by Amber Lynn
Scared to get up and ruin things any more than he already had, Jason sat there and waited for direction from Hope. He didn’t want her to ask him to leave, but he understood why she would and was willing to give her whatever room she needed.
“So you understand that no matter how much sex matters to you, it probably means more to me, and that I wasn’t joking about me getting attached to you if we went down that road.”
Jason nodded. It was hard to believe after all the hitting on he’d seen over the months of watching her behind the bar that she hadn’t at least had a few more kisses in her life. Even though the things he sometimes heard made him a little irritated, Hope always brushed them off and acted charmed when someone asked her to marry him when he was three sheets to the wind.
“Good. As long as you know what you’re getting into. I can’t promise you’ll enjoy it, but if it helps you sate whatever need you have after going without for a year, then we can give it a try.”
It wasn’t surprising that Hope said the words to the coffee table instead of looking at Jason. For a second, he sat there sure he’d heard her wrong. When he’d originally asked the question, he wanted to hear she was willing to give it a try. Knowing it was more complicated than a simple friends with benefits situation changed the arrangement he had in mind.
“It’s not right to laugh, but what you just said is silly.” Before Hope could take the statement the wrong way, Jason was quick to hurry on. “Thinking about my bout of celibacy is pretty trivial right now. And there’s no way I’m going to be your first until I understand why I’d be your first.”
“You think your celibacy is trivial and I think my reasons for the way I am is trivial. So, why don’t we move on to how this would work?"
Sitting down during the conversation wasn’t working for Jason anymore. He didn’t want to give Hope the wrong idea about why he was standing up, so he went about the process of getting to his feet slowly.
“When I said I needed to understand, that wasn’t negotiable.”
Jason kept on his side of the coffee table, but felt better not having to look up at Hope. They were both in the jeans and t-shirt they’d worn to go out shopping earlier in the day, even though Hope had napped in the middle of their times together. Jason straightened his shirt to get rid of some of the creases from Hope leaning up against it.
“You’ve been around the bar enough to know it isn’t because of a lack of offers. Even though they’re drunk, I’m pretty sure the few guys who have asked weren’t joking around.”
“I’m aware you’ve undoubtedly had opportunities before. The key difference here is you’ve passed them up and are willing to accept my offer.”
Hope shrugged. “I have my reasons. Moving on to more important things, I’m not sure how much you prepared for this, but I do have to warn you that I’m not exactly stocked up on birth control. I’ve never needed it before.”
The statement wasn’t needed. Jason assumed there’d need to be some preparations if things proceeded. Jason had been hopeful, but he hadn’t planned ahead enough that he’d brought condoms along.
“We’ll eventually get to that.” Jason shook his head, thinking about how weird things had turned. “I guess I need to make sure your inexperience isn’t because you were saving things for marriage.”
Hope raised her hand to keep Jason from continuing. A loud buzz from the television drew her eye for a second, but Jason didn’t look away from her.
“I find you attractive, Jason. You’re not the first man I’ve ever felt that way about, but you are the first I’m willing to let sweet talk me into the bedroom.”
“I think you have me confused with someone else if you think I’ve done any sweet talking. I’ve totally blundered this attempt at whatever this was.”
The revelations of the night had confused Jason about what he really wanted. If his initial plans hadn’t changed, he would’ve been a bastard of the highest order.
“This thing is two friends, which is the term you decided to give us, helping each other out. Call it friends with benefits or whatever you want, but I want it to happen and since you proposed it, you do to.”
Hope started moving around the table, causing Jason to move in the opposite direction. He was scared of the look he saw in her eyes. It wasn’t the look that made him feel like just a piece of meat that he got from other women. No matter how much bravado she provided, she was scared about what she was agreeing to. At the same time, Jason was happy to see that there was desire in her eyes.
The combination of fear and desire wasn’t one he’d had to experience before. Jason already felt protective of Hope, and he was afraid he was going to have to protect her from herself. Hence him moving around the table instead of letting her get close.
“Can you quit moving around so we can talk about this?”
Jason stopped for a second to see if Hope would, but she tried to use the lack of movement to her advantage by darting towards him. It was hard to figure out what exactly she expected to do if she was able to get ahold of him. He weighed about twice as much as her, so he didn’t think she’d be able to knock him to the ground and ravish him.
Instead of continuing to play the game of “Ring Around the Rosie,” Jason sat down on the couch and when Hope got in front of him, he grabbed her and brought her down to sit next to him. He would’ve thought to let her sit on his lap, but that seemed like a dangerous move.
“Nothing is happening tonight, Hope. I didn’t plan for that. I just wanted to see what you thought about the idea.”
“So you said. You do understand that if you give me time to think about it, I might change my mind.”
There was part of Jason that wanted that to be true. It was a small part, but a time machine that could take him back to before he asked the question would’ve come in handy. He pulled Hope’s hand into his. She’d been content sitting next to him without pursuing him, so it was slightly hazardous to allow their skin to touch.
