Tarnished Knight: Grimm's Circle, Book 4

by Shiloh Walker

  Back into the past…

  Only this time, it was just years, mere decades, not centuries. Jack even remembered the moments.

  Sitting by the bedside as his mother breathed through a machine, watching as she wasted away.

  “Why are you dying?” He hated that he sounded like a little kid…he wasn’t. He was twelve fucking years old. Practically an adult.

  But his mother just smiled sadly. “We all die, Jack. It’s part of life.”

  “But you’re too young. And…and I need you,” he whispered.

  “I’ll always be around,” she murmured. She reached over and caught his hand, squeezed. Although her body was weak, her grasp was still strong, still steady. “I love you, baby.”

  He tore his hand away. “You shouldn’t have done it.”

  “Done what?” she asked.

  But she knew. He saw the answer in her eyes. She already knew.

  “Stop being one of them. You wouldn’t have gotten sick then.”

  Mom sighed. “And I wouldn’t have you. All along, I was meant to have you, Jack.” She held out a hand.

  Jack stared at it, and then lifted his eyes and stared into her pale blue eyes.

  They looked nothing alike. He must have inherited his dad’s looks, but he’d never know, because he’d never met his dad.

  “Jack, come here,” she said quietly.

  Reluctantly, he walked over and placed his hand in hers. “What?” he asked sullenly.

  “Sometimes I hated how you always knew the things you’ve known,” she said.

  Blood rushed to his cheeks and he looked away. They never spoke of this, but he knew she didn’t like it, knew it made her sad.

  “And sometimes I wish I knew just how much you knew…” Then she brushed his hair back from his face. “But you can’t know all, because then you would hate me.”

  She leaned in and pressed a kiss to his brow. “The time will come when you will know all. I just hope you can forgive me, although I don’t imagine you will. But know this—I lived this life with no regrets. I made this choice and I’m glad of it. I wouldn’t undo a moment I had with you.”

  Confused, scared, Jack looked at his mom. “What are you talking about?”

  But she just shook her head and moments later, Will entered the room.

  And later that night, his mother died quietly in her sleep.

  Leaving Jack alone.

  Jack tore away from Will and stared at him.

  I hope you can forgive me…

  He remembered his mother’s pale blue eyes. And her strange, cryptic words.

  I lived this life with no regrets. I made this choice and I’m glad of it. I wouldn’t undo a moment I had with you.

  And then he remembered Will’s words—words he’d said to Perci, but Jack had heard them nonetheless.

  His mother owed him a life.

  “Shit,” he muttered.

  He went to rub his face, but his hands passed through his insubstantial flesh—not a pleasant feeling. Glaring at Will, he said, “Please tell me this isn’t real.”

  “Oh, it’s quite real…and you’re running out of time.” Then he looked down.

  That was when Jack saw Perci.

  Perci’s still, pale body.

  “And so is she.”

  And Jack’s world seemed to come to a complete and utter stop.

  He sank to his knees, and this time, he didn’t pass through the floor. Staring at Perci’s face, he reached out to touch her. And he touched warm flesh, warm…but cooling.

  She breathed, but not well. Her heart beat, but somehow, he could hear it faltering. Shaking his head, he went to look up at Will and found himself staring at a face that he knew he had seen before.

  “Luc,” he rasped out.

  The man stilled, then reached out.

  Jack saw the sightless eyes. But as Luc’s hand came toward him, somehow, he knew the man could see him. Somehow. And he knew the man saw more than just what lay on the surface. He tried to fall back, even as he wondered if the man could touch his incorporeal form.

  But he didn’t move fast enough, and yes, Luc could touch him.

  For a moment, incomprehension rolled over Luc’s face. Then, like a movie reel, the memories Will had dumped inside Jack’s head started to roll. And Jack knew he wasn’t the only one seeing them.

  Shock flickered across Luc’s face.

  “Jacques,” Luc whispered.

  “Jack,” he snarled as he jerked away. This time, his hand passed through Luc’s, as insubstantial as a wish.

