Broken

by Rosie Lewis

  I told them about my meeting with the SENCO and her concerns about Bobbi’s behaviour in class. ‘I’m hoping that her new glasses might help her in that respect though. It can’t have been easy trying to cope when she was that long-sighted.’ A visit to the optician a few days earlier had confirmed my suspicion that Bobbi needed glasses, something I had reported to Danny in an email as soon as we got home.

  Considering her aversion to getting ready in the mornings, my heart sank when the optician broke the news – I imagined that I’d have to dream up all sorts of cunning ruses to get her to wear them. As it happened, she fell in love with a bright purple pair on sight and couldn’t wait until they were ready to collect. Archie, who had been hoping for a pair like Harry Potter, was devastated when diagnosed with twenty-twenty vision.

  ‘You didn’t get her an ugly pair, I hope?’ was all Jason had to contribute on the subject. ‘Those minging NHS ones that make kids look a bit special needs.’

  We all stared at him wordlessly. He crunched on a mint and stared back, Tanya ignoring everyone else and stroking his hair. It was becoming clear that Archie’s good manners weren’t modelled on behaviour he’d witnessed from this pair.

  After a heavy pause I ran through some of the things we’d been doing in the last nine days or so, including going to the park, playing board games together and doing craft. ‘So that’s your method, is it?’ Jason said between crunches. ‘Bribing them so they’ll turn against us. Hear that, Tan?’

  Tanya, who had nodded along with his every word, turned and hooked her arm over the back of her chair. ‘Yeah, kids get used to things, don’t they? It’s not really fair.’

  I stared back at her, struggling to formulate a reply. Luckily, Danny stepped in. ‘We’re not talking a trip to Florida here, Tanya. The kids have been to the park a few times.’

  ‘Yeah, then you’ve got ice creams and all that,’ Jason complained. ‘We can’t be shelling out for all that when they come home.’

  ‘What’s that gonna cost?’ Danny said. His eyes flicked to Jason. ‘Less than a packet of fags, I’d wager.’

  Jason gave a slow blink. Tanya’s eyes flicked nervously between the social worker and her partner. She bit down on her lip and shifted in her chair, all the while making a sort of squeaky placatory noise in her throat.

  ‘Anything else to add, Rosie?’ Danny asked, his voice softening when he spoke to me.

  ‘No, nothing.’ I was still smarting over the fact that Tanya seemed to begrudge her children a trip to the park, after all they’d been through in the last couple of weeks. I felt my throat tightening. I swallowed and added: ‘Except that Archie is keen to see his father.’

  Tanya stiffened. Jason gave me an icy stare. Geoff looked at Danny, who lifted a hand to indicate he had something to say about that. Geoff ticked something off on the wad of papers in front of him and then smiled at me. ‘Thank you, Rosie. That gives us some idea of how the children are settling in. It sounds like they’ve coped quite well, under the circumstances. Now, Danny, would you give us an idea of where the local authority stands in terms of moving forward?’

  ‘Yep, sure.’ Danny summarised the incident that had led to the removal of the children, Jason shaking his head and making loud scoffing noises as he crunched on another mint. The social worker went on to list the dates and times of every police welfare visit in response to incidents of domestic violence, as well as reports of concern filed by Millfield Primary. ‘So, our plan is to carry out some checks, parenting assessments and what have you, on both Tanya and her ex-husband, James Brady,’ his eyes flicked to mine, ‘who we’ve recently managed to locate, by the way. He’s working an extra shift this afternoon, which is why he’s not here today, but he’s keen to see the kids as soon as he can. It seems he’s made valiant efforts in the last two years since Jason and Tanya moved away, but he’s only managed to see the kids a handful of times since. The last time was five months ago, in August 2014.’

  Geoff looked at Tanya. ‘Are you reluctant to allow access, Tanya?’

  I noticed as I looked at her that Jason was shaking his head. ‘We don’t want them confused,’ Tanya told Danny, her eyes on Jason.

  Geoff frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘She said,’ Jason took over, ‘we’re not happy about that tosser seeing the kids.’

  Danny gave them a cold look. ‘Oh, and why’s that?’

  Tanya opened and closed her mouth like a goldfish. ‘Look,’ Danny said, ‘if there’s a safeguarding issue around the children seeing their father then you need to let me know about it, pronto. If not, he has a lawful right to see them.’ Jason and Tanya exchanged glances.

