Royal Rebel

by Jenny Frame

  “You don’t know me, Lex.” Roza’s fury surged. “I might have had a very active social life, but I’m not a bad person. If I make a commitment to spend some time with a sick little girl, I’m not going to let her down. I’m not the shallow socialite you think I am.” Tears tumbled uncontrollably from her eyes. She grabbed her handbag and stormed out of the office.

  Lex held her head in her hands. “Fuck! What did I say that for?”

  Conrad popped his head around the door and asked, “Is everything all right, Lex? What happened to Princess Roza? She’s left with her security agents.”

  She was doing so well. They were doing so well, and she’d hurt her. “I didn’t believe in her, just like everyone else in her life.”

  *

  The next morning couldn’t come quickly enough for Lex. She had tried to call Roza a few times last night to apologize, but got no answer. She got into work early and waited and waited, hoping Roza would come in today, and to her relief she did.

  Roza walked in and without looking at her sat at her desk.

  Lex immediately went to her. “Roza, I’m really sorry about what I said yesterday. I was thoughtless and unkind. I tried to call you a few times last night but I couldn’t get through.”

  “I wasn’t out drinking at a club or champagne party, if that’s what you think. My phone number is changed regularly for security,” Roza snapped.

  Lex knelt down by Roza’s chair. “I didn’t think that. Listen, I’m sorry, can we start again? I was wrong to say that to you. The more I’ve gotten to know you, the more I know what a kind, caring girl you are. I was just trying, in my unthinking way, to make sure you understood what committing your time, not just money, to a little girl like Summer and to the play centre meant. I didn’t know when I started, and I’m not a princess—although I’d make a pretty good one, I think you’ll agree?”

  Roza chuckled and her eyes twinkled, making Lex’s heart happy. “No, you are a King, never a princess.”

  “I suppose you’re right,” Lex said with a smile, and without thinking she held Roza’s hand gently. “What I’m trying to say is, I worked in the City, and money and making it were everything to me. Then I had to…reassess my life due to certain circumstances and I had to get a new career. I thought, hey, I’m good at making money, I can do that for good now. Then I came face-to-face with what that money does. Summer, the kids, and the staff it makes possible, and the people it helps. When I first saw a group of kids, a group of kids who were ill, some who had no hope of recovery, laughing and singing because of one of the entertainers and the play workers we provided, the scales dropped from my eyes. This was what I was meant to do with my life.”

  Roza looked into her eyes with what she could only describe as passion. “That was beautiful.”

  Lex felt herself respond to her. There was nothing she could do but inch closer and closer to Roza. She wanted her so badly in this moment. Then she thought about who Roza really was, a princess of Denbourg, and how she couldn’t allow herself to give in to the craving she had for her.

  “Yeah…well, enough deep and meaningful conversation, we have work to do. I just wanted you to know why I took you there yesterday and why you need to be really committed to someone in that kind of vulnerable situation.”

  “I understand, Lex. I want to help you and do something meaningful for once. Will you let me?”

  Lex stoop up and thought for a second. “How about you rethink your secret project, after knowing what you’ve learned yesterday. I’ll give you a budget, and I want you to come up with a fully costed plan. If it’s suitable for Timmy’s, I’ll give you the money to go and do it.”

  Roza jumped up and threw her arms around Lex. “Thank you. That’s a great idea. I’m going to knock your socks off with my plan.”

  “I don’t doubt it.” Lex eased herself from Roza’s arms and went back to the relative safety of her desk.

  After a few minutes, Roza asked, “Lex? Why did you leave your job in the city?”

  “That is a story for another day. Are we all good now, Princess? No bad feelings?”

  “None. Let’s get to work, King Lex.”

  *

  Roza worked tirelessly on her project while spending time at the play centre a few days a week. The group of children who came to play with her grew larger, and as it did she sourced toy dress-up kits for the kids. Princesses, knights, toy swords and helmets, tiaras, and of course the essential fairy wings.

  Roza knelt on the floor and gathered the children around her in a circle. She had a dress-up box next to her and had a storybook in her hand. The little excited faces gazed up at her and tugged her heartstrings. She was so glad Lex had brought her here.

  “Okay, princesses and valiant knights. Today we’re going to do something a bit different with our lessons. Princesses and knights don’t just have to look the part, they must always go on great quests and serve their people.”

  She held up her book. “This book is called The Dragon of Crystal Mountain, and we are going to vanquish it.”

  The children cheered and edged ever closer to the dress-up box. “Before you choose your parts, remember not all princesses need to be rescued. Some are warriors with swords, and some knights like fairy wings. Choose the costume you feel suits who you are.”

  They didn’t need a second invitation, and after ten minutes they were ready to play. Roza took Summer’s hand—the little girl was now dressed in fairy wings and a sword—and led the children over to the play castle in the corner. There she had hobby horse toys waiting for them.

  “Everyone get your horse and saddle up. We are going on a quest to find the dragon of crystal mountain!”