  “What…” Then Luc shook his head. “It does not matter.”

  He turned, his gaze unerringly seeking out Will. “I don’t know what is killing her, but she’s fading. Save her.”

  Will’s gaze rested on Jack.

  “I can’t,” Will said flatly. “Only Jack can. She’s connected to him and he chooses to die. That means when he dies, she will die with him.”

  Those words hit Jack square in the chest and he found himself staring at Perci’s still face. And then he looked up and stared at Luc.

  Luc… Memory after memory rolled through him.

  Luc. The man Perci—Persinette had married all those years ago.

  Back when Jack had asked who she was, and she’d told him, he’d just assumed her husband had died as well.

  But he hadn’t.

  “You’re a fucking bastard,” he said to Will, and then he looked back at the ripped meat that was his body. Oddly enough, no blood flowed, and he really didn’t look any closer to dead than he had a few minutes ago.

  And although Jack said nothing out loud, Will knew exactly what thoughts rolled through his mind.

  “That’s because I’m keeping you alive. Giving you a moment to decide. Is it death you want? Or are you going to come back to what you are?”

  Shifting his gaze to Perci, he focused on her face. Now he had a lifetime of memories swarming inside him, and he remembered the love he’d had for her. He could have done without that. Especially as he stood there just a few feet away from her husband.

  Without looking at Luc, he said grimly, “I’ll do it.”

  But damn it, Will was damn well going to find somebody else to train him, or whatever the fuck Perci was supposed to do. It wasn’t like he really needed training now anyway, did he?

  And then, before his thoughts could even complete, he was being sucked back into his body…and it hurt.

  It hurt.

  I came awake with a scream, curled into a ball and whimpered, all but ready to beg for mercy.

  Luc was there and he caught me in his arms, pulled me against his chest. “Hush, Perci…just breathe, the pain will pass. It always does. Just breathe, just breathe…”

  Breathe…I can’t…it hurts…

  “You have to breathe.” His voice was firm and hard.

  I curled my hands into his thighs, arched against the fiery pain tearing through me. I tasted blood in the back of my throat.

  “Breathe…breathe…”

  A hand touched my brow. “Perci. I could use your help.”

  I knew that voice.

  Will.

  At his touch, a cooling, comforting rush washed over me, and I tried to open my eyes, tried to look at him. Hard though. So hard. Through cracked, dry lips, I whispered, “Hurts.”

  “I know.” His eyes were grim and he slanted a look past my shoulder. “It’s not helping you that your new partner isn’t letting me help him. You’re feeling his pain, and until it passes you know you’ll both suffer. He might let you let you help.”

  Will lifted a hand, let it hover over me. “May I?”

  “Shit, if it will stop this…” And even if it didn’t, I’d let him. My partner…did he mean Jack?

  Tears blurred my eyes. Jack hadn’t wanted to be one of us. He’d wanted to die.

  “Jack isn’t dead,” Will said quietly. Then he placed his hand over my breastbone. “Choices, Perci. We all make them and he made his.”

  I s
ucked in a breath as his power washed over me, undoing whatever damage had been done. I could still feel the pain though, and now that the hideous agony wasn’t blinding me, I knew why. My shields…I’d lowered them and when the vankyr had torn into Jack, it had just about killed me as well. Overloaded me.

  Not smart, not smart.

  “Can you stand?” Luc asked.

  My legs were rubbery, watery. I knew that even without putting any weight on them. “I don’t know.”

  I felt eyes on me and I looked up, realized that we had an audience…a large one. Greta, Rip. I saw Elle and although I didn’t see him, I knew Michael must be somewhere. Sina stood just beyond Will and there were others. I could sense them.

  Sina’s eyes, dark, dark blue bored into me and I looked away. Something about her stare had always unsettled me and today was no different. I braced a hand on Luc’s shoulder and tried to push to my feet, but I couldn’t.

  “Let me help,” he said.