  ‘I’m telling you,’ Jason said, pointing his finger at Danny. ‘The man’s a wanker. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near kids.’

  Danny stared at him. ‘We need to carry out some checks on you, actually, Mr Keane. Can you tell me now if you have a record?’

  Jason’s expression filled with scorn. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m asking if you have a criminal record. Are you known to the police?’

  Jason rubbed his nose briskly. ‘No, course not.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Danny persisted. ‘Absolutely no run-ins with the law?’

  Jason frowned. ‘No, none that I can think of.’

  Danny kept his eyes fixed on him. ‘Funny that, cos I was speaking with Harriet from the Children in Need team, and she says you’ve got at least nine convictions under your belt, ranging from driving while intoxicated to common assault and possession of cannabis. She got that wrong then?’

  Jason’s eyes narrowed to barely more than slits. He began to nod. ‘Oh, I get it. So that’s your game, is it? Raking up every bit of shit you can find and slinging it at us, is that right?’

  ‘That’s about the size of it, yep,’ Danny answered calmly. ‘But only shit in the shape of facts.’ I lowered my gaze, beginning to wonder if the smell I’d noticed when Jason had walked into the room was cannabis. I knew that local authorities no longer underestimated the use of cannabis by birth parents; evidence of the correlation between its regular use and psychotic illness now difficult to reason away. ‘And since we’re setting all our cards on the table, have you been drinking, Mr Keane?’

  ‘Hark at you, giving it large,’ Jason said with a harsh laugh. ‘You pen-pushing prat.’

  Danny remained silent, the look of contempt on his face more powerful than any reply he could have made. After a moment he addressed Tanya in a business-like tone. ‘You do realise, Tanya, that as things stand it’s going to be difficult to return the children to you, positive parenting assessments or not.’

  Jason’s downturned mouth hardened into a slit so tight that it rivalled his eyes.

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

  The temperature in the room seemed to drop but, unlike myself, Danny appeared supremely unfazed. ‘Exactly what it sounds like.’

  Jason jabbed a forefinger at Danny. ‘You can piss right off,’ he spat, and then to Tanya: ‘I’ve had it.’

  Tanya watched him leave and then turned to Danny. ‘What do you mean, “as things stand”?’ she asked tearfully. ‘You mean with me and Jase?’

  Danny nodded. ‘Unless and until you demonstrate a willingness to safeguard the children and put their needs first, they’re likely to remain in foster care.’

  ‘But that’s not fair!’ she wailed. ‘Jason’s my life.’ I could feel her eyes on me, perhaps hoping to garner support from a fellow woman. ‘You’ve got to follow your heart, haven’t you?’ she asked in a wobbly voice.

  I turned to look at her. Mascara was spilling from the inside corners of her eyes and running in dark rivulets down either side of her nose. I got the impression she was genuinely upset and I felt a wave of sympathy for her, but only a tiny one. ‘That depends, I suppose,’ I answered vaguely, hoping to steer the conversation away from myself. I didn’t go along with the idea that a partner’s needs should be prioritised over and above the needs of
children but I knew not everyone shared my view and I was, after all, divorced. And I was going to be caring for Tanya’s children for the foreseeable future. I didn’t want a confrontation.

  ‘Do you think that’s fair though?’ she persisted. ‘The last few weeks have been really stressful for me and now they’re trying to split me and Jase up. We’re entitled to a bit of happiness, aren’t we?’ Her voice, high with indignation, was squeakier than ever.

  ‘Not if it comes at the expense of your children,’ I said flatly, giving her my honest opinion.

  Tanya put a hand to her throat. ‘The kids are fine,’ she said weakly, dabbing her nose on the back of her hand.

  ‘To be honest, Tanya, I don’t think they are.’ Somewhere in the back of my mind I was aware I might be overstepping the mark, but not enough to stop myself continuing. ‘They’re very troubled. It seems to me that they’ve seen too much.’ It felt good to speak out. Sometimes it was simply too hard not to.

  Tanya continued to stare at me, but a new emotion crossed her face. There was a subtle adjustment in the line of her jaw, a few faint creases beneath her eyes that told me that she wasn’t entirely convinced by her own argument. I turned away, expecting to see a line of disapproving glances from the men opposite. I was relieved to see that Geoff’s expression was mild. Danny was staring at me, but, if anything, it was with a touch of admiration.

