Tarnished Knight: Grimm's Circle, Book 4

by Shiloh Walker

  Dedication

  Mandy…you still have to wait. As you can see, you’re not ready yet.

  Lynn, I never would have thought to try Rapunzel. But then I got to nosing around and discovered the older version and wheels started to turn.

  Ann in CA, thanks for the help. I appreciate it!

  Prologue

  She looked…broken.

  Will stared at her face and tried to remind himself that in stasis, her body healed, her mind slept, and she knew nothing of the painful memories. It had been only weeks…

  A warm, comforting presence brushed against his mind.

  He wanted to shut it out, but he knew he could not.

  “I don’t want to leave her alone,” he said quietly.

  There was an acknowledgement…and understanding.

  He hadn’t been able to leave Mandy’s side since he’d brought her here.

  He couldn’t leave her now.

  But—

  The knowledge came to him, filled his mind and he knew the job that awaited, who was meant to go to the job and what lay ahead.

  What awaited Perci.

  Only Perci.

  Abruptly, he scowled.

  “You mean to separate them? But they belong together,” he said. They needed only to heal to see that.

  Even as he said it, he wondered why he asked. He always questioned…and he was always wrong.

  There was no answer this time. Just a patient silence.

  “Very well.”

  Shifting his gaze, he said, “Who is to tell them though? If I’m to remain here…?”

  Chapter One

  “All of it?”

  Luc smirked as he listened to the hair stylist’s horror.

  He’d heard the dismay a hundred times, it seemed. More. Every time Perci did this.

  “Yep. All of it.”

  “But…I don’t get it. Oh, wait, maybe this is for Locks of Love or something? Sweetie, you know, it’s nice you wanting to help those kids with cancer, but most of that’s nothing but a scam. I heard they don’t even get all the hair. There’s better ways to help them, you know.”

  At his side, Krell stiffened.

  Luc rested a hand on the dog’s head, and without a blink he melded their minds and stared through the dog’s eyes. It was his only way to see…unless Perci let him use her eyes, and she wouldn’t.

  Not right now.

  She never let him inside when she hurt, and now, she hurt.

  Through Krell’s eyes, he could see that her face had gone tight with grief.

  Her hands gripped the armrests of the chair.

  Swearing under his breath, Luc reached down and grabbed Krell’s harness. He didn’t need it though—he used it more to make those around him comfortable.

  He might be blind, but he’d developed a phenomenal sense of awareness living like that for three hundred years.

  I am one with the force.

  Besides, he also had Krell’s vision. He stopped just a few inches from the chair, reached out and rested a hand on the counter where the stylist kept her tools. There was a pair of scissors there, shears, whatever they called them. “So it’s a haircut you want, chere?” he said.

  The stylist gasped with horror as he took the scissors. And she wasn’t quite swift enough to stop him as he spun the chair around, found the thick, heavy cable of Perci’s hair.

  “Rapunzel, let down your hair…” he teased as he began to cut through the golden braid.

  He was halfway through when the stylist finally emerged from her frozen state.

  “Sir, you can’t do that! You…you’re blind!”

  “Well, you weren’t doing it,” he pointed out. Politely, he held out the scissors. “She asked for you to cut it off, and you stand here babbling about it instead of doing it, although I do believe that’s your job. If you don’t want me doing it, perhaps you would like to finish it up?”

  They left thirty minutes later.

  Slipping his arm around her waist, he pressed his lips to Perci’s brow. “She did not intend to make you sad, chere.”

  “I know.” She sighed and leaned into him. “I think you almost gave her a heart attack, baby. You really can’t go picking up sharp objects around all these people who don’t get that you’re not going to stumble into them.”

  He would have replied, but at just that moment, the pendant he wore around his neck heated.

  Perci stiffened, then sighed.

  “Well, it looks like we’re working tonight,” she murmured. “Damn it, I wanted to go out, have a drink or something.”

  Of course she wanted to go out. Anything to avoid having a quiet night alone with him.

  She hated those.

  She avoided them as often as possible.

  “Perhaps tomorrow.” As he said it, he felt a heavy, painful ache in his heart, one he didn’t entirely understand. Brushing it aside, he reached up and touched his hand to her nape. Touch wasn’t needed for him to see through her eyes, but knowing her emotions were raw, he wanted to warn her before he did so.

  Although after so many years together, she likely knew. She turned her head and together, they glanced through the metal exit doors tucked off the side of the mall’s main walkway. It was empty.

  “Cameras,” Perci said.

  “Yes. Well, if it’s that important, he can handle them. He’ll know they are there.”

  “Yes.”

  They pushed through the doors and headed outside. Krell walked at their side, his nails clicking on the ground. Luc bent down and lifted the dog in his arms as he felt the tightening in the air. The dog didn’t care for this method of transportation. Gently, he pressed on the dog’s throat until he went lax.

  “Sorry, my friend,” he whispered. “It will be easier if you just sleep through this.”

  A moment later, he saw the brilliant flash of light through Perci’s eyes.

  And then they were passing through it.