  Shame flooded me as he helped me to my feet. The times I had hurt him, all the times I had failed him. Like always, Luc knew what I was thinking. He stroked a hand down my arm. “You must move past this, Perci. If we were meant to be, we would. And if you failed me, then I failed you as well.” He kissed my brow. “Let it go…and go help your man. He needs you now.”

  My man. Luc nudged me along toward Jack, and when I saw him lying there, still bloodied, still broken, my heart all but stopped.

  I ran to him. “No,” I snarled. I didn’t even know who I was talking to. “You can’t do this. You can’t.”

  Finally, the cold aching knot that was my heart had thawed and I could feel something beyond grief and pain…or at least I had felt something. For a few days, I’d felt…something.

  And now Jack lay here—

  “No.” Sinking to my hands, I covered the bloody, torn flesh of his sides.

  But he knocked me aside, even as battered and broken as his body was. “No,” he rasped, glaring at me.

  I would have argued with him, except I was too far across the room and staring at him in utter shock. He wasn’t that strong—mortals weren’t. Not even him, and he was definitely the strongest mortal I’d ever known.

  Dazed, I looked across the room to Will.

  “He is as he is meant to be,” Will said obliquely.

  I wanted to tell him to shove the cryptic shit, but I could feel Jack’s pain even through my shields, and it hurt so bad—so bad.

  “How?” My question came out through gritted teeth.

  But there was no answer and just then, I couldn’t try to pound it out of Will, even if I had a chance at that. No, I had to take care of Jack.

  “Fuck how,” I muttered. “Just hold him.”

  Luc caught one thrashing arm, evading Jack easily despite his lack of sight.

  Will caught the other one. Rip and Greta pinned his legs.

  Rip shot me a wide grin and said, “He’s a strong one, eh?”

  Strong…yes. And he’d have to be, because the wound in his side would have killed even one of us. And how could he be one of us…

  “Don’t,” Jack panted as I knelt down. “Don’t you fucking dare. It will heal.”

  “You’re too weak,” I said. I could feel the energy, the life seeping out of him. And below that was my own nagging weakness—no, none of this was good. I had to heal him, take that pain away…or we were both screwed.

  My weakness concerned me, but it wasn’t enough to kill me. I knew that, could sense it. Besides, Will was here. If I faltered, Will could steady me. He’d done it before.

  When my hands covered the hot, pulpy mess of his side, blood gushed out. I ignored it. I’d felt worse. I’d had my hands buried in blood and guts more times than I could count and it hadn’t ever bothered me. The only thing about this that would slow me down was if I failed…and I wouldn’t fail.

  Not now. Not this time. Not with Jack.

  Pain arced through us. We both screamed. Jack stopped screaming long, long before I did.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Where are you going?”

  Jack flicked Luc a look and then resumed the task of buttoning his shirt. It shouldn’t take this long. Really, it shouldn’t. But he wanted to concentrate on it. The longer it took, the more thought he put into each detail, the less he thought about…well, everything else.

  Like the fact that Perci’s husband stood just a few feet away from him.

  Like the fact that Perci lay in his bed, still unconscious.

  After more than twenty-four hours.

  It had been quite a while since he’d done this bit, but he knew that wasn’t normal. Will had assured him that she was fine, and despite the fact that Jack was still madder than hell at the other guy, he knew Will wouldn’t lie.

  Oh, he’d withhold secrets—like the fact that Jack was living out his second life. Like the fact that his mother had been living out her second life…after she’d killed him in her first life.

  Cosette.

  Fuck. None of this made sense.

  “Have you no answer?”

  Through slitted eyes, he looked at Luc. “I’m leaving,” he said succinctly. He grabbed his work boots, shoved his feet into them and sat on the edge of the couch to tie them.

  “Leaving…”

  It wasn’t until he was striding across the room that Luc made another sound, made another move. And then Jack’s next move was to go flying head first into the ground.

  “You selfish bastard,” Luc said, his accent growing thick and heavy. “Leave her, will you? After all she has suffered?”

  Jack shoved upright and glared at Luc. “Yeah. I’m leaving. And I never asked her to help me. I didn’t ask for any of this.”