  At that moment Jason opened the door and gave an aggressive jerk of his head. ‘Tanya, out!’

  Chapter Ten

  The weekend that followed was difficult, with Bobbi erupting over the slightest upset. Archie was as polite as ever, but anger simmered beneath his good manners. It was a curious combination; one that left him ingratiatingly livid or furiously polite. Funnily enough, I think Mungo also sensed that something was wrong. Ever since Bobbi’s arrival he had avoided her, but there were times when he veered away from Archie as well. It was as if he could smell the tension and knew that, sooner or later, it was going to demand an outlet.

  The hoarding issue seemed to have escalated as well. On the morning of Sunday 11 January I noticed a packet of sixteen KitKats missing from the kitchen cupboard. I found five of the bars stashed under the children’s bunk bed, along with a large jumble of chocolate-smeared foil and red wrappings.

  It was as I gathered the soggy contraband into a ball that I noticed something solid in amongst it. I spread the wrappings over my open palm and rummaged around. There, in the middle of the haul, was one of the silver bracelets I usually kept in my bedside cabinet drawer.

  Unsettled more by the thought of the children in my bedroom than the ‘theft’ itself, I asked Emily to take Megan upstairs after lunch and invited Archie and Bobbi to join me at the table. ‘I found this under your bed,’ I began gently, producing the bracelet from my pocket. Archie flushed and looked away. Bobbi began ‘singing’ in a high-pitched wail.

  ‘Be quiet a minute, Bobbi,’ I said, but silence for Bobbi was an abstract notion and she carried on regardless. ‘Bobbi, big breath in.’ I modelled the action with a theatrical hand on my chest. She sucked in a lungful of air. Her eyes bulged, looking bigger than ever through the thick lenses of her glasses. ‘Good. Now see if you can hold the breath and count to ten while you listen to me.’ I wasn’t confident that she was listening at all, but at least I was able to make myself heard. ‘Right, so I’m not going to go on about this. One of you took my bracelet and it belongs to me, so you shouldn’t have. But most importantly of all, you mustn’t go into any bedroom but your own, do you understand?’

  Bobbi exhaled then gasped noisily, slumping down in her seat until her chin touched the table. Archie gave a small nod, his face still averted. ‘Bobbi, did you hear me? You must never go into anyone else’s bedroom, okay?’

  She sat up and looked at me, suddenly sharp-eyed. ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because I’m a grown-up and my room is private.’ I shook my head. ‘But it’s not just me. We all have our own private space.’

  She frowned. ‘But we go into Mummy and Jason’s bedroom. We have to sleep on the floor in there sometimes, cos Jason’s friends come round and there’s not enough room.’

  I frowned. Archie’s head shot round. ‘It’s fine if Mummy lets you into her room,’ I said, my eyes trained on Archie. He was watching his sister carefully, his shoulders tense. ‘But while you’re here, you must stay out of any bedroom that’s not your own, okay?’ Bobbi glanced at her brother and then nodded.

  ‘Good,’ I said with a firm nod of my own. ‘Also, we must keep food out of the bedrooms. If you’re hungry, let me know. There will always be food for you here. Do you remember me telling you that?’ They both nodded, Archie’s eyes still fixed on Bobbi’s face.

  His reaction to his sister’s comment about Jason’s friends stayed with me and by Sunday afternoon, the creeping discomfort I felt around him escalated with a vengeance. I used the prospect of school to nurse myself through the last few hours of the day, but by eight o’clock on Monday morning, even getting there on time seemed to be a feat beyond my capabilities.

  Emily, home on study leave in lieu of her nursing exams, kindly offered to walk Megan to nursery so that she, at least, wouldn’t be late. Temperatures had plummeted in the last few days and the living-room windows were clouded with mist. I rubbed the glass with the sleeve of my cardigan and watched them leave. Bundled up in hat, scarf and gloves, Megan smiled up at her sister as they walked along, hand in hand. My heart lifted at the sight. It was such a joy to see Emily embracing her role as older sister and little Meggie revelling in her doting attention. I felt a moment’s pride in them.

