by me holded my shoulder bringed me at her legs. I feeled Meemaw’s legs wobble wobble wobble.
I don’t care why you did that, Karen, but you can go now.
Karen taked one two big steps her face close by Meemaw. I shutted my eyes. Hissing poisonous fangs.
You know perfectly well, you fucking bitch! Slamming the door in my fucking face!
Wha…?
You’re a fucking two-faced bitch, aren’t you? All lovey-dovey, care about you, Karen… Then you do that! Treat me like some crazy piece of shit you’ve got to lock out.
He was just on the toi…
I get it, Natalie. I get it, don’t worry. You’re just one more lying bitch. Pretending I mean something so you can fuck me around. Fuck with my head. I get it.
Karen, I…
Oh, yeah, I get it, don’t worry… You don’t give a shit about me. It’s all about him. Well, guess what, sweetheart? I don’t give a shit about you either.
Meemaw’s legs went stagger stagger back. She holded tight my shoulder and it hurted. Karen was doing pushing. Pushing of my Meemaw.
I don’t give a shit about you, bitch!
Push. Meemaw another step back we falled both together on the sofa. Karen turned round fast. Flat door slam. Front door slam. Gone.
Meemaw was jump jump in her body all and a little squeak came out. She holded me tight tight.
Me in the Meemaw circle but jump and jump of her body. In the window was us. We were a reflection. Dark dark outside. Meemaw and Danny were gone to tunnel people.
Meemaw holded my head by her mouth. Kisses and kisses on my hair.
My precious boy, my precious boy… It’s okay, it’s okay.
Meemaw’s mouth was hotness on my head. Meemaw smelled the underarm smell of her.
Sudden Meemaw jumped up.
Fuck! Fuck, keys!
She went by our table.
Oh, thank Christ! Thank you, Jesus!
Holding our keys in her hand. Meemaw kissed the keys again and again. Meemaw sitted down and putted her head on the table. Then Meemaw was crying but not Danny. I watched. I watched Meemaw then the door. Then Meemaw again.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Spiney was almost swallowed today. In the morning in the bed I saw his hand going down in the crack when Meemaw was folding.
STOP!
All Meemaw’s body did a great jump.
What the hell’s the matter, Danny?
Spiney’s in there!
Meemaw heaved hoed it back to flatness and I rescued him. Meemaw sitted on the edge of the bed like forgotten it was time for putting away.
Meemaw went to still. Very brown. Even eyes closed like gone to sleep but sitting up. I looked at the brown of Meemaw. The still of her.
Meemaw can we go to the library?
Meemaw didn’t say.
I taked Spiney to the window. In our street are the houses of odds and evens. We are the odds the other side evens. Meemaw says sometimes count the odds Danny. I do. But evens is actually better.
Across along is the Kasbah shop of the men and yum smells. In the window two things turn of meat we don’t eat.
I could see the bus stop of the not often bus. Two people were doing waiting. A lady of silver mirrors for glasses and a man fat tummy. He had a blue shirt stripey of the football.
The bus came they went in. I thinked it was a predator the bus. It devoured the people. It went to Haywards Heath or somewhere somewhere Meemaw says.
But not today. Meemaw not saying anything today. Meemaw’s eyes were closed. The black eyelashes straight on her face were little caterpillars. Meemaw’s nostrils were roundness of in and out. I thinked boo Meemaw. I didn’t say because unkind. But I thinked boo and wake up.
I heared a noise outside. I looked round and a man was on our steps. The man had a yellow suit of bright daffodils yellow. He had all in his arms flowers so fat and big. Brrring! It was our bell our bell!
Meemaw!
Meemaw’s eyes opened. Meemaw’s eyes blinked at me.
Who is it? Is it her?
It’s flowers Meemaw.
Christ.
Brrrring the bell again.
Meemaw get it get it the door!
Meemaw standed up slow slow to see the yellow man. She went to our door and getted the flowers with signing and no words. She putted them on our table and sitted down again.
The flowers came in a bubble. All the bubble was full of water the green ends of the flowers in. Some little leaves of curly too. I touched with my finger. It was strangeness. Hardness the bubble.