  The silent and swift travel was a means available only to Will. He could let anybody use it though. Luc didn’t need much time to figure out why they had come to Will, instead of Will coming to them.

  It was the girl.

  There were a hundred rumors floating among the Grimm about this girl…and Will.

  Their leader, all but brought to his knees by a mortal girl who liked to dye her hair purple, one who teased and mocked him.

  Except she was no longer mortal.

  Mandy was now one of the Grimm—a guardian angel, and her passage from her old life must have been brutal.

  Very brutal, Luc realized. It had been a few weeks since her mortal death and she still slept, her body in stasis as she healed. He could not see, but his other senses were remarkably acute, and he could smell the unmistakable scent of raw, healing flesh. A lot of it.

  The image of her fogged and he knelt down, placed Krell’s sleeping form on the ground before he rose and wrapped an arm around Perci’s shoulders.

  It hurt for Perci to look at the girl, at what had been done to her. “She heals, cher,” he whispered.

  “Yes.” She nodded and blinked away the tears. “We all heal…more or less.”

  Then she reached up and touched the corner of one sightless eye. “Right?”

  Catching her wrist, he pressed a kiss to her hand. He had healed better than she had. Perhaps he couldn’t see, but he had adjusted to that. Her broken heart though…it had never healed. Not over what had been done to her, or him, or to their children.

  He’d failed her…failed to protect her, failed to help her heal…failed her so miserably.

  I hate it when he looks at me like that. Even though he can’t see me right now. That only happ
ens when he’s looking at me through Krell’s eyes or if I’m looking in a mirror.

  He doesn’t have to see me to really see me.

  Not Luc.

  He sees clearer than anybody.

  He sees me, he loves me…and I no longer love him.

  It’s not that I don’t want to. If I could force myself to do it, I would have done it ages ago. Centuries. But I can’t make my heart feel what just isn’t there. The cold lump of muscle and flesh inside my chest is mostly worthless anyway.

  What little love I am capable of, what little love I do feel, I give to Luc, but it isn’t enough.

  I know I’m not giving him what he needs. I’m not in love with him.

  He died for me, he came back for me and even though I know he needs me, I can’t feel much more than a distant sort of love for him. I don’t love anybody since our babies died.

  “Perci.”

  I looked away from Luc and saw Will. He was in a chair by the woman’s bed. Mandy, I thought. Her name was Mandy.

  My shields buckled and shuddered under the pain I felt coming off her, even in stasis. Steady…steady…

  Although the thought of feeling that much pain was enough to make my stomach clench, I eased myself closer to the bed. If it was this bad for me, I couldn’t think of how bad it had been for her. If Will needed me to ease things for her, speed her healing, I could do that.

  “Do you need my help?” I asked, lifting a hand. My fingers curled into a fist, then spread out, hovering over her battered, broken body. Just the thought of taking on that agony had me shuddering.

  Luc rested a hand on my spine, steadying me.

  But Will reached up, closed a hand around my wrist and squeezed lightly. “No, Perci,” he said softly, never taking his eyes from Mandy’s face. “She cannot heal fast.”

  I looked at him.

  His face was emotionless, his silver eyes flat.

  But something about his words made me ache.

  Looking back at the woman, I studied her injuries deeper. The bandages and dressings and blankets in the way made no difference—they wouldn’t, not to a healer. We can feel the damage. I sank ever so slightly inside her and then stumbled back, staggering into Luc’s long, lean form.

  He caught me, steadied me.

  “Perci?” He hugged me gently.

  Shaking my head, I whispered, “Holy shit.”

  I’ve seen bad things in my time. Very bad things. In three hundred years, you realize there are things that people can do to the human body that defy description. And that’s just what the humans do—that’s not including the demons.

  But I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anybody living with this much damage. I know I’d never felt this much. Not even when I’d healed Luc…

  She did still live—she healed. She would eventually wake from the healing sleep of stasis and she’d be one of us—was already one of us really, because no human could live with those injuries.

  Although why would she want to be one of us…when we hadn’t been able to do a better job caring for her when she was still mortal?

  “Man, what did they do to her?” I whispered before I could stop myself.

  “You don’t want to know what they did to her,” Will murmured.

  A spasm tightened Will’s face. I realized he looked…older. Not old, at least not physically. We don’t age, at least not unless we decide we’re done with the guardian bit, and I don’t think Will is ever going to be done. It’s all he knows.

  Then again, maybe not. Judging by how he looks at this girl…this kid…because she couldn’t be much more than that, even by mortal standards.

  I hadn’t ever seen his face so heavy with grief.

  It was a nice face too. Pretty, almost too pretty.

  But he had sad, sad eyes.

  He looked away from Mandy’s face, focused on mine. Those silvery eyes were emotionless now, flat and hard. “I have a job…for you, Perci. Just you.”

  “Just me?” I blinked, then shook my head. I didn’t do jobs on my own. I hadn’t, not even once. I couldn’t. Shit…Luc…he needed me. Damn it, Luc needed me.

  And even as I stood there gaping at Will, thinking it, even as that little voice was circling through my head, part of me thought… Luc needs you?

