The NSC Boxset: Heart of Stone

by D H Sidebottom

  Chapter Eighteen

  IT WAS 8:15PM when I pulled up to the large gates. Winding my window down, I punched in the code and drove up the driveway, pulling to a stop in front of the great house.

  Climbing from Betty, I picked up the box and walked up the steps to the front doors. The door was ajar and I presumed he must have seen me coming and opened it for me, was that a good sign?

  Walking through the door I couldn’t see or hear him. I placed the box on the table in the entrance hallway and walked into the kitchen in search of him.

  “Well, well, well! I wondered how long it would take you,” he slurred from behind me.

  I spun round to face him. He was stood, leaning against the kitchen door frame, his eyes hooded and blurred with a nearly empty bottle of whisky in one hand and a glass tumbler in the other. “Nate?” I frowned. “Are you drunk?”

  “Well aren’t you a clever girl.” He grinned sickly then scoffed. “But then again I would say you are incredibly fucking stupid! Wouldn’t you, Liv?” He snorted. “Actually I think I’m the fucking stupid one. I was actually worried about you Liv, when I saw the text from Jay. Ha! I thought Jay was short for James and that he was meeting you and blackmailing you to go back to him or sleep with him . . . fucking stupid.” His voice raised a level and I glared at him.

  “You read and deleted Jay’s text? And how the fuck can it have been James when he’s in prison, Nate?”

  He pushed his body off the frame and wobbled towards me. I backed into the worktop, my heart pounding. He huffed and regarded me. “Even after everything you’ve done, I’m not gonna fucking touch you, Liv. Do you think that little of me?” His brow creased and he drew his head back. “Oh yeah, I forgot, you DO think that little of me,” he spat, laughing harshly as he wobbled to one of the stools. After trying to sit on it and missing twice he gave up and leant on the island instead.

  “Nate, I love you, you know I do,” I tried, my courage in what I came here for diminishing by the second.

  He snorted and took a large pull on the bottle, completely disregarding the glass and draining it. He looked at me, then threw it across the room where it shattered into pieces. His body spun as he hurled it, he had to grab onto the counter to steady himself. “How could you, Liv? Why? Why?” he garbled, his blurred eyes on me. “How could you do that to me? You’ve denied me the most precious thing in the world! Why, Liv?”

  He shook his head, stood upright as best he could and walked towards a cupboard, opening it and claiming another bottle of whisky.

  I walked towards him. “Nate, please don’t drink anymore. You’ve had enough,” I pleaded, reaching for the liquor but he snatched it away.

  “Don’t you fucking dare. I need it to forget! Forget how much of a fucking bitch you really are!” he hissed. I gasped at his harsh words. He laughed at my intake of breath. “What, Liv? Don’t you think you’re a bitch? Because I am pleased to tell you that you excel at being a bitch.”

  He walked towards me again. “Nineteen fucking years you took from me Liv, nineteen bastard years I missed out on being something I’ve wanted to be for so long.”

  He carried on towards me and I stepped back. “I’ve wanted to tell you for so long Nate, but I couldn’t find the right time or the right bloody words.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “When did you find out you were pregnant?”

  I looked away, worried about his reaction. “The day before you left for Edinburgh,” I murmured.

  He stalked towards me again. I was backed up against the wall as he came in close, his strong intoxicating breath in my face. “The day before I left? The day we had the picnic at the lake?” he quizzed, his voice higher. He narrowed his eyes as I nodded slightly. His fist skimmed my cheek as it smashed into the wall alongside my head, punching a hole in the plaster.

  Recoiling, I sucked in a breath as my legs began to tremble and a tear slipped from my eye. “NATE!” He was frightening me now, in the back of my mind I knew he would never hurt me, however he was so drunk I wasn’t sure if he knew what he was doing.

  He whirled round and walked away. “Do you know how much you have fucking hurt me? Knowing that you knew you were pregnant with my fucking son . . . my fucking son,” he added quietly. He opened the new bottle and took a long swig, turned back to look at me and leant back against the island. “Why didn’t you tell me that day?”