  When they disappeared around the corner I exhaled a long breath and knelt on the rug, where Bobbi was sprawled out on her front. ‘Come on now, love, please,’ I said, holding her pinafore dress out in front of her. Wearing only a vest and a pair of navy-blue school tights, she looked up and gave a tiny shake of her head. ‘Right, I’m going to have to pick you up and dress you myself.’

  Bobbi was on her feet in seconds. On tiptoes, she scurried away and dived behind the sofa. With the opening notes of the Pink Panther theme tune drifting along the hall as Jamie practised on the saxophone for his A-level Music mock exam, her antics should have been amusing. I usually loved listening to Jamie play, but after a weekend of constant battles, it was like being serenaded by Black Sabbath when you’d booked Céline Dion.

  Jamie was due at the dentist in half an hour. I had offered to give him a lift, but at this rate there wasn’t going to be much chance of that. ‘Bobbi,’ I said, summoning my most enticing tone. ‘I wonder what you might do at school today. Painting, maybe?’

  She crept out from behind the sofa, her fingers hovering threateningly over the waistband of her tights. ‘Oh no you don’t, young lady,’ I warned. The fact that she was wearing tights at all was no small triumph in itself. It was only after I had worn them on my hands and performed a puppet show that she had capitulated and allowed me to pull them on. I wasn’t sure whether it was the spectacle itself that had won the day, or the fact that my hands had loosened the wool and warmed them up. It had worked a treat, and Megan had thought it hysterical.

  I sighed, dropping the pinafore dress dejectedly onto my lap. Archie, who was laying prostrate on the sofa with his shirt sleeves rolled up his arms and his school jumper screwed up in a ball under his feet, yawned loudly. Though never keen to go to school, he had always got ready when asked. Today, though, he seemed particularly reluctant. I wondered whether it had anything to do with the fact that contact had been arranged for straight after school. I looked at him. ‘Archie, come on. Show your sister how it’s done, will you?’

  He blew out his cheeks and sat slowly up, but made no further move to get ready. ‘What on earth is wrong with you two today? If you don’t go to school you won’t be able to meet Mum afterwards for contact.’

  I watched Archie’s face for a response. He twisted his lips into a pout. Bobbi blew a raspberry. ‘Right, that’s it. Up you come.�
� I strode across the room, picked Bobbi up and held her at arm’s length in case she lashed out. Surprisingly, she held onto my shoulders and remained serene as I sat on the floor and eased her arms into her blue checked blouse. At that moment Jamie ducked his head into the room. ‘I’ll load their stuff in the car, shall I, Mum?’

  ‘Yes please, love.’ He turned to leave. ‘Oh, Jamie, just a sec, before I forget. I got an email from school about the prefect applications. Apparently the deadline’s last thing today.’

  Capitalising on my straying attention, Bobbi pulled away from my grip and scooted to the sofa. Jamie took a few steps back into the room. ‘Well, whoopee-do! I’d best get onto that straight away. Wouldn’t wanna miss my chance of being prefect, would I, Mum?’

  I grinned up at him, half-aware that Bobbi was now trying to expel Mungo from his refuge under the coffee table. ‘Hey, drop the sarcasm. I thought we agreed that you’d apply? It’ll look good on your university applications if you’re a prefect.’

  ‘Well, that saves me a job then,’ he said casually. ‘Cos I’ve decided not to go to uni.’

  I stared at him. ‘What?’

  ‘I’m not going,’ came his reply from the hall. ‘I’m gonna devote myself to the band full-time.’

  I got to my feet and pulled Bobbi away from Mungo, who was making small, panicked growls. ‘Oh you are, are you? And when was this decided?’ There was no answer. I wasn’t even sure whether he’d heard me. At my side, Bobbi was trying to sink her teeth into my leg. Along the hallway the Pink Panther theme struck up again. Momentarily stunned by Jamie’s revelation and the storm of noise around me, it was only when her teeth made contact with my shin that I shook her off.

  ‘I’m a Barbie girl in a Bobbi world,’ she screeched, veering towards Mungo again. A volley of ear-ringing barks shot out from beneath the table and for the first time since the siblings had arrived, the reality of what I had taken on began to dawn on me. It was a disorientating feeling and my stomach swooped. I felt so tense that the sound of a key turning in the latch sent my pulse racing. I spun around as Emily walked into the room. ‘Still here then, Mum?’