A scrunched up part had a ribbon round. The ribbon was the pinkest pink of icing. I went closer. Leaned over. I touched with my tongue on the pink pink of it. But nothingy taste.
The flowers were many many many. Pinky purple blue they were and sorts. Best was purple with a line of yellow on them. Added on like painting but real.
I went in them all. My face in and the smell of the greenness. And sweet of donuts or pancakes of Meemaw with the sugar on. And all the brightness. The brightest brightness that had ever come in our flat.
Meemaw opened a teeny white envelope and taked out a thing inside. A message. Meemaw stared. A long time of staring like lots of reading.
What does it say Meemaw? What does it say?
Nothing.
She lied the card down on the table and went to our armchair. Meemaw sat in it sideways. Meemaw looked away from the flowers. I thinked I couldn’t look the other way in our flat today. So brightiful were the flowers. They filled all up our flat and it was song. The flowers maked a song on our table.
Meemaw there’s so many!
Yes.
Still not looking.
Look Meemaw! So many!
Yes. There are so many flowers, Danny.
She did a quick look. It was little and low. Away again quick like it was hot. Hot to look. Like it was burning in Meemaw’s eye. She looked away. Then closed her eyes again.
But not to me the burning. To me they singed their song. Oh Danny! I loved it. I climbed right on the table Meemaw didn’t say no. Meemaw eyes closed still. I pushed right into all the smell. I did touching of stroke pinch squeeze squeeze. I putted my eye on the sweetest sweet. Brown heavy dust was there like ladies on their eyelashes. A sticky tongue part shined and shined. I putted my arms right round to cuddle and cuddle the flowers of bright.
Meemaw’s crying was behind her hands but I saw. Shake shake shoulders. I heared the first sniff and I went. Meemaw had gone to curled up. A curled up flower not comed open. She was tight i
n. I climbed beside Meemaw and did patting.
Shh shh. There there.
Meemaw cried of the shaking shoulders but quiet. In a little while she looked out. Pink hot face and snotty.
I fetched long long of toilet roll but when I getted back she was curled up again. I squiggled my hand in the curl of Meemaw holding the toilet roll. Meemaw did a laugh. Meemaw uncurled and wiped her eyes. She blowed but still tears keeped on coming out. Tears running fast like chasing.
Danny, I…
She stopped again and no talking.
What I Meemaw?
Danny, oh my Danny boy, why? Why am I always a fuck up? Why? Why is my life such a fucked-up mess?
Meemaw said it fuck.
I thought for one brief moment there, Danny boy, for the briefest of moments, I thought that someone rated me. That someone cared about me, Danny. Someone who wasn’t just a bloody heap of broken bits. Someone who’d maybe got their life together. And thought I was something. That someone thought I was something.
Meemaw stopped talking. She snapped her mouth in a straight line. Pulled me on her lap. Then did a sigh.
Oh shut up, Natalie, for Christ’s sake.
Are they from Karen Meemaw? The brightiful flowers are from Karen Meemaw?
Yes, they’re from Karen.
Does she think it’s your birthday this day?
No. They are a way of saying sorry, Danny. On the card she says sorry.
Meemaw had said it was nothing on the card. She had done another lie.
Over past the flowers were our kitchen cupboards. I looked at the great damage of Karen.
I getted up and went to the cupboard doors. To the hurts of the fizzy drink cans hitting them. Minty green was chipped away black underneath showing. I rubbed the hurts with my tippy finger. It was bad damage the agents will hate Danny. Wave goodbye to the deposit now sunshine.
Meemaw I don’t want Karen to come in our flat again even if she sended a sorry. Even the flowers.
Meemaw getted up she went to under the sink and taked out the fat roll of black sacks for rubbish. She teared one off with her teeth. A swift predator. She flapped it the mighty black wing. Meemaw was a pterosaur swooping. The black wing swooped she spreaded it flat. Meemaw taked the flowers. She lifted their bubble. Lifted all their brightiful colours. She sitted them in the black. Then Meemaw prisoned the flowers up inside.
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