  I stepped forward then thought better and moved back to the wall. “I didn’t tell you because you were so excited Nate, about your new job, your new life. It was everything to you, all you’d worked for and if I told you the truth you wouldn’t have gone. I loved you too much to let you ruin your life. I loved you enough to live without you.”

  He laughed hard. “YOU LOVED ME TOO MUCH? That’s a fucking laugh.”

  He was pissing me off now; he wasn’t listening to me, to what I was trying to tell him. “I couldn’t do it, Nate! I’m sorry, okay! We were kids; you were too young to be a father. Hell! I was too fucking young to be a single mother but I did it for you! I made the biggest mistake I’ve ever made, and for nineteen years I’ve had to live with the fact that I kept a son away from his father so that YOU COULD LIVE YOUR DREAMS, NATE!”

  His glass followed the bottle and smashed against the fridge door. He stood up, shaking fiercely. “But you didn’t give me the fucking choice to choose, did you? Because I know what I would’ve chosen Liv, but you took that choice from me.”

  He was repeating the same thing and we were getting nowhere so I decided to leave, I needed to let him calm down so he would listen to me but as I walked towards the door, he darted across the kitchen and grabbed my arm, spinning me round to face him.

  “I have missed out on my only son’s life Liv, the only child I’m ever going to have and you took that away. I should have been his father; I should have been there when he said his first word, his first step, his first birthday and his first day at school, and even his first fucking shave and sex talk should have been my responsibility, Liv. Do you understand? I’ve missed everything and I’m never going to get that back!” he yelled, spit flying from his lips.

  My heart clenched for him but he still wasn’t realising why I had done it. “Do you think it’s been a fucking breeze for me Nate? I was twenty one, pregnant and frightened to fucking death when you left. WHEN YOU FUCKING LEFT ME! I had to bring him into this world alone. I fucking needed you to hold my hand when the pain became too much! I needed you so many times to help me raise him. The endless nights without sleep because he was teething or ill, the times when he was naughty and I was the horrible mummy, the times when he fucking cried for you when James had beaten his mummy to within an inch of my life and he told me to fetch his Daddy to save us, for you, his Daddy, Nate! The time when he’d had a bad accident and I thought he was gonna die. I needed you then to drag me through those desperate and fucking petrifying dark days when I thought he’d never pull through.”

  He was staring at me, his eyes fixed in my face. “Yes it was my choice to put myself through that but I always made sure that Jay knew everything about you and why I had let you go and fulfil your ambition in life, even he understood why I did it. A fucking child understood Nate!” I shook my head sadly. “But you know what; he’s so much stronger than either of us. He said when you’re ready to talk he’ll come down to meet you. What you did to him today will haunt me for the rest of my life, Nate. The way you looked at him when you realised who he was. The first time he met his father and you were a fucking arsehole, you couldn’t even talk to him.” I turned away from him and went upstairs to collect my things.

  He was still stood silent, still leaning on the bloody island, bottle in hand as I walked back down. I stood in the doorway, looking at him. “We nearly had it, Nate! We nearly had everything,” I whispered sadly, then walked through the front door, taking one last glance at the box of memories.

  He was still motionless and mute as I climbed into Betty and drove out of his life.

  I arrived
home, somehow driving on autopilot through my tear streaked vision. When I pulled onto my drive I saw Beth sat on my doorstep, wine and Haribos in hand. As I got out of the car she held them up to me and stood up. “Jay rang me.” It was all she needed to say. I stood on the driveway and cried; wept like there was no tomorrow and shook so hard that she had to come and help me into the house.

  Sitting me down on the sofa, she then went and fetched two glasses and the scissors for the Haribos and then after pouring us each a glass she handed it to me, tapped it against mine and said “To Jay.” I smiled, grateful to Jay for ignoring me and ringing my best friend when I needed her the most.

  “So,” she said, lifting her eyebrows at me when I had finished sobbing. “I gather from Jay that the reunion didn’t go well.” She pursed her lips. “And of all the things I thought Nate was capable of, it definitely wasn’t of hurting his son like he did.”

  “He’s just hurting, Beth.” I defended him, I don’t know why but he wasn’t all at fault for what he had done to Jay. “He was angry at me not Jay and it shocked him, it wasn’t anger against Jay. Jay understands that.”