“You have every right to change your mind, and I sure as heck wouldn’t blame you for it. I don’t want to mess things up between us because I really do like you, Hope. I wish I could give you more, but I’m still not ready for it.”
“Jason, I’m not asking you to marry me. I understand what you’ve been through. I also understand that you could be traded tomorrow and walk out of my life forever.”
That was something Jason absolutely did not want to think about. The last time he was traded his life had turned to crap. He’d tried to make sure to keep people at a distance so he didn’t have to deal with the pain of losing someone, but for better or worse, Hope was a part of his life.
He looked to the television and saw that the game was over. He didn’t have a clock in front of him, but it was after ten and he had an early morning practice that was mandatory. Since Hope had the morning off, that meant she had a lot of time to think about what an idiot he was.
“How about we start with a simple kiss good night to see if there’s any chemistry?”
Neither one of them needed a kiss for verification. Just holding hands told Jason they weren’t going to have any problems igniting a spark, but Hope had mentioned being disappointed in a kiss before. He wanted to give her a glimpse of what she was in for.
He looked over to her and watched as she took a deep breath and nodded her head. After chasing him around the room, it was reassuring to see her taking a second to think before jumping into his lap. When Hope turned her face, she closed her eyes, leaned forward a little and pursed her lips.
Jason smiled as any questions about whether the single kissed she mentioned was really the only one disappeared. Even if there were more, it was clear none of them had been worth a penny.
Hope inhaled when Jason’s fingers brushed her neck. His hand settled firmly, pulling her head closer to him. He licked his lips and lowered his head to give her a tease of a kiss.
It was instantly apparent that Jason should’ve thought twice about suggesting they kiss. Even j
ust the touch of their lips together brought a body part he’d been keeping in check to life. Since the beast was already on the rise, Jason went ahead and ran his tongue along her lips. When he settled his lips firmly on hers, Hope sighed against his lips.
Jason was already pushing his luck, but he still thrust his tongue into her mouth, meeting no resistance from her lips or teeth. Hope sounded like a kitten with the quiet mewling noises echoing out of her. Even with the heat, there was an innocence to the kiss that Jason hadn’t felt before.
It would’ve been easy to fall into the kiss and forget everything else. His body was telling him to do just that. Jason had never let his inner beast control his actions, though, so he curled his tongue around Hope’s one last time and opened his eyes to see her eyes fluttering as she took ragged breaths.
It was hard to pull away, especially seeing how lost Hope was in the kiss, but he had her health to consider. There was a chance she was going to hyperventilate, and Jason couldn’t overwhelm her that much from just a kiss. They were going to need to take baby steps if things were going to progress where they very clearly both wanted things to go.
Chapter Eight
“Can I get a refill?”
Hope had never counted how many times she heard the question a night, but she figured it was close to a hundred. She’d spent two days in a haze, so mixing up the margarita requested was something she did without a thought.
Jason had suggested they take Monday off from each other. After the kiss they’d shared, Hope thought it was a good idea. She could still feel his lips on hers and the sensation didn’t seem to be numbing at all even two days later.
It was amazing that she was able to concentrate on her work at all. She’d been afraid of how her confused feelings would hurt the friendship Jason kept claiming he wanted. She hadn’t expected that a week into their attempt of friendship he’d be the one to suggest adding sex.
Nor had she expected to turn into a puddle the second his lips touched hers. Just thinking about it brought her fingers up to her mouth to trace where his tongue had once been.
“You’re looking a little flush tonight, Hope. You feeling okay?”
Hope had enough wits to hear Jenny ask the question. The blue eyes of the waitress standing on the other side of the bar with a tray full of empty glasses looked genuinely worried.
“Right as rain, as they say,” Hope replied, pulling her fingers away from her lips.
She looked over to one of the neon beer clocks on the walls and saw that it was a little after eleven. Jason hadn’t said he’d stop in for a drink, but he hadn’t said he wouldn’t either. Keeping an eye on the game was a little difficult with people calling for her, but she’d seen that his team had won, so hopefully he was in a good mood.
“You sure? I’ve heard there’s something going around and you know the bossman gets pissed off if he catches anyone trying to spread disease.”
Hope snorted before she could cover her mouth and keep it in. Jenny’s words brought back an image of one of Hope’s first days on the job. She’d been learning the ropes from another bartender who had the unfortunate luck of having a sudden bought of allergies.
Randy, the owner of The Blue Corral, was surprisingly a germophobe, and totally unaware of Carl’s problem with pollen. When he heard the sniffles and sneezes, he’d walked out of the dungeon he called an office in the back with a giant can of disinfectant primed and ready to do battle.
He was nice enough to ask the few people at the bar to take their drinks and relocate before he started his mass eradication of the germs. The fog of war lasted at least an hour, so the few people who hadn’t left their drinks and run for the hill at the initial warnings that something was wrong, didn’t stick around long.
Since then, the staff was big on making sure there wasn’t a chance Randy could misinterpret any symptoms as illness. Hope didn’t remember a time when she was sick, so it wasn’t something she had to consciously think about.
