Broken

by Rosie Lewis

  I nodded. I remembered what the tutor had said on the therapeutic parenting course about humans being social beings with a desperate need to belong. It was easy to understand that a child who felt so alone might use anything in his power to reach out to his peers. ‘I get that, Arch. You wanted to make friends. It wasn’t the right way to go about it, but I can understand why you did it.’

  We were silent for a moment. ‘Where did you get that stuff, Arch? The videos and the phone?’

  ‘I can’t tell you.’

  ‘Why not?’

  ‘Because of Mum.’

  ‘What about your mum? You’re afraid of getting her into trouble?’

  He twisted his lips. ‘Sort of.’

  As I looked at him I suddenly thought of Taylor again; the ten-year-old girl who had lived in an environment of severe domestic abuse before coming to stay with me. Taylor had desperately wanted to confide in me but, fearful of what her father might do to her mother if she did, she kept her pain buried away. ‘You’re worried about what might happen to her if you tell me?’

  He took a shaky breath and nodded. ‘There are things that can be done to protect your mum, Archie, but only if we know what’s really going on at home.’

  He gave me a long searching look. Sensing that he was about to speak out, my pulse began to quicken. ‘Jason gave me the phone,’ he blurted out suddenly. ‘He put the stuff on there and told me to watch it. I told him I didn’t like it but he made me. I was sick and he thought it was funny.’

  ‘That was very wrong of him,’ I said, trying to keep an even expression. I wondered whether Tanya knew anything about it, but it would have been wrong of me to ask leading questions. Instead I said: ‘That must have been very difficult for you.’

  He nodded. ‘It was horrible, but I didn’t care as long as he left Bobbi out of it.’

  My stomach tightened. ‘And did he?’ It was a leading question of sorts, but it came out before I could suppress it.

  He nodded. ‘I tried so hard to keep her away, especially when the others came. The trouble was she wouldn’t go to bed. She used to creep down to see what the noise was.’

  ‘Others? What others?’

  ‘The people that came to see Mum and Jason.’ It was a scenario I had heard about before; children settling themselves and their younger siblings in bed while drug- and alcohol-fuelled parties raged on below. Another mystery solved, I thought. That was why Archie had been so desperate to keep Bobbi awake during the day; so that he could get her safely tucked up in bed before Jason and his mates came round. My heart broke a little bit more.

  ‘I hated it when they came round,’ Archie continued. ‘They wouldn’t leave Mum alone, all rolling on top of her. It made me so sick.’ His face contorted and he slammed his fist into the sofa cushion. ‘I used to get so mad, especially if Bobbi wouldn’t go to bed.’

  I gave my head a shake. There was so much to take in. I couldn’t quite process all that he was telling me. ‘Wouldn’t leave her alone? The people that came over, you mean?’

  He nodded. ‘Yeah, you know, kissing and all that other gross stuff.’

  I tried to rein in my shock but it was an effort not to gape. ‘You’ve been very brave, Arch. Really very brave.’

  ‘What will happen now?’ He looked at me anxiously, but there was a softness in his features that I’d never seen before. It was as if he’d been unburdened, the heavy weight of his secrets lifted.

  ‘I’ll have to tell Danny what you’ve said. And he’ll do his best to look after your mum, I promise you. Whatever help she needs will be offered to her.’ Having seen the efforts made by social workers to help women (and sometimes men) living with abusive partners, I spoke with full confidence. There was help out there, I knew that. What I wasn’t at all certain about was whether Tanya would be willing to accept it.

  It wasn’t until Archie went to bed that the full horror of his disclosures hit me; the brutal, repulsive reality of them. It was hard to believe that the children had been treated so badly by people who should have known better, should have done better. After saying goodnight to Archie I came downstairs and lifted the telephone on impulse. It was after nine but I dialled Danny’s office number anyway, just in case he was still there. He answered on the third ring, sounding tired. ‘Tell me if you’re about to go home,’ I said. ‘I can fire off an email instead.’

  ‘Na,’ he yawned. ‘The missus isn’t expecting me back till the early hours. Go for it.’

