Story Fix

by Larry Brooks

  Tertia becomes the MacGuffin—she has what everyone wants (the heir). Mark Antony felt that he should have been the heir. The heir-apparent, Octavius, thinks he’s the heir. It is also the first time she stands up for herself and acts.

  Notes from Larry: Here’s where it isn’t clear. They want her, because she has what they really want … but what does that mean? They want her dead? They want her to marry [insert name]? What do they really hope for? Seems like they “want her out of the way” rather that simply wanting her.

  These motivations on the part of the various antagonists need to be clear and scary.

  It’s a good plot point, if it’s credible. Tertia simply standing up for herself isn’t enough. She needs to prove it, and when she does, now the game is really “on.” We need to see her standing up for herself, and there need to be consequences that launch her down the story path.

  Here’s another issue: How does this FPP alter her path, create a quest, and launch the dramatic path toward confrontation with the antagonist(s)? That’s not quite clear yet.

  At what point in your story does your First Plot Point occur? (Note: The optimal location is at the 20th to 25th percentile mark.)

  At the 23 percent mark.

  Notes from Larry: This is ideal.

  What happens in your Part Two scenes? How does this illustrate a response (the contextual goal of Part Two) on the part of your hero?

  Tertia is abducted and drugged, and an attempt is made on her life by way of a near drowning. Alex finds her and saves her.

  Notes from Larry: Good—if you can explain how killing her, while pregnant, serves the needs of the killer. If the baby also dies, does that mean the killer becomes the heir (meaning it must be Marc Antony)?

  But I fear a major mistake forthcoming. Ultimately, Tertia needs to save herself. Do not rely on Alex to do the saving. We are rooting for her, not necessarily Alex. This is her story; she needs to defeat Antony and her husband.

  This is a make-or-break issue. It’s the difference between a “romance” that doesn’t make dramatic sense and a mainstream book that could be stellar. She needs to earn the nametag of hero.

  Do you have a pinch point moment in the middle of your Part Two sequence?

  A Cassius POV scene where he and his mother devise a new plan on how to find Tertia.

  Notes from Larry: And do what to her, or with her, specifically? The consequences of finding her is where the threat lies. The reader needs to know and feel the weight of that threat.

  What is the Midpoint contextual shift/twist in your story? What new information does it impart to the story, and how does this shift the hero’s context from “responder/wanderer” to “attacker/warrior?”

  The attempt on Tertia’s life ends in miscarriage. Believing Cassius orchestrated her near drowning, she realizes that even without the baby she still has the ammunition to be free of Cassius.

  Notes from Larry: A good plot twist. But for it to work, the reader needs to immediately be able to root for a different outcome—it was about the child; now it’s about Tertia’s own safety, and not allowing these villains to win. This dynamic needs to be set up subtly in the exposition that precedes the midpoint.

  An alliance by marriage is only good as long as the parties involved are alive. Cassius’s attempt on her life is proof he holds no special regard for her family. Brutus will have to grant her a divorce, which will also force Cassius to return her dowry. (Worldbuilding fact: Divorce is only possible if a woman’s patriarch or husband permits it. Tertia’s patriarch is Brutus.)

  Notes from Larry: Good. Then this becomes her heroic quest—to convince her brother to grant her this divorce on these grounds, and to avoid Cassius in the meantime. Is this credible? Have you put her in a position to pull this off? What equity does she have with her brother (that needs to be established; Brutus can’t suddenly enter the story as a rabbi-out-of-the-tunic solution).

  What happens in Part Three of your story, now that your hero is in proactive attack mode (against the external problem/goal)?

  Tertia learns from Alex how to wield a dagger in self-defense so as never to be taken by surprise again. She falls in love with Alex. She has sex with Alex. She gets her aunt on her side.

  Notes from Larry: Careful … we’ll never swallow the notion that she could defeat Cassius in a knife fight. She’ll need a better solution or strategy than this.

  This is a very important part of the story: She needs to be on a path toward doing something specific to achieve her goal. She can’t be passive here, simply responding to what comes at her (that was the context of the Part Two scenes). She needs to be proactive, in charge of her own fate, doing something … and there needs to be continued obstacles and hazards in doing so.

  What is your strategy to escalate dramatic tension, pace, and stakes in the second half of your story?

  Tertia’s brother does not believe that Cassius was involved in her kidnapping or near drowning and her mother takes his side. Tertia turns to Alex, the only person who she thinks believes in her, and asks him to run away with her. He rejects her because he knows she will never be happy without the life that she knows or the family she loves. Cassius and Brutus discover the lovers together, and Tertia is forced to go east with Cassius as he begins to build an army, while Alex is imprisoned for sleeping with another man’s wife.