  I cringed when she scoffed. “I know Liv, that’s what galls me the most, how Jay’s shrugged it off and is still willing to try again with Nate. That fucking man doesn’t deserve a son like Jay.” She was angry and I could understand her but it was still all my fault. If I had told Nate before or even when I found out I was pregnant then none of this would have happened.

  “I know and I hope Nate can move past this and build a relationship with Jay, for Jay and Nate’s sake, not mine. I can be in the background if he doesn’t want me, but I don’t want him to push Jay away for a stupid mistake I made twenty years ago. Jay has waited nineteen years to meet his father and he deserves that!” I told her, praying that Nate would make things right with Jay and they could still have a great father/son relationship.

  “Have you been to see him?” she asked.

  I nodded. “I just came from his. He was drunk and angry, so we both said a few harsh things and I came home. I left him the Daddy box, but I don’t know if he’s seen it, I’d be surprised if he could see anything in front of him the state he was in.”

  “I’m sure he’ll work it out, babe,” she said, putting her arm around me and passing me the Haribos as she topped up my glass. “Let’s get drunk on wine and Haribos.” She grinned.

  God! I loved this girl.

  * * *

  Friday morning rolled around with the sun streaking through the curtains. It shouldn’t be sunny today; it should be pouring down, thunderbolts flashing, the skies dark and grey to match the way I felt.

  I decided to go into work, it was better than lazing around the house with too many thoughts and I pulled into the car park just after 9:00am.

  Strolling up the steps in a daze to the entrance I felt someone’s hand on my arm. “Olivia?” Bert asked. “You okay, Sugar?” His head was tilted to the side as he regarded me. “You look like shit.”

  I let out a laugh. “Gee thanks, Beef.” I smiled when he grinned at me and then frowned looking in my hands.

  “Uhh, Friday!” he stated to me, confused.

  I wrinkled my brow at him. “Yes it is, well done.” Maybe he was just telling me the weekend was nearly upon us and we had no work to go to tomorrow.

  “You seem to have forgotten something, Sugar.”

  I frowned at him. “What are you on about, Beef?”

  “Breakfast run,” he enlightened me.

  I sighed and shut my eyes. “Oh Beef, I’m sorry. I completely forgot. My heads all over this morning.” I looked at him apologetically.

  “Hey Sugar, it’s not a problem.” He smiled softly and pinched my chin. “I could do with losing a few pounds anyway.” He winked and smiled again as I continued into the NSC reception.

  Miss Wet Kipper was situated behind the desk. “Miss Adams,” she shouted to me as I passed her, “there’s an envelope here for you.”

  I nodded and walked over to her to retrieve it. She tipped her head to the side and studied me. “Are you alright?” she asked. I was actually shocked at the empathy in her voice. I frowned at her and she smiled gently. “You look a bit under the weather.”

  Oh!

  “Yes, I’m fine.” I gave her a grateful smile “Thank you, Samantha.” She actually smiled again and nodded.

  Riding the elevator and exiting on my floor, I made my way over to my desk and sat behind it; placing my head in my hands I rested them on the desk.

  I felt a hand sweep over my back. “You okay, Sweetie?” Grace asked. “I thought you weren’t coming in today?”

  I rolled my head round my neck. “Just feeling a bit shitty, I’ll be fine. I had some work I needed to finish so I thought I’d come in for a few hours.”

  “Okay Sweetie but it’s fine if you wanna take yourself off home.” I nodded and told her thanks as I got down to work.

  An hour later I lifted my gaze from the computer screen and stretched my arms high above my head and spotted the envelope Samantha had given me. Picking it up I tore it open and a key fell out.

  What the hell? Frowning I examined the key wondering why someone had sent it me. My heart bumped when I wondered if it might be Nate’s house key. Grace had informed me that Nate had not turned in and asked me if he was okay, to which I replied that I had no idea and sensing my aloofness she dropped the subject pretty damn quick.

  Tipping my head at the key, puzzled I couldn’t quite fathom out the reason for it; then it dawned on me and my eyes grew very, very wide as my mouth dropped open—it was my old front door key!