  I told him that it was Jason who had given Archie the phone and also about Archie’s efforts to keep Bobbi safe. I then told him about the ‘people’ coming to the house and what had sounded very much like group-sex sessions. Danny groaned. ‘Fuck!’ he said angrily. ‘Those poor bloody kids.’

  ‘And Archie’s so worried about his mum. He thinks Jason will hurt her if he finds out that he’s told us. I promised him that you’d offer Tanya all the help she needs.’

  ‘That’s a given, but you know as well as I do that she’ll probably throw it back in my face.’

  We were silent for a moment. ‘So what happens now?’

  I heard Danny take a breath. ‘We’ll involve the police and see if there’s a case to answer. There’s the phone as evidence, but to be honest it isn’t much to go on. Jason could easily deny giving it to Archie. He’ll probably claim it was stolen from him. As for the rest, that’s down to the police. They won’t ever be returning to Tanya’s care, though, I can tell you that pretty much for certain.’

  We were silent for a moment. ‘Why would they do it, Danny? Why take the chance of letting Archie keep the phone when there was all that stuff on it, when they knew he was coming into care?’

  He gave a mirthless laugh. ‘The same reason people join chat rooms and arrange to meet young teenage girls, knowing there’s a chance they’ll be caught by paedo hunters. P’raps Jason thought he’d done enough, said enough, to scare Archie into keeping quiet. These people love holding power over others, Rosie. They get so much sick pleasure out of it that they don’t care about the damage they’re doing or the lives they’re ruining. It’s like that Shakespeare quote my old drill sergeant used to come out with – “Hell is empty, and all the devils are here!” – and you know what, Rosie? I think it’s just as fitting to the world of social services as it was on the battlefield.’

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Expert at burying the unpalatable, Archie seemed to put the idea of moving on out of his mind over the next few days. He was still as polite as ever and as keen on keeping everything shipshape, but his simmering anger had subsided, leaving a quietly thoughtful boy behind.

  Armed with more information about what had gone on at home, I hoped that Danny and his team would decide to leave the siblings with me until a final decision had been made on their case, so that there was some distance between his disclosure and yet another move.

  I hadn’t heard back from Danny and I told myself that that was good news, but I also knew that foster carers were often the last to find out when plans were being made. I had heard through the grapevine that social workers had turned up at a foster carer’s house without warning and removed the young child in her care after they discovered that she had arranged a baptism for the forthcoming weekend. Alarmed by the possibility of the child being baptised without prior consent of social workers or birth family, the local authority had swooped before the ceremony could be carried out.

  On Sunday 9 March, after a relatively peaceful morning at home, Emily offered to take Archie, Bobbi and Megan to the park to give me a chance to catch up on some housework. With Jamie quarantined in his room after a stomach upset and Mungo chasing birds in the garden, I decided to make the most of the peace by making myself a cheeky cup of tea and logging onto one of the news sites before making a start on the chores.

  My plan was scuppered by a knock at the door about two minutes after Emily and the children left. ‘What have you forgotten now?’ I called out as I walked up the hall. Emily was one of thos
e people who rarely left the house without returning for some forgotten item. I pulled open the door, stunned to see Jimmy standing on the doorstep. He looked tired and sweaty, and his shoelaces were undone. I didn’t know what to do. For a second I just stood there staring at him.

  ‘Rosie, sorry to drop this on you, but I have to see the kids.’

  ‘They’re not here, Jimmy. And anyway, I can’t let you see them without Danny’s agreement.’ I had no idea if the investigation into Tanya’s allegations had progressed, or whether Archie’s disclosure had helped to expose them as unfounded, but I knew that granting him access to the children wasn’t something I was authorised to do.

  He looked alarmed. ‘They’ve not been moved, have they?’

  ‘No, they’re out with their social worker,’ I lied, beginning to close the door. I didn’t want him driving around looking for them. ‘Sorry, Jimmy.’

  ‘Wait!’ He lifted his hand, pressing his palm against the door. ‘Please, Rosie, can I talk to you?’ He took a step back and I opened the door wider. ‘I don’t mean to cause any trouble, love. I just need to know how they are. Please.’