  He hadn’t asked to come back…hadn’t ever wanted to fall in love with her to begin with, not then. Not now.

  Especially not now, when he had endless, empty years stretching out before him.

  There was a harsh intake of breath behind him. And then, to his surprise, Luc started to laugh. It was a bitter, ugly laugh…hard and wrenching. “You go on then, Jacques. You run. Fool.”

  Waking is rarely pleasant after doing a major healing. This time, it was even less pleasant. The worst pain wasn’t in my side though, or my gut, despite the fact that my guts had all but been ripped out as I took Jack’s pain.

  The worst pain was right in my heart.

  Even before I opened my eyes, I knew he was gone.

  With a sigh, I rolled to my hip, lifted my lashes and stared out the window.

  He didn’t want to be with me.

  Didn’t even want this life, and I couldn’t blame him. Chances were that Will had somehow manipulated him into it. Maybe even used me to do it, although that wouldn’t have set him running. Although it would certainly harden his resolve.

  For long, long moments, I stared out the window at the moonlight sparking off the water. I would have stared at it for hours, except I knew I wasn’t alone, and the woman with me wasn’t going to tolerate being ignored for too long.

  “How long will you remain here feeling sorry for yourself?”

  Blowing out a breath, I sat up. The sheet fell to my waist, but I was too tired to care.

  I met Sina’s level gaze with one of my own. “Why don’t you go hump a dwarf, Snow White?”

  A cool smile twisted her lips. Her midnight-dark eyes flashed. Eerie power rolled from her.

  But I wasn’t afraid of her. Tired and aching, I shifted on the bed. “Save the theatrics for somebody who might be impressed.” I waited a beat and added, “Unlike me.”

  “Always so strong,” Sina murmured. “So unwilling to need somebody.”

  “I’m not unwilling.”

  “You never let yourself need Luc.”

  That might have hurt. Except she was wrong. Frowning, I climbed out of the bed and looked around for my clothes. They weren’t anywhere to be found. Tucked in the corner was a closet and I headed over there. I found a worn, white polo that smelled of Jack and i
t made my heart hurt as I pulled it on.

  “You’re wrong,” I said, keeping my back to her. “I did need Luc. Maybe I didn’t love him the way I would have liked—and the way he deserved, but I did need him. And I do still need his friendship. I just can’t love him.”

  Turning, I faced her. I crossed my arms over my chest. That ache inside, it still lingered. “Not that it’s any of your business.”

  “Hmm.” She reached up and stroked one of the chains around her neck. One held her medallion. The other, I couldn’t see. Her hair fell to her shoulders, framing her face.

  She wasn’t lovely—not the way the fairy tale portrayed her. But she also wasn’t stupid enough to eat a poisoned apple, and as far as I knew, she’d never had a prince kiss her out of a drugged slumber. Most of the men I knew were more than a little scared of Sina.

  She had a way of cutting people off at the knees…or the balls.

  Sina might not be lovely, but she was exotic, sensual…and when you looked at her, it was hard to look away, especially if she was looking back.

  And right now, she was looking back at me with a faint smile curling her ruby red lips. She wore no make-up. Never had, not in all the years I’d known her. Rising from the seat by the window, Sina strolled over to stand at my side. “This Jack,” she said. “Do you love him?”

  “I hardly know him.”

  “Not an answer.”

  “I…” I blew out a breath and stared into those eerie, insightful blue eyes. Then I shifted my gaze elsewhere. Inside. Jack made me feel again. For the first time in this life. “I don’t know. But I think I could. If he lets me…if he stays, I think I will. But he doesn’t want me.”

  Sina looked past me.

  I already knew why. Looking up, I saw Luc standing in the doorway. Krell was at his side and the moment I looked at the dog, he wagged his tail. Out of habit, I snapped my fingers and he bounded over to me. Crouching down in front of him, I buried my fingers in his fur. “Hey, boy.”

  He went to lick my nose and despite myself, I smiled.

  “Your man thinks we’re still married, Perci,” Luc said.

  My smile wobbled. Died.

  “He…he what?”