  “Holy Fuck!” I exclaimed, my breath harsh.

  Scrambling for the phone I called down to main reception. “Samantha, its Olivia Adams. Did you see who dropped the envelope off for me?”

  “No sorry, Miss Adams. I took a toilet break and it was on the desk with the internal mail when I got back. Is there a problem?” she asked. I could sense her discomfort at the thought of being in trouble.

  “No, no thank you.” I sighed and ended the call.

  Why the hell would someone have my key, apart from letting themselves into my home and rolling around on my bed with my underwear?

  I was still sat contemplating it when Josh walked in with a package. “Hey, Sweetie.” He grinned and then frowned at my face. “Someone’s having a bad day. Cheer up girl, it’s Friday.” He nudged me. “And the gift fairy has been again.” He weirdly waggled his eyebrows at me. “Mr Carter has it hard for you Girl!” he chuckled. “Although you might want to remind him you’re not married.”

  “What?” I asked puzzled at his bloody riddles.

  “The package! It’s addressed MRS Olivia Adams.” He chuckled at the thought of Nate’s mistake and how I was going to punish him.

  Shaking my head, I took the heavy box from him and set it on my desk. “Come on!” Josh was jumping with excitement. “Open it! I love to see what surprises he sends you.”

  I was a bit miffed to be honest; after the things he called me and said to me he thought it was all going to be okay if he sent me a gift.

  Sighing, I slowly opened the box and removed the lid. I was greeted with black silk packaging. “Ooh, maybe I don’t wanna see this after all. It looks like lingerie,” Josh giggled but still watched as I peeled back the silk.

  He still watched as I stared at the item in the box.

  He still watched as I passed out and slumped to the floor.

  Chapter Nineteen

  THE POLICE ARRIVED within the hour and I was sat in the 44th floor conference room with a strong cup of coffee and Grace at my side.

  “I know this is hard for you Miss Adams, but anything else you can think of, anything that you think might seem insignificant you need to tell us.” She smiled formally. I could see the ‘God think of all the paperwork’ look on her face as she interviewed me.

  I shook my head again. “I’ve told you everything I can think of. My brain won’t work anymore,” I told her, si
ghing and rubbing my eyes. I just wanted to go home and curl up in bed, sleep away the mess my life had become and get very drunk.

  “Well, I think that’s all for the moment,” she said, standing and looking at the box in her hand. “I suggest you take extra precautions, Miss Adams. Lock and relock every door and window in your house, don’t go out alone at night and if you notice anything, anything worrying no matter how little, you make sure you ring us. I’ve put my name, badge number and extension number on the card I gave you.”

  I stood and thanked her as Grace showed her out and then came back in. “You want me to ring Mr Carter for you, Olivia?” she asked softly, putting her hand on my arm.

  “NO!” I shot, a little too quickly. I didn’t need Nate to come running out of obligation; I needed to handle this myself.

  Grace frowned at me. “Is everything alright between you two?” she asked, her eyes full of sympathy.

  “We just had a disagreement.” I sighed and walked towards the door. “I’m fine Grace, honest.” I tried to smile at her but just swallowed heavily.

  She put her hand back on my arm. “Sweetie, you’re not fine. Who would be after they got a . . . a . . . that!”

  Shaking my head at her, I slumped my shoulders defeated. “Whose cat do you think it was Grace? Do you think they’re out there looking for the poor creature?” I whispered sadly.

  I heaved, bile rising. “Oh God!” I baulked, ran to the bathroom and vomited violently; Grace running behind me and holding my hair back while I threw the contents of my stomach into the toilet bowl.

  When I had emptied everything I had, I placed my forehead against the cool tiles of the cubicle wall. “Please let me phone Mr Carter, Olivia?”

  “No! And if you do then our friendship will be over.” I glared at her. She nodded slightly. “I mean it, Grace. Nate doesn’t need to know about this, he’ll only worry,” I told her sternly.

  She nodded more firmly. “Okay, but promise me that you will take extra care,” she begged.

  “I will, I promise okay?” I pacified her and she smiled.