  I looked at him for a second and then grabbed my keys from a hook on the wall. I wasn’t comfortable letting him into the house, especially as the children might return at any minute, so I unlocked my car and invited him to join me. ‘I’ve only got a few minutes,’ I said, as he climbed into the passenger seat next to me.

  He rubbed his hands over his unshaven jaw and turned, with difficulty in the cramped space, towards me. ‘Thanks, Rosie. I really appreciate it, God knows I do.’

  I nodded. There were deep circles around his eyes and his skin was flaky. He looked like he hadn’t slept for a week. ‘They’re doing okay, Jimmy,’ I said, softening. ‘They’re missing you of course, but they’re coping.’

  He let out a groan. ‘After all they’ve been through, now this. I was so relieved when I heard they’d been taken into care. How bloody awful is that? To know that your kids are better off with strangers than with their own mother.’

  I didn’t say anything. I just let him talk. ‘She weren’t cut out for motherhood; I knew that the second she gave birth to Archie. It was me what changed his nappies and did the bottles. She just weren’t interested.’ In full flow, he didn’t wait for an answer. ‘I didn’t mind though. I loved looking after him, but then after Bobbi came along she threw me out. I knew it would all go downhill after that but there weren’t nothing I could do. She moved some fella in. Not Jason, some other bell-end, and poor Bobbi got ignored. I tried to see them as much as I could, but when Jason came on the scene he stopped her letting me. I told the social something weren’t right, but they never bloody listened to me.

  ‘When they finally took them off her I thought, this is it, I’m in with a chance of keeping them, and then this happens. It’s so fucking frustrating!’ He slammed his hand down on the dashboard. Alarmed, I reached for the door handle and made to get out. ‘God, sorry, love. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to frighten you.’ Emotional, he covered his face with his hands. I closed the car door softly.

  ‘It’s really tough, Jimmy. I know they mean a lot to you.’

  ‘They’re the world to me,’ he said, dropping his hands to his lap. ‘Honest to God, I love the bones of them. I’ve left her, you know. Tracy. If she doesn’t want my kids, there’s no future for us.’

  ‘Really?’ I looked at him. ‘That’s wonderful, Jimmy! I mean, not wonderful that you’ve split up, but for the children, I mean. They’ll be overjoyed.’

  ‘It was all for nothing if I can’t have them. I’m under investigation after what Tanya and that bloke,’ he said, spitting the word out as if it was a nasty taste, ‘that cave dweller, after all the fucking awful things they said.’ He looked at me. ‘Did you know they’ve accused me of being a nonce? As if I’d hurt my own fucking kids.’

  I sat and listened to him in silence. It was clear from the way he was talking that he had absolutely no idea what Archie had told me about life at home. I dreaded to think what Jimmy might do when he found out. ‘That bloke, Jason, he could start a fight in an empty room, so he could. I never trusted him from the moment I set eyes on him. A bottom feeder, that’s what he is. D’you know what it’s like to have someone move in with your little girl when you wouldn’t trust him to take care of a dog?’ His jaw hardened. ‘I tell you what, though. If I find out that bastard’s hurt my kids I’ll tear him limb from fucking limb.’

  I didn’t doubt it for a second. ‘I understand how you feel, Jimmy, but I still can’t let you see the children until we’ve spoken to Danny.’

  He turned to me. My heart hammered in my chest. ‘Fair enough. I know you’re looking out for them. I’ll call Danny first thing in the morning.’

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  ‘I can’t find my book, Rosie!’ came Archie’s anguished call from his bedroom. ‘Where’s my book?’

  ‘Which one, love?’ I called up the stairs. Bobbi, who hadn’t left my side since she had woken that morning, wrapped her arms around my middle and tried to hoist me single-handedly back to the dining table, where we’d spent the best part of an hour gluing material onto loo rolls and transforming them into dolls.

  ‘You know,’ he said with the exasperated tone he used when he was trying hard to hold himself together. ‘The one Emily gave me yesterday. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.’