  All the children shouted and squealed with excitement. Roza opened her book and started to read, “Once upon a time, in a faraway land, the kingdom of Agrar was plagued by a dragon who lived in crystal mountain. The good and brave of that kingdom gathered together to go on a quest to crystal mountain…”

  *

  Lex had a meeting with the centre manager while Roza was hosting her princess lessons in the large playroom. After she was finished she made her way along to see her. Major Ravn and Johann stood guard outside the door.

  “Major. Everything all right?” Lex asked.

  Ravn smiled, something she didn’t often do. “Everything is good. Take a look.”

  Lex gazed through the windows in the doors and watched Roza, who was dressed in jeans and a casual top today, on a hobby horse, riding around the room.

  “She’s changed so much,” Ravn said, “thanks to your influence.”

  The children cheered and laughed at something Roza said, and she was engulfed by hugs.

  “No, she had it all inside her. She just needed someone to listen and pay attention to what she said.” And I’m frightened I’m falling for her.

  When Roza spotted her watching she came to the door. “Come on, you, we need another valiant knight, and you fit the bill, Lex. Oh, and you too, Ravn. We need a dragon.”

  A bemused Major Ravn was dragged into the playroom.

  *

  When they got back to the office, Lex headed up to the roof garden. She needed some space, and time alone to process what her heart was feeling. She walked up to the edge of the roof, leaned on the barrier, and took some deep cleansing breaths. This is so hard. Lex already knew she was beginning to have more than feelings of lust for Roza. She knew she cared about her deeply, but when she saw Roza down on her knees playing with the kids, kids who might not see their next Christmas, and showing them so much care, she realized she was starting to fall for her.

  Being around Roza each day was getting to be so hard, and the hunger she was feeling terrified her. She heard the fire door open and just knew who it would be.

  “Lex?”

  Roza’s very voice made her shiver. “I’m here.”

  She appeared at her side and leaned on the barrier beside her. “Why did you disappear?”

  Because I wanted to set you o
n my lap and kiss you for the rest of the day. “I just needed a breath of air,” Lex said.

  “Oh, okay.” It sounded like Roza didn’t quite believe her.

  Roza’s hand slid along the railing until it covered her own. She knew if she snatched it away, Roza would be hurt, so she just gave in to the feeling of her touch.

  “Playing with the kids was so much fun today, wasn’t it?” Roza asked.

  Lex nodded. “The kids love you, and they love meeting a real princess.”

  “I’ve never really been around kids much, but I enjoyed it enormously. I think Major Ravn enjoyed playing the dragon,” Roza joked.

  Lex couldn’t help but laugh, remembering the stoic agent stomping around after the kids. “Yeah, I would never have thought Ravn would be the playing type.”

  “She’s devoted to her wife and children, so I think she’s used to it. You were the perfect valiant knight yet again.” Roza inched closer.

  “I had fun too.” Lex was eager to get the conversation onto boring work. They both obviously had feelings and Roza seemed eager to act on them. “You’re doing good work. I’m proud of you. How is your project coming on?”

  “Good, I should be able to show it to you soon. Lex? Would you look at me? I can feel you trying to pull away from me every time I get closer to you.”

  Lex sighed and turned to face her. “Roza, I’m a lot older than you, and you’ve just come out of a relationship.”

  Roza looked down at her hand and pulled off the ring Thea gave her. “I think it’s time to move on with my life.”

  She dropped the ring over the side of the building and it was gone. Lex didn’t know what to say. This was so hard.

  Roza caressed Lex’s cheek and said, “There’s so much I want to tell you.”

  Lex couldn’t stop her arms circling Roza’s waist. No matter how bad an idea this was, or how hurt they both could get, she couldn’t stop the desperate pull towards Roza’s lips.

  “Lex, please?” Roza pleaded breathily.

  They were about to kiss and there was nothing Lex could do to stop it. Her body demanded it. Their lips came together softly, and Roza moaned. As Lex gave in to the kiss, all her practised restraint was gone. The hunger that had been smouldering inside her was set on fire. She felt desperate, needy and Roza was the only one who could assuage her.

  Roza moaned deeply, slid her fingers through Lex’s short hair, and grasped at it desperately.

  Lex pulled back to breathe and was about to kiss Roza again when the fire exit door opened and they jumped apart. Lex quickly tried to calm herself from the passion-filled fog in her head.

  Mel from PR stared at them with a smirk on her face. “Oh, excuse me. I’ll come back later.”

  She never comes up here. The enormity of Lex’s fear was back. If anyone found out about them, it could cause them both so much trouble. Lex felt like she was shaking apart inside. One touch of Roza’s lips and she wanted more, and her body demanded it right now. I’m losing control.

  “I think we’d better go back to work.”

  She took a step away and Roza grabbed her arm to stop her. “Don’t run, Lex.”

  Lex looked down at the ground and tried to get ahold of herself. “Roza, I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

  “No, it is. Give us a chance. Will you have dinner with me tonight? We could talk.”

  She couldn’t tonight, and she knew it would hurt Roza. “I can’t. I have a prior engagement.”

  Roza let go of her. The sadness was evident in her watery eyes. “What engagement?”

  “It’s personal.”

  Roza said nothing but walked away without looking back.

  Why do I always hurt people?