“I am positive we’re not going to see a repeat of any of his overreactions, Jenny. Now, do you need any refills or are you just dropping these off?”
Jenny didn’t look certain, but she nodded her head slightly. Something caught her eye before she could respond to the question about the glasses. Hope assumed she wasn’t in a hurry to get back to someone tipping her, since she hadn’t immediately yelled for the refills.
Following the waitress’ eyes, Hope saw the man she’d been waiting for making his way around people heading out to the dancefloor. He’d revealed in one of their chats that there was no way she’d ever catch him dancing, mentioning something about having two left feet. Hope couldn’t stand dancing either, so she could commiserate about how awful it was to sit around and watch others attempting the feat.
Hope expected him to be in the gray suit, not necessarily that particular suit, but since he was coming from a game, she knew he’d be dressed up. His eyes were on her as he finally made it to the bar. Jenny was standing in front of her, so he had to stand off to the side, a situation Hope corrected by taking a step to the left.
“You didn’t bother drying your hair.”
It was a stupid comment, but Jason rarely showed up fresh from a shower. Either the smoke in the bar was a little lighter than normal or he’d dabbed a couple extra splashes of cologne on, because it was all Hope could smell as he sat down on the stool next to him.
“How’s things going, beautiful? People treating you okay tonight?”
Jason’s eyes scanned the people sitting around the bar. It didn’t appear anyone stood out as much of a threat when his eyes quickly made their way back to her. He didn’t pay any attention to the woman standing next to him, which was something most men had trouble doing.
Jenny looked like the dolls girls played with as a kid, proportions and all. The tight shirts she always wore to help get extra tips made sure no one missed the melons trying to escape.
“My night just got better. So, any fighting with the refs tonight?”
She thought there’d be a little tension between the two of them after the way they’d left things. Hope had been in knots wondering if Jason would pretend nothing had happened. There was a new look in his eyes, and just seeing it caused her skin to prickle.
“No more than usual. Speaking of my usual, can I get a pint?” Jason tapped his finger on the bar. “I don’t want people to think I’m just here stalking the pretty bartender.”
“I know you can be unpredictable, Jason, but your choice in drinks is rather boring.”
That didn’t stop Hope from doing as he asked. The few times they’d been together outside the bar hadn’t consisted of drinking any alcohol, so whether he liked his particular beer choice because it was easy or if he truly relished it was still a mystery. There was nothing wrong with his choice, it was just kind of dull.
“Jenny, that table over there is trying to flag you down.”
Hope pointed across the room as she put the glass of beer on the counter in front of Jason. Jenny still hadn’t indicated if she was waiting for refills, but the customers waving their hands weren’t going to go away.
Jenny smiled at Hope and then glanced at Jason before she went on her way. Hope had never had a reason to be jealous before, but she didn’t like what she saw in her coworker’s eyes.
“I take it you haven’t changed your mind about what we talked about the other day.”
Jason leaned forward as he wrapped his hands around his glass while he made his statement. His voice didn’t lower too much, but it was enough that not everyone in the bar could hear him. He hadn’t taken a seat in his usual spot, which was more private. It was the first time he’d decided to sit in the middle of the bar.
“What makes you say that?”
Hope busied herself by filling the call for a drink from someone a few stools down. As much as she wanted to stand around and talk all night, Randy hated stoppages in work almost as much as he hated germs.
That didn’t mean she wasn’t go
ing to try to work in a few conversations with Jason whenever she could. She still had two or three hours of work, and she doubted he’d stick around the whole time, so she had to talk while she could.
“The look of deadly intent I saw in your eyes a few seconds ago was a good indicator.”
Hope raised an eyebrow as she got a glass of ice ready for a customer who’d ordered some whiskey. She didn’t really question what Jason had said, but she thought she’d done a better job of hiding it.
“Come on. We both know you were planning Jenny’s death if she so much as sniffed in my direction.”
There was no argument without lying, so Hope walked down the bar and delivered the whiskey. She didn’t need Jason getting scared by her jealousy and deciding that his grand idea of friends with benefits wasn’t going to work. Hope had noticed that he’d slipped up the night before and said he wasn’t ready to give her more than companionship and some romps in the sack.
With his adamant assurances that there would never be anything remotely romantic in his life again, the change to say he just wasn’t ready was almost a one-eighty. Hope wasn’t sure how to read it, especially after she’d put the idea in his head that he’d probably eventually find a new Mrs. Miller amongst the Jennys of the world.
“Friends have to have each other’s backs. Don’t they?”
Hope shrugged and grabbed a towel to wipe down the counter. It was a little light for customers needing beverages with half the Tuesday crowd on the dancefloor. Randy had brought in some upstart country singer, who apparently was good enough to draw a crowd.
“That they do. You going to be up for talking after work? Or are you going to try to get the cigarette smoke out of your hair before you get to spend the morning with your mother?”
Jason winked and finally took a sip of his beer. He usually slammed the first one of the night, but like his change in seating location, his drinking habits were different. Not enough that he ordered something a little more exotic, but something was up.