  It was almost lunchtime on the last Saturday in March and I had already packed up all of Archie and Bobbi’s clothes, leaving Archie to round up all the other bits and bobs they’d amassed over the last twelve or so weeks, as well as the farewell presents we had bought for them – a mobile vet clinic for Bobbi and, to his teary delight, Dumbledore’s wand for Archie. Danny, who had not long left after making a farewell visit, had brought gifts of his own. Touchingly, he’d even thought of Megan and brought her a set of colouring pens.

  ‘Just a minute, Bobbi, love,’ I said, holding onto the newel post for balance. Up the stairs I shouted: ‘It’s down here on the coffee table. You left it there last night.’ We had played an extra-long session of Rummy yesterday evening, though every so often, when remembering that it was to be our last card playing session together, Archie had grown tearful. Too upset to go up to bed after our final game, I had agreed that he could stay downstairs with Emily, Jamie and me, to read his book.

  He ran straight upstairs to fetch his duvet, but there was still no sign of him ten minutes later. I found him sitting on the floor beneath the window in his room, weeping. I squatted beside him and clutched his hand. He had fallen asleep on the sofa downstairs not long after that, exhausted by the emotional upheaval of his forthcoming move.

  ‘Okay,’ came a wobbly reply.

  ‘That’s not fair!’ Bobbi squawked when we walked over to the dining table. Megan had been productive in our absence; a great pile of feathers, fluffy balls, glue sticks and glitter in front of her. The rest of the table was bare.

  ‘Meggie,’ I said warningly, taking the chair opposite hers. She pouted and conceded an almost-empty pot of glitter. Bobbi, unsure how to feel over the last few days, climbed onto my lap and began to cry. She hadn’t reacted immediately when I had broken the news a week ago that they were leaving us, but since then she had taken to shadowing me through each day and calling out again at night. ‘More than that, Meggie, please.’

  A few seconds later she swept roughly half the booty back to our side of the table, frowning and grumbling ungraciously under her breath. She wasn’t best pleased about losing her playmates, but I also suspected that the transition was reminding her of her own shaky past.

  When several ‘dollies’ were ‘dressed’, I cut some ribbon to use as hair. Megan grabbed the first strip and reached for a glue stick. A struggle ensued, Megan reluctant to relinquish her grip and Bobbi ‘absolutely needing it right this minute NOW!’. I scrabbled around and found another stick, but neither of them wanted it, despite it being identical to the one they were fighting over.r />
  I tried to lighten the mood, but I felt sad myself. It pressed on me as I umpired their battle; the thought of all the upheaval Archie and Bobbi had been through in their short lives, the missing years of childhood, the trauma and loss. I could only hope that this coming move would be their last until they came of age, and hopefully even beyond, through the uncertain years of early adulthood and, finally, independence.

  Archie came down in the middle of another power struggle, this one over a pot of purple glitter and an under-inflated red balloon. Red-nosed and silent, he sat on the dining chair next to mine, replacing the lids on the pens and generally restoring order to proceedings.

  When the doorbell rang, my heart fluttered. Mungo skidded ahead of me into the hall, his tail wagging frantically. He leapt in circles around my legs as I opened the door, and when Jimmy walked into the hall he jumped between us, yapping at the air.

  ‘Jimmy, what happened?’ I exclaimed. There were purple bruises across his neck and chin, and one of his eyes was swollen, with a cut across the lid.

  At that moment Bobbi hared up the hall. ‘Daddy!’

  Darling!’ he cried, sweeping her up and cuddling her close. After a moment she leaned back and examined his face, then prodded the cut above his eye. ‘Why you got blood, Daddy?’

  He winced and gently pulled her hand away. ‘T’was a crocodile,’ he said, snapping his teeth close to her nose and making her giggle. I gave him a long steady look. I might have assumed that, being a doorman, he’d had a run-in with a difficult client, but something about the way he raised his eyebrows at me said different. I suddenly pictured a shocked Jason opening his front door to find Jimmy on his doorstep. I hate violence of any kind, but it was difficult to summon any regret over the meting out of this particular rough justice.