  Chapter Eleven

  The community centre hall was busy tonight with many old and a few new faces. Lex sat down in the circle of chairs and the meeting began. After the new members were welcomed, the floor was open. Lex didn’t always speak, but tonight she felt she needed to so she stood and said, “My name is Lennox King and I am an addict.”

  She got the affirmation of a round of applause from her fellow group participants.

  “I’ve been clean from drugs and alcohol for six years, and I’m so very thankful for every day of those six years.”

  Lex looked across to where her friend Vic was sitting and smiled. Vic had been with her every step of this journey from the first time she’d stepped into this Narcotics Anonymous meeting, after leaving residential rehab, and she couldn’t have met a better friend, or sponsor.

  Like her, Vic had been a successful businesswoman, owning and managing a series of pubs and clubs. Now she dedicated her life to her family, and her four whole food supermarkets in the London area.

  Lex launched into her story, drawing strength from what she had overcome and where she was today, but she couldn’t get away from the guilt she felt at turning Roza down.

  After the meeting broke up, Lex stayed to talk with Vic.

  “You looked worried when you spoke tonight,” Vic said.

  Lex leaned forward and stared down at the hard floor of the community centre. “I think I’m falling for Princess Rozala.”

  “What? You were just attracted to her when we talked last and—”

  Lex looked up at her and admitted, “It’s always been more than attraction. It’s been different since I first met her. She got under my skin and now she’s into my heart.”

  Vic shook her head in disbelief. “You sure know how to pick ’em. After all these years of no one in your life, you pick a princess of one of the most influential European countries on the world stage.”

  Lex couldn’t help but smile sadly. “I know, it’s crazy. We kissed today, and I nearly couldn’t stop.”

  “Jesus. What does she feel?”

  “I think she feels the same or at least thinks she does. She asked me to dinner tonight and I had to say no of course. She was hurt, and that tears me apart. People have let her down before and all she wants is someone to love her.”

  Vic sighed. “Julie told me about Princess Rozala’s ex, the arms dealer.”

  Lex nodded. “We’ve both got a lot of baggage, and besides the fact her family would never accept an ex cocaine addict to be the partner of the second in line to the throne, I’m terrified of how she makes me feel and how I’ll feel when she leaves—and she will leave me sometime. I crave her. She’s all I can think about.”

  “Why do you think you feel that desperate craving for her?” Vic asked.

  “I really don’t know, Vic. I don’t know what to say.” There were no answers she could find, or maybe wanted to find.

  “Okay then, why did you take drugs?”

  That was the question she had worked around her head every day since her first day in rehab, and there were many different levels to it. “I was desperate for the next high, the next hit of warmth, of acceptance. I wanted love and was frightened I would never find what my parents have.”

  Vic smiled, as if she was pleased Lex had worked it out for herself. “You want love and you’re falling for Princess Rozala, partly because she is aching for the same kind of love.”

  Lex felt a heavy load slide off her shoulders at admitting that, and recognizing why it scared her so much. “What should I do? It can never work out long term. I would be an embarrassment to her.”

  “I know that’s not true. If you explore your feelings, you may get hurt, but if you don’t, you will definitely get hurt. You need to tell her who you are, and what you’ve been through.”

  “That is the terrifying part.”

  Vic chuckled softly. “I know. When I met Julie, I put it off and put it off, and when I did talk about it, I got more love than I could have ever imagined. I didn’t believe I was worthy of love, but with each passing day, I started to believe.”

  Lex stood and gave Vic a hug. “Thank you. You’re the best friend I could have, you know that?”

  “Oh, don’t get all lovey-dovey and emotional on me. I’m too butch fo
r you—go and show it to your princess.”

  Lex laughed out loud. “Yeah, you are. I’ll call you.”

  She was suddenly full of energy, and anxious to talk to Roza. Maybe she could face these feelings and see where they went, even if it wasn’t forever. Roza needed love and Lex wanted to give her it.

  *

  Roza was huddled up on the couch in her St James’s Palace apartment. The TV played in the background, and she cuddled her wool blanket as she watched absently. She had cried herself out earlier, and as much as Perri tried to get her to talk, she just couldn’t explain the hurt she had felt this afternoon.

  She was sure Lex was going to admit what was between them, and there was nothing she wanted more, but as soon as they were disturbed, Lex shut off to her, and ran. It hurt when she’d turned down her offer of dinner. Maybe she read it wrong—maybe Lex just didn’t want her.

  Perri came into the living room and leaned against the door. “Are you sure you’re okay, Roza?”

  “I’m fine. Just a little tired.” Roza gave her a small smile.

  “I’ve hung up your clothes for tomorrow, so I’ll go back to my apartment and read for a while. If you need me, don’t hesitate, okay?”

  As she had gotten to know Perri, she’d come to understand why her mother loved her so much. She was caring, kind, and gentle. Gussy had been right, as much as she’d protested at the time. Having someone around her who knew her mother so well was nice.

  She got up and walked over to Perri, and surprised her by giving her a hug. “Thank you for looking after me. I should have said that before. I’ve been a spoiled brat, and I’m sorry.”

  Perri hugged her back tightly and said in an emotional voice, “You’re a good girl, Roza. You’ve been working hard and your mama would be proud of you.”