  Notes from Larry: It sounds like she’s still in passive victim mode. What is her plan? Her strategy? At this point, you need to give the reader something to root for, not just a diary/documentary of hopeless helplessness.

  What is the Second Plot Point in your story? How does this change or affect the hero’s proactive role? What new information enters the story here?

  On the brink of committing suicide because she thinks she’ll never be free and never loved or valued, Tertia realizes that she isn’t the one who has to die. If Cassius were dead, then she would be free.

  Notes from Larry: Be careful—it’s really hard to root for a hero who is considering suicide. But overall, now you’re cooking. This is huge. It’s a great second plot point. Love it.

  But your Part Three quartile is still contextually off the mark, because she’s victim-y, helpless, not really working an angle or a strategy there (in the scenes after the midpoint and before the Second Plot Point). It’s okay if her plan tanks, but she needs to transition from “responder” (in Part Two) to “attacker” (in Part Three).

  Do that, and show us how “all is lost” right before the Second Plot Point, and then make the Second Plot Point her moment of clarity—she has to kill her husband. Now you’ve got a killer Part Four and resolution on your hands.

  I hope. It depends on how you end it. I’m on pins and needles here.

  Your reader will be, too … if you tweak some of this, as I’ve described.

  How does your story end? Describe how your hero becomes the primary catalyst for this resolution.

  Tertia attempts to poison Cassius, but she fails.

  Notes from Larry: Well, I hope there’s more, a postscript of some kind that shows her winning in some way.

  At the Battle of Phillippi, Tertia is imprisoned in Cassius’s tent. When Cassius believes he is defeated, he returns to his tent to commit suicide, but he tells Tertia he is going to kill her first. Tertia knows she doesn’t deserve to die. He might not find her worthy of living, but she does. Cassius lunges at her, and she uses the dagger Alex had given her to mortally stab Cassius before he can hurt her.

  Notes from Larry: And there you go. Nice! I love it.

  You have a potential winner on your hands. The key is understanding your own core dramatic arc, and including dramatic tension over the course of all four parts.

  After reading this, I would toss the Alex POV. This isn’t his story. It slows things down, and it’s off topic. Use him as a catalyst, someone she falls for, but don’t ask the reader to root for him from his point of view. It’s not his story; it’s hers.

  If this was my story, I’d tel
l the whole thing from Tertia’s POV. For one thing, that would simplify what could end up being a massively complex and confusing read.

  Read The Hunger Games, which is entirely in Katniss’s POV (unlike the movie, which goes behind the curtain) Your story doesn’t benefit from including multiple points of view. Take us on Tertia’s journey, and make us feel what she feels, fear what she fears, aspire to what she aspires to—in first person. That’s the strategy I would recommend.

  Notice, too, how the so-called “romance” angle virtually disappears in these answers. That’s because it is a bit contrived and forced; it is not part of the core dramatic arc. So don’t force the Alex romance, or if you do “feature” it, Alex needs a bigger role as co-conspirator. He can’t disappear from the story as he does. They need to do this together—do it for each other. That’ll make the romance angle work, without trying to turn the whole story into a “romance novel,” which it isn’t.

  I hope these notes help take you to a higher level with this great story. I encourage you to write it with courage and vision, and not to please your genre-specific writer friends. This is bigger than that.

  Thanks for the look. I wish you great success. Please keep me posted.

  Postscript Note From Larry

  I hope you can see why I included this case study. Even when a concept is terrific, full of promise, and dripping with innate dramatic tension, there can be a laundry list of ways to screw it up. The key to avoiding disaster is your level of storytelling knowledge, which contributes toward a heightened story sensibility that will serve you once you square off with the blank page.

  Story sensibility is everything. It’s the key to fulfilling your writing dreams. The lack of this sensibility may be what got you rejected, while nourishing it will empower you toward the successful revision of your story.

  I hope you’ve found the tools and rationale to embark upon that journey in this book. Nothing will ever make the task of writing a great story easier, because the process is inherently fraught with risks and challenges, and is never an exact science. But those tools and truths will make the awaiting rewards more reachable, elevating you into a league that tolerates no poseurs and no guesswork.

  The only other ingredient required, worth mentioning here, as you close the cover on this book, is perseverance. Story sensibility is an organic thing. It feeds on input and glories in practice. Feed it well, cultivate its growth, and learn to trust it as you move forward.

  May you be the hero in your own writing story. May your quest be filled with bliss and your endings full of reward, the greatest of which is knowing you gave your story your all, and that your all was fueled by truth and the courage to embrace it.