  Damn straight he needed me. Without me he spent his days totally lost in darkness. He needed me. Me.

  “No.” Focusing my eyes on Will, I shook my head. “No. Can’t happen.”

  Will lifted a brow. “It’s not up for discussion. This assignment falls to you, and you alone.”

  “But Luc needs me.”

  “Perci,” Luc said, his voice soft and level.

  Turning, I stared at him. “No. We don’t get separated. Ever.”

  Not in three hundred years. We just don’t. Even thinking about it was enough to leave me shaking.

  “Perci, I think I can take care of myself.” His eyes, beautiful green eyes, sought out my face, and although I knew he didn’t see me, it looked like he did. Felt like he did.

  Three hundred years ago, he had been one of the finest marksmen in France. A skilled swordsman. My husband. My life.

  I might not love him anymore, but I owed him.

  And damn it, even after all these years, I sometimes forget how easily he can sense my moods, my thoughts.

  I can feel a person’s physical pain, but his gifts run deeper than that…especially with me.

  His face went tight, hard.

  “Will, if you would, open your pathway.” Luc knelt down and took Krell in his arms, not sparing me even a glance.

  “Damn it, Luc, whatever this job is, there’s no reason we can’t both go.”

  “There must be,” Luc said, his voice soft…incredibly reasonable, incredibly calm.

  And sad.

  So sad, my throat felt thick with tears. “Luc…”

  But Will was already opening the path.

  A moment later, Luc was gone.

  Damn it!

  No.

  Damn me. I’d done it again—ripped out his heart. Again.

  Turning around, I glared at Will. “Damn it, he needs me.”

  “No, he doesn’t.” Will stood, staring at me. “And you don’t need or want him. How long will you make him suffer like this?”

  I gaped at him. “Make him suffer? Damn it, he wants me with him. He wants me. He loves me.”

  “Yes…but he wants you to love him, and you’ll never love him again. Not the way you once did.”

  “That isn’t fair.”

  “And is it fair to him for you to hurt him as you do, Perci? Is it fair for him to grieve, to reach for you and have you turn your back on him? Fair of you to do anything and everything to avoid spending any time alone with him?”

  I flinched. Pain clawed at me. It was nothing but truth…and it hurt. “That’s none of your business, damn it.”

  “No. None of my business. But Luc doesn’t need you, and clinging to him, for fear of life, to keep from living, it’s not fair to either of you. You use him as a shield. He might use your eyes so he can still glimpse this world, but you use him to hide from it. That is over—no more hiding, Perci.” He lifted a hand and another silver circle of light flashed into existence. “Life is living, Perci. Even for us. Go live it.”

  I didn’t step into the circle. I wanted to stand here, fight with him, argue. Resist whatever he was trying to push me into.

  But then he did push me. Maybe not with his hands, but I felt the push all the same.

  I started to fall, and I just kept falling for moments on end. When it stopped, I crashed to my knees on hard, rough pavement, hard enough to split the skin. It hurt and I swore, even as warmth rushed through, healing the minor injuries.

  Rising to my feet, I looked all around, trying to figure out what in the hell was going on.

  And there, right in front of me, was a man surrounded by three of the demonic.

  Taunting them.

  “I will never have her back, will I?” Lu
c asked quietly when he found himself back in the cabin.

  “No.”

  He nodded.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Surprise rippled through him. He wished he could see Will’s face, but Krell was still sleeping, and he wouldn’t have brought him through that passageway, not unless he had no choice.

  “You’re sorry,” Luc murmured. “Why are you sorry?”

  “You love her still.”

  Sadly, Luc smiled. “Yes. I love her still. Three hundred years—do you think I could stop loving her as easy as that?” Then he reached up and touched his dead eyes. “She is a part of me, a part of my life, my past. Yes. I will always love her.”

  He turned away, feeling so raw, so exposed. “I wanted so much to heal her, to give her peace for what was taken from us. For what was done to us, for what I let happen to her. I couldn’t protect her from that, I couldn’t protect our children, and I couldn’t give her peace. How much more completely could I fail her, Will?”

  “You didn’t fail her, Luc. She wouldn’t let herself heal. You can’t fault yourself for that,” Will said quietly.

  Humorlessly, Luc smiled. “Can’t I?”

  Pain, guilt gnawed at him. “Will…” He paused and then blew the breath out. “Is she going to be happier now? Is she going to find whatever it is that I could never give her?”

  “I think she will find what she needs,” Will said, choosing his words carefully. “But this is no fault of yours. Perci’s pain—she kept it close, Luc. You know that. Part of her wouldn’t let it go. She wouldn’t let you help her.”

  “Yes. I know this.” Bitter anger tried to rise inside him, but he wouldn’t let it.

  The anger would bubble and burn and boil out, but not here.

  He’d give into it when he was alone…and lost in his own darkness. This time, forever.

  Selfish, selfish bastard…

  “It’s not selfish to be angry over losing your window into the world,” Will said quietly. “And you’re fooling yourself if you think that’s the only reason you’re angry.”

  “Send me back, Will.” The anger grew and grew. He had to get out before it exploded